Save me from myself...please save. I'm in a mess, bloated with food, and i need some respite from the world around, and common tests are coming, what's all this for?

The blog's primary purpose has to move away from being a purely personal journal into being an avenue for expression, and the main advantage of that shift is, it's less boring for all those out there ploughing through journal entries. who wants to scour through endless pages of information about me mindless me? [unless of course, you think i'm cute, which of course is of zero possibility]

alright.

On Social Relations (a social commentary)

Much has been written about the idea of shyness, and whether it is embedded in the brain, or not. For someone used to be plagued with shyness to such a great degree until a churchmate actually told me it seems unreal that i'm so quiet, and now gradually evolving into some level of consciousness and a desirable level of expression, shyness for me has not been something hard-wired into your brain, as though you could not help it. In fact the very essence of dealing with it can be learnt, and the faster one realises it the better.

Of course much has been said about something called the 'comfort zone', the place, the arena, where one feels most at home with, be it with one's family, or with close friends, and it is in that place where the people with introverted tendencies can express themselves more fully, to feel at ease to express themselves, and remove away the self-conscious train of thought that expressing oneself might entail a risk of getting hurt, and so on. It is in that comfort zone that a person's identity and character more often than not comes across accurately. For me it might have been tuition class, or even class, but not at church: church was not really a comfort zone due to the wrong sort of mix of people, and the fact that i had to succumb to the people who were seen as having more social leverage, and the fear of being hurt: there was simply little connections that would have helped me stabilise and find identity.

No doubt, there is that hierarchy in social relations, and often it can be felt so obviously: People that are good-looking and outgoing tend to occupy the highest echelons of the ladder, they are the in-group, the core-group: their disappearence often changes the makeshift of the group totally, and that is why they have so much influence, since the group loses its identity when they disappear. And further down there are the in-betweens, they have some social clout but not as much, and often do not have influence to unilaterally decide the course of action in a group. And further down still there are people with no social leverage: they are discards, waiting to be chucked down and away at the slightest notice; their words have little influence, and they are just there to make up the numbers.

In fact, the hierachy is not steeped in stone, but even moving up the ladder is difficult, but of course once you've reached the upper rungs coming down is harder, due to impressions. There are certain ways for individuals to move up the ladder, such as, offering something new and special; emboding more characteristics that are desirable according to the group, and flaunting these characteristics; allying oneself with the people who have influence and form bonds within a group that would help--i find this pretty helpful sometimes into integrating myself with groups; and further on reducing the self-consciousness that accompanies people at the lower rungs.

Another aspect that creates shyness is the concept of self-image: the image that a group portrays on you affects the way you view yourself. In church i was viewed as quiet, so naturally one would tend to live up to one's reputation as being quiet, for to do so would be to invite stares and questions, that go, oh no are you okay? you're mad! Stupid people, can't they realise i'm who i am?

Of course, the greatest obstacle to social integration is that self-consciousness, the fear of what someone else might think about the person. Naturally it is unavoidable that, out of the comfort zones, some of that fear would remain. However, a shift in perspective must occur: individuals should realise that the consequence of being rejected, being hurt, etc, is not death and decay, but just a little setback that can be overcome, that will be over and one can go back to his comfort zone. After all, if individuals are not very close to you, you can let yourself get hurt and risk it all by being who you are, by being yourself, since, if they hurt you, it doesn't matter anyway, they aren't close to you, you won't be down coz of them coz they don't matter, and besides, on the other side, if you aren't part of their social circle, they'll forget you the next day anyway, so why bother to produce such a good reputation, why not just be yourself?

The difficulty, though, is to develop that strength that says, never mind, i'm hurt but i'll bounce back. That inner strength that must be there is hard to build up in some, the self-belief, the self-esteem, that comes with confidence, perhaps accentuated by religion, a knowledge that God is on your side, and so on, which would provide that essential that would allow one to take risks more readily and remove the barriers that shut them out to integration and allow them to open up to the world more easily.

Oh, if only people would love themselves, and maybe they would find it easier to love others, as one pastor has said so aptly. And it is so true: having confidence in oneself, (not arrogance, mind you, but just confidence) and knowing that your views have value and you are just as worthy as the next guy on the street, or the pretty girl out there, for appreciation and adoration, is crucial in overcoming the fear that greets shyness, and maybe social assimilation might be easier.

here's what i did over the hols!

fri: watched matrix reloaded at nite: street festival
sat -
sun: -
mon: guitar
tues: played LAN
wed: guitar
thurs: watched finding nemo: played pool
fri: guitar
sat: nothing much=)
sun: soccer!
mon: LAN
tues: bball...pool at mambo
wed: soccer!
thurs: great day! played tennis, studied, went borders, hard rock revolution at night
fri: home
sat: stayed over at darren's, watched midnite movie (far from heaven)
sun: darrens...ms lim's wedding, tennis
mon: at home
tues: went og, played LAN
wed: went airport
thurs: today! charlie's angels!
fri: gonna see red


oh btw i alwways seem to have good thursdays, don't know why...

Charlie's angels was super fun, super dumb, and super hilarious! It simply released all the endorphines in me, goofy lil' Cameron Di's adorable, man, what can i say. hehs. been laughing throughout the show and it was simply wonderful! it was almost like a music video with lil songs here and there and even a funny part that alluded to the sound of music with the song 'lonely goatheard' playing..how cool was that. in fact the beats and the rhythms of music were with me throughout the day, and especially the facility of language....wrote many lil' hooks complete with lyrics today, which was a change from usual when i can hardly think of words to write: words actually help in so many ways to actually construct melodies, in fact. there was just this rhythm and this lil' beat that i've been lacking, being sleepy and bothered....this was a nice change. played pool, but it sucked. haha. still the songs written were enough to compensate for it: i've got some little 'babe' song, some 'beautiful baby' song, and some 'rock and roll' song....eh. yeah. even the guitar playing's improved. it's like my brain has decided to work again, so i'll keep it while it lasts, huh? yeah
breathe the pressure, come play my game i'll test ya, psychosomatic addict-insane

oh i had another really weird dream yesterday, which consisted of some sharks swimming in a dark ocean, and they were really bad sharks, fighting for every little human being...and they could really eat human beings...so to distract them....we, on the shore, sorta threw little pencil caps at them...which ended up in them fighting over the little pencil caps! and it ended up with another shark coming to negotiate a truce at a conference (wait, was it sharks, or crocodiles? haha)...and in the end they started having peace...something like finding nemo, huh? fish are firends, not food... and then there was something about them deciding to attack a city. an unrelated part of the dream ended in me asking someone to go for red (which is tomorrow) and she refused coz she was going out with her friends...and the i asked someone else, and they all happen to be girls! ironic, huh. and another part of the dream focussed on me finishing school early and going to orchard....

sigh
dreams.

Had medical checkup today, which meant that I had to wake up at 7. consequently the rememberance of my dream became even more concrete. it was so, so, weird, i could tell you that. It all started off with this really funny emotional-lovey-dovey song that was playing, which made this girl feel so ..,unoe..that we hugged....and it was so funny. coz the girls' a really obscure one. haha. speak of weirdness. and then it progressed on to wishing another girl happy birthday, though i hardly know the girl at all, before i actually forgot i had an exam, and forgot which exam it was...until i realised it was history....we trooped into class, before realising that you know, it was a singapore history paper, with many many questions, and from each section of three you choose one....and it had questions about a burmese king who came to singapore to assassinate a local prince, and about the periods of war in the 1860s *what war, i don't know....there must have been!* a burmese invasion, and the quesitons were all short questions, but you didn't know how many marks they were! so we were supposed to scribble on and on and on.... and rolly allowed us to bring the paper home! so sneakily i checked the answers...before going back to school to have breakfast with 1b at ghim moh....and that's how the dream ended.
so surreal. yucks.
wonder if you all can beat that. haha.

Have you ever been so stoned before, your head's in a daze, chocolate has lost all its aroma and flavour, the pillow's inviting....intl' economy's so boring...music has no charm, there's absolutely no rhythm, you just want to rest in some Dvorak or some mellow crap. Woke up at 2'o'clock today and went back to sleep at 5--just that sorta hangover, and couldn't wake up for dinner. man. music beats irritate the 'ell out of me, and i think audioslave's vocalist has a really ugly voice, whereas the subtle mellow horns of the largo from dvorak's new world was so inviting, so peaceful. so spiritual.

Audioslave's 'Like a stone' was pilfering through my head today: ironic, tho it's not what the song intended, huh. never mind. stone is stone.

happy birthday jeremY!
it was pure exuberant energetic energy yesterday...prolly a sugar rush of coke and all. wonderful. couldn't sleep till about 5, stayed over at darren's, played war3, jammed a lil, talked....ahha how fun can your hols get? i'm gonna have real good memories man. just to bring some along with me. don't think so much...don't worry...but be happy...live for the good things in life! yeah!
ms lim...have a wonderful marriage yeah. haha. although no one really reads this.nice to see all the rj pple again, huh. but then again i din really miss them. haha.
=)
oh well, mebbe just a few ^_^

You know, it's surprising how some people just can't listen to music properly you know. i think it's an art, just to listen to music...i mean if people'd only learn how to listen properly, they'd be able to appreciate the harmonious blend and swell of classical music....when the chord is played with perfect intonation, there's a 'swell', since the harmonic overtones of the 5ths and 3rds can be heard distinctively and the chord blends in together....there's the sounds of angels, there's the sounds of a purity, a cleansing, that is just so delightful. it's not just technical stuff, it really happens, one just has to open his ears and listen intently, to let the music come to you. also, like they can't tell if someone is singing off? or if a pitch is off? that's really surprising. i mean, when the singer's voice doesn't blend musically with the instrumentations, that's definitely off, isn't it? matchbox 20's unwell is off, sometimes, since rob thomas doesn't sing exactly on the note itself...same for third eye blind... when one listens, stop listening just to the lyrics, or the chords, or the bass line, but how the whole songs fits in...all e elements should fit in nicely....and that's the only way you're gonna get that understanding of music and appreciation. if not one'll never grow in music appreciation! i mean, with regards to intonation, there's no margin for error, so long as it's not on the dot, it's off. unless the note is perfectly intoned, the song's never gonna transcend into something beautiful, or to produce any of the pure emotions. sheesh. at guitar club some pple just can't hear it. and 440hz has a kind-of classical beauty about it, seriously. it's when Mozart sounds so melodic and simple and balanced and reminiscent of order in the universe...the shifts of a chord, from a 4th to a 5th is simply a whole change in mood....the 4th is more 'gospel-like' and more summer-like, whereas the 5th is trying to resolve itself to a 1st....and the interrupted cadence 5-6 is a surprise, really an 'interruption', unexpected...the dissonances are trying to resolve itself to consonance, and there's the tension...
and if only people open their ears they'll listen to good music, and not that crap you get on radio....in the world where a toilet bowl can be art, we need some absolute nuances of what good art is.

Yesterday certainly was fun: we were at the Hard Rock Cafe to see bands perform, at the Revolution Centerstage: the slots, and later on mute, tho i din get to see the last act. the slots were pretty good, as a cover band, simply coz they played all the nice songs~ weezer's hash pipe, radiohead's just, coldplay's yellow, to mention the highlights...even seven nation army. wow. my one free drink was a bourbon coke which was pretty nicely done....it had some meat in it....oh before that we were shopping around and it was just fun yeah? exuberant, if i may say so. energetic. din matter what happened, we just went there to do what we felt like, haha. and guitar club was good, as well...tho i woke up at9.20, which isn't unexpected, i must say i'm getting my sense of talkativeness and fun back, some energy in my life again, it's back to good ol' j1 days: life isn't that bad after all, is it? when you think about As and NS it seems like a pretty depressing thought but why should that be the case? hmmph!
oh well, rock and roll's just fun. it's just rock and roll

don't know whether i should blog...it's such a mess to keep blogging and remembering.....like my friend once so aptly said, it's no point to recall the moments in your life since every moment is different, so just go and enjoy the next moment that comes instead of trying to recapture the old moments...or something to that effect.

Lord, we don't deserve anything....and unless we realise that, and just give thanks for everything, no matter how minute, how can we be thankful and experience joy? Give thanks! Be humble! Only if we have the right relationships with God and man can we really be happy.

I don't know. I'm a mess right now. there are times when you want to escape, don't you. we're full of contradictions and maybe the only way to live is to escape the mess of contradictions that are there. coz who are we, really? argggghh....................falling into oblivion.

So i went pub-crawling with darren. went to orchard's street festival, before trooping down to the esplanade, where there was a pretty good australian band called fruit playing, which was really quite pro, they had their own cd, and even asked a member of the audience to do a jig-along with them! pretty cool, huh...and they've got showmanship.... embassy was really quite crowded from outside, but i heard from everyone it was pretty fun, so, sigh, wasted, huh? We snugged into crazy elephant after crossing boat quay to clarke quay, to hear a zai guitarist, okay, a very zai guitarist, improvise on blues with his strat...wow wow.
Today's cell was pretty interesting. i think it's a change in perspective, really. Stop thinking about God as the punisher of our fallen nature, but as God being really loving and caring and all that, and knowing all our faults even before we commit them! it's a much more forgiving God I have to see. since it is written, 'there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus', and since we're saved, we're happy!! yeah! joyful! rejoice! we're going to heaven! yeah! this world is not my home! and the mentor said something about, loving yourself, before you can love others, and that's so true, ahh...stay the same. love yourself. God loves you.... and yeah....we were made for relationships, since even God is in relationship (the Father, Son, Holy Spirit)...so true, so true. and so I'm gonna feel good about myself and stop all that self-depricating being-scared-of-everything nonsense man, that comes with the dwelling on the fact that we are fallen....that was before we were saved, but things are so different now! So why waste our life away by dwelling in our fallenness? rejoice in our redemption! yeah!!!!!
the world's a messed up place, but we can always make a difference. and GOD WILL MAKE A WAY...yay! these are the days of elijah... and it is because of GOD's grace and GOD's love that we are here....and when He is with me, everything is better....somehow..somehow... my guitar playing sounds nicer. can write more songs. everything. pool, soccer, the works. haha.
and an essential ingredient in relationships is mutual respect of another..think that is so true, so true.
and giving 100% in a relationship, and looking for consistency, rather than the 'sparkle' of added attention, since that is true character as opposed to faking it. romance last three years...haha. so short ah?=-)

oh, played soccer just now actually..should've scored on a one-on-one, but didn't. haizz. a pity, a pity..... tried some flicks which din really work. oh well. must work on my soccer, gonna get some boots, hopefully?

Ah, the answer is, no! Or at least, I don't think so.
my parents don't really like me clubbing, i guess. ahhhh. I prayed about it, asking Him to tell me whether to go or not, and it seems He says no, haha, coz someone just called me to go to orchard to watch the street festival, so i guess, it's no. well well.

To club, or not to club? that is the question.

Oh well. today has been a pretty stoned day, i got to start moving around and start feeling again. being stoned is just a waste of time: one feels nothing. the night has been better, though. thankfully.

There's something wrong with my archives, is there not, oh well. can't seem to access it: will someone tell me what the problem is? Actually come to think of it you'd like blogger. blogger gives you an opportunity to explore yourself and to release anything you want to say to the world...

Oh actually music was brilliant in my ears yesterday. music just being wonderful....simply wonderful. swooningly beautiful. smile-inducingly refreshing and delightful. ah well it didn't last, did it. looking at the bands that were playing yesterday outside cine and it becomes rather exciting, this street festival.

I've got to find God again: I keep thinking He's angry with me, I gotta go back...His love and grace is greater than all my sin, His love and grace is greater than all my sin... You know what, we're just not of the world, we just don't belong, and it couldn't be otherwise. Those who want to follow You, the world would hate. That change in perspective has to come, if not we all fall into being servants of the world and not Royal children of God that have been called to a greater mission.
Just want to burst out in song sometimes.

You see, there's the perpetual contradiction: part of me wants to have fun and live, while the other is contemplating on issues that are far greater than the grasp of my understanding.

Ahh...looks like my pool's getting better, if only some of the shots would just fall! anyway had quite a bit of fun, watching nemo, hanging around, chit-chatting, playing pool, oh well, that]s the life that hols should be, not sit-at-home and study. Sigh. life's like this, huh. anyway i just wrote a song which is quite good, actually: it's rock. i'm back to writing pop music, woo hoo!
Oh mayor of casterbridge is quite interesting....lol i'm abt to finish it. and finding nemo was interesting also...gee dory is such a bimbo man she just reminds you of every little bimbotic girl out there.haha.
haven't got much to say, really, just living and not thinking. it's a bit easier on me brain.

Been listening to classical music, appreciating the thoughtfulness and the peace, stillness and calm of those instruments that blend in. And of course it's soothing to listen to, and it makes you want to pay attention to the music, to give it respect, since it demands one's attention by not boldly thrusting itself into your face. But of course there's the tendency that the music becomes bland and uninspiring, particularly if the music is composed mainly of sequences and devices without any thought to melody, or tune, or an organic construction of music. On the other extreme is pop, thrust straight into your face, demanding you catch it, but sometimes without the thoughtfulness of the former: it is just musak, at it's worst. It doesn't have the sensitivity that classical has, where each chord change is essential, a shift from a minor to major signifying something, a return to the tonic means returning to the point of rest, a finality: dissonance resolved by consonance is essential and inevitable. Classical music demands a sensitivity that people need to cultivate, somehow, to the art of music, itself: a chord change is crucial because it is. it's not just to fill up the bars.
But of course, both has its merits, and good music is good music because it has soul and feeling, whether it is classical, or pop, or rock. Oh well.

Life is getting better I guess, thank God. hmmz. wrote some songs today, starting work on a string quartet. but i'll never finish, anyhow. haha. Guess my piano's touch is coming back, i feel i can actually make it sing again. I'm more in control of myself, i suppose.

Sigh. It’s real annoying when you just want to let it all out in a blog entry and Blogger appears to be down. Its sad, sad.

Is it true that all of us are social beings? Able to communicate, able to live and to talk and to be with others and all that? Sadly some of us, being so resigned to the small plot of social-skills left-over from the partygoers and extroverts alike, have to content ourselves with. Which is the saddest thing of all. Those that are lookers and have the party life don’t need any of that. And for us, our body language makes us irritants to the masses out there. And our speech is harsh and is found wanting, in trying to actually communicate. And we get misunderstood so easily. Our jokes have no punch, they just fade away into the distance. You look around and you see people enjoying themselves, and I’m the morose one trying my best to be someone and fit in and finding myself confined to the outside, desperately looking in. It’s one of those themes you can’t loose yourself from, how to fit in. Am I really that hard to communicate with? Do people get intimidated by who I am? Just a humble old soul, really, I am. It’s depressing that people always get the wrong impressions, until they really know me and find me quite alright, hopefully. It’s a maniac slumber that everyone has to struggle with, until the cords snap loose and we get tossed into the ocean, where it might be better. Away and free. And no one will bother about you except God up there and there is such solitude, if there is loneliness. but then no one will notice you, really. You cry but your cries appear as though they are ice-cold shards, flint spears trying to cut through the happiness of the conversation to bring these eyes to awareness of that one tossed about in the sea by the waves, and is immediately chastised and we can go back to life as usual. But how can we?
Don’t want to talk to anyone. It’s a maniacal life we have to lead. We can’t follow our dreams, since inevitably some things just are and it’s too difficult to change them. And it’s easy for everyone to say, look, just do this and that and you’d be fine, but somehow you can’t get over it. No one gets over the things that happen to us, do they. And how they shape you to become who you’ve become. Sell the artistic side to get back your easy-goingness you’ve lost. Don’t think so much. Sigh. It’s like telling the person who can’t get the math into their head, just do this and do this, and they get it after a while, and they go back and they realize how confusing it all is, and when they want to try again, they can’t. it’s the same old thing that happens. You get it, then you lose it straightaway.

It was so nice, the last day of school, going afterward to kenneth's house to play warcraft and getting my butt kicked, before traisping down to orchard road where the atmosphere was brilliant, where punk-faced choker-laced skater-boys and party girls gathered around the ground floor of cineleisure orchard, listening to punk bands play guitar-charged songs on the little stage nearby, lazing around, talking, all determined to pass the night in some way enjoyable: where further on opposite HMV a large stage was erected and other bands performed in front of crowds sitting down on the grasses. It's the street life, gone for so long since SARs raided but it was nice. Seems like everyone was out that night, except for those sitting for SATs, and for them I wish them well, of course.
Matrix reloaded was nice, if a little too philosophically-corny, but what could you expect? The effects were better, of course.
Anyway I just woke up. Oh well.

Just want to ask a question, you guys can post a reply, if anyone's listening. Do you think music should be pure, as in, the sounds, the mathematics of it, in order to transcend? Or is straight-ahead dirty rock just as fine? Are we, by moving away from traditional elements of it, limiting its power and transcendence by being cheap and complacent and forsaking our commitment to art, since Mozart and the rest were musically/mathematically pure? Or is it a natural progression? Should mathematics govern music, the pitches and all? When you listen to rock on the radio and they sing out of tune, out of note accuracy, is that fine as well, or it's just lousy intonation?
I struggle with this all the time, rock, or no rock, jazz, or are we all going to revert to the Mozarts and Beethovens.

It’s hard to make a stand, but sometimes, a stand is all you need. I’m tired and sick and bitter of being some doormat. To make up the numbers you see. We don’t’ care if you’re not here. You don’t really exist, Mr cellophane. They don’t realize I’m perfectly capable of dominating a conversation, of saying loads and loads, but I’m just bloody tired and pissed at life, and really I don’t want to dominate anything. I want to give you people, you lousy peons, some breathing space. It’s a crazy world but that’s life. And after I do that everyone thinks I have no opinions. No mind of one’s own, he just wants to reflect anything and everything. What rubbish. Aren’t I the individualistic one, and not you? And if so I could go on being unique where you have to waddle in the mud of your clique, your society, your whatever. I’m just giving you a chance. But people don’t see that. They see that after you’ve given them a chance and just agree with everything they just tramp on you. You become afraid to talk to them. What kind of life is that leading? I’m just caught in the middle.
I’m not having any of that. I’m going back to my definition that one should only care about the people that one wants to care about, and who care for them. It’s not about image or being in a clique or anything. It’s bonds that keep people together. And if the bonds don’t want to be there, what can we do about them? I’m not going to create them, am I?

And everyone takes you for granted. You walk along, and when someone wants to talk to them, they do so, and when noone wants to talk to them, they decide that there’s still someone called shawn poon whom they can talk to, and they do so. It’s like I’m just some being that happens to be a comforter in loneliness, isn’t it. Yes, when no one wants to stand up for you and you’re all alone I’m there, and when you’ve got your fun and your social circle all again bye bye goodbye sayonara see you in a few years time when I feel like I need some comfort again from my sad little exploits. Kind of like the prodigal son.

Gee. I hate being the subordinate one. I want to be the star again. That’s MY RIGHTFUL PLACE. And that’s where I’m going to get it. Hate all this rubbish. It’s great to be considerate and all that, but don’t people take you for granted? It’s only the truly humble and nice people that bother to say hie to you. Other people don’t bother.
Society creates all these illusions that once you’ve reached a level in society you can ignore the rest of the individuals around you since they’re ‘lower’ than you. Oh they can just p*** off. I have no time for them. No time whatsoever. What is happiness anyway? All of them just want an identity.

The problem is all of that. And don’t we write songs to vent our frustrations and our messages? No wonder all my songs have been so frustrated at what I consider to be the failings of life. Because they are, and if I can make people see how they are stuck in that matrix and that sooner or later it would be good if they could see the light, then I would gladly do so. It might take me ten songs. Ages. But why not?

I was escapist for a very very long time. Trying to put aside the negatives in one’s mind and only concentrating on what is beautiful and good. The gorgeous strains of music, and so on. On happiness and Spiritual things and all that. Maybe that is wonderful after all. I don’t belong to this world. This world is not my home, I’m just a passing through. And maybe that’s what we must do. But I do hope I have some influence to change the world in some way that is beautiful, to make an impact, like Michael Moore did in Bowling for Columbine, to have some form of message to show to the world, that really all you need is love.
You know what, all we need is love. But who realizes that till its too late? What are we fighting for? Is it worth fighting for?

Over the weekend there was a sense of spirituality, of being close to God, and that's been missing for so long. It should be my primary aim, of course, to be near Him and all. I want to walk close to Him and for Him to talk to me instead of just having a one-way conversation and obey. Sigh. It was nice on Sunday night though--The song 'Days of Elijah' is wonderful. About Christian revival and how we should stand up for Him in these evil times. So true, so true. Moses, and the Bible heroes. And the Bible's verse that night was on how we shoudln't 'envy', which was really apt since I had always been trying to transcend myself, which is really tiring: why can't we accept who we are? We should. Been trying so hard to write musical stuff, and I guess it'll come, in time.

You know what. The Sound of Music and all that Rodgers/Hammerstein stuff is just so lovely. The wonderful sounds of music. It produces pleasurable emotions, pleasure. Pure strains. The notes are all clear and distinct, and harmonious: harmonious. Gorgeous. i just have to sit back and admire, because It'll take so long for me to write anything remotely like that.

oh well.