Wednesday, February 29, 2012

You and I - know the reason why


Wow one of these days I want to be able to write a song just like this, from the most talented Rachael Yamagata. A song that really stays with you through the thick and thin, and through the heartbreak and the joy. This is "The Reason Why", which is apparently (I believe) about her departure from the band Bumpus as she is asked to "head out alone" and she'd "hope for the best". 


It's a joy to listen to her music because it's so organic and you can feel the raw emotions that are running through her music, and not just underneath the surface or bubbling under like the brook but boiling over, engulfing your innermost desires and souls (which should ideally have belonged to God in the first place) but yeah. 


Here it is: The Reason Why


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuQvja_t1FY


Lyrics: Music and lyrics by Rachael Yamagata, from the album Happenstance


I think about how it might have been
We'd spend out days travelin'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
And we can hang out heads down
As we skip the goodbyes
And you can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face
From coast to coast, or whatever I find my place
I'll track you on the radios, and
I'll sign your list in a different name
But as close as I come to you
It's not the same

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
As say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

So, steal the show, and do your best
To cover the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find
Whatever you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind,
But you only showed my the door

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
And say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I, you and I know the reason why
When you feel that peace in your soul, that's when you know it's Gods will. Amen
leap year - damn awesome! 

woohoo I didn't think anyone was going to be born on this day, but apparently there are=)

Monday, February 27, 2012

my colleague was right - to a certain extent. that was a little stupid thing to do. but then I trust God, I have to! =D

how is everyone doing?

Sunday, February 26, 2012

It's a choice - do you want to be controlled by your emotions and carnal feelings, or do you want the Holy Spirit to lead you?

Please pray for me. I need the HOLY SPIRIT to lead me. that's all.

Friday, February 24, 2012

I'm mr Brightside!

coming out of my cage -

what cage?


Never mind I'll find someone like you

Seems like youve got someone new . No expectations I had really, just a little pain - my own fault for not guarding my heart and letting it run away. Sigh. The heart is deceitful over all things, who can fathom it?

Ok everyone be happy that's all I can say. Whoever said I've outgrown my emo stage ??

The someone new is really cool I believe. Charming handsome cute and all those things an emo boy is not. He's got game. Ok fine I understand.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

It's a bit like Lionel Messi coming into the S-League to play soccer against your team (thankfully I'm not the left back or right back). Just don't have game, Shawn! 

*^*()*&^%^&*(

Gotta learn how to be "fake" happy - being an INFP is horrible in the context of being cool. Friends, we feel too much. Learning to be that kind of feeling individual is not what's required. What's required is the ability to wait out, to "dong" through the storm, to let it just wash away, to be mindful to just "observe" instead of doing anything.

Like I said, you can't fight Lionel Messi. We all have passions, and I'm going to do something about it. Watch this space :)


Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Happiness, spontaneity, and the lack of dopamine

People always ask me how come I don't seem genuinely happy. To be honest, from an outsider's perspective, it would seem rather easy for me - I am, after all, talented in music (not as much as some people but sufficiently so, by the grace of God), not too bad looking (except a bit fat), have a decent job (as a lawyer now), a good family (not a broken one, as my mother would keep reminding me), have loads of friends (although mostly acquaintances and only a few close ones), etc. 


But do they know the struggle inside? The struggle that I have obsessive compulsive disorder, a disorder of the brain that creates thoughts that do not seem to want to resolve itself, BAD THOUGHTS that keep floating in my mind and refuses to leave. It is by the grace of JESUS that I still live, and still stand alive today. I spoke with Christ about this OCD and he told me that "my grace is sufficient for you" (this was circa Saturday morning, before my visit to my shrink). "My grace is sufficient for you" - what a wonderful promise. Everytime I speak to Christ he tells me in love to "put my helmet of salvation on" and that he calls me dear, "dear Shawn" - that I am dearly loved. The perennial question is NOT to let my illness destroy the hope that I have in Christ - the hope that still is deep within me that is born out of GOD and not out of men. The hope that does not stem from simple things of the world, but of a deeper sense that God has planted the seed of hope in me, and it cannot be destroyed.


To that note, I repeat Stuart Townend's song, "there is a hope", which states impressively what this whole "hope" is about. Something unflinching, something that never dies, and never ends.


Good night.



true life lessons

I'm back from Phuket, a little burnt.

Learnt some important life lessons: (1) there will always be some bigger fish out there in the sea. it's inevitable. you're only as good as your last ... hit single (see Whitney - whether she was depressed or not, I don't know), but it's true - you're only as good as the next time when another bigger cooler smarter posher fish comes along. (2) people don't have perfect information and thus you need to sell yourself - they cant' read your bloddy minds. so have to sell yourself, bopian. it's life, it's so unbohemian but then again we're in singapore. if i were somewhere else it'll be much easier, but i have to learn that hey this is singapore. everyone cares about appearances, faces. it's not a perfect world out there. pretty imperfect actually. As someone said, you "maketh the best, not the worsth". Really? sometimes one needs to have that higher level of FAITH in God to believe that whatever comes out of your situation is good. and I can't keep on giving the excuse that I have little faith to be something different, something that I can be. Doesn't work that way does it? No, didn't think so.

blah i'm ranting at 2.25am in the morning and it reminds me of my teenage days which were rather angst-ridden and unproductive, really. Still on the mend, still on the mend, but sometimes lapsing back into the past. arghhhhhhhhh

I must not LET MYSELF GET EMO ARGHHHHH *($%^&*()^%R$E#$%^&*(.

IT'S SO IRRITATINGGGGG

i like to look at life circumspectively, with all these things up my sleeve, and thinking aloud to myself - it gives me the tingles on my back which is really quite lovely a sensation to have. but then again it is again UNPRODUCTIVE thinking. in fact it just makes everything ugly and you look through life thinking what the ___ could i have done better.

i don't think i can. it's not me anyway. i'm not going to sing lady gaga that i was "born this way", but then again, i'm not here to be thrown to the hoards of fishermen out there, like simple sardines. when it happens, it'll be special, no doubt about that. just like how everything fits together, one day it will be special.

Really now?

shawn you're just freaking scared to go alone into the dark

but i'm scared! i've been bitten before. do i grow stronger or do i flinch back? i can't tell really. what the hell am i doing as a lawyer? i also can't tell. Not enough balls to go and break out of this, perhaps.

(who reads this blog anyway huh huh huh huh huh)/

and i know that we're making mistakes again and again but do i ever learn? hardly hardly.

i sound a bit like aaron tan talking to himself actually (seen the video before? it's hilarious, really - i could just watch that over and over again).

i swear, all i need is a bit of adele or rachael yamagata, and snuggle in. sounds so amazing. but yeah. it's a wonderful sensation yeah, to be a little bit emo and a little bit...drunk. it helps the soul to numb itself from pain and hurt. hurt because of expectations that frankly speaking shouldn't have been there. but things happen. as it is written, "the heart is deceitful above all else". we are all a bit messed up inside, but that is the way things are. can't be helped yeah.


(i love blogging actually ,damn therapeutic). in fact it's almost as therapeutic as a spa treatment. no kidding.

good night world i guess tomorrow i will feel better.




Monday, January 16, 2012

It's been a while non

I realize I haven't been blogging for ages - I just wish my over active mind can be tamed, now it is like the raging sea, always flowing into every nook and cranny, always trying to think of new theories and all that nonsense. And of course sometimes the fear of being irrelevant and nonsensical. Blogging is extremely cathartic release I believe - keeps me sane

Monday, October 31, 2011

maybe i'm slowly slipping OUT of my depression to embrace the truths of my Christian faith and the truths of the Word of God.

as it is written, "I press on to take hold that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me...not that I'm already perfect"

the depression i guess is falling away from my soul, the evil is lleft, and Christ only remains in my soul in fellowship with me. Christ is the precious One to me living in my heart.

Sunday, September 04, 2011

life is ironic - maybe it's more fun this way.

what can i say?

that's life - you be happy in your own way,
i'll be happy in mine.

unfortunately, sometimes that's life
we can't always be happy
and sometimes the problem is when
our happiness depends on circumstances

it would be so nice to just be all pure and holy and say
"our happiness comes from jesus Christ alone"
but maybe deep down in me i wish i could say that
but maybe now i can't,
oh goddamn it hurts

writing songs helps me express some of these angsty feelings
that are a product of my right brain
having a very very excitable right brain
makes me musical, yes,
but it also contributes to angsty feelings that i can't control
or feelings that i just want to take over the world
blogging is good because no one reads this blog anyway
but at least there is something for posterity
which i can then look back on and say, oh this is me,
on 3 september 2011, being an idiot
a little anal and a little, inconsiderate, to say the least
but then again these feelings are really bad
and i can't stand it sometimes
sigh

jealousy turning saints into the sea


hmms. i will release an ep soon

Sunday, July 24, 2011

i am emo now.
i hate weddings.
don't think it'll be my turn anytime soon.
not in the near future anyway.

while i am happy for the couples who are going through their lives and celebrating it, makes me think, i dunno when god will make it my turn.
it seems a long long way from here.

such is my life.

and the problem is that my ocd makes it impossible for me to have meaningful relationships with other people without the fear of the obsessions striking into me the fear and anxiety. i don't know what's going on with me, i wish i did, but i don't.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I don't want pretty girls anymore.
I want Christlike ones, one with a heart of gold, that has abided in Christ for a long time such that His gentleness and patience comes through.
then i can totally be myself with that person.
(instead of being scared all the time she'll leave me for another handsomer hunk)
amen.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

i really had a nice time at lcf yesterday; worshipping God in the spirit and in truth, knowing my spirit is with Jesus and safe with Him, trying to see things through the spiritual lenses rather than the earthly ones.

and then i go back to my old carnal ways.
zzz.
sorry need to rant: if that's the best your school can offer, i give up. hurhur.

Monday, June 20, 2011

how i miss my nice blog.
i think i'm going mad.
mad enough to be stuck in a rut for a long time.

i feel i'm being ignored all the time, really.
all these people.
ask them
"do you want to go for lunch"?
kena ignored.
like i said, or i told my other friends, i am always on the friend's ladder. no one wants to "Take a chance on me".

"if you change your mind,
i'm the first in line
honey im still free
take a chance on me".

i feel like a freaking whore.
partly this has to do with my mental condition of ocd.
but also to do with my impatience.
everyone is getting married.
i am looking for love in all the wrong places, with all the wrong people.
but then i don't want some boring guai goodie-two-shoes who will bore me to death.
argh.

confusions.

Friday, June 17, 2011

I have to constantly remind myself on how my relationship with Christ is about Him, not me. it's not about how good I am, or how faithful I am, or how many good works I've done, but it's about how good He is, how faithful He is, how loving He is to me, and that realisation must change the way we think and feel and live. It's very easy especially in society and in our 'Asian' mindset to think that we have to 'earn' our love; in businesses, one has to "earn" our keep, our reputation, etc, "have you proven your worth"? Not so with God. God is the one who loves us first. so everytime we face trials and temptations and we think we need to be 'holy' before God can love us, ascribe to God His goodness. Tell Him, God You are good, always good. Believe it. Tell Jesus that He is so good and so faithful. Because he is. It's not about you, is it? And then, His goodness, like a fetter, draws you to Himself. Wholly. Because you can't always live according to your own devices and your own sense of righteousness. Because it is GOD who works in you according to His good will and purpose, and He will finish what He started in you.

So have faith, my brothers and sisters. It is not about you but about the faithfulness of GOD.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

A great site, especially for OCD sufferers like me:

http://net-burst.net/guilty/OCD_treatment.htm

Monday, March 07, 2011

Just thought I'd share with you some articles from www.boundless.org, a great Christian site about , well, sociology and all sorts of other things.


Here are some good links:
Reflecting on the mystery of marriage.

Addicted to 'adultescence'

Defending the cost of delayed marriage


All about Christian dating and marriage, which is useful for generations of Christians who have been sullied by the world and fail to live according to Christ's vision and plan for us, which is far greater.
There are many other articles as well, but these specifically relate to our problem of having an extended period of 'adultescence', which I particularly am guilty for. But of course there are many others, like, how to find a good Christian spouse, etc.
I recommend this as a great read.

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Writing music is about hard work - about craft; about determination. Yes, to some extent talent helps, but it's certainly not like the popular notion of selling your soul to the devil for music, or a druggie experience where you get high and music flows into you.
If anything, the devil destroys the music - since he comes to "kill and to destroy", and so of course, anyone who sells their soul to the devil for music will never find good music in the end. But i digress.

It's about hard work, really. There's a pattern of music, and theory - and if you learn hard enough, and try your hand at writing tunes, and keep refining them, each little part of it, you'd start to know what works, and your intuitive sense, as you get better at the music bit, will improve, and you'll be able to think of what should melodically come next to a phrase, you know. So it's relaly hard work. because the brain is like that - the more you write, the better you get, which means you write better and you enjoy more, and so it's a good exponential cycle. The reason why paul mccartney was so good because he really works hard at his craft. All the great songwriters really work. It's hard work. Richard Rodgers would write everyday - to keep up the craft. Same for ...well.. any songwriter out there. Rachael yamagata, you name it. NO one ever becomes a good songwriter by being lazy. Seriously.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Another great webpage that speaks of the same: I'm particularly convinced by the whole idea that it is a 'passage' - from death unto life, that is ONE WAY AND NON-REVERSABLE.
Really leaped up at me.
http://www.webtruth.org/articles/theological-issues-23/can-christians-lose-their-salvation-31.html


On another note work has been fine. I'm happy to be meeting new people and learning more on the job=D

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

I have been struggling with my salvation; whether or not it is real, whether or not it is really true, whether Christ Jesus in heaven has truly saved me. I have accepted Christ Jesus a million times. it's in the score of the hundreds now. I have thought thoughts that I thought would have made me leave his kingdom or be thrown out, and I have tried my best, so hard, to suppress these thoughts, so that I won't get thrown out.

This few weeks I have been going to JESUS alot in trying to talk to Him about my problem. Everytime He assures me, I write it down in my 'notes' on the Iphone. It's amazing how it reminds you. But then satan throws his stupid darts again and i sink in misery. and Despair. I want to write down, here, what Jesus told me so that I won't forget. And give myself assurance.

January 24:
"Jesus said to me that He will keep me safe, that I'm already saved - and He will keep me safe - have faith to believe this.
I looked up at the clouds and I believed that I was saved - having just said the sinners prayer (i told you, it's umpteen times). And then I heard the LORD JESUS say that "I chose you" (He chose me) and also said to put the helmet of salvation on. AMEN"

That's what I wrote. But then I forget, as always.

January 26:
"Jesus said to me that I'm already saved, and to put the helmet on."

This was yesterday, January 31:
"Jesus just spoke to me - as the Father has chosen him as His son and anointed one sasying "Today I have become your Father, you are my son", so the JESUS has chosen me and appointed me - I'm his; and he commands me to put my helmet on :) GOD loves me - and Christ will keep me by the power of His name - my helmet is on."

And this is like from last week till today (I've just jot it down here):
"The Lord Jesus told me in His love to just let the thoughts go - so I'll let it go and not respond to it.
Today He told me to keep my helmet on. I was disobedient but He said it again in strong love, so I'll do it, my helmet is on."

This was a thought that I had while on the way from work:
"Jesus is sovereign - I do my part - to put my helmet on; He does His part, to keep me safe forever."
And today I read a very useful article which I'll share with you, and I wrote this on the note:
"The helmet is the certainty of salvation, the blessed assurance, not a longing uncertain hope. For it is written "I know whom I have believed and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him upon that day".
For he told me today that "No one shall snatch them (that includes me, SHAWN POON) out of My hand".

And then I wrote again, on Sunday at ARPC service:
"Christ told me to put my helmet on - two times - and since He is the final prophet I must listen to Him, I will listen. Jesus told me that He died for me and for everyone in the church, and I'm HIS. And I just asked the Spirit to help me to obey Christ the final prophet."

And today having used google, I came up with these two wonderful websites that gave me more assurance, giving me verses from the Bible, and removing my befuddled thinking with the truth.
http://www.aboundingjoy.com/sw-security.htm
http://www.aboundingjoy.com/sw-security.htm
http://www.aboundingjoy.com/sw-helmet-fs.htm
Yeah I hope for anyone of you in the struggle, this may help. Thanks. For our enemy is devious and has destroyed me quite badly, and I don't want the same to happen to you. For there is seriously no joy there, so as I went down, don't go down with me. I'll be up again because GOD will bring me up.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I'm a compulsive twitterer, I admit. You'd see chunks of it everyday. If you like to follow me drop me a request.
I'm @ceadsearc so yeah. do let me know.

Most of the time for very personal stuff, or stuff that will make me twitter; but sometimes the stuff I write there is so important for my daily life that I have to blog about it, if only to remind myself about it.

About an hour ago I blogged "The Lord's plans for me will stay firm and his goodness and Faithfulness will keep me to Him, if only I'd remain more! To remain in His love."
And then i fell quite badly, from grace, into the fire. and slowly I turned back to Jesus my Lord, and tried to meditate on the parable of the 'prodigal son', whom, having turned away, turned back and was WELCOMED back in loving arms and loving embraces.

And soon then, a most wonderful thing happened. My soul just felt the Lord Jesus's presence; I just felt that the Lord Jesus actually loves me, cherishes me, chose me, and that I belong to Him - man, I haven't felt this way in a long time. And it was so nourishing and empowering and wonderful and so strong and so secure and so nourishing, that, like Aslan did to the children of Narnia in the show, I felt His love breathe life into my bones and my soul again.
Because love gives me strength; to be loved gives me strength. "I am Your beloved, your creation...". that song. I felt like I'm his pride and joy again, His beloved, again.

He just loved me like a parent loves me; and I feel like His child again. And He said 'put the helmet of salvation on' - yes, Lord. for I felt His love again, so real this time, embracing my being. My soul. In embrace. He embracing me, not the other way round. I'm too bad to embrace anyone. But yeah.

So today is REMAINING in Him. And in His love; for His love endures forever.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

My favourite classical piece for the moment is Grieg's Piano Concerto in A minor - it's a simple work but so sublime. Okay I admit that this hadn't always been my favourite classical piece, my past favourites included Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No 2, and Elgar's Cello Concerto; but this one is just as nice, if not nicer. In fact it was Rachmaninoff's favourite concerto which inspired him to write his first Piano Concerto.

The first movement starts off with a famous bang, the timpani rolls, and then the high descending octaves outlining the A minor chord - the big flourish; before the woodwinds set up the first subject theme, a three-note theme with varying rhythms, later repeated a third up (with the C chord for harmony). After that, comes the distinctive 'norwegian' part, the E - F - B, A - A# - E; the distinctive interval is the augmented 4th / diminished 5th leap that finds its way all throughout the first movement. After a bit of development, where the first subject is transferred to the piano, the piano runs into this agile, frantic, downward chordal figure - which climaxes into a huge third-down-chromatic-glissando, before lush strings take over in timeless, graceful pirouttes, interplaying with the piano replying each other....

Which brings us to the second subject theme, a thing of beauty, quite a beautiful arch-shaped melody, introduced by the cellos, while the flutes reply. It then repeats itself a minor 3rd up, in C minor this time; before the piano takes over with the second subject theme - by this time I'm about to melt. Then the second subject theme moves into another lyrical passage, which is repeated higher again, and then grows into another climax - to be followed by the tutti section, the third subject:
C-B-G -B- C-B-G-B-C-B-G-B; full on trumpets.

Next up is the development; the first subject is transferred from instrument to instrument while the piano glissandos over it with varying harmonies, giving it a very light elvish feel.

More to come!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Good morning; this is probably the first blog post of 2011, and guess what I have started working. Thank GOD that it hasn't been too bad, I was expecting much worse. Anyway during my meditations today I thought of something which I'd like to share with you.

You know how Romans has this verse, so oft quoted and so comforting, that says that "Nothing can separate us from the love of GOD that is in Christ Jesus our Lord?" It's so true. I was realising that today, when I was praying to Jesus and showing Him how sinful I am, and all that, and striving hard to 'work for him', to do my best for him, to serve him like a slave, but then Jesus turns around and comforts me and loves me, assures me (that I'm still saved despite my OCD), and lets me feel His love. His warm love embraced me, in His gentle whisper and kind words. So amazing.

Which brings me to the other point; how come sometimes we can't feel His love? Or just seem to fall out of it? It's not that His love for us is not always there, it is; it's just that we have not 'remained in His love'. Why? Because, we have disobeyed His commands, be it little things or big things. As Jesus stated:

John 15:10-12:
"As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and remain in his love. (11)I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. 12 This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. "

How amazing it is; that it shows that firstly, hey, in heaven, there's lots of love (no doubt); GOD loves Jesus; Jesus loves GOD; The Spirit loves GOD; The Spirit loves JESUS; Jesus loves the Holy Spirit; GOD loves the Holy Spirit; it's a triune everlasting bond of love. Okay here so that's the first point;

Secondly, remain in Jesus's love; how do we do so? By keeping His commandments; The love is always there, but when we don't keep His commandments, what happens? note that Jesus still loves us - of course He does [since it is written in Romans that no one can separate us from the love of GOD in Jesus], but see verse 11 - what happens when we "love one another as" Jesus loves us?- what happens is that HIS joy will be in us, and our joy will be complete. Yes. When we love others, we remain in His love, and his joy is made complete in us. it's like, if we fail to remain in His love, notwithstanding the truth that He still loves us, we lose that joy - His joy is no longer in us, and no longer complete in us.

So for the last few nights I have been praying; i have experienced JESUS's love in a real way, both in the office, at home, and everywhere, and He just wants me to love others - yes. I will love. Yes, I must love. because that's what is really what makes me JOYFUL.


I'd like to share something quite irrelevant from this, or maybe it is relevant:
a saturday ago, at my friend's dad's 25th anniversary, he shared:
"women are not meant to be understood; they are meant to be loved."
haha. is that relevant, or just slightly so?

Monday, January 10, 2011

Just got back from Dash berlin - i mean last night, which was quite fun, but I seriously drank too much and today's been bad coz the whole day i've been having super bad OCD and super bad thoughts which just swam endlessly in my mind and it's been so hard to eradicate it. Resolution 1: Never drink so much anymore - the one suffering is you (yes, tomorrow morning).

Having said that, it's been one week since I've started work, and things are a little...uncertain, i guess. i'm not sure what tomorrow will bring, but I gotta have faith that the LORD is in control of the future - and he's got my back. although sometimes you know it threatens to overwhelm us, but the LORD's ways are perfect I've gotta trust them I hope - not that it's easy to let go and let God, but if I don't do it right, then jialat - I will be in trouble since i can't swim: i'd drown.

I've just prayed for the LORD JESUS to get rid of my pride so that He can use me - in my weakness, His strength is made perfect.

here's to the rest of the week!!
oh btw I update mostly on twitter nowadays, since it's conveniently on my phone: so follow me @ceadsearc
thanks

Thursday, January 06, 2011

It's been like, 4 days into work - and I am quite convinced this isn't what i really love doing. yeah I can do it, I can learn about pleadings and all that rubbish, but, what I love doing? Nah. Not really. not my thing man. maybe advertising, maybe marketing. maybe branding. maybe working on a new concept. Where the brainstorming part comes in. But drafting? Nah...

Sigh.
God's asked me to wait and I hope i don't go crazy.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Bipolarism

I think I'm bipolar - perhaps. Sometimes I can be talking talking talking and yaking away and you'll find you're talking to the most wonderful conversationalist on earth and other times I am strangely irritably non committal and distant. And when I am in my former stage I tend to talk too much. Far too much for my own good like yacking away on whatsapp and msn even if no one is listening. It's a character defect like I need attention. I won't even start to blame things like my musical artistic talents because we all know that is nothing more than an excuse - aa is aa. Thats it. There is nothing more to say than that you just need attention.


Especially with my OCD sometimes i don't want that attention because im afraid people will suss out the fact that I have OCD and think I'm weird. Or that my OCD wil consume me and make me do things I don't wanna do.

I know that Jesus loves me forever, eternally, and nothing can separate me from his love. O how I need his help to fulfill his good and wonderful plan for my life instead of being carried away on all sorts of currents.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Greetings from europe

Just some thoughts continues:

Paris is a beautiful city, the girls especially, but then again not so friendly.
When I get married I'll bring my love down to Paris and we'll sit by the benches on the bridges overlooking the seine looking at the lamps and warm lights at night. The romance will be legendary.
I'm beginning to love Paris more though it still ranks behind London and Vienna. It is probably the most pretty out of all of them, though. Just that it's a bit dodgy'especially since I can't understand French.
Je paux le pas francais - I'm not sure I even got that right.

Still love London, i really feel very at home there, down to the newspapers and the beer and coffee that they have there. Never buy coffee in Paris unless it's Starbucks -
Yes the Starbucks here is better than the other crap you find at bistros where the shot has probably been ground five days ago and left in the filter.
Am craving Monmouth coffee now or espresso room which is just as nice. And maybe a good London ale, ha ha.

It will be nice to go back to Singapore though, maybe cuz there are so many people I have yet to catch up with after part b exams. Oh well. And my guitar is lonesome for my um fingers.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Paris

Monday, November 29, 2010

I am not ashamed of Christ! I cannot be ashamed of Him for it is because of Him that I am alive today. seriously.
His faithfulness, is STUNNING. AMAZING. BEYOND WORDS. INCREDIBLEY INCREDULOUSLY INCREDIBLE.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

knowing that i can come to Jesus just as I am, without one plea, but that His blood was shed for me, and that he bidst me come to him, O Lamb of God, I come, I come.
What a sweet sweet song; but so true. that we can go to Jesus anytime, just as we are, without anything, just as I am - because He's going to meet me, just as I am. Because He's going to meet me, just as I am, a sinner. Because He's going to come to meet like the way he met Peter after Peter messed it up, and He's going to invite me to eat with him again, just as Jesus invited Peter to eat with him.
i believe it Lord

Friday, November 12, 2010

New song up!
"So in love": written on a breezy evening, with lots of prayer and divine help from GOD - who is helping me write awesome songs again. yay.

so here's the link, hope you enjoy it:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=1051619&songID=9866807


okay good day folks! more studyin coming up=D

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I think the song "CREEP" (By radiohead) is the biggest lie of all.

let's just put it logically
1) the boy wants to get a girl and be together with her.
2) the girl doesn't want him
3) so he thinks he's a creep - and it consumes him, making himself feel like a creep. he thinks he's a creep
4) so the next time he gets a girl who falls in love with him, he can't love himself. he can't understand why the girl can love him, because he thinks he's a creep. and he doesn't love himself. fine, he loves that girl, but when the girl likes him, he thinks why the hell would u do that.
5) so the relationship is unhealthy. and in the end, maybe, they break up. and all that.
6) all because he thought he was a creep, even though the girl loved him.
7) that boy could be me. if not for GOD, who tells me i'm LOVED. i'm CHOSEN. i'm SAVED. im LOVED. im CHOSEN. im SAVED.

so, IM NOT A CREEP.
just a "beloved".
God has decided to save me
AMEN!
And nothing will ever change that.

suck that, devil.

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

sians. i have destructive tendencies. tsk.

its like when GOD blesses me and im one in union with Christ and everything is awesome, like, got love, peace, kindness, goodness, everything, and his presence with me, i go and screw it up after a while.

whats wrong with me.
and then i lose everything that i really wanted so badly. i mean, doctrinally, i havent lost it, but ive lost it, if u noe what i mean.
like the joy is gone.
coz i screwed it up.

im a mess sometimes. ack
my bloody pride gets in the way of obeying JESUS.
The things i wanna do i can't do. ack.
but I must obey!!!!

Monday, November 08, 2010

never settle for the path of least resistance
loving might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking
loving might be a mistake but it's worth making
don't let some heavy heart leave you bitter
when you come close to selling out reconsider
give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
and when you get the choice to sit it out, or dance
i hope you dance=)

Sunday, November 07, 2010

I must believe that i'm loved, because the truth is, that I'm loved.
by Jesus, GOD! =D
of course i can't see, but He's told me before, and it doesn't change, even now.
and knowing that, and really holding on to that, is going to change my life. for the better. that i may be good.
the innate knowledge of that will change my life.

shawn

Friday, November 05, 2010

Christ is with me right now and forever and this is awesome . What can be more awesome than this? Keep my heart o lord from idols then


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, November 04, 2010

well, before I write this let me disclaim that this is just for kicks. In case you think im a lecherous perverted boy, that's not true.A perverted boy will spend his time surfing porn or sggirls. this is none of that.

this is none of the sort. this is really just about how do you, facebook stalk.
haha.

1. see your mutual friends; they tell everything about the person.
a) if she's a girl, and many of your mutual friends are from school X, for example, MGS, chances are that she's from that school. if he's a boy, and many of your mutual friends are from, for example, ACS, chances are, he's from there. which is cool.
b) church friends - if many of your mutual friends go to one church and the person is from that church, then, well, chances are, she's from that church especially if she puts her religion as Christian.
c) random friends - your mutual friends all clubbers? probably, she is a clubber too, an avid one, who probably met them in clubs.this applies to anything: for example, if they all go to coffee place O, then, perhaps, she also goes there and happened to make friends with them.
d) a specific 'mutual friend and all her friends': its more tricky when you have a mutual friend X, and all her mutual friends are also friends of X -- it's possible that she met these friends through X, and it's even more plausible when you also met all the mutual friends of X through X (X is a great person that brings people together).

2. see photos. of course only if you're shallow hal - often that is a useless way of getting to know someone.

3. see their interests - both of you love music? tick. both of you love cooking? tick. both of you love cats? tick. of course, as himym says, that's often not a good gauge though, if you're looking for a soulmate. just coz 2 people can have all the same interests doesn't mean that they'd automatically be soulmates. still. well. worth a go.

4. see what games they like to play.

5. well, if you're lucky, you can see their wall. most people these days lock their walls, but if you're fortunate enough and the person leaves the wall open, you can tell alot of things. what he's always doing, what he lieks to do, how he responds, is he a funny kinda guy, a sian kinda guy, a whiny kinda guy, and a whole lot more. or brainy, and that's a big turn off. no-no.


The bottomline, however, is that fb stalking is a horrible way of getting to know a person, because to really get to know a person often a simple message and reply can tell you far far more than all these methods of fb stlaking. that is, if you really want to get to know a person. but that's also conditioned on the fact that they must want to talk to you. ive added people who didnt want to add me back, and so i just was left stranded. and then in that case, sorry folks. then that's the usefulness of fb stalking -by knowing who your mutual friends are, you can persuade them to introduce both of you, or something. which, if they're relaly nice, they might do. especially if they're very close to you. however, don't count on it. it doesn't usually work - but if it does,then bingo, ur fb stalking did help. it's good to do some research, ya know, the due dilligence. yup!

thats all folks.

for the record i dont usually do this =D

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

the Lord says - put your helmet of salvation on.
I WILL LORD. RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

I usually twitter nowadays, but for some posts that i find very important in my life, i'm going to paste them up here.

"remain in me, and I will remain in you" - i must remain in His love - now now now - "so remain in My love". AMEN.
less than 20 seconds ago via web
i had a damn funny dream - i dreamt that i was selling freshly ground black pepper (as a business plan) - and I negotiated with mcdonalds.
about 1 hour ago via web
i really dislike myself - but Jesus loves me - so i will love Jesus more!!!!
about 1 hour ago via web
i will love the LORD MY GOD with all my heart. thats what i must do. with the help of GOD.

this sums up my morning - about trying to love Jesus more, because, like a prostitute who's really loved by a man, she has learnt to love that man back. and i will learn to love JESUS more, even if my heart shall break. and when my heart breaks i will go to the LORD for forgiveness, and then i will try again.
must not end.

by the grace of GOD who is helping me.
Thank GOD for "anointing my head with oil" again, that I may enjoy music again, and enjoy life, and enjoy love, and write and create music again. Which is amazing. Gone, perhaps, are the bad days.
For He anoints my head with oil, and will do it again and again.

yay.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Gotta break through!

cannot let your mood be detracted by what people think of you - or what you think you should be - like if your parents are angry at you and disappointed it doesn't mean you gotta be like, sad, all the time, or chastise yourself!

as the song says

"girl PUT YOUR RECORDS ON, Play me your favourite song, JUST GO AHEAD LET YOUR HAIR DOWN / sapphire and faded jeans, i hope you get your dreams, just go ahead let your hair down"!

yah sometimes u gotta be happy even if the rest of the world don't want you to be - because they're sad. but hey, you're not them!

i realise i dont blog enough coz now i have twitter, i have fb, but blogging is realy when you want to express something of yourself. I mean, im not perfect, and part of me is thinking this is damn stupid why the hell am I writing this and not studying and it's useless because it's not going to change my life - after i post this ill go ahead back and be the damn old schoolboy i was, is, and hopefully will stop being but knowing that i will still be, like that.

It's very sians and only GOD can slowly change me which He is doing as I pray to Him and enjoy His love and His presence and His comfort and joy and assurance and all those wonderful things and rest in His love - and Him willing slowly submit myself to Him - submit my body - which has been ravaged - to Him and let him slowly change me. as I remain in Him.

the lesson is still clear. "remain in Me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, IT MUST REMAIN IN THE VINE".
I must remain in CHRIST always. and i believe, for He has said so, that He is going to be with me, He is going to be faithful, He will be with me "for the rest of my life" (his words, not mine).
and it will happen, i believe. i will look back and notice his hand in my life, even though, well, my physical body is weak and i'm undergoing a milion and one infirmities. but ultimately, salvation for my soul is real.

i notice that every post goes back to GOD but then that's the only hope.

Friday, October 08, 2010

I just had a really really meaningful conversation with E, P, W, G, and M - which was really nice. talking about God, Jesus, spiritual warfare, battles, sin, love, and everything under the sun. it is really refreshing when you can talk about these things that are really dear to your heart. yes, even over some beers and some teh-pings, even with law school people, you can be true to yourself. i blog about this because i just want to remember it. its nice when you can talk to people about everything, like how 'feelers' like me function, or behave, because honestly very few understand me. but its nice when some do. but it was just meaningful - i felt that it had meaning and it was good. and we should have really have more of this. instead of the senseless boys nights out.

and speaking of this i had the most amazing experience walking towards home when i wanted Jesus to be in the centre of everything good in my life - of everything beautiful in my life - and He walked with me, and made things beautiful - the songs and music (s,a) were beautiful again as He walked with me - like He made them beautiful - and He said he will be with me, all the days of my life, even after the music and the songs are gone, for they cannot be playing forever. and that is so touching and beautiful. praise God.

when the psalmist says "one day in the house of the LORD is better than a million elsewhere", sometimes i am like, wth, but sometimes really i understand its truth.

Friday, October 01, 2010

I have to be humble.
this is the start of something exciting, i think, being involved in a few projects of music, maybe finally getting a chance to have songs published; but then, this is the important thing, when you are well fed, and have success, DO NOT FORGET THE LORD YOUR GOD WHO gave you these things - like the israelites - and you are to "BLESS THE LORD YOUR GOD FOR THE GOOD LAND".
there's a verse on this;
Deuteronomy says:
When you have eaten and are satisfied, you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land which He has given you. 11 "Beware that you do not forget the LORD your God by not keeping His commandments and His ordinances and His statutes which I am commanding you today ; 12 otherwise, when you have eaten and are satisfied, and have built good houses and lived in them, 13 and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and gold multiply, and all that you have multiplies, 14 then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God who brought you out from the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery."
it's the same now, as it is in the past; - our hearts are full of pride. the bible says "the heart is deceitful above all else". and it truly is. my heart wants to boast in my own achievements, to the world to everyone, even to God, even - this is not me, its not that i weanna do it, but it's just a horrible sin of my life; so i have to obey the lord here - so that my heart will not be proud. and what is this? to PRAISE him to bless HIM. to WORSHIP HIM. so that everything will be kept in perspective - yeah, you may be successful, you may have nice cars, may have success, but it's all from Him, and what is this earthly success compared to the greatness that is in GOD? the greatness that is GOD, his infinite love and mercy and power?

Monday, September 27, 2010

I haven't been updating much but just thought this is a good platform to talk - the trick is not to let your success or talents get to your head- it robs you of your humanity.
One must be humble, yes, humble,
For it is the lord who works even though I don't feel that he is the one working and it's me - but it's still him and I must be reminded of that in my mind.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, September 23, 2010

if i were the evil one, the way i would stop christians growing is to stop them from reading the bible, the Word of God. i would trick them into using their feelings to discern God, or something; well, while we are not totally intellectual beings devoid of feeling, the feelings must be based on the word of God, for it is extremely easy to think of things that aren't there, or easy to feel. the Word of God says that "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9)" - and it is so easy to be lead astray by all sorts of thoughts.

i prayed to the Lord last night, and i was reminded that even the Lord didn't use his own logic to fight the devil, when he was tempted; nor did he use his own reasoning to go against what others say, he just quoted the word of God, and of course was so familiar with it.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Putting the helmet of salvation is very difficult.
my mind is plagued by the devil.
this is his way of making me useless for GOD by making me worried about my salvation all the time.

but Jesus tells me to put the helmet on, and i must. i must trust.
i will keep praying to the LORD for his strength to help me trust Him and his promises, simply to take Him at his word.

thanks aunty yh for sharing; really appreciated that.
now it's remembering.
it's easy to forget, especially when life is against you.
or when you are in the doldrums of your life.
Putting the helmet of salvation is very difficult.
my mind is plagued by the devil.
this is his way of making me useless for GOD by making me worried about my salvation all the time.

but Jesus tells me to put the helmet on, and i must. i must trust.
i will keep praying to the LORD for his strength to help me trust Him and his promises, simply to take Him at his word.

thanks aunty yh for sharing; really appreciated that.
now it's remembering.
it's easy to forget, especially when life is against you.
or when you are in the doldrums of your life.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

How to play pop piano (properly)

[the author of this article, which is me, of course, used to play pop piano in the civil defence band, and in church bands and outside bands. he writes songs which can be found at www.myspace.com/shawnpoon and recently wrote a musical.]

It seems a bit pretentious to be writing an article about, this funny queer topic of, how to play pop piano. Simply because plenty has been written on it, and I don't pretend to be an expert in it although I do believe myself capable of playing quite reasonably well. So here's some things i feel happy to pass on to you, my readers, in the hope that you may discover the joy of playing pop piano well.

its the chords, silly!
Unlike classical music, most of the time you are given chords to accompany a song, which probably states something like C, F, Bm, Em, blah blah, and sometimes you get the occassional Absus4 or a Em7b5.....and so, you're supposed to play the chord along with the melody, when your'e playing pop piano, that's what we all know. but how do we do it?

1. Decide whether you want to play the melody with it, or not.
Usually, when you accompany a singer, you often don't want to play the melody, because you'd be doubling up with what she is doing, and then you're occupying the same frequency, and then people cannot really hear the purity of her voice/melodic line without your noisy piano accompaniment playing the same thing. so, if you're playing with a singer, don't double the melody line (ie dont play the melody line). play a chord variation in the right hand instead. when you're playing solo, however, without a singer, then of course you play the melody. but you don't have to play ONLY the melody in the right hand - what i mean is, let's say a song like "don't look back in anger" and the chorus goes "so sally can wait" - which is G - F- G - F - E .....with a C chord moving to g; you don't want to just paly that G F G F E on the right hand with a C chord moving to G on the left hand because it'll sound really empty for a chorus, so you want to texturise it by playing a chord (LH) C - G (RH) C-E-G (with the melody being the highest most note of the chord), and then moving down to (in the right hand: B/D/F- B/D/G - B/D/F - C/E (change chord to Am)) - in the way you get some texturre in the right hand also.

And usually when playing the melody, it's often palyed louder than the rest of the accompaniment; so when you are playing the melody make it louder;

2. Decide on the accompaniment style
There are many ways of playing chords, such as:
a) broken chords (ie arpeggios)
b) chordal , block chords
e) a mixture of both
d) right hand chordal, left hand broken chords...
and so how do you decide?
well, it's all about the song.
think about it - do you want the song to have long, flowy accompaniments, or do you want it stately? for example, a song like "your song" (elton john) will have quite an arpeggio-like accompaniment because it is a rather flowy piece - whereas a hymn would have stately block chords. it often depends on whether you want to accentutate the beat - whether you want the strong to have a strong beat or not - whether you want it stately, or you want it flowing. if you want it flowing, then play more broken chords, arpeggioes, to make it seem like the sense of time is elastic and, that, it diminishes the 'count' of the beat since every beat is divided into so much more; if you want it stately, however, play the chords at regular intervals, on the beat. jay chou for example is a good example, since his songs such as 'feng' or 'an jing' all have right hand chords that are played on the beat for the stately effect.

3. Decide on the rhythmic accents/emphasis
this is relevant in R n B songs for example: sometimes weird accents accentuated with a chord adds to the excitement of playing an R n b song on the piano. for example, jason derulo's "whatcha say" has much syncopation - if you hear the song, the drums are very syncopated and irregular - and a good piano player will be able to recapture the irregular syncopations of the song by mimiking the drums on the piano, by playing, for example: boom, cha, - boom - cha - cha - cha.....(how to explain rhythms, oh well) - it's really about mimiking the drums, and the beatboxes, for example, with a piano.
if it's jazz, for example, then there are the different accents as well: one example is chick corea's spain - where there are leading beats (accents before the main beats) - syncopations, etc. basically, feel the beat, and move your hands with the beat and you'll be fine.

4. Decide on the chord voicings.
chord voicings are very numerous: often when its a major chord, you have the choice of playing (1-5) with the left hand or (1-3) or (1-3-5), and the right hand will fill up the gaps, usually maybe with (1-3), or (1-5), or (3-5).... and the choice often depends on what the song needs. for example, jay chou's feng starts off with a (5-1) on the right hand, x 4, for the first chord, before it changes to a (1-5) on the dominant chord for the next 4 beats.
to put it simply:
Feng (C)
C | G | F | C| F|.....
thats the verse right...
so hows the chords played:
its something like:
on the C chord it's
(Left hand) C - E -G ; right hand is playing G-C (c being the highest note)
before moving on on the G chord to:
(left hand) B - D - G; right hand is playing (G - D) (d being the highest note)...
and moving on to the F:
(left hand) A - C - F; right hand is playing (F - C) (c being the highest note)...

but either way the entire notes make up the chord; but you could have so easily voiced it so many different ways. you could have simply voiced it:
C - E - G: right hand playing C - E, with e BEING the highest...
or so on.
so really it's a matter of preference; but usually the trick is the song. it is supposed to fit the song, so if the melody line is: C C C C G C D D D D E D G (that is feng, btw): then jay chou's instincts is to play the c as the highest, since the c note forms the melody line; and in the next chord, it's to play the d as the highest note. so most of the time the song will determine the voicings, but of course, creative freedom allows us to play anything so long as it sounds good. so try what fits! one of the tricks, though, is not to have too much movement between chords, since, it's nice if the notes flow to each other nicely, as though the piano was a choir, and it's nice if the voices move smoothly from one to another rather than jumping all over the place.

5. It's about the touch
the touch is very important: most amateurs play all the notes the same way, but then there are many things you can do to a piano. while unlike a guitar/violin - ie you dont control the strings, you can do a few things: control the timing of the note, the loudness of the note, and the quickness/fullness that you hit the note. so, follow the melody line, make the melody line sing. most of the time, a singer will not sing all the notes in the same volume, so vary your piano playing the way the singer will vary the loudness/softness of the melodic line. and another trick is to use little 'slurs', which are little piano "pull-offs", ie one note is quickly transferred to another note to give the impresion that that note is leaning to the other note.
another trick is to play the notes together, one at a time, but leaving the last note on as the next note hits the keys - so you get a little blurring effect. (of course, just a bit is good).
sometimes you want the gentle touch for a gentle song, so try to smoothly feel your way into the keys for that effect.


That's all for now. i'll write more when i think of more things.
thanks!

Saturday, September 04, 2010


Treat girls with the utmost respect - that is the ac way man

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

today i was really struggling, really struggling. ocd ocd ocd. just one step away from the bad thought that will kill all come to me - just one bad thought away. or even half.

so i prayed: "Lord Jesus, deliver me", or something to that extent. it was somethiing like "Lord Jesus help me". and i knew he was listening. and after that something wonderful happened - the Lord told me that He will work, i just have to put my helmet of salvation on and He will take care of the rest. and i felt like He was arranging the heavens and my mind to be alright, something was changing.

so praise GOD.
i am here today because of Him and Him alone because everything good is from Him.
and it doesn't change.

amen to that.
may i be a testimony.

like paul says, "not that i have already achieved this, but i press on"...
but it is not my own work, it is his work.
"it is GOD who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. ..."

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Congratulations on Gerald and Adele for getting married! It was a lovely lovely wedding, full of God's love, perfect everlasting love between the two of them that will endure. They chose "love always preserves, always hopes, always perseveres...." (1 Corinthians) - i don't know the exact reference - but that was very apt.
it was just so sweet, i was dying inside. really. happy for them. It's great.


On another note, i drove to tampines, gave my friend a lift; everytime i drive down Simei Avenue into tampines i still feel an immense sense of nostalgia. That was my home, my little village - my kampung. it's still my home, of sorts - I think a part of me still hasn't moved out yet.
I remember, vaguely enough, the school bus rides. Which were the funnest things. Playing with kids. Playing soccer at the void deck below block 122, or wherever they used to play soccer.

Before I grew up all cold, intellectual, and materialistic, I was a kampung boy, deep down inside. I still am, perhaps. The happiest memories as a child.

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Prayer meeting yesterday was great - it was awesome to be still and to meet GOD.
may i continue to grow in the Lord to find Him that perfect Being more

Monday, July 26, 2010

I'm back to the fold with the Lord Jesus being always with me - and I believe that Jesus is with me right now, and will remain with me for the rest of my life. And Jesus whispered to me that He will be with me all the days of my life - and I'm happy and joyful - and I will try my best to BELIEVE. Coz He said it, so it is true.

Sunday, July 25, 2010


I'm slowly finding my way back to God again. It's been a tired road, long difficult road, but i know the Lord will bring me back slowly but surely. There is always a disconnect between my sunday life and the weekly interactions with the world but God willing I will be more faithful to Him through the week

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, July 12, 2010

THis is really beyond me.
Everytime I talk to a girl, let's say, "how are you", it doesn't mean I'm trying to buaya you okay - i don't buaya every girl on the street. Thank you very much. It's presumptuous to think that I'm trying to buaya you. Presumptuous, because, firstly, as Paul Gilbert wrote, there are 6 billion people on this planet. I'm not a loaded gun, or a hired gun. Thank you very much.

Seriosuly everyone is trying to second guess me and I'M REALLY VERY IRRITATED - just treat me like a normal person thank you!

how about a song that goes
gimme sympathy

how about standing in someone else's shoes and walking around in it?

michael card who gave a sermon at my church said it's because we conveniently give people labels - instead of trying to get to know the person better.
"Oh, he's a sick man". "Oh, he's this" "Oh he's that".
so here are the categories:

if he's athletic and looks not so bright, he's classified as:
=> stupid, can't think for himself, simple minded.
if he's fat - oh he must be lazy. coz he can't exercise, or doesn't want to.
if he's wearing specs and is a bit of a nerd - oh, he's bad with members of the opposite sex. since he CANNOT possibly have any experience or skills.

we all are guilty of that, aren't we?
and until we sit down and start knowing that other person better, and see each person individually, not as a member of a class, we're never going to be able to form real relationships. it will always be, unfortunately, plastic.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Luke 6:27 - love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. do to others as you would have them do to you.
V32: if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expectingto get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the most high, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
Am I willing to love my enemies? To love the unlovable, to love those the world considers unlovable? But god considers them lovable so do I follow God or the world?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Preview:
Spain v Holland - World Cup Final 2010

Here's my analysis/predictions for the final. While I'm not Paul the Octopus, who has wagered that spain will triumph, here's just an analysis from a soccer fan and lover of the game.

First up, it is fair to say that Spain's "tiki-taka" approach to football, ie playing short passes, triangles, passing and moving - a style developed from barca, will ensure that they retain most of the ball. And in Xavi Hernandez, they have probably the best passer on the planet right now - his awareness, accuracy, and most importantly decision making is always spot on. In fact, the number of times he's lost the ball, I think, can be counted with 1 hand (2 were against germany, i think). He is always available for that short option backwards when there's little space, to recycle the ball, spread it wide, hit the through pass, or play little triangles with members of his midfield three. And his first touch is so good (he always uses his body quite perfectly well as a shield) that it is impossible to get the ball off him, since he'd just turn and play a pass. And because all the Spanish players are able to retain possession of the ball very well, it means that there are almost numerous options for ball-recycling. Xabi Alonso is probably the perfect foil for Xavi since he plays deeper, and can be trusted to send raking balls to the flanks (esp to ramos) - it means that, shortwise or longwise, there is always a passing option.

However, possession without penetration only leads to, well, sad to say, arsenal. Lots of possession without any penetration, any danger. Sure, xavi can keep passing around the center circle, but no one scores goals from there. the attack has to advance. And so it is up to the likes of villa, iniesta, pedro (if he plays) to make things happen - and the Dutch have been rather stingy in defence, to be able to close up the space in between the defence and the midfield (by employing the 2 holding midfielders in de jong and van bommel) very well, with these 2 midfielders really snapping at every ball, working diligently and tirelessly, to break up the play. and if xavi et al can't find the passes forward, the ball is left to recycle. so it's really a test of mental strength - can the dutch in fact keep concentration in closing down space and restricting passing options for a whole 90 minutes? I'm not so sure about that - I think with de jong back things will be much better than against uruguay, but I'm not so sure either about spains' abiility to attack in a manner that brazil did against holland in the first half of that quarter final, with robinho, maicon, kaka, all running at pace at a slow back 4. iniesta is no slouch but definitely not as fast as robinho. xavi is pretty slow. villa, well, he's fast but he's just one man.

On the other front though, i'm not sure whether the dutch can even retain enough possession to fashion enough chances. spain, in my money's opinion, will cut off all angles to robben to prevent the simple pass to him which will result in his running at a spanish defender, whether ramos or capdevilia. i'm pretty sure that busquets will go and cover the flanks to prevent that one-on-one situation, which leaves space for sniejder etc to do some magic. but robben is a game changer - if he is up to his electrifying best, i can see the game going holland's way, because it will take some stopping, to bring him down - maybe 3 men or more, since he's so technically gifted, skilful, and fast at the same time. kuyt on the other flank gives holland some good options since he's always tirelessly running,making angles for a pass, and so on. and van persie well holds up play pretty well and is a pretty good linkman and has some skills and a good shot to boot. but with the spanish team always pressing, closing down the space, and preventing the other team from playing, it's going to be hard for a holland team to find passing channels and create chances, or even finding a teammate, since the spanish defend collectively to cover all passing lanes, not just the most dangerous ones.

On the other hand, i believe the dutch are technically more gifted than the germans. sneidjer has a better first touch than ozil, has 2 good feet, and van persie has likewise better control than klose, although he fails in the heading department. robben is faster than trochowski, which means that the full backs will not be able to push up that much.

Overall i could see spain sneaking it by 1 goal - my head says spain though my heart says holland. i can see that upset coming, that no one really expected. but it will take a great individual performance by one of holland's attacking stars to do so, whereas spain is less reliant on individual magic.

Friday, July 09, 2010

Must learn how to unthink - if I could just freeze those thoughts in my mind, how wonderful that will be. Need to learn how to think of nothing.


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I'm really tired and jaded - commencement is funny and a little surreal.
There are too many wrong untrue threads in my brain and it's holding me in a grip
I am afraid of doing well because I'm afraid it will lead to pride, even though I don't want to. It's a disease that is inevitably getting me.


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Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Hmmm
I've been back almost three weeks already, and here are some thoughts:
Favourite city: London, Vienna
Restaurant: steirereck, l'atelier Joel robuchon.
Favourite experiences: driving down route de grand cru, berlin walks, watching concert at schonbrunn, watching musicals, borough market
Favourite food experiences: besides the two restaurants mentioned, oysters in Brittany, seafood platter, cheeses, borough market, German beer, Monmouth coffee, Viennese cakes
What was underwhelming: Paris - a beautiful place but dodgy people and sinister feel
Wish I could have seen more of: the louvre, And maybe the nat gallery in London
Repeat stops: Monmouth coffee, 6 visits; le petit port in dinard, 2 times; genose kebab in mehringdam 2 times
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Sunday, July 04, 2010


The word of GOd is absolutely true and marvellous so let's read it and believe it

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Saturday, July 03, 2010


Wow holland won after I said I'd support them against the mighty selacao. Robben was unplayable. Yes he goes down easily but
Who could stop him? Brazil
Just ran out of steam and well I
Just hope melo doesn't get the Escobar treatment. He was a bit
Of a prick anyway, fully
Deserves to walk
For that!!

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Sunday, June 27, 2010

Help me Father to fix my eyes on Jesus, to throw away anything that stumbles and the sin that so easily entangles, and to run the race set for me, fixing my eyes on Jesus the author and perfector of my faith. The lord Jesus loves me and died for me and is beside me, right now, and is forever with me, for he says surely I am with you to the end of the edge. So I will look to him everyday every moment every minute and forever listen to his voice

Thursday, June 24, 2010

All those people who keep talking to my parents about me, why don't you talk to me?
It's easier
or are you scared? bleagh bleagh bleagh.
you might be scared
so in that case, better not do the cowardly thing and talk to people about me, especially when you don't know the truth.
maybe i have too much conflict in my life, but i'm GOING TO FIGHT IT OUT.
(too used to conflict)
good for lawyers
really, i feel uncomfortable when there is no conflict.
Too bad I don't have the willpower and strength to get what I want. But this time, I'll be, bullet proof. this time I am going to come out, and decide for myself - and not let silly enemies block my way. ONWARD SHAWN.
I'm kinda screwedup sonofagun, maybe that's why I run away to things that I'm good at - it's an escape.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Yeah, everyone is getting married already.
Moving on with their lives
So my mother tells me
They've planned for their future
and you're just "linging-longing" your life away
As the wind blows
When are you going to settle down?
Stop chasing the prettiest girls in the world
Who will hurt you again and again
Simple is good
Simple yes simple
maybe i'll just go and marry a vietnam girl
might be better
(this is a cathartic release, oh but you're not supposed to say it out loud)

Yeah i feel much better already, thanks for listening
Will always be an emo kid maybe
But emo kids are only emo because they're not living the ideal life
For if you were living the ideal life, you won't be emo
You'd be forever thankful and happy and joyful and glad
If u saw everything in the perspective of the Lord
But I'm not there yet, I don't pretend to be there
I only can say I'm trying to get there and by faith it's possible
but it's long
and i can't help these human emotions

bleagh
london was great because i felt
i could do anything i wanted
and it was all me
all right
all fine
it felt like home, but home with no restrictions
except how much something costs.
no social norms, no boundaries
no "how are u feeling" that sorta thing
maybe i could live by myself
and be a hermit
i'm too egoisticial for my own good
even though i appear modest
fail
major fail
a megalomaniac, that's what
and yes i used spellcheck

okay before you bore about my life
i doubt anyone's reading this
okay email me if you do

some people say, blogging's so self-indulgent
but it's the only way, sometimes, to release that pent up frustrations
or i could write a song, but then it'll be an angsty song, and no one likes my angsty songs
ah
im feeling alot better now
I'm back
I'm not sure I can say I enjoy being back.
I doubt there is anyone out there who really understands me
Maybe I'm really an evil person
Ah crap
I guess I am

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Phantom (of the Opera) was really really awesome, awesome. Magnifico! The music at Her Majesty's theater was perfect, perfect. The orchestra was great, and the tempo spot on. The instruments were also great and the mix was good. The effects were spectacular. One of the highlights of the entire trip, I have to say. Very good.#


I used to watch phantom as a kid long ago, having been able to remember all the lines. But now watching this as an Adult makes all the difference - the emotions, the passions, the pathos, the sadness, all speaks to you in a way never seen before, in a way never imagined or felt before. It was pretty amazing.

Bravo.
Yes I cried. I feel like the Phantom sometimes

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Vienna is as nice as I remembered it to be. The cobblestoned streets, extremely nice architecture, and quaintness is still there. But perhaps the charm has faded away, slowly. I remembered being enchanted by Vienna as a young 16 year old making my way for the first time into Europe, and being amazed by the wonderful architecture, culture, music, and everything. We travelled around in style as well, in a Coach (for a school trip). This time, it was much more different, travelling around like backpackers, from a hostel, so on, so on. And also it was scorching hot - most of the time the days were like 30deg or more. But I had some really awesome experiences, probably three of the best ones on the trip. The first was the awesome free Summer Night Concert at Schonbrunn where we managed, thank God, to go into the seating areas to sit down very near the stage where the Vienna PHilharmonic was playing. Listening to very charming music (think the Viennese waltz) amidst serene scenery of lush shapely trees and perfectly manicured gardens and vast grass patches was quite a sublime experience. God was in the place enjoying the performance as well, and I guess I was thankful just to have been there at that time.

The other was the awesomest lunch at Steirereck, rated 21 in the world. Of course, just like every other food experience, it will be blogged at my other blog (the foodie in me) - it was 5 sublime courses for 65 euros, admittedly expensive, but I'm only in vienna once. I had OFFICIALLY the best Chocolate I have had in my life, a perfect balance of sweet, bitter, chocolatey, with a perfect chocolate flavour, chocolate as it's meant to be eaten. And the cheeses were sublime as well - especially the blue cheese, that felt like heaven as the flavours exploded in my mouth. More to come in the food blog!

And lastly we managed to visit the usual tourist attractions - the Stephensdom, which was rather imposing and grand, the Hofburg, which was really quite touching especially the story of Franz Joseph and his love for his wife and his spartan lifestyle, extreme piety and deep devotion to God, and his sense of dut - and the Schonbrunn palace which was quite lovely. Thank God for Vienna.

Now Im stuck in transit tryng to get back to London. Ah well, the value of patience.

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Everytime I go to a new city, I'm always extremely interested in their....Public transportation system - it's really eye-opening! Just to see how the lines were developed, how they commute - you can learn so much about the city just by viewing their - public transportation system, ie their subway network.

Being a Singaporean I think visiting other rail networks present us with wonderful lessons of what we can do (and what not to do) - usually I'd take the positives; so let's go ahead with a tale of 3 Subway stations.

First up, London - the London Underground, the Tube, is the world's oldest subway network, dating from the 19th century. it's characterised by the tube-like tunnels which are really quite perfectly circular in diameter. Well, the Tube is everywhere - it stretches to all parts of London, and Londoners really love the Tube alot, so much so that I think it holds an important place in their hearts when they think of the city. it's the little things like "good service", the "mind the gap", the buskers around, that make the tube so quintessentially charming. it's just awesome. and the rail network is very extensive - the lines are named, so there's the piccadilly line, central line, northern line, victoria line, etc, and the great thing is that there is no one central station, but the network is designed so that in central london almost all stations are interchanges, between different lines; so for example Picadilly Circus is picadilly line with the jubilee line, leicester square sees the picadilly line meet the northern line, oxford circus sees the central line meeting the bakerloo line, and so on and so forth. This alleviates many congestion problems because commuters have many different ways to go from A to B - they could drop at one place, and take one line, or alternatively they could drop at another and take another line to get to their destination (which has 2 lines) - thus traffic congestion is divided pretty equally since commuters would not go to the same interchanges to change lines.
I think for Singapore we just simply have too little interchanges, only raffles place and city hall, which is a problem, since commuters will inevitably have to go there, resulting in much congestion; also it isn't efficient since commuters are essentially making a detour to the interchange to get onto the next line. perhaps some things could be learnt, for example, creating more lines so that commuters can do the hopping thing much more effectively.

Paris's METRO started in 1900, and so it's not that old as london's; it's very very extensive, and actually carries more people than the tube, according to wikipedia. the main station is chatelet, and the lines are actually numbered. everything though has a very dirty, dingy feel, since the trains are old and rickety, the tracks are full of dirt and grime, and it feels pretty unsafe - a friend of mine got pickpocketed in the Metro. for coverage, the metro is pretty unbeatable.

im now in Berlin, and so here there's the S-Bahn and the U-Bahn; the latter runs only underground while the former is mainly a surface line with some parts underground. the plus point is that it's very comfortable - the seats are big, and padded, and the trains are quiet; there are actually escalators, something you won't find in the other 2 cities mentioned. Although, and this is very controversial, it's not as well-connected as London's is; most of the lines connect at AlexanderPlatz, or in the West, Frederichstrasse, etc, and many of the times it takes quite a few stops to get from a place to an interchange, and then a few more stops to get to another, before changing back to the right lines. And then there is the little problem that the 2 'systems', the U bahn and the S bahn, have different stations even though the map explicitly states that they're at the same intersection - which leaves you with the little problem of finding out how to get from the S bahn to the U bahn. so you have to look out for the "U" or the "S". The great thing, however, is that the timings are extremely accurate, which is a real plus. STILL. It's irritating going around in circles, but oh well. berlin's a nice fun crazy city, so i can take that.

Friday, June 04, 2010

Greetings from berlin! i just came back from clubbing in Berlin - at Sage Club; it wasn't bad, quite fun; the live band was really good. saw a few hotties here and there, and actually german girls aren't bad looking - it was quite fun. and they all seemed rather friendly.

Monday, May 03, 2010

Patience shawn!
Why rush ahead of yourself? when the Lord plainly told u to wait!

"Unless the Lord builds the house, we labour in vain"

like you can't wait for life to start - but it has started!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I just had this really weird dream

it all started with me, being in chinatown, driving around; i dreamt i was going to mirabelle to buy more croissants, and then to papa pahleta, and then i was stopped right in chinatown. and i saw D** travel, which is the place where i was to collect my tickets.
and then, i drove my car into the ramp; it was a dingy place; but somehow i parked my car somewhere, but then,in my dream i was transported into a trance, and then i forgot where the car was; it was as if my mind was just blank - kinda like a forgotten dream, in a dream. and so i asked the store proprietor, where the car was; no answer.
strange.
i decided to walk around; and suddenly i felt like they stole my car; the car was not in any of the carparks. it was gone, gone! strange. i ran around looking high and low for it, but to no avail. it was really gone. in the end, one of them came up to threaten me with a clobber saying someting like "if you call the police, it's too late".....
and i was pleading with them: "please, it's my parents car, it's not even mine".....and they even looked into the used car manual and it was worth only 13,000 SGD.

and later on there was a food review section - where i saw different 'fusion' cuisines; i cant remember all the dishes but i think the highest rated one was a Mango-Banana dessert thing. quite strange. i tried it; also lots of blackberries and berries and dunno what.

my dreams are strange eh.
im just blogging about it for fun.
for me to remembe them.

Monday, April 26, 2010

living in this world is hard

i think strawberry fields forever is better

i'd rather live in my dreams

but when i step out of the house it's reality

and it crushes me

yesh it crushes me

im coming up with these lyrics ad hoc
maybe ill set them to music
it's hard when all they shoot you down for are mundane little things
little horrible things
it crushes me
it's not easy

that's why the Lord still loves you even though you are down
coz you can't make it on your own
and the times of despair
just brings you back there
to His arms alone
he's not ashamed to take you

id' rather have strawberry fields forever
but i know that the Lord is loving and kind
and maybe i must make up my mind
and be a bit stronger in this world.

for i'm being thrown into the fire; into a den with wolves
have to be cunning like snakes

Friday, April 23, 2010

thanks for the well wishes again.

anyway, thought for the day: i think i have to marry a conservative. at heart, im really a conservative.

bring me the mountains, and the sound of music anyday man, and may it last for a long time!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Thanks all, for the well-wishes. it's the only time my wall is so popular. hurhur. i feel flattered and i quite enjoy the attention. thanks guys for all your kind words. appreciate it.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I had a really interesting conversation with D, whom I haven't met in a long time.
Hello D if you are reading this.

We spent alot of time talking about this whole conundrum called "INFP-ness". It's because both of us are INFPs, and well, sometimes it really takes one to know one. I mean, we INFPs are strange. Wait, maybe strange is too mild a word; psychotic, maybe. If you already don't know, INFP stands for "introvert-intuition-feeling-perceiving" and it's a personality type from the Myers-Briggs classification system.
We began talking about many things: it's quite interesting actually, because you know, there are so few INFPS in this world so once you meet one it's very rare:
a) We see that there is meaning in everything; thus everything seems to be a sign that God is speaking to us. even very very mundane things that most people would find just....everyday happenings. it means we think too much.
b) We get lonely sometimes; even when we're in a crowd with alot of people, we feel like we're alone; distant.
c) we need our own space; when someone budges into our space we feel threatened. yeah - tick - i go through that quite alot actually.
d) We feel genuinely happy when there's good in this world; when people do good to others, it makes our day; and when people are bad to others, we feel urm. angry? i don't know.
e) we try to "feel" and "mean" everything we do and say; we feel BAD when we don't mean it from our heart. i have this problem alot when i'm saying grace. i mean, it's just 'thank you God' but i really want to mean it. so i always have this problem when i'm saying grace. or saying "thanks" when peopel give you things.
f) this feeling bad thing - i told D - is crazy; sometimes you need a defence mechanism. but then again; maybe you don't, coz it's more genuinely who you are.

anyway, it's hard to be an INFP in law school, believe me.

Oh i have started a Soundclick. It has my songs on it.
http://www.soundclick.com/shawnpoon
Do feel free to listen and comment. thanks.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

"Oh, it's what you do to me"
What a superb song. tom higginson is a genius.
(well not really but well)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

When the Lord shows you something (through a dream) you'd better listen - you'd better listen the LORD and NOT go your own way.
now i need is a bit of humility to ask the LORD to help me on this.

Friday, April 09, 2010

Praise the Lord for just granting me another wonderful theme (melody/tune) for my new string quartet!
I'm so excited!

And i'm so glad that i learnt counterpoint and harmony last time; good voice leading makes everything sound much better.

Monday, April 05, 2010

Happy easter and good friday; i shall write another post on that another day, but now I'm really very sleepy, it's a monday morning, and the day is daunting so, i wrote a new song on the way to school! it goes something like that.

Come on shawn, it's not so bad after all! (x2)
Wake up and smell the coffee (x2)
Come on shawn, it's not so bad after all!

yooo


it shld be fun.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

thank Jesus for a wonderful day today - which included many blessings - including;
a. a good nice jap lunch!
b. a great time cooking and having dinner and jamming
c. good friends
d. the ability to play a musical instrument relatively well.
e. the ability to sing better (or improving)


thank him
shawn

on to the weekend!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

* you must realise that when bloggers blog, it's not that that's the only thing they've been thinking about for the past week, and then it all comes together, and eureka, you get a blog entry. We don't spend our lives 24/7 for the blog, on the blog, or even caring about the blog, for the matter. we only blog when we feel like it, or when we have something to say. I guess this is the latter time.*

Having done family law for like a few months now, I honestly think that we should go back to the old Catholic/Christian view of divorce. Make it extremely hard for couples to divorce once they have decided to get married. I mean, where's the "to death till us part", where's that concept of marriage that two people decide to commit to their life partner once and for all, and be safe and secure in that? In that love that should not change, that would not change, that need not change. All too often people are flippant and give up on love too easily. Which reminds me of KT Tunstall, who sang, on the "Other side of the World": "The fire fades away, most of everyday, is full of tired excuses, but it's too hard to say, I wish it were simple, but we give up easilyyou're close enough to see that....." Well, it doesn't have to be in the course of a long distance relationship, but either way, love should not give up so easily, isnt' it? It's a choice, to love that person - not just a feeling of romance. That feeling goes away, yes, but ultimately that choice should not go away, because you have willed (in the Kantian sense) it not to.

I sound very much like a guru on love, even though I never had a girlfriend before. It comes from my experience with counselling alot of my male and female friends. I think if I could charge money on this service I'd be rich by now. But never mind. And alot of it comes from the relationship with Christ - if you see the way He loves it's a constant choice to love, a constant love, that doesn't change. And will not change, if I know Him truly.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

why do i like sleeping at unearthly hours?

I can write better music then.

it's the silence, man. the day's just too noisy!

i'm trying to complete a string quartet now, hopefully for mings and co to play. hehs. hopefully. it doesn't sound too terrible i hope.
im trying to finetune the chords so that it's intersting for everyone.

Friday, March 05, 2010

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
I can't.

I have to stop this.
the heart belongs to Jesus and it must remain.
who can save me from this body of death?
no one but God
I was a really emo kid last time.

I remembered writing a song for a friend who kind of "lost" me and drifted away, and i was really sad. in my heart i was sad. i used to give my heart away too easily - right now i keep my heart to myself too much - but it used to be that i gave it away too easily.

the song went like that
"There was a fork on the road we were travelling
You said go on, you could walk on alone, without me
You were so afraid to open your heart out

We sailed on by just to drift by (sic) another day
And when I said look at the sun, it's shining out for you the lights will pull you through
you needed to go"

super sad. and i was like, maybe 17.
oh how cynical i have become!