Visiting Tampines again brings back so many old memories; memories of going to my old market, buying lanterns, of rickety school buses traipsing through tampines st 81, of the swimming pool with its large holes, of long rides visiting the piano teacher; i was young then, and earnest about the world; it was a nice kampung, it was home.

nostalgia brought me to go back towards the west (where i now live) using pretty much the whole stretch of east coast road. i remember my parents having plenty of friends who stayed in nice little houses along upper east coast road, all the church friends who owned houses there; i remember nice little family outings to katong to eat. or travelling in the car along the ECP; in fact i can still recall it very clearly: tanjong katong road, marine parade, marine vista, siglap road, bedok, bayshore, tampines! home!

oh well.

those days are gone i guess.

the west is very different. less neat. it's not quaint like the east is. everything is sprawling and vast and the roads curve here and there and there's plenty of forests and trees. the houses are much bigger. there are hills everywhere. it's great. but it's not like the east is.

i tried the most yummilicious cheng tng at bedok corner (ye lai xiang) which i will post about in my food blog, but it is really the works. absolutely amazing.

maybe we shouldn't have moved over to the west; we were happy in the east. sigh. my parents had real friends who treated them as friends. relocating, trying to find their roots again in the west, isnt' so easy. it just isn't the same.

sometimes when they say family lasts but friends don't, i'm not so sure; family is important, yes, but how can you say that long term friends aren't really like your family? isn't there just e same bond?

anyway the remaining of this post is going to be very technical but since blogging iz just for fun i will shout it out anyways;

many people ask me "how do you get so good at directions" and all that, and i explain to them that it's really quite simple. so i'll share with you a little secret.

singapore is a ridiculously easy city to navigate, really. because, just like all the other cities, the roads are all either north-south (longtitudes) or east-west (latitudes). so if you know how the roads are ordered, you can pretty much travel anywhere.

North-south roads (they travel from the NORTH to the south). so here's how they are ordered, starting from West moving towards East.

(Jurong)

Lim Chu Kang Road - Jln Bahar

Jurong Town Hall Road - Bukit Batok Road

Clementi Ave 6 (connecting the two highways)

Clementi Road - Upper Bukit Timah Road - Woodlands Road (to the causeway)

Buona Vista Road (in e south); BKE (in the north)

Farrer Road - Lornie Road - Upper Thomson Road - Sembawang Road

Thomson Road - Marymount Road - AMK Ave 6 - Lentor Avenue

CTE

(In the city):

Eu Tong Sen Street / New Bridge Road moving upwards: Hill Street / Victoria St;

(In the east)

Tanjong Katong Road - Paya Lebar Road - Upper Paya Lebar Road

Jln Eunos - Eunos Link - moving upwards to Hougang

(EAST WEST ROADS)

Moving from SOUTH to NORTH:

[in the West]

West Coast Highway - ECP

AYE - ECP

Jln Bukit Merah (not that long)

Commonwealth Avenue West - Leng Kee Road

Holland Road

Bukit Timah Road [links to Clementi Rd - upper bukit timah rd] - Rochor Road

PIE

SLE

(In the East)

(from the ECP)

Mountbatten Road - East Coast Road - Upp East Coast Rd

Sims Avenue - New Upper Changi Road - Upp Changi Road East

PIE

TPE

[moving north]:

Braddell Road - Bartley Road

AMK Avenue 1 - Boundary Road

AMK Avenue 3 - Houngang Ave 2

In fact, there are even diagonal roads: the most prominent being:

Upper Serangoon Road, moving diagonally from serangoon up till pongoll.

And there are ring roads:

the most famous and important being Queensway - Farrer Road - Braddell Road - Bartley Road - TPE

so if u know all this, you can find ur way around singapore+)

guaranteed.

It's been so long since I've posted.
Hie guys.

Merry Christmas and celebrate Jesus's birthday. how cool is that.
Say Happy Birthday to Jesus if u haven't.

NYE is coming.

actually im not here to blog about serious stuff.

im just going to share some cool songs.

the first is:

liza minnelli - maybe this time

it's been on repeat for the longest time.

it's super cool.

and the other is

kristin chenoweth - taylor e latte boy.

and let me post the chords here. since u can't find them anywhere, i've attempted to decipher them.

haha

here goes:

A A#5

Maybe this time, I'll be lucky

A6 A7
Maybe this time, he'll stay

(riff - E-D#-E-F-E-F-F#-F-F#-G)

D
Maybe this time

D#5
For the first time

D6 D#dim
Love won't hurry away

(F#-F-F#-G-F#-G-G#-G-G#-G)
E E/D C#m F#7
He will hold me fast

B B E7
I'll be home at last

A7 D7 G
Not a loser anymore

A
Like the last time

F# B E
And the time before

(Riff)

A A#5
Everybody loves a winner

A6 A7
So nobody loved me;

D D#5
'Lady Peaceful,' 'Lady Happy,'

D6 D#dim
That's what I long to be

E E/D
All the odds are in my favor

A/C# F#m B7
Something's bound to begin

A/E A#5/E
It's got to happen, happen sometime

A6/E A
Maybe this time I'll win
F

Bb [repeat it in Bb]

Everybody loves a winner
So nobody loved me;
'Lady Peaceful,' 'Lady Happy,'
That's what I long to be
All the odds are in my favor
Something's bound to begin
It's got to happen, happen sometime
Maybe this time
Maybe this time I'll win

I hate holidays.

No one asks me to go for anything, no dinners, no suppers, no anything.

coz shawn's a bit of a weirdo, so you don't ask him, okay?

right.

alright.

never mind la

one day when i become a pop star u all can kiss my foot!

(yah right - as if that's gonna happen)

the Lord spoke to me, gave me A, and then said "put your helmet of salvation on."

i went off into the world, lost the plot, did stupid things, got myself entangled with the enemy.

came back to Jesus, apologised, He said he still loved me, things are great, i stayed there for a while.

forgot too easily, went into the world, lost e plot, did stupid things, got myself entangled with the enemy.

came back to Jesus, apologised, He said He still loved me, i said i love him, i stayed there for a while.

it went on and on.

tonite, i got home, Jesus said He still loves me, I said i love Him, was trying to mean it, was blessed with A and S that flowed very nicely, back to the magical moments and source, and then, i screwed up again. i went doubting, going to e enemy, and then, the blessings all stopped, and all i got was ruin.

went back to the Lord, the Lord said He still loves me, and i said i still love Him, and he blessed me again with A, S, with words of assurance, with life, with encouragement, and with assurances that A came from Jesus, "came from me", He said; so i said 'thankyou', i love you Lord.

and that was great.

now let me remain.

please God.

i still want to remain.

it's been too long out there fighting rainbows, being scared stiff coz of the enemy.

and i don't want to surrender.

Girls are superficial, men are worse.

So who am I to complain?

I used to think that, having a good heart is good enough. But no, you have to actually look like you can be brought out at dinner parties.

There is no girl here, mind, i'm just rambling.

So, time for a makeover. If you can't fight them, join them.

Ah, now, time to look for my biore pore pack. hmm.

i was a happy boy, once.

until the angst of teenage life got me

and i thought it was natural and i wanted to be cool

so i did bad things

and now i regret.

i remember eating fries at east coast macs

and being happy with mcnuggets

and i was really quite a happy boy then.

made too many mistakes in the past huh.

someone told me that singer-songwriters are often stalkers.

cue "hey there delilah " - was written for his crush (but never got to be together with).

taylor swift used to stalk her bfs.

coz songwriters are sensitive souls. and we don't go all out there to Flirt with people - so sometimes we can only stalk.

coz im not thick-skinnedenough to go talk to her right.

argh

Just came back from prayer meeting.

Had a good talk with Uncle KF, i told him about the OCD which was getting bad. He said that all the great men of faith in the Bible all had some infirmity, and how Paul asked for his thorn of flesh to be removed but God didn't remove it - but he said that God has a reason why He didn't remove it. Likewise i have a thorn in my flesh, but i have to TRUST GOD that His non-removal of my thorn is for His own purpose, and for His own glory, and for His reasons, and will.

I learnt something today:

That I am to give the Father (GOD) glory - that's who I am. that's who i will be forever. yeah i'm happy with that.

My mind was prompted by the Holy Spirit to think "I'll give the Father glory/ I'll give my Father glory forever" - and I heard the Spirit say "that's who you are". yes. even in the midst of my infirmity.

For Jesus Himself CHOSE me, even though i am so unworthy. this can only equate to the work of the Father (logically speaking) = it must be the Father's work, and not mine. for Jesus Himself CHOSE me small minny me before i even chose Him, and thus it must be the work of the Father and it must be the Father's own will that it happens, so all glory be to the Father himself: may all the glory be given to the Father.

I love Jesus = but this is the Father's work. I love the Father = but this is the Father's work as well. So in all things, I am to give glory to the Father because it is His work; I am giving glory to the Father forevermore.

[and all the songs i've written are gifts from my Father above, through Jesus His Son. Cue James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows". => So the right response is to give the Father glory for His giving of songs to me, for His songs that he has bountifully and graciously given me. from "autumn", to "still madly in love", to all other songs, every song is from the Father THE LORD ALMIGHTY, and i just realised something as i meditated on this - is that He gave the songs to me even without me recognising that it was Him who gave it to me, in my ignorance and disbelief and rebellion, and without me even asking him specifically for these good gifts, so may I praise my Father and give my Father all the glory in the world and in the universe, and even more so because He still gave these gifts to me even though I did not recognise him or acknowledge him - so great is my Father's love for me!]

Note to myself: I need to be stronger mentally.

extremely weak in my mind still.

how do you be stronger mentality?

"put on the helmet of salvation" - because there are still evil forces in my brain. at all times, regardless of feelings.

the tendency for shawn is to live according to his feelings; but there are some times where you just have to "KEK" and say "NOOOO". "REN".

"ai bia jia wu nia" as my friend would say.

inside me i've changed, somewhat; a bit more scared, i think i know i have to hold on to God but i'm not even sure what that really means, how do you hold on to Him? (yah i know they say He holds on to you) but i'm not even sure what you mean by you holding on to Him. i'm not even sure.

i think deep down i feel a bit inadequate, like i keep asking myself - why would God want me to enjoy life, or pursue my dreams? if it's my will, then it can't be His will, blah blah, absolutely didactic. i know it's not right but i can't help but feel this way sometimes.

but i believe - i must have faith - that Christ chose me, for His sake, and He will do His purpose in my life, in the things that i do, without me even realising that, which is good; i don't want to keep asking God - eh is this your will is it is it is it - but i want to be able to believe that, Yes it is.

hmms

faith faith faith.

and please put the helmet of salvation on because these thoughts are killing me. argh.

I write music to glorify Christ Jesus - this must be my main aim; it is an imperative (okay i've been reading too much of Kant).

But why? Because we were created to give Him glory.

So

"Still madly in love" is for Jesus Christ and His Glory

"Autumn" is for Jesus Christ and His Glory

So are all the other songs. All the songs.

The Westminster confession is right; we are created for the glory of GOD and our aim is to give Him glory.

May all glory be to the Lord Jesus (whom i still love)

My motto for life: To love my Lord Jesus Christ my Lord and Saviour and Friend, in the midst of deepest suffering, despite deepest suffering, despite all enemies fighting me, to still love Him.

the Lord works in ways that are not mine.

Oh Lord in Heaven let me be more willing to yield / acquiesce to Your ways instead of clinging on stubbornly to mine!

The emotional me is the real me actually; the rational logical me, is really not me.

thanks.

but it's okay to be emotional, even in law school.

i just have to be comfortable about who i am; emotional, unstable, up and down, intense feeling, INFP. Even though it may lead to many people judging me, who cares; i must be happy about who i am, about who God has made me.

and that he made me good. (an emotional)

feeling damn emo now;

i know it's technically my fault but emotionally i don't feel like it's my fault even though i know (if i want to be good) that i should feel that it's my fault but my soul is weak; but the Lord has forgiven me i better start forgiving; but UGH its really not my fault.

seriously, doing so much for law iv - but after a while everyone forgets me.

fine - i guess you all are sick of it - i'm sick of it too - maybe u are sick of me.

fine.

regina spektor is cool - i HEART "fidelity", and "us" - they are awesomely cool songs.

and there's no way i can find any sort of soulmate/gf right now; she'd have to read me intuitively. and know how i'm feeling; there are some girls who are uncanny at this. i used to be able to read some people like an open book; but no one really can read me eh. my mum can. but only her. everyone else i have to explain how i'm feeling; look friends look and listen with your heart, not with your earss..

sigh

everyone is too logical.

bleaghhdsgdsg0s

Sorry, i've just been listening to this song over and over and over again [pun intended]; this is rachael yamagata's "the only fault", super nice.

Extremely beautiful acoustic guitar plucking, great tune, unusual chords, and poignant lyrics.

Rachael Yamagata - The Only Fault [hidden track]

If i could have one wish
If i could have some say
I'd keep you far from home
I'd roll back both my sleeves
Dig under your skin
And fix your shattered bones

Hold on
This may hurt you when i tell you of the truth,
We don't get two lives to live
It's true,
The only fault i've found in you
Is not being free to take what i would give

If i could bend your pain
Into something good
Make you a prouder man
If i could rough you up
And save you with good luck
And show you hope again

Hold on,
Weren't meant to suffer so very long
Leaving love that's gone has never been a sin
Hang tight,
The only fault you have tonight
Is shutting down so cold till i break in.

Oh sad young man,
I think i need you.
For reasons i don't know
I pledge myself to winter season
So it's perfectly on course
But in the end it has to snow.

If i could make you stay
Convince you you'd be lost
If we were torn apart
If it remained unclear
Between the two of us
Which one would be the one
To break the others heart

Hold on,
This will floor me differently
Than any drug that's washed me into sleep
It's true
The only fault i'll take from you
Is how to run from what you wish to keep

Kinda autobiographical perhaps?

we are human;

not dancer.

[this is a really powerful exposition on the human condition, you crass dancers!]

Jon sent me a link to Rachael Yamagata's "Elephants", which brought back memories of May, memories of my travelling down to the Esplanade to catch a glimpse of the singer-songwriter in all her yellow glory tell her funny sordid stories, as she pours her soul out to a packed esplanade concert hall in song. as her voice leaps over her tinkling ivories, or from time to time when she strums her guitar, she croons, growls, and wails, as her gravelly voice sings "over and over and over again...let it rain..."

Rachael yamagata is a really gifted songwriter; she has what you call craft, a craft that comes with much writing and playing, and her songs are so tuneful but more than just that there's a depth of emotion and warmth of soul that sucks you in and lulls you.

i especially like the hidden track from elephants (the second album), called 'the only fault', which i find frankly quite brilliant. other standout tracks are 'over and over', 'duet', 'elephants', and from the first album there are a whole shrew of favourites, such as quiet, 1963, be be your love, etc. it was a treat.

which reminds me of all the good concerts that i've been fortunate to catch in singapore; in fact most of the angmoh gigs i've gone to have all been standouts.

they include:

cranberries + no doubt - 2003 - amazing gig; 2 of my favourite bands; delores was just charming and so intense; gwen was a powerhouse and full of energy.

red hot chili peppers - an intense jam, coupled with naked sweating bodies.

suede - another awesome gig, at fort canning - with loads of charm, and brett anderson crooning his heart out.

jason mraz - he was just awesome; one of the best i've seen; his voice control was stunning.

rachael yamagata - enough said (just see above) - very enjoyable evening.

coldplay - another good gig; i didn't watch the viva la vida one, but the one before (2006) - that was still very enjoyable.

oh - just the one dud:

Oasis - just standing there and crooning isn't going to cut it - FAIL.

lea salonga is coming and it's going to be fun; anyone wanna watch? can sms me.

i realised that it's okay really to be a geek.

I'm unabashed about it; I am a geek.

I used to code HTML the time before web editors came up.

i would do the <>

you know, all of that.

and java, for a bit.

i started my first blog in 1999; was just a stupid little geek then; still am!

there's nothing wrong with being a geek; just be comfortable who you are.

the girls don't like you, but i dont' really care; i find myself quite cute.

it's okay.

really.

anyway some nice songs i've been discovering are:

The Drums - Let's go surfing

Richard Hawley - for your lover give some time

I went for mass that very same Friday that the other post came about. CO invited me for mass and said it would mean much to her, so i went. i was very hesitant, but i was glad that i took the chance to go. we sat down there, sang the songs; was a bit uncomfortable with the 'mary' part, but then just kept it to myself. just wanted to see what it was like, but boy was it good! Like i told P, it is strange; we protestants often deride the mass as just being overly procedural, but in fact when i attended the mass there was a very deep sense of spirituality; you could feel the Holy Spirit's presence, the Heavenly Father's presence being there as everyone sang out to Him and like He was in the audience, and the very presence of the Lord Jesus Himself in the lecture theater where the mass was held. it was very strange; there was a deep sense of calm, a deep sense of spirituality. which was quite awesome. maybe a reaction to my previous post [which was posted just a few hours ago.]

Over the weekend, my walk has been... alright; some struggles, but mostly Christ Jesus staying close to me and allowing me [thank Him] to enfold myself in Him fully, to embrace Him fully, to snuggle in His arms as He embraces me. for He loves me dearly and i know that is true.

the problem with me, shawn, is that, often when the world hits me and tempts me, i am too greedy to say no to the things that will surely destroy me. may the blessed Holy Spirit give me discernment.

I wish GOD sometimes will manifest himself in a way that is more... REAL. Yes I do hear his voice, but sometimes they are plagued by the greatest doubts and uncertainty. And then it begs the question - how do we square experiences with faith?

You see, herein lies the issue: Faith is of course, commensurable with experience; but experience can either

a) destroy faith

or

b) strengthen it.

If b), then it happens so that one's 'experience' confirms what one believes, thus one sees the thing "hoped for" in one's life, in one's experience, so thus the faith is strengthened. but what happens if one doesn't experience what one believes, or, perhaps, even experiences the opposite of what was supposed to happen, then what does one do?

Can we then reach the stage where we can put our hope in GOD alone, apart from our experiences? That, in spite of our experiences, and our troubles, we base our lives on that unswerving faith in GOD? On that faith - that knowledge that the good promises are a reality - even in spite of experiences that tells you otherwise? Then it will be even better, for then what is left is just pure GOD, and none of yourself- pure faith, and no experience. Then one can see the fulness and greatness of God without getting your dirty human fingers into it.

indeed. it will be nice - the Lord has to help me. i can't feel this "help", but i know that it must come, for surely he hears.

law school is damn stifling;

everyone does things for show; like, i will do "LOL" to provoke a reaction, or just laugh to get a reaction; or you know, be nice, when i'm like.....

it's not that i'm not nice or that i don't find it funny, but this "keeping up appearences" is SUPER STIFLING! super stifling!

"keeping up appearances" is not good for maintaining healthy friendships. trust me.

but law school is so bad. coz its so small and like the grapevine is everywhere.

i was quite happy being a weirdo.

The problem about me is that I am afraid of suffering.

But then, yesterday's CELL GROUP sharing has taught me some things about suffering; let me change my views O God!

"⁹For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him, ³⁰since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have."

It is a privilege, indeed, to suffer for Christ; Thus, it says, "consider it pure joy, when you undergo trials and temptations...". So I have to rejoice when I am facing suffering, and am suffering, and am going through all that, because I know that those are gifts from the Almighty God [since the Word has said so].

Indeed in this day and age it is apt to think of suffering as useless, or be bitter about it; or complain. but true maturity comes with accepting that suffering as a gift, and allowing it to change the inside of your soul.

Praise the Lord for being with me the whole of today.

yay.

i will blog the same thing tomorrow!

Give Thanks to the LORD for He is good - His love endures forever.

LAW IV Today was awesome - and it couldn't possibly have come from anyone ELSE but the Lord Jesus, from whom all good blessings flow.

As it is written:

"All good gifts come from the Father, who does not change like shifting shadows."

I prayed with Edward today just before the thing, and throughout the performance I felt Jesus just beside my piano. He was with me (still is), and i was conversing with Him while playing. He told me to keep playing, to play for Him - that He still loved me and stuff, and I know that, even though I cannot see it, He made everyone sing well, made the performance awesome, and made everything good.

He said He would help and He did - I know that slowly slowly he is giving me more faith, and strengthening my faith again but letting me see.

I have to LOVE Jesus and REMAIN in Him. because i actually do love him a bit, but let it grow Lord.

give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.
At the end of the day, we go back to God; for His love endures forever.

When we are tired and our lives have worn dry, and all that is left behind is begging to be embraced, we turn back to God, for His love endures forever.

When we need forgiveness and love, we turn to God, for His love endures forever.

Why run away?

Maybe because we want to be recognized by others.All the time - we do things to make ourselves popular. to grab attention.

how long shawn will you live in foolishness?

sigh.

law iv is nearly there; so many things to do, so many things yet uncompleted; not knowing what's going to happen, only knowing, hoping - not yet truly knowing - but soon to know - that God will be there when we perform, and may it be a show worth watching.

i will really miss the people who did law iv; the fun times in the audi. may we still remain friends after all that has gone away.

didn't know love required me to reciprocrate.

or grace, for that matter.

call me ungrateful, call me what, but just because i don't say anything doesn't mean i don't appreciate it.

It's sad when people lose all hope in mankind.
scared of being hurt, afraid to throw yourself out there again, scared of being taken advantage of, of being hurt;

then, there is nowhere to go but down.
can't God heal the hurts? can't God mend the pains?
then why be afraid of letting yourself go, to let yourself experience, be loved - for fear of being hurt?

sigh.

come on..

Im excited about law IV
things seem to be going well.


may my heart be with the Lord Jesus again!
yes i can say that it is with him right now

MAY IT BE WITH HIM FOREVER

BUT i have assurances from His Word. LET ME BELIEVE IT.

"For I know my sheep, and my sheep know me...I gave them eternal life and they shall never perish...no one shall snatch them from my Father's hands"

LET ME BELIEVE IT GODD!!


honeslty.
ive been down
and sick
and tired

but i must put my heart with my LORD JESUS
and trust His Plan for my life

don't struggle against the will of God. He has good plans for you, better plans than you will ever have for yourselves, and those plans are the best you can ever have since they were given to you by the one who created you and is perfectly good and thus is the author of what's best.

thus sometimes, you have to move many steps back, to move one step forward. for one has reached the dead end - and simply going forward will lead to a cliff, and the inevitable drop into nothingness.

so turn back! move back! you have to go back to move forward.

you better do it soon.

Is there more to life than just the physical?

I’m sure there is;
Why must you reduce my life to just the physical? What about my emotional needs? Mental needs? Spiritual needs?
is everything just pain and pleasure?
is everything benthamian?

i have needs too you know. to be included. to be special. to be valued.
and not respecting my opinions and my feelings at all is really not love, is it?
so what if you give me so many things?



on the other note, it was a great cell group. God has been really really good to me and I just want to follow His will. it's like this - if we really want to follow His will and be obedient and do what He wants us to do - then we wil be able to discern His will very clearly and accurately - and that's what I want, too. My life has been messed up as it is.
oh well.
the worship was great - i prayed that the worship would be good, and it was amazing how I was able to choose the right songs and actually select the songs and think of the order, even without reading the materials....hurhur......what happened was that God allowed me to choose the songs, plan the order, just the way the material set it out to be! in fact it was really very very miraculous. it's amazing how it all fits in together - so amazing. and it was amazing really.
God is real, amazing, and good - not just for today, but for tomorrow.

okay. so i'm going to note this here: God has been faithful in a) allowing me to choose the right songs, allowing me to lead the worship well, allowing us to praise Him in a wonderful way as a cell group, allowing us to be in His presence and gracing us with His presence - b) responding affirmatively to the prayer that I made.

my prayer life is in shambles, so i have to take down and note how God answers prayers so i will STOP DOUBTING THAT HE ANSWERS PRAYERS - HE DOES!
AND NOT JUST FOR NOW, BUT FOR TOMORROW!

quite amazing is the Lord's timing.
Just today I was thinking about the need to have Faith - and how I will believe in Him again - not just seek the assurances but really believe, have Faith, that He will pull me through and He will sustain me and He will keep me safe and He will do the things that He has promised in His word.

I was driving in my car, listening to Miles Davis' "Blue in Green" and enjoying the emotions, sensing beyond just the mere notes into feeling the emotions, feeling the music as a language, and its wonderful beauty. And I just had faith to believe again, and I just understood again how God created the trees, and people, and the roads, and suddenly, the trees along Bukit Timah Road looked so beautiful again as the leaves are crowned with God's glory, and suddenly music sounded nice again. everything was alive. blue in green really felt so lush, luxuriant.

I worshipped God, singing 'How beautiful, how wonderful, name above every names, exalted high."

and then i read hebrews 11:1-40. wow. how apt.
guess what verse it is:
"1Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. 2This is what the ancients were commended for.

3By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. 4By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did. By faith he was commended as a righteous man, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith he still speaks, even though he is dead."

see:
"by faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible."
amazing - just as what I had experienced just moments before and understood through His Spirit. how amazing is God's love to me.

The last verse strikes me: "39These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. 40God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect."

just some thoughts.

Because I'm not hurting myself only, I'm hurting the people around me that loves me. I'm hurting the Lord who loves me. I'm hurting people.

I can easily say - it's just my life, i can screw it up, and i can remake it later on. but it's not. it's not zero-transaction costs (to put it crudely). it's not simply a frictionless surface that you can go in and come out off without leaving any residue on the side or damaging your self, your soul, your body, etc - when you mess up your life. because when you mess your life, for eg. being involved in an unhealthy relationship or so, you're not the only one getting hurt. people hurt as well.


and i was super amazed at Obama's speech. it was really very very awe-inspiring. the wind, the breeze, the soil - he is an amazing speaker.

my heart belongs to Christ Jesus now and it must be kept there. The Lord will keep me (and my heart - it) safe - he told me so. i have to trust the One who chose me. For He told me that He has chosen me and He will keep me save.