Emma Yong's gone, 1/3 of the Dimsum Dollies [the others being Pam Oei and Selena Tan]. Didn't know she was suffering from some form of sickness, cancer, perhaps - but now she is gone and I hope, in a better place. Poor husband, dated her for 6 years, married her [she claimed it was the 'happiest day of her life'], and now, having to miss the one he loves for a lifetime. Parting is such sweet sorrow, but eternal parting [until the next life if one believes in that] is even more painful.


Mr Purvis used to talk about Emma and her talents in performing, the way he'd talk about the luminaries of the Humanities Programme - Aaron Maniam, President Scholar, yadayada. But I remembered her name. I didn't even know she was the winner of the Angus Ross prize. And I didn't know she could sing, but well, in retrospect I should have known, huh.


Here's a link to her performing Dick Lee's "When all the tears have dried", from the musical Sing to the Dawn. It's a lovely song that speaks about the decisions in one's life. Dick Lee is actually such a talented songwriter; apart from this song, the ubiquitous 'Home', he also wrote Leslie Cheung's "zhui", among others: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OviyNptln9Y


The lyrics of the song are rather memorable, and I have decided to insert the chords so that you may play along. Here goes (chords below):


A (with a A5-A6 motif]
I trusted every morning sun -
A

Taught me how to rise

A
To stretch beyond the darkest night –
        F#m

and reach the open skies

D                                 A/C#
Perhaps I shouldn’t trust so much –

             F#m                      B
should learn to close my eyes

        D                              A/C#
The sun still shines on wooden bars –

      F#m                    D
the bird that never flies

Chorus:

       A            E/G#                            F#m     A/E

But if I turn away from what I’ve started

           D                   A/C#                 Bsus4 B   E7
Then will I always wish that I had tried

      A                          G#mb5 C#7    F#m    A/E
By breaking free will I be broken-hearted

           D                        E7                           A
What will I see when all the tears have dried?

A (with an A5-A6 motif)
I know how much it means to him -

A
It means the same to me

A
But if I keep him from his dreams,

         F#m
what will the ending be?

       D                          A/C#
Perhaps it’s time to step aside,

       F#m               B
and lose my only chance

       D                          A/C#              
It’s always men who play the tune,

          F#m               D
while girls can only dance

       A            E/G#                            F#m     A/E

But if I turn away from what I’ve started

           D                   A/C#                 Bsus4 B   E7
Then will I always wish that I had tried

      A                          G#mb5 C#7    F#m    A/E
By breaking free will I be broken-hearted

           D                        E7                           A
What will I see when all the tears have dried?

     F                        G/F       C/E         Am
Is this the price I have to pay for winning?

    F                            G/F        C/E       Am
I never thought that I could hurt his pride

         D                       E/D        C#m   F#m
This shouldn’t be an end, but my beginning

          D        Bm           D          B7              E7       F7 
What will I see when all the tears have dried?

      Bb           F/A                             Gm      Bb/F
But if I turn away from what I’ve started

          Eb                 Bb/D                  Csus4 C F
Then will I always wish that I had tried

      Bb                    Am7b5     D7       Gm      Bb/F
By breaking free will I be broken-hearted

           Eb             F                                      Gm   F Em7b5
What will I see when all the tears have dried?

Eb    Bb/D     Cm
What will I see…

F7                                     BbWhen all the tears have dried? 

solid as a rock

I wonder how some Christians can be so sturdy, like a rock, counting on God's faithfulness through thick and thin, through the seasons and through the fire and the sun & moon and the rain. Sounds so wonderful. why am i still like an immature child?

sigh sometimes i just feel like sleeping myself away for a few months and not opening my eyes and forget the world. 

taken from kristine's blog: 

THE SHORTEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO POINTS

Teach me your way, O Lord,
and lead me on a level path
because of my enemies.
Psalm 27: 11

My dad was the guru of shortcuts. He lived on an endles quest for the shortest route to all the places to which he regularly drove. My mom used to kid my dad that most of his shortcuts were in fact “longcuts.” In his search for the shortest distance to wherever, my dad would say again and again, “The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.”

The life to which God has called us is the ultimate straight line. This line starts with dead rebels and ends with people alive and reformed into the likeness of God’s Son. The problem is that our living is seldom a straight line. We all take daily detours of thought and desire that move us off the straight path that God has placed us on by his grace. He has redeemed us from the jungle of our rebellion, lust, autonomy, foolishness, and self-focus and placed us on the narrow pathway of His Son. The problem is that we all tend to get tricked into taking detours that get us off God’s path and into trouble.

Our problem is twofold. First, we get diverted because we are impatient. The trip to where God is taking us is not an event; it’s a process. And the process isn’t easy. God’s road takes us through the heat of the sun, through storms and cold, through the dark of night, through loneliness and confusion. So, we get tired and impatient and begin to convince ourselves that there is a better way. But that isn’t all.

We get diverted because we are disloyal. Our hearts aren’t yet fully committed to God’s glory and his kingdom. We are still attracted to the shadow glories of creation, and we still carry around in us allegiance to the small-agenda purposes of the kingdom of self. So in our impatience and disloyalty we see pathways that appear easier and more comfortable, but they only ever lead to danger.

There is no time when this temptation is more powerful that when we are facing difficulty. This is exactly what the verse we are considering recognizes. When you are being hammered by the enemy, it’s very tempting to debate within yourself as to whether God’s way is the best way. It starts with bad attitudes. Perhaps you begin to doubt God, doubt his goodness, and question his love. Perhaps you give way to anger, impatience, and irritation. Or maybe you begin to allow yourself to envy. You wonder why the guy next to you has such an easy life, when yours is so hard.

These bad attitudes lead to bad habits. You quit praying because you reason that it doesn’t seem to be doing any good. You stop reading your Bible because those promises don’t seem to be coming true in your life. You quit attending your small group because you can’t stand to hear the stories of God’s love that others share, when your life is so hard. You even begin to give yourself reasons for missing the Sunday worship service, reasons you once wouldn’t have given yourself. Before too long there is a coldness and distance in your reationship with God that would have shocked you in the early days of your faith. Your difficulty has deceived you into thinking that you have reason for wandering off God’s straight path, and your attitudes and habits have placed you on the dangerous side-paths of the kingdom of self.

Have you gotten off God’s straight path? Have you given yourself reason to take side-paths? How about praying, once again today, “Teach me your way, O Lord, and lead me on a level path”?

(Taken from Paul David Tripp’s A Shelter In The Time Of Storm)

What's the point of being emo? It was your own fault

Beck - nobody's fault but my own

Just so wasted - what could have been, something beautiful.
If the Lord is in this and willing, he will write a beautiful symphony through this cacophony and I promise I won't try to mess it up this time

She's out of my life
She's out of my life
I don't know whether to laugh or cry
I don't know whether to live or die
And it cuts like a knife
She's out of my life

It's out of my hands
It's out of my hands
To think for two years she was here
I took her for granted I was so cavalier
Now the way that it stands
She's out of my hands


Now I've learnt, loves not possession
And I've learnt, love won't wait
Now I've learnt, love needs expression
But I learnt too late

Dedicated to that someone.

whatever you want

whatever you want.

deep down it's me that's the spoilt one.

unless the lord builds the house they labour in vain

Psalms 127 says:
1 Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain. 2 It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives sleep to his beloved.


It is useless to go and fight the battle yourself - GOD must be the one who plants the seed and who builds it from day one, if not, I am labouring in vain. I have laboured in vain many years - I need to just wait and rest in Him and let Him work - let the Lord work. it is just vain labour otherwise, absolutely vain labour.


just the trust to wait for the lord. quiet, simple, disciplined, trust, in the Lord.


"let's take time to wait upon the Lord
let's take time to listen to His voice
unless the Lord builds the house we labour in vain
so let's take time to wait upon the Lord"

sigh waiting for her to reply to my email.

argh. maybe she doesn't really want to talk?

dont blame her anyhow.

Jesus must lead

I have been really stupid doing all this by myself . The song Jesus take the wheel is so important that in everything I gotta let Jesus lead. Why always try to meddle with his perfect plan that he's doing in your life ? With him the more you do sometimes the worse it gets the thing you need to do is to let him take over. Reminds me of the disciples at the storm when the lord calmed the storm. I need him to do it.

If you are reading this i am sorry and I can't say it enough and it may seem like only words but I will prove it to you what I told you, with Jesus's help. I wil wait for you, promise.

Pain

There's the pain that's still there - the pain - it's not going away - it's just pain and pain and more pain.


Will God heal my heart? He must - I asked how the hurt can go away - only time can heal
but it's just pain.


Just pain


never mind i'll find someone like you?
really?


I don't know la. I shouldn't have gotten so emotionally attached to my friend. [i hope you're not reading it - but maybe you are. crap. but well my cards are open]


"i've played all my cards, but you've kept them in the hand
there's nothing more to say, you've taken your final stand"


[a modification of Abba]


if only God will help me to be patient above all else, how wonderful that will be. I have to be patient, I must!


=D

You and I - know the reason why

Wow one of these days I want to be able to write a song just like this, from the most talented Rachael Yamagata. A song that really stays with you through the thick and thin, and through the heartbreak and the joy. This is "The Reason Why", which is apparently (I believe) about her departure from the band Bumpus as she is asked to "head out alone" and she'd "hope for the best". 


It's a joy to listen to her music because it's so organic and you can feel the raw emotions that are running through her music, and not just underneath the surface or bubbling under like the brook but boiling over, engulfing your innermost desires and souls (which should ideally have belonged to God in the first place) but yeah. 


Here it is: The Reason Why


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuQvja_t1FY


Lyrics: Music and lyrics by Rachael Yamagata, from the album Happenstance

I think about how it might have been
We'd spend out days travelin'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
And we can hang out heads down
As we skip the goodbyes
And you can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face
From coast to coast, or whatever I find my place
I'll track you on the radios, and
I'll sign your list in a different name
But as close as I come to you
It's not the same

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
As say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

So, steal the show, and do your best
To cover the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find
Whatever you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind,
But you only showed my the door

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
And say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I, you and I know the reason why

When you feel that peace in your soul, that's when you know it's Gods will. Amen

leap year - damn awesome! 

woohoo I didn't think anyone was going to be born on this day, but apparently there are=)

my colleague was right - to a certain extent. that was a little stupid thing to do. but then I trust God, I have to! =D

how is everyone doing?

It's a choice - do you want to be controlled by your emotions and carnal feelings, or do you want the Holy Spirit to lead you?

Please pray for me. I need the HOLY SPIRIT to lead me. that's all.

I'm mr Brightside!

coming out of my cage -

what cage?

Never mind I'll find someone like you

Seems like youve got someone new . No expectations I had really, just a little pain - my own fault for not guarding my heart and letting it run away. Sigh. The heart is deceitful over all things, who can fathom it?

Ok everyone be happy that's all I can say. Whoever said I've outgrown my emo stage ??

The someone new is really cool I believe. Charming handsome cute and all those things an emo boy is not. He's got game. Ok fine I understand.

It's a bit like Lionel Messi coming into the S-League to play soccer against your team (thankfully I'm not the left back or right back). Just don't have game, Shawn! 

*^*()*&^%^&*(

Gotta learn how to be "fake" happy - being an INFP is horrible in the context of being cool. Friends, we feel too much. Learning to be that kind of feeling individual is not what's required. What's required is the ability to wait out, to "dong" through the storm, to let it just wash away, to be mindful to just "observe" instead of doing anything.

Like I said, you can't fight Lionel Messi. We all have passions, and I'm going to do something about it. Watch this space :)

Happiness, spontaneity, and the lack of dopamine

People always ask me how come I don't seem genuinely happy. To be honest, from an outsider's perspective, it would seem rather easy for me - I am, after all, talented in music (not as much as some people but sufficiently so, by the grace of God), not too bad looking (except a bit fat), have a decent job (as a lawyer now), a good family (not a broken one, as my mother would keep reminding me), have loads of friends (although mostly acquaintances and only a few close ones), etc. 


But do they know the struggle inside? The struggle that I have obsessive compulsive disorder, a disorder of the brain that creates thoughts that do not seem to want to resolve itself, BAD THOUGHTS that keep floating in my mind and refuses to leave. It is by the grace of JESUS that I still live, and still stand alive today. I spoke with Christ about this OCD and he told me that "my grace is sufficient for you" (this was circa Saturday morning, before my visit to my shrink). "My grace is sufficient for you" - what a wonderful promise. Everytime I speak to Christ he tells me in love to "put my helmet of salvation on" and that he calls me dear, "dear Shawn" - that I am dearly loved. The perennial question is NOT to let my illness destroy the hope that I have in Christ - the hope that still is deep within me that is born out of GOD and not out of men. The hope that does not stem from simple things of the world, but of a deeper sense that God has planted the seed of hope in me, and it cannot be destroyed.


To that note, I repeat Stuart Townend's song, "there is a hope", which states impressively what this whole "hope" is about. Something unflinching, something that never dies, and never ends.


Good night.

true life lessons

I'm back from Phuket, a little burnt.

Learnt some important life lessons: (1) there will always be some bigger fish out there in the sea. it's inevitable. you're only as good as your last ... hit single (see Whitney - whether she was depressed or not, I don't know), but it's true - you're only as good as the next time when another bigger cooler smarter posher fish comes along. (2) people don't have perfect information and thus you need to sell yourself - they cant' read your bloddy minds. so have to sell yourself, bopian. it's life, it's so unbohemian but then again we're in singapore. if i were somewhere else it'll be much easier, but i have to learn that hey this is singapore. everyone cares about appearances, faces. it's not a perfect world out there. pretty imperfect actually. As someone said, you "maketh the best, not the worsth". Really? sometimes one needs to have that higher level of FAITH in God to believe that whatever comes out of your situation is good. and I can't keep on giving the excuse that I have little faith to be something different, something that I can be. Doesn't work that way does it? No, didn't think so.

blah i'm ranting at 2.25am in the morning and it reminds me of my teenage days which were rather angst-ridden and unproductive, really. Still on the mend, still on the mend, but sometimes lapsing back into the past. arghhhhhhhhh

I must not LET MYSELF GET EMO ARGHHHHH *($%^&*()^%R$E#$%^&*(.

IT'S SO IRRITATINGGGGG

i like to look at life circumspectively, with all these things up my sleeve, and thinking aloud to myself - it gives me the tingles on my back which is really quite lovely a sensation to have. but then again it is again UNPRODUCTIVE thinking. in fact it just makes everything ugly and you look through life thinking what the ___ could i have done better.

i don't think i can. it's not me anyway. i'm not going to sing lady gaga that i was "born this way", but then again, i'm not here to be thrown to the hoards of fishermen out there, like simple sardines. when it happens, it'll be special, no doubt about that. just like how everything fits together, one day it will be special.

Really now?

shawn you're just freaking scared to go alone into the dark

but i'm scared! i've been bitten before. do i grow stronger or do i flinch back? i can't tell really. what the hell am i doing as a lawyer? i also can't tell. Not enough balls to go and break out of this, perhaps.

(who reads this blog anyway huh huh huh huh huh)/

and i know that we're making mistakes again and again but do i ever learn? hardly hardly.

i sound a bit like aaron tan talking to himself actually (seen the video before? it's hilarious, really - i could just watch that over and over again).

i swear, all i need is a bit of adele or rachael yamagata, and snuggle in. sounds so amazing. but yeah. it's a wonderful sensation yeah, to be a little bit emo and a little bit...drunk. it helps the soul to numb itself from pain and hurt. hurt because of expectations that frankly speaking shouldn't have been there. but things happen. as it is written, "the heart is deceitful above all else". we are all a bit messed up inside, but that is the way things are. can't be helped yeah.


(i love blogging actually ,damn therapeutic). in fact it's almost as therapeutic as a spa treatment. no kidding.

good night world i guess tomorrow i will feel better.

It's been a while non

I realize I haven't been blogging for ages - I just wish my over active mind can be tamed, now it is like the raging sea, always flowing into every nook and cranny, always trying to think of new theories and all that nonsense. And of course sometimes the fear of being irrelevant and nonsensical. Blogging is extremely cathartic release I believe - keeps me sane

maybe i'm slowly slipping OUT of my depression to embrace the truths of my Christian faith and the truths of the Word of God.

as it is written, "I press on to take hold that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me...not that I'm already perfect"

the depression i guess is falling away from my soul, the evil is lleft, and Christ only remains in my soul in fellowship with me. Christ is the precious One to me living in my heart.

life is ironic - maybe it's more fun this way.

what can i say?

that's life - you be happy in your own way,
i'll be happy in mine.

unfortunately, sometimes that's life
we can't always be happy
and sometimes the problem is when
our happiness depends on circumstances

it would be so nice to just be all pure and holy and say
"our happiness comes from jesus Christ alone"
but maybe deep down in me i wish i could say that
but maybe now i can't,
oh goddamn it hurts

writing songs helps me express some of these angsty feelings
that are a product of my right brain
having a very very excitable right brain
makes me musical, yes,
but it also contributes to angsty feelings that i can't control
or feelings that i just want to take over the world
blogging is good because no one reads this blog anyway
but at least there is something for posterity
which i can then look back on and say, oh this is me,
on 3 september 2011, being an idiot
a little anal and a little, inconsiderate, to say the least
but then again these feelings are really bad
and i can't stand it sometimes
sigh

jealousy turning saints into the sea


hmms. i will release an ep soon

i am emo now.
i hate weddings.
don't think it'll be my turn anytime soon.
not in the near future anyway.

while i am happy for the couples who are going through their lives and celebrating it, makes me think, i dunno when god will make it my turn.
it seems a long long way from here.

such is my life.

and the problem is that my ocd makes it impossible for me to have meaningful relationships with other people without the fear of the obsessions striking into me the fear and anxiety. i don't know what's going on with me, i wish i did, but i don't.

I don't want pretty girls anymore.
I want Christlike ones, one with a heart of gold, that has abided in Christ for a long time such that His gentleness and patience comes through.
then i can totally be myself with that person.
(instead of being scared all the time she'll leave me for another handsomer hunk)
amen.

i really had a nice time at lcf yesterday; worshipping God in the spirit and in truth, knowing my spirit is with Jesus and safe with Him, trying to see things through the spiritual lenses rather than the earthly ones.

and then i go back to my old carnal ways.
zzz.
sorry need to rant: if that's the best your school can offer, i give up. hurhur.

how i miss my nice blog.
i think i'm going mad.
mad enough to be stuck in a rut for a long time.

i feel i'm being ignored all the time, really.
all these people.
ask them
"do you want to go for lunch"?
kena ignored.
like i said, or i told my other friends, i am always on the friend's ladder. no one wants to "Take a chance on me".

"if you change your mind,
i'm the first in line
honey im still free
take a chance on me".

i feel like a freaking whore.
partly this has to do with my mental condition of ocd.
but also to do with my impatience.
everyone is getting married.
i am looking for love in all the wrong places, with all the wrong people.
but then i don't want some boring guai goodie-two-shoes who will bore me to death.
argh.

confusions.

I have to constantly remind myself on how my relationship with Christ is about Him, not me. it's not about how good I am, or how faithful I am, or how many good works I've done, but it's about how good He is, how faithful He is, how loving He is to me, and that realisation must change the way we think and feel and live. It's very easy especially in society and in our 'Asian' mindset to think that we have to 'earn' our love; in businesses, one has to "earn" our keep, our reputation, etc, "have you proven your worth"? Not so with God. God is the one who loves us first. so everytime we face trials and temptations and we think we need to be 'holy' before God can love us, ascribe to God His goodness. Tell Him, God You are good, always good. Believe it. Tell Jesus that He is so good and so faithful. Because he is. It's not about you, is it? And then, His goodness, like a fetter, draws you to Himself. Wholly. Because you can't always live according to your own devices and your own sense of righteousness. Because it is GOD who works in you according to His good will and purpose, and He will finish what He started in you.

So have faith, my brothers and sisters. It is not about you but about the faithfulness of GOD.

A great site, especially for OCD sufferers like me:

http://net-burst.net/guilty/OCD_treatment.htm

Just thought I'd share with you some articles from www.boundless.org, a great Christian site about , well, sociology and all sorts of other things.


Here are some good links:
Reflecting on the mystery of marriage.

Addicted to 'adultescence'

Defending the cost of delayed marriage

All about Christian dating and marriage, which is useful for generations of Christians who have been sullied by the world and fail to live according to Christ's vision and plan for us, which is far greater.
There are many other articles as well, but these specifically relate to our problem of having an extended period of 'adultescence', which I particularly am guilty for. But of course there are many others, like, how to find a good Christian spouse, etc.
I recommend this as a great read.

Writing music is about hard work - about craft; about determination. Yes, to some extent talent helps, but it's certainly not like the popular notion of selling your soul to the devil for music, or a druggie experience where you get high and music flows into you.
If anything, the devil destroys the music - since he comes to "kill and to destroy", and so of course, anyone who sells their soul to the devil for music will never find good music in the end. But i digress.

It's about hard work, really. There's a pattern of music, and theory - and if you learn hard enough, and try your hand at writing tunes, and keep refining them, each little part of it, you'd start to know what works, and your intuitive sense, as you get better at the music bit, will improve, and you'll be able to think of what should melodically come next to a phrase, you know. So it's relaly hard work. because the brain is like that - the more you write, the better you get, which means you write better and you enjoy more, and so it's a good exponential cycle. The reason why paul mccartney was so good because he really works hard at his craft. All the great songwriters really work. It's hard work. Richard Rodgers would write everyday - to keep up the craft. Same for ...well.. any songwriter out there. Rachael yamagata, you name it. NO one ever becomes a good songwriter by being lazy. Seriously.

Another great webpage that speaks of the same: I'm particularly convinced by the whole idea that it is a 'passage' - from death unto life, that is ONE WAY AND NON-REVERSABLE.
Really leaped up at me.
http://www.webtruth.org/articles/theological-issues-23/can-christians-lose-their-salvation-31.html


On another note work has been fine. I'm happy to be meeting new people and learning more on the job=D

I have been struggling with my salvation; whether or not it is real, whether or not it is really true, whether Christ Jesus in heaven has truly saved me. I have accepted Christ Jesus a million times. it's in the score of the hundreds now. I have thought thoughts that I thought would have made me leave his kingdom or be thrown out, and I have tried my best, so hard, to suppress these thoughts, so that I won't get thrown out.

This few weeks I have been going to JESUS alot in trying to talk to Him about my problem. Everytime He assures me, I write it down in my 'notes' on the Iphone. It's amazing how it reminds you. But then satan throws his stupid darts again and i sink in misery. and Despair. I want to write down, here, what Jesus told me so that I won't forget. And give myself assurance.

January 24:
"Jesus said to me that He will keep me safe, that I'm already saved - and He will keep me safe - have faith to believe this.
I looked up at the clouds and I believed that I was saved - having just said the sinners prayer (i told you, it's umpteen times). And then I heard the LORD JESUS say that "I chose you" (He chose me) and also said to put the helmet of salvation on. AMEN"

That's what I wrote. But then I forget, as always.

January 26:
"Jesus said to me that I'm already saved, and to put the helmet on."

This was yesterday, January 31:
"Jesus just spoke to me - as the Father has chosen him as His son and anointed one sasying "Today I have become your Father, you are my son", so the JESUS has chosen me and appointed me - I'm his; and he commands me to put my helmet on :) GOD loves me - and Christ will keep me by the power of His name - my helmet is on."

And this is like from last week till today (I've just jot it down here):
"The Lord Jesus told me in His love to just let the thoughts go - so I'll let it go and not respond to it.
Today He told me to keep my helmet on. I was disobedient but He said it again in strong love, so I'll do it, my helmet is on."

This was a thought that I had while on the way from work:
"Jesus is sovereign - I do my part - to put my helmet on; He does His part, to keep me safe forever."
And today I read a very useful article which I'll share with you, and I wrote this on the note:
"The helmet is the certainty of salvation, the blessed assurance, not a longing uncertain hope. For it is written "I know whom I have believed and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him upon that day".
For he told me today that "No one shall snatch them (that includes me, SHAWN POON) out of My hand".

And then I wrote again, on Sunday at ARPC service:
"Christ told me to put my helmet on - two times - and since He is the final prophet I must listen to Him, I will listen. Jesus told me that He died for me and for everyone in the church, and I'm HIS. And I just asked the Spirit to help me to obey Christ the final prophet."

And today having used google, I came up with these two wonderful websites that gave me more assurance, giving me verses from the Bible, and removing my befuddled thinking with the truth.
http://www.aboundingjoy.com/sw-security.htm
http://www.aboundingjoy.com/sw-security.htm
http://www.aboundingjoy.com/sw-helmet-fs.htm
Yeah I hope for anyone of you in the struggle, this may help. Thanks. For our enemy is devious and has destroyed me quite badly, and I don't want the same to happen to you. For there is seriously no joy there, so as I went down, don't go down with me. I'll be up again because GOD will bring me up.

I'm a compulsive twitterer, I admit. You'd see chunks of it everyday. If you like to follow me drop me a request.
I'm @ceadsearc so yeah. do let me know.

Most of the time for very personal stuff, or stuff that will make me twitter; but sometimes the stuff I write there is so important for my daily life that I have to blog about it, if only to remind myself about it.

About an hour ago I blogged "The Lord's plans for me will stay firm and his goodness and Faithfulness will keep me to Him, if only I'd remain more! To remain in His love."
And then i fell quite badly, from grace, into the fire. and slowly I turned back to Jesus my Lord, and tried to meditate on the parable of the 'prodigal son', whom, having turned away, turned back and was WELCOMED back in loving arms and loving embraces.

And soon then, a most wonderful thing happened. My soul just felt the Lord Jesus's presence; I just felt that the Lord Jesus actually loves me, cherishes me, chose me, and that I belong to Him - man, I haven't felt this way in a long time. And it was so nourishing and empowering and wonderful and so strong and so secure and so nourishing, that, like Aslan did to the children of Narnia in the show, I felt His love breathe life into my bones and my soul again.
Because love gives me strength; to be loved gives me strength. "I am Your beloved, your creation...". that song. I felt like I'm his pride and joy again, His beloved, again.

He just loved me like a parent loves me; and I feel like His child again. And He said 'put the helmet of salvation on' - yes, Lord. for I felt His love again, so real this time, embracing my being. My soul. In embrace. He embracing me, not the other way round. I'm too bad to embrace anyone. But yeah.

So today is REMAINING in Him. And in His love; for His love endures forever.

My favourite classical piece for the moment is Grieg's Piano Concerto in A minor - it's a simple work but so sublime. Okay I admit that this hadn't always been my favourite classical piece, my past favourites included Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No 2, and Elgar's Cello Concerto; but this one is just as nice, if not nicer. In fact it was Rachmaninoff's favourite concerto which inspired him to write his first Piano Concerto.

The first movement starts off with a famous bang, the timpani rolls, and then the high descending octaves outlining the A minor chord - the big flourish; before the woodwinds set up the first subject theme, a three-note theme with varying rhythms, later repeated a third up (with the C chord for harmony). After that, comes the distinctive 'norwegian' part, the E - F - B, A - A# - E; the distinctive interval is the augmented 4th / diminished 5th leap that finds its way all throughout the first movement. After a bit of development, where the first subject is transferred to the piano, the piano runs into this agile, frantic, downward chordal figure - which climaxes into a huge third-down-chromatic-glissando, before lush strings take over in timeless, graceful pirouttes, interplaying with the piano replying each other....

Which brings us to the second subject theme, a thing of beauty, quite a beautiful arch-shaped melody, introduced by the cellos, while the flutes reply. It then repeats itself a minor 3rd up, in C minor this time; before the piano takes over with the second subject theme - by this time I'm about to melt. Then the second subject theme moves into another lyrical passage, which is repeated higher again, and then grows into another climax - to be followed by the tutti section, the third subject:
C-B-G -B- C-B-G-B-C-B-G-B; full on trumpets.

Next up is the development; the first subject is transferred from instrument to instrument while the piano glissandos over it with varying harmonies, giving it a very light elvish feel.

More to come!

Good morning; this is probably the first blog post of 2011, and guess what I have started working. Thank GOD that it hasn't been too bad, I was expecting much worse. Anyway during my meditations today I thought of something which I'd like to share with you.

You know how Romans has this verse, so oft quoted and so comforting, that says that "Nothing can separate us from the love of GOD that is in Christ Jesus our Lord?" It's so true. I was realising that today, when I was praying to Jesus and showing Him how sinful I am, and all that, and striving hard to 'work for him', to do my best for him, to serve him like a slave, but then Jesus turns around and comforts me and loves me, assures me (that I'm still saved despite my OCD), and lets me feel His love. His warm love embraced me, in His gentle whisper and kind words. So amazing.

Which brings me to the other point; how come sometimes we can't feel His love? Or just seem to fall out of it? It's not that His love for us is not always there, it is; it's just that we have not 'remained in His love'. Why? Because, we have disobeyed His commands, be it little things or big things. As Jesus stated:

John 15:10-12:
"As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and remain in his love. (11)I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. 12 This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. "

How amazing it is; that it shows that firstly, hey, in heaven, there's lots of love (no doubt); GOD loves Jesus; Jesus loves GOD; The Spirit loves GOD; The Spirit loves JESUS; Jesus loves the Holy Spirit; GOD loves the Holy Spirit; it's a triune everlasting bond of love. Okay here so that's the first point;

Secondly, remain in Jesus's love; how do we do so? By keeping His commandments; The love is always there, but when we don't keep His commandments, what happens? note that Jesus still loves us - of course He does [since it is written in Romans that no one can separate us from the love of GOD in Jesus], but see verse 11 - what happens when we "love one another as" Jesus loves us?- what happens is that HIS joy will be in us, and our joy will be complete. Yes. When we love others, we remain in His love, and his joy is made complete in us. it's like, if we fail to remain in His love, notwithstanding the truth that He still loves us, we lose that joy - His joy is no longer in us, and no longer complete in us.

So for the last few nights I have been praying; i have experienced JESUS's love in a real way, both in the office, at home, and everywhere, and He just wants me to love others - yes. I will love. Yes, I must love. because that's what is really what makes me JOYFUL.


I'd like to share something quite irrelevant from this, or maybe it is relevant:
a saturday ago, at my friend's dad's 25th anniversary, he shared:
"women are not meant to be understood; they are meant to be loved."
haha. is that relevant, or just slightly so?

Just got back from Dash berlin - i mean last night, which was quite fun, but I seriously drank too much and today's been bad coz the whole day i've been having super bad OCD and super bad thoughts which just swam endlessly in my mind and it's been so hard to eradicate it. Resolution 1: Never drink so much anymore - the one suffering is you (yes, tomorrow morning).

Having said that, it's been one week since I've started work, and things are a little...uncertain, i guess. i'm not sure what tomorrow will bring, but I gotta have faith that the LORD is in control of the future - and he's got my back. although sometimes you know it threatens to overwhelm us, but the LORD's ways are perfect I've gotta trust them I hope - not that it's easy to let go and let God, but if I don't do it right, then jialat - I will be in trouble since i can't swim: i'd drown.

I've just prayed for the LORD JESUS to get rid of my pride so that He can use me - in my weakness, His strength is made perfect.

here's to the rest of the week!!
oh btw I update mostly on twitter nowadays, since it's conveniently on my phone: so follow me @ceadsearc
thanks

It's been like, 4 days into work - and I am quite convinced this isn't what i really love doing. yeah I can do it, I can learn about pleadings and all that rubbish, but, what I love doing? Nah. Not really. not my thing man. maybe advertising, maybe marketing. maybe branding. maybe working on a new concept. Where the brainstorming part comes in. But drafting? Nah...

Sigh.
God's asked me to wait and I hope i don't go crazy.

Bipolarism

I think I'm bipolar - perhaps. Sometimes I can be talking talking talking and yaking away and you'll find you're talking to the most wonderful conversationalist on earth and other times I am strangely irritably non committal and distant. And when I am in my former stage I tend to talk too much. Far too much for my own good like yacking away on whatsapp and msn even if no one is listening. It's a character defect like I need attention. I won't even start to blame things like my musical artistic talents because we all know that is nothing more than an excuse - aa is aa. Thats it. There is nothing more to say than that you just need attention.


Especially with my OCD sometimes i don't want that attention because im afraid people will suss out the fact that I have OCD and think I'm weird. Or that my OCD wil consume me and make me do things I don't wanna do.

I know that Jesus loves me forever, eternally, and nothing can separate me from his love. O how I need his help to fulfill his good and wonderful plan for my life instead of being carried away on all sorts of currents.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Greetings from europe

Just some thoughts continues:

Paris is a beautiful city, the girls especially, but then again not so friendly.
When I get married I'll bring my love down to Paris and we'll sit by the benches on the bridges overlooking the seine looking at the lamps and warm lights at night. The romance will be legendary.
I'm beginning to love Paris more though it still ranks behind London and Vienna. It is probably the most pretty out of all of them, though. Just that it's a bit dodgy'especially since I can't understand French.
Je paux le pas francais - I'm not sure I even got that right.

Still love London, i really feel very at home there, down to the newspapers and the beer and coffee that they have there. Never buy coffee in Paris unless it's Starbucks -
Yes the Starbucks here is better than the other crap you find at bistros where the shot has probably been ground five days ago and left in the filter.
Am craving Monmouth coffee now or espresso room which is just as nice. And maybe a good London ale, ha ha.

It will be nice to go back to Singapore though, maybe cuz there are so many people I have yet to catch up with after part b exams. Oh well. And my guitar is lonesome for my um fingers.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Paris

I am not ashamed of Christ! I cannot be ashamed of Him for it is because of Him that I am alive today. seriously.
His faithfulness, is STUNNING. AMAZING. BEYOND WORDS. INCREDIBLEY INCREDULOUSLY INCREDIBLE.

knowing that i can come to Jesus just as I am, without one plea, but that His blood was shed for me, and that he bidst me come to him, O Lamb of God, I come, I come.
What a sweet sweet song; but so true. that we can go to Jesus anytime, just as we are, without anything, just as I am - because He's going to meet me, just as I am. Because He's going to meet me, just as I am, a sinner. Because He's going to come to meet like the way he met Peter after Peter messed it up, and He's going to invite me to eat with him again, just as Jesus invited Peter to eat with him.
i believe it Lord

New song up!
"So in love": written on a breezy evening, with lots of prayer and divine help from GOD - who is helping me write awesome songs again. yay.

so here's the link, hope you enjoy it:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=1051619&songID=9866807


okay good day folks! more studyin coming up=D

I think the song "CREEP" (By radiohead) is the biggest lie of all.

let's just put it logically
1) the boy wants to get a girl and be together with her.
2) the girl doesn't want him
3) so he thinks he's a creep - and it consumes him, making himself feel like a creep. he thinks he's a creep
4) so the next time he gets a girl who falls in love with him, he can't love himself. he can't understand why the girl can love him, because he thinks he's a creep. and he doesn't love himself. fine, he loves that girl, but when the girl likes him, he thinks why the hell would u do that.
5) so the relationship is unhealthy. and in the end, maybe, they break up. and all that.
6) all because he thought he was a creep, even though the girl loved him.
7) that boy could be me. if not for GOD, who tells me i'm LOVED. i'm CHOSEN. i'm SAVED. im LOVED. im CHOSEN. im SAVED.

so, IM NOT A CREEP.
just a "beloved".

God has decided to save me
AMEN!
And nothing will ever change that.

suck that, devil.

sians. i have destructive tendencies. tsk.

its like when GOD blesses me and im one in union with Christ and everything is awesome, like, got love, peace, kindness, goodness, everything, and his presence with me, i go and screw it up after a while.

whats wrong with me.
and then i lose everything that i really wanted so badly. i mean, doctrinally, i havent lost it, but ive lost it, if u noe what i mean.
like the joy is gone.
coz i screwed it up.

im a mess sometimes. ack

my bloody pride gets in the way of obeying JESUS.
The things i wanna do i can't do. ack.
but I must obey!!!!

never settle for the path of least resistance
loving might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking
loving might be a mistake but it's worth making
don't let some heavy heart leave you bitter
when you come close to selling out reconsider
give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
and when you get the choice to sit it out, or dance
i hope you dance=)

I must believe that i'm loved, because the truth is, that I'm loved.
by Jesus, GOD! =D
of course i can't see, but He's told me before, and it doesn't change, even now.
and knowing that, and really holding on to that, is going to change my life. for the better. that i may be good.
the innate knowledge of that will change my life.

shawn

Christ is with me right now and forever and this is awesome . What can be more awesome than this? Keep my heart o lord from idols then


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well, before I write this let me disclaim that this is just for kicks. In case you think im a lecherous perverted boy, that's not true.A perverted boy will spend his time surfing porn or sggirls. this is none of that.

this is none of the sort. this is really just about how do you, facebook stalk.
haha.

1. see your mutual friends; they tell everything about the person.
a) if she's a girl, and many of your mutual friends are from school X, for example, MGS, chances are that she's from that school. if he's a boy, and many of your mutual friends are from, for example, ACS, chances are, he's from there. which is cool.
b) church friends - if many of your mutual friends go to one church and the person is from that church, then, well, chances are, she's from that church especially if she puts her religion as Christian.
c) random friends - your mutual friends all clubbers? probably, she is a clubber too, an avid one, who probably met them in clubs.this applies to anything: for example, if they all go to coffee place O, then, perhaps, she also goes there and happened to make friends with them.
d) a specific 'mutual friend and all her friends': its more tricky when you have a mutual friend X, and all her mutual friends are also friends of X -- it's possible that she met these friends through X, and it's even more plausible when you also met all the mutual friends of X through X (X is a great person that brings people together).

2. see photos. of course only if you're shallow hal - often that is a useless way of getting to know someone.

3. see their interests - both of you love music? tick. both of you love cooking? tick. both of you love cats? tick. of course, as himym says, that's often not a good gauge though, if you're looking for a soulmate. just coz 2 people can have all the same interests doesn't mean that they'd automatically be soulmates. still. well. worth a go.

4. see what games they like to play.

5. well, if you're lucky, you can see their wall. most people these days lock their walls, but if you're fortunate enough and the person leaves the wall open, you can tell alot of things. what he's always doing, what he lieks to do, how he responds, is he a funny kinda guy, a sian kinda guy, a whiny kinda guy, and a whole lot more. or brainy, and that's a big turn off. no-no.


The bottomline, however, is that fb stalking is a horrible way of getting to know a person, because to really get to know a person often a simple message and reply can tell you far far more than all these methods of fb stlaking. that is, if you really want to get to know a person. but that's also conditioned on the fact that they must want to talk to you. ive added people who didnt want to add me back, and so i just was left stranded. and then in that case, sorry folks. then that's the usefulness of fb stalking -by knowing who your mutual friends are, you can persuade them to introduce both of you, or something. which, if they're relaly nice, they might do. especially if they're very close to you. however, don't count on it. it doesn't usually work - but if it does,then bingo, ur fb stalking did help. it's good to do some research, ya know, the due dilligence. yup!

thats all folks.

for the record i dont usually do this =D

the Lord says - put your helmet of salvation on.
I WILL LORD. RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW

I usually twitter nowadays, but for some posts that i find very important in my life, i'm going to paste them up here.

"remain in me, and I will remain in you" - i must remain in His love - now now now - "so remain in My love". AMEN.
less than 20 seconds ago via web
i had a damn funny dream - i dreamt that i was selling freshly ground black pepper (as a business plan) - and I negotiated with mcdonalds.
about 1 hour ago via web
i really dislike myself - but Jesus loves me - so i will love Jesus more!!!!
about 1 hour ago via web
i will love the LORD MY GOD with all my heart. thats what i must do. with the help of GOD.

this sums up my morning - about trying to love Jesus more, because, like a prostitute who's really loved by a man, she has learnt to love that man back. and i will learn to love JESUS more, even if my heart shall break. and when my heart breaks i will go to the LORD for forgiveness, and then i will try again.
must not end.

by the grace of GOD who is helping me.

Thank GOD for "anointing my head with oil" again, that I may enjoy music again, and enjoy life, and enjoy love, and write and create music again. Which is amazing. Gone, perhaps, are the bad days.
For He anoints my head with oil, and will do it again and again.

yay.

Gotta break through!

cannot let your mood be detracted by what people think of you - or what you think you should be - like if your parents are angry at you and disappointed it doesn't mean you gotta be like, sad, all the time, or chastise yourself!

as the song says

"girl PUT YOUR RECORDS ON, Play me your favourite song, JUST GO AHEAD LET YOUR HAIR DOWN / sapphire and faded jeans, i hope you get your dreams, just go ahead let your hair down"!

yah sometimes u gotta be happy even if the rest of the world don't want you to be - because they're sad. but hey, you're not them!

i realise i dont blog enough coz now i have twitter, i have fb, but blogging is realy when you want to express something of yourself. I mean, im not perfect, and part of me is thinking this is damn stupid why the hell am I writing this and not studying and it's useless because it's not going to change my life - after i post this ill go ahead back and be the damn old schoolboy i was, is, and hopefully will stop being but knowing that i will still be, like that.

It's very sians and only GOD can slowly change me which He is doing as I pray to Him and enjoy His love and His presence and His comfort and joy and assurance and all those wonderful things and rest in His love - and Him willing slowly submit myself to Him - submit my body - which has been ravaged - to Him and let him slowly change me. as I remain in Him.

the lesson is still clear. "remain in Me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, IT MUST REMAIN IN THE VINE".
I must remain in CHRIST always. and i believe, for He has said so, that He is going to be with me, He is going to be faithful, He will be with me "for the rest of my life" (his words, not mine).
and it will happen, i believe. i will look back and notice his hand in my life, even though, well, my physical body is weak and i'm undergoing a milion and one infirmities. but ultimately, salvation for my soul is real.

i notice that every post goes back to GOD but then that's the only hope.

I just had a really really meaningful conversation with E, P, W, G, and M - which was really nice. talking about God, Jesus, spiritual warfare, battles, sin, love, and everything under the sun. it is really refreshing when you can talk about these things that are really dear to your heart. yes, even over some beers and some teh-pings, even with law school people, you can be true to yourself. i blog about this because i just want to remember it. its nice when you can talk to people about everything, like how 'feelers' like me function, or behave, because honestly very few understand me. but its nice when some do. but it was just meaningful - i felt that it had meaning and it was good. and we should have really have more of this. instead of the senseless boys nights out.

and speaking of this i had the most amazing experience walking towards home when i wanted Jesus to be in the centre of everything good in my life - of everything beautiful in my life - and He walked with me, and made things beautiful - the songs and music (s,a) were beautiful again as He walked with me - like He made them beautiful - and He said he will be with me, all the days of my life, even after the music and the songs are gone, for they cannot be playing forever. and that is so touching and beautiful. praise God.

when the psalmist says "one day in the house of the LORD is better than a million elsewhere", sometimes i am like, wth, but sometimes really i understand its truth.

I have to be humble.
this is the start of something exciting, i think, being involved in a few projects of music, maybe finally getting a chance to have songs published; but then, this is the important thing, when you are well fed, and have success, DO NOT FORGET THE LORD YOUR GOD WHO gave you these things - like the israelites - and you are to "BLESS THE LORD YOUR GOD FOR THE GOOD LAND".
there's a verse on this;
Deuteronomy says:
When you have eaten and are satisfied, you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land which He has given you. 11 "Beware that you do not forget the LORD your God by not keeping His commandments and His ordinances and His statutes which I am commanding you today ; 12 otherwise, when you have eaten and are satisfied, and have built good houses and lived in them, 13 and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and gold multiply, and all that you have multiplies, 14 then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God who brought you out from the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery."
it's the same now, as it is in the past; - our hearts are full of pride. the bible says "the heart is deceitful above all else". and it truly is. my heart wants to boast in my own achievements, to the world to everyone, even to God, even - this is not me, its not that i weanna do it, but it's just a horrible sin of my life; so i have to obey the lord here - so that my heart will not be proud. and what is this? to PRAISE him to bless HIM. to WORSHIP HIM. so that everything will be kept in perspective - yeah, you may be successful, you may have nice cars, may have success, but it's all from Him, and what is this earthly success compared to the greatness that is in GOD? the greatness that is GOD, his infinite love and mercy and power?

I haven't been updating much but just thought this is a good platform to talk - the trick is not to let your success or talents get to your head- it robs you of your humanity.
One must be humble, yes, humble,
For it is the lord who works even though I don't feel that he is the one working and it's me - but it's still him and I must be reminded of that in my mind.

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if i were the evil one, the way i would stop christians growing is to stop them from reading the bible, the Word of God. i would trick them into using their feelings to discern God, or something; well, while we are not totally intellectual beings devoid of feeling, the feelings must be based on the word of God, for it is extremely easy to think of things that aren't there, or easy to feel. the Word of God says that "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9)" - and it is so easy to be lead astray by all sorts of thoughts.

i prayed to the Lord last night, and i was reminded that even the Lord didn't use his own logic to fight the devil, when he was tempted; nor did he use his own reasoning to go against what others say, he just quoted the word of God, and of course was so familiar with it.

Putting the helmet of salvation is very difficult.
my mind is plagued by the devil.
this is his way of making me useless for GOD by making me worried about my salvation all the time.

but Jesus tells me to put the helmet on, and i must. i must trust.
i will keep praying to the LORD for his strength to help me trust Him and his promises, simply to take Him at his word.

thanks aunty yh for sharing; really appreciated that.
now it's remembering.
it's easy to forget, especially when life is against you.
or when you are in the doldrums of your life.

Putting the helmet of salvation is very difficult.
my mind is plagued by the devil.
this is his way of making me useless for GOD by making me worried about my salvation all the time.

but Jesus tells me to put the helmet on, and i must. i must trust.
i will keep praying to the LORD for his strength to help me trust Him and his promises, simply to take Him at his word.

thanks aunty yh for sharing; really appreciated that.
now it's remembering.
it's easy to forget, especially when life is against you.
or when you are in the doldrums of your life.

How to play pop piano (properly)

[the author of this article, which is me, of course, used to play pop piano in the civil defence band, and in church bands and outside bands. he writes songs which can be found at www.myspace.com/shawnpoon and recently wrote a musical.]

It seems a bit pretentious to be writing an article about, this funny queer topic of, how to play pop piano. Simply because plenty has been written on it, and I don't pretend to be an expert in it although I do believe myself capable of playing quite reasonably well. So here's some things i feel happy to pass on to you, my readers, in the hope that you may discover the joy of playing pop piano well.

its the chords, silly!
Unlike classical music, most of the time you are given chords to accompany a song, which probably states something like C, F, Bm, Em, blah blah, and sometimes you get the occassional Absus4 or a Em7b5.....and so, you're supposed to play the chord along with the melody, when your'e playing pop piano, that's what we all know. but how do we do it?

1. Decide whether you want to play the melody with it, or not.
Usually, when you accompany a singer, you often don't want to play the melody, because you'd be doubling up with what she is doing, and then you're occupying the same frequency, and then people cannot really hear the purity of her voice/melodic line without your noisy piano accompaniment playing the same thing. so, if you're playing with a singer, don't double the melody line (ie dont play the melody line). play a chord variation in the right hand instead. when you're playing solo, however, without a singer, then of course you play the melody. but you don't have to play ONLY the melody in the right hand - what i mean is, let's say a song like "don't look back in anger" and the chorus goes "so sally can wait" - which is G - F- G - F - E .....with a C chord moving to g; you don't want to just paly that G F G F E on the right hand with a C chord moving to G on the left hand because it'll sound really empty for a chorus, so you want to texturise it by playing a chord (LH) C - G (RH) C-E-G (with the melody being the highest most note of the chord), and then moving down to (in the right hand: B/D/F- B/D/G - B/D/F - C/E (change chord to Am)) - in the way you get some texturre in the right hand also.

And usually when playing the melody, it's often palyed louder than the rest of the accompaniment; so when you are playing the melody make it louder;

2. Decide on the accompaniment style
There are many ways of playing chords, such as:
a) broken chords (ie arpeggios)
b) chordal , block chords
e) a mixture of both
d) right hand chordal, left hand broken chords...
and so how do you decide?
well, it's all about the song.
think about it - do you want the song to have long, flowy accompaniments, or do you want it stately? for example, a song like "your song" (elton john) will have quite an arpeggio-like accompaniment because it is a rather flowy piece - whereas a hymn would have stately block chords. it often depends on whether you want to accentutate the beat - whether you want the strong to have a strong beat or not - whether you want it stately, or you want it flowing. if you want it flowing, then play more broken chords, arpeggioes, to make it seem like the sense of time is elastic and, that, it diminishes the 'count' of the beat since every beat is divided into so much more; if you want it stately, however, play the chords at regular intervals, on the beat. jay chou for example is a good example, since his songs such as 'feng' or 'an jing' all have right hand chords that are played on the beat for the stately effect.

3. Decide on the rhythmic accents/emphasis
this is relevant in R n B songs for example: sometimes weird accents accentuated with a chord adds to the excitement of playing an R n b song on the piano. for example, jason derulo's "whatcha say" has much syncopation - if you hear the song, the drums are very syncopated and irregular - and a good piano player will be able to recapture the irregular syncopations of the song by mimiking the drums on the piano, by playing, for example: boom, cha, - boom - cha - cha - cha.....(how to explain rhythms, oh well) - it's really about mimiking the drums, and the beatboxes, for example, with a piano.
if it's jazz, for example, then there are the different accents as well: one example is chick corea's spain - where there are leading beats (accents before the main beats) - syncopations, etc. basically, feel the beat, and move your hands with the beat and you'll be fine.

4. Decide on the chord voicings.
chord voicings are very numerous: often when its a major chord, you have the choice of playing (1-5) with the left hand or (1-3) or (1-3-5), and the right hand will fill up the gaps, usually maybe with (1-3), or (1-5), or (3-5).... and the choice often depends on what the song needs. for example, jay chou's feng starts off with a (5-1) on the right hand, x 4, for the first chord, before it changes to a (1-5) on the dominant chord for the next 4 beats.
to put it simply:
Feng (C)
C | G | F | C| F|.....
thats the verse right...
so hows the chords played:
its something like:
on the C chord it's
(Left hand) C - E -G ; right hand is playing G-C (c being the highest note)
before moving on on the G chord to:
(left hand) B - D - G; right hand is playing (G - D) (d being the highest note)...
and moving on to the F:
(left hand) A - C - F; right hand is playing (F - C) (c being the highest note)...

but either way the entire notes make up the chord; but you could have so easily voiced it so many different ways. you could have simply voiced it:
C - E - G: right hand playing C - E, with e BEING the highest...
or so on.
so really it's a matter of preference; but usually the trick is the song. it is supposed to fit the song, so if the melody line is: C C C C G C D D D D E D G (that is feng, btw): then jay chou's instincts is to play the c as the highest, since the c note forms the melody line; and in the next chord, it's to play the d as the highest note. so most of the time the song will determine the voicings, but of course, creative freedom allows us to play anything so long as it sounds good. so try what fits! one of the tricks, though, is not to have too much movement between chords, since, it's nice if the notes flow to each other nicely, as though the piano was a choir, and it's nice if the voices move smoothly from one to another rather than jumping all over the place.

5. It's about the touch
the touch is very important: most amateurs play all the notes the same way, but then there are many things you can do to a piano. while unlike a guitar/violin - ie you dont control the strings, you can do a few things: control the timing of the note, the loudness of the note, and the quickness/fullness that you hit the note. so, follow the melody line, make the melody line sing. most of the time, a singer will not sing all the notes in the same volume, so vary your piano playing the way the singer will vary the loudness/softness of the melodic line. and another trick is to use little 'slurs', which are little piano "pull-offs", ie one note is quickly transferred to another note to give the impresion that that note is leaning to the other note.
another trick is to play the notes together, one at a time, but leaving the last note on as the next note hits the keys - so you get a little blurring effect. (of course, just a bit is good).
sometimes you want the gentle touch for a gentle song, so try to smoothly feel your way into the keys for that effect.


That's all for now. i'll write more when i think of more things.
thanks!

Treat girls with the utmost respect - that is the ac way man

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today i was really struggling, really struggling. ocd ocd ocd. just one step away from the bad thought that will kill all come to me - just one bad thought away. or even half.

so i prayed: "Lord Jesus, deliver me", or something to that extent. it was somethiing like "Lord Jesus help me". and i knew he was listening. and after that something wonderful happened - the Lord told me that He will work, i just have to put my helmet of salvation on and He will take care of the rest. and i felt like He was arranging the heavens and my mind to be alright, something was changing.

so praise GOD.
i am here today because of Him and Him alone because everything good is from Him.
and it doesn't change.

amen to that.
may i be a testimony.

like paul says, "not that i have already achieved this, but i press on"...
but it is not my own work, it is his work.
"it is GOD who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. ..."

Congratulations on Gerald and Adele for getting married! It was a lovely lovely wedding, full of God's love, perfect everlasting love between the two of them that will endure. They chose "love always preserves, always hopes, always perseveres...." (1 Corinthians) - i don't know the exact reference - but that was very apt.
it was just so sweet, i was dying inside. really. happy for them. It's great.


On another note, i drove to tampines, gave my friend a lift; everytime i drive down Simei Avenue into tampines i still feel an immense sense of nostalgia. That was my home, my little village - my kampung. it's still my home, of sorts - I think a part of me still hasn't moved out yet.
I remember, vaguely enough, the school bus rides. Which were the funnest things. Playing with kids. Playing soccer at the void deck below block 122, or wherever they used to play soccer.

Before I grew up all cold, intellectual, and materialistic, I was a kampung boy, deep down inside. I still am, perhaps. The happiest memories as a child.

Prayer meeting yesterday was great - it was awesome to be still and to meet GOD.
may i continue to grow in the Lord to find Him that perfect Being more

I'm back to the fold with the Lord Jesus being always with me - and I believe that Jesus is with me right now, and will remain with me for the rest of my life. And Jesus whispered to me that He will be with me all the days of my life - and I'm happy and joyful - and I will try my best to BELIEVE. Coz He said it, so it is true.

I'm slowly finding my way back to God again. It's been a tired road, long difficult road, but i know the Lord will bring me back slowly but surely. There is always a disconnect between my sunday life and the weekly interactions with the world but God willing I will be more faithful to Him through the week

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THis is really beyond me.
Everytime I talk to a girl, let's say, "how are you", it doesn't mean I'm trying to buaya you okay - i don't buaya every girl on the street. Thank you very much. It's presumptuous to think that I'm trying to buaya you. Presumptuous, because, firstly, as Paul Gilbert wrote, there are 6 billion people on this planet. I'm not a loaded gun, or a hired gun. Thank you very much.

Seriosuly everyone is trying to second guess me and I'M REALLY VERY IRRITATED - just treat me like a normal person thank you!

how about a song that goes
gimme sympathy

how about standing in someone else's shoes and walking around in it?

michael card who gave a sermon at my church said it's because we conveniently give people labels - instead of trying to get to know the person better.
"Oh, he's a sick man". "Oh, he's this" "Oh he's that".
so here are the categories:

if he's athletic and looks not so bright, he's classified as:
=> stupid, can't think for himself, simple minded.
if he's fat - oh he must be lazy. coz he can't exercise, or doesn't want to.
if he's wearing specs and is a bit of a nerd - oh, he's bad with members of the opposite sex. since he CANNOT possibly have any experience or skills.

we all are guilty of that, aren't we?
and until we sit down and start knowing that other person better, and see each person individually, not as a member of a class, we're never going to be able to form real relationships. it will always be, unfortunately, plastic.

Luke 6:27 - love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. do to others as you would have them do to you.
V32: if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expectingto get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the most high, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
Am I willing to love my enemies? To love the unlovable, to love those the world considers unlovable? But god considers them lovable so do I follow God or the world?


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Preview:
Spain v Holland - World Cup Final 2010

Here's my analysis/predictions for the final. While I'm not Paul the Octopus, who has wagered that spain will triumph, here's just an analysis from a soccer fan and lover of the game.

First up, it is fair to say that Spain's "tiki-taka" approach to football, ie playing short passes, triangles, passing and moving - a style developed from barca, will ensure that they retain most of the ball. And in Xavi Hernandez, they have probably the best passer on the planet right now - his awareness, accuracy, and most importantly decision making is always spot on. In fact, the number of times he's lost the ball, I think, can be counted with 1 hand (2 were against germany, i think). He is always available for that short option backwards when there's little space, to recycle the ball, spread it wide, hit the through pass, or play little triangles with members of his midfield three. And his first touch is so good (he always uses his body quite perfectly well as a shield) that it is impossible to get the ball off him, since he'd just turn and play a pass. And because all the Spanish players are able to retain possession of the ball very well, it means that there are almost numerous options for ball-recycling. Xabi Alonso is probably the perfect foil for Xavi since he plays deeper, and can be trusted to send raking balls to the flanks (esp to ramos) - it means that, shortwise or longwise, there is always a passing option.

However, possession without penetration only leads to, well, sad to say, arsenal. Lots of possession without any penetration, any danger. Sure, xavi can keep passing around the center circle, but no one scores goals from there. the attack has to advance. And so it is up to the likes of villa, iniesta, pedro (if he plays) to make things happen - and the Dutch have been rather stingy in defence, to be able to close up the space in between the defence and the midfield (by employing the 2 holding midfielders in de jong and van bommel) very well, with these 2 midfielders really snapping at every ball, working diligently and tirelessly, to break up the play. and if xavi et al can't find the passes forward, the ball is left to recycle. so it's really a test of mental strength - can the dutch in fact keep concentration in closing down space and restricting passing options for a whole 90 minutes? I'm not so sure about that - I think with de jong back things will be much better than against uruguay, but I'm not so sure either about spains' abiility to attack in a manner that brazil did against holland in the first half of that quarter final, with robinho, maicon, kaka, all running at pace at a slow back 4. iniesta is no slouch but definitely not as fast as robinho. xavi is pretty slow. villa, well, he's fast but he's just one man.

On the other front though, i'm not sure whether the dutch can even retain enough possession to fashion enough chances. spain, in my money's opinion, will cut off all angles to robben to prevent the simple pass to him which will result in his running at a spanish defender, whether ramos or capdevilia. i'm pretty sure that busquets will go and cover the flanks to prevent that one-on-one situation, which leaves space for sniejder etc to do some magic. but robben is a game changer - if he is up to his electrifying best, i can see the game going holland's way, because it will take some stopping, to bring him down - maybe 3 men or more, since he's so technically gifted, skilful, and fast at the same time. kuyt on the other flank gives holland some good options since he's always tirelessly running,making angles for a pass, and so on. and van persie well holds up play pretty well and is a pretty good linkman and has some skills and a good shot to boot. but with the spanish team always pressing, closing down the space, and preventing the other team from playing, it's going to be hard for a holland team to find passing channels and create chances, or even finding a teammate, since the spanish defend collectively to cover all passing lanes, not just the most dangerous ones.

On the other hand, i believe the dutch are technically more gifted than the germans. sneidjer has a better first touch than ozil, has 2 good feet, and van persie has likewise better control than klose, although he fails in the heading department. robben is faster than trochowski, which means that the full backs will not be able to push up that much.

Overall i could see spain sneaking it by 1 goal - my head says spain though my heart says holland. i can see that upset coming, that no one really expected. but it will take a great individual performance by one of holland's attacking stars to do so, whereas spain is less reliant on individual magic.

Must learn how to unthink - if I could just freeze those thoughts in my mind, how wonderful that will be. Need to learn how to think of nothing.


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I'm really tired and jaded - commencement is funny and a little surreal.
There are too many wrong untrue threads in my brain and it's holding me in a grip
I am afraid of doing well because I'm afraid it will lead to pride, even though I don't want to. It's a disease that is inevitably getting me.


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Hmmm
I've been back almost three weeks already, and here are some thoughts:
Favourite city: London, Vienna
Restaurant: steirereck, l'atelier Joel robuchon.
Favourite experiences: driving down route de grand cru, berlin walks, watching concert at schonbrunn, watching musicals, borough market
Favourite food experiences: besides the two restaurants mentioned, oysters in Brittany, seafood platter, cheeses, borough market, German beer, Monmouth coffee, Viennese cakes
What was underwhelming: Paris - a beautiful place but dodgy people and sinister feel
Wish I could have seen more of: the louvre, And maybe the nat gallery in London
Repeat stops: Monmouth coffee, 6 visits; le petit port in dinard, 2 times; genose kebab in mehringdam 2 times
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The word of GOd is absolutely true and marvellous so let's read it and believe it

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Wow holland won after I said I'd support them against the mighty selacao. Robben was unplayable. Yes he goes down easily but
Who could stop him? Brazil
Just ran out of steam and well I
Just hope melo doesn't get the Escobar treatment. He was a bit
Of a prick anyway, fully
Deserves to walk
For that!!

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Help me Father to fix my eyes on Jesus, to throw away anything that stumbles and the sin that so easily entangles, and to run the race set for me, fixing my eyes on Jesus the author and perfector of my faith. The lord Jesus loves me and died for me and is beside me, right now, and is forever with me, for he says surely I am with you to the end of the edge. So I will look to him everyday every moment every minute and forever listen to his voice