I FINISHED MY A LEVELS! I FINISHED MY A LEVELS!!!!! YEAH YEAH YEAH!!
finally its over.

can't stop man.

i mean its been like 2 freakin years, and now its all up to God, and i really dun care (at lest for now) what i get, i just wanna enjoy myself.

i was out jamming, which was really fun...the noise was so loud, my guitar was in form (at least), churning out riffs and improvising, though the tuning and my hearing was off, but who cares, gangwei's guitar was so sharp! but who cares, the song was damn good, damn tight, fun to play some more.....
went to watch 'master and commander', not bad, russell crowe was at his usual best again i guess. jonah. haha. at my usual wittiness-levels, or should i say, corniness levels, freed from the shackles of the 'As'.
walked around, and we were like, i dunno, jinxed or something, all the shops just closed at the time we got there, until we reached starbucks, which thankfully was open! talked alot of crap there lah.

in fact, it was quite a nice day, the only thing i didn't do was play pool, or lan. but never mind, the ac guys will have lots of that anytime.

I JUST WANT TO EAT YOU ALIVE! EAT YOU ALIVE! (to the tune of limp biskit)....

please take s paper.

sigh

Had a really weird dream again! was dreaming abt X and Y (no names) and i was with Y and they said we were going to X's house and so i went in a car but i was so scared of seeing X (i dont know why oh wells) and so i just sat in the living room while Y and X were upstairs talking to each other and finally we went away before seeing X in the balcony again, hoping that X didn't see me.

stupid rite. haha. i don't think you can decipher it (what it means).

wrote a punkish song today, have to start writing again. ha hah.

Yay, my pool's working, finally. stroked damn nice today.

Guess what, just Econs S left! wow! (to study at least, there's still pract crit)! fINALLY! i went out on friday eating lovely beef kway teow and watching 'warriors' before playing pool and potting ball after ball....with my class, that was cool, coz everyone was just yapping and talking and having fun. and on saturday we went to hsin yao's house to watch rugby. you know what, there's something so alluring about everyone sitting on the sofa watching TV, making jokes and talking and boy was it a fabulous match. a last minute penalty to equalise and send the game into extra time. plus 2 tries. 2 more penalties in extra time, to level the scores. and finally, a jonny wilkinson kick with his RIGHT foot that sailed nicely in. sigh. though i hate england i have to admit they deserved it. playing winning eleven was so fun too, and his mum makes really nice chicken. i can't wait for bball tomroow.

so the rugby world cup is over, and it has been a great tournament. here i have to give out some awards, ahha the ceadsearc awards. haha. fro RWC 2003....

BEST PLAYER:
Jonny Wilkinson. you have to give it to this man, for his sheer determination and coolness under pressure, especially that drop goal. now i hope he doesnt' turn into a rob andrew, a one-dimensional fly half (but his taclking is good, actually)...just a bit of carlos's skills and he'll be the best player on the planet, undisputably. and please dont' be a beckham, please.
OTHER CREDIBLE MENTIONS:
Stephen Larkham: I just love this guy. He's got everything, a solid boot (the kick to Tuquri's try, and the kick to the far touchline that secured the penalty), fabulous running skills, esp against new zealand, and an ability to split the defence.
Carlos Spencer. Enough said....behind the legs. sigh.
Fred Michalak. Although he had a nitemare against england, he still shows enough promise at 21 to suggest he can have many many more good world cups. outstanding in the boot, in e tackle and in e sidestep.
Imanol Hariqundony (whatever the spelling is). Fabulous at the lineouts, and is such a brilliant backrow forward...always creating, and charging, especially with besten and magne, and since he's only 23 it spells promise.
Neil Back...sigh. england.

BEST TRIES:
Rupeni Caucau's many numerous tries has to be mentioned here, since they were just fabulous individual efforts, not to mention Jason Robinson's rampage through Wales's defence. Also, the Welsh effort starting with Shane Williams against England and ending with Steve Jones over the line must take the spotlight for sheer teamwork and skill.



BTW michael buble's 'kissing a fool' is really nice. it's just, so sappy. hee hee.

Ahh. sigh the joys of life. history was finally quite manageable, thank God, mebbe coz I studied for it. okay i better study for lit.

wrote a lovey-dovey sappy song called 'love is in e air', and some other rubbish. sigh. musical mind coming back, yeah. tired. now. haha. going to play tennis.

I really have to thank God for all of that....just to worship Him whole-heartedly, and to let Him be involved in my everyday life. from the time i eat breakfast, to the time i have lunch, and after that, for everything and anything. it's wonderful coz He loves you. ah. sigh. it['s so important that God's just a part and parcel of you, you know, not just some distant God. sigh. i want to know You more, deep within my soul I want to know You, Oh i want to know You, to feel Your heart and know Your mind....

HEY go see this crush calculator! and see how compatible you are with your prospects! it's really quite accurate, if i must say.

The exams have flashed past me, so many things have happened, here am I, waiting for it to be over, for new things, for good things to happen, to find myself among all the rubble.

So one week has passed, and I'm just in limbo, trying to get myself out of the mess that is studying for an exam. it's like, after the momentum's gone, it's so hard to get back there. Hopefully with God's help it won't be so bad. i hope not.

monday, and math was surprisingly easy, though i couldn't do complex numbers. econs was manageable though i really won't know how badly/well i'd do. tuesday, and gp was just rubbish. history was quite bad. source-based was quite difficult, with the hypothesis itself being confusing, and my essays weren't really first rate, i believe. i'm not sure if i provided enough detail for the lenin essay, and for imperialism i probably didn't link economic rivalry with great power rivalry enough.
wednesday, and math was again easy, which is quite surprising. thursday, and econs mcq and data response/case study was manageable again, but i wonder how they're going to mark it. literature was quite a success, i think i managed to acutally express myself well this time, hopefully i can repeat it this friday, again.

so it leaves history paper 3 and literature paper 5, and i'm so not looking forward to it. i just wish, things would go fine....ah well.

melancholy is a beautiful emotion sometimes. just to sit there and ponder and cry and hope and smile....

'nobody loves me....not like you do' portishead.

because the sunset was so beautiful today, the crimson red framed by a mound of clouds sculpted around, as though the sunset was peering out through a gap to greet us. the swirls of red and blue, and in a minute, it had disappeared, how transient the joys of life are.

i have been lost in endless trains of thoughts and books and math and econs and lit and most of all history how can i appreciate life?
'how could you give me life, and take away from me all the unappreciable things that raise it from a state of conscious death?"

I just have to thank my Lord for getting me out of this funk. I really have to thank God....I'm just so grateful. All the time I've been relying on my own strength, being really really stressed in the mugging, worrying about, you know, what if I screw up, and stuff. and then a thought just struck me, it's really not about my own strength, but about God's strength. I turned to God, and suddenly the pressure's been lifted: i realise there's more to life than just exams. I realised that God can do immeasurably more than you ask for.

I wrote a song about it, I was just so thankful and so happy. it was like a burden lifting over my shoulders, the cloud disappearing from the horizon. Now, I don't have to worry. I just have to trust. He never failed me, He never will. Somehow He has a plan, and I know that, and all I have to do is trust.

Now I can smile again, and have the confidence to live my life the happy way, the GOd way. The happy way. Everything becomes nice. My life is complete. I just wnat to jump for joy and shout!
He will carry you through...

The song goes something like this

FOREVER TRUSTING
Music and lyrics by Shawn Poon

When I feel so alone
Trying to make it on my own
How could I forget Your mercy?
How could I forget Your love?

(another verse)

So I turn to You
Draw me near to You
Let me find some refuge in Your love

1st chorus:
Forever trusting
In Your power
Forever trusting
In Your love
Forever trusting
In Your grace
My rock and my redeemer
I surrender

2nd chorus:
Forever trusting in You
Forever trusting in You
Forever trusting in You
My rock and my redeemer, I surrender

Bridge:
And when we reach the end of our journey
And run the race to the end
It's only You that made all things happen
Without You I can do nothing

It is good to be intellectual. I feel it every time we are in Raffles Junior College, talking to people about work, discussing, arguing. i'm fairly certain that only iN RJC can u really do that with ease, without people thinking that you're just an act-smartie pants. okay the downside is that you get competitive, but if you want to stretch your brains and actually make use of them, RJC is perfect.

come to think of it, i acutally enjoy RJC. i acutally enjoy not having to make all those moral decisions that often plague me in ACS, those dilemmas about, well, should i join in the bullying, should i join in the bitching...and all that. here there's not much of it, coz most people are pretty nice. and even if there is nothing much comes out of it, you dont' get the beating-up of people that you get elsewhere. it seems that most of the RJC people, even though some might be boring, have a good heart inside, and aren't screwed up in their lives some way or the other. in ACS you get people who have bruised egos, bloated egos, whatnot, and it's just so difficult to be normal and nice to each other coz you are always thinking, what would people think of you? what would you say? ehhh and all that jazz. but here you can be who you are. everyone respects everyone else, and that's just the way it should be.

and besides, you can stretch your brains.

i am all for the idea that religion should be kept seperate from the state/school. in ACS religion does help in fostering a common spirit, a bond, good friends, and all that, but it leaves people with no freedom to choose for themselves whether they want to believe or not, which i feel is an essential freedom of choice everyone must make, in order so that those who truly believe are true followers, rather than being compelled to follow. so you don't get people who are so disillusioned by the constant preaching that they turn their backs on Christianity totally. you have to entice them, and the way to entice them is not to bore them or to preach to them (in that kind of preaching-style way), but to live for them. and unfortunately many of us just can't live up to those lofty standards we aim for.


and anywae i'm relaly pissed at all the medics in CMPB. they're just so irritating. i hate NS. i tink i'll hate it. i just hate the regimentation and the hierarchy and all that. you go in there, you wonder, what do you call him? SIR? Doctor? what?? and you go there, and you just follow the instructions, and the medical officers there all look down on you as though you're some kinda nut coz you're from RJC and you can't breathe out, and you can't even tie your pants (it just couldnt' come into a loop) and i was just shell-shocked i couldn't talk, or be anything but stoned. just follow instructions. dumbing down. NS makes you all like robots, like muscular robots.

I am writing this slowy lovey-dovey jazz tune now, which could have been much better if my sister had not started playing Canon in D while i was just about to write the chorus, losing my entire train of thought in the mess of that stupid overhyped commercialised song. irritating. but i still got the little tune done anyway.

did much of math today. the nanyang paper is so easy man. i just wish a levels were that easy. haha, i doubt it. i doubt it. jumping on my guitar again. and after all that i mellowed to the strains of piano and chords. haha.

Good day!
I didn't go to school today. so bleagh. haha. was sleeping. and later went to the hospital for my medical.
I had been sleeping. sheesh.
Watched Fiji play Japan. simply sublime. it was a pity Waisele Serevi got injured but their running game is just phenomenal. No wonder I like Sevens rugby so much. to watch, anyway. I can't play rugby for nuts.
I FINISHED HARD TIMES SO HAPPY.

Was jumping up and down playing my tele and singing stupid songs and bouncing up and down to 'Over Seasons' and later on to 'By the way' coz my parents weren't home so I turned the guitar up to full volume and blasted my house away. It was really really fun. Wrote many songs. the verse/prechorus to 'Entertain yourself'. Finalised the key of 'Mambo at a disco'. Just had so much fun with the guitar. screaming my head off and crooning and singing. just having fun.

its a wonder i still got hard times finished. oh well. it was about time.

It is important to realise that there are important things, and other things that dont' really matter. playing the guitar and all that is just for fun. perhaps you would count studying as being important. but really the most important of all is loving God and loving people, and being one of the Heart, not of the Head, as Dickens would put it. i read Hard Times and really missed the warmth that we used to have. ahh. to cry again. just to cry again. i miss that.

Today has been a really cool day. It started with a stupid literature lecture, before adjouning to play bball. i was like one outta ten. haha. talk abt lousiness. at least it wasn't nil.

We went to ghim moh for lunch. quite a superb one too, if i may add. studied hard times today, with mel and adriel.

sigh i can;'t study more than a few minutes without getting distracted. i walked to e canteen, walked all the way to the music room to sightread Sarah's piece, played some music, getting drowned in by the passion of playing the piano (note the alliteration). getting drowned in to the music. letting myself be swamped by it. not merely listening, but feeling throughly for it.
and later on we went into LT4, before chorale people chased us out. haha. but never mind. at least it was just chorale. it was such a nice place to study!!!
went back to LT4 to play the piano. haha. got some new songs. i've got this new song called 'Mambo at a Disco', which is rather nice acid-funk jazz kinda stuff, with a bossa beat. was showing wen en today. wen en played marry had a little lamb, the wen en version. that one you have to ask him.

am doing USC applications now. it's a mess. the deadline was a week ago.

HEY RUNDOWN IS SUCH A FARNEE SHOW!
haha
it just kicks ass. that sean elliot guy is really kickass awesome!
oh starbucks cheated me of my money

and i should really be studying, shouldn't i? never mind, i think i was more productive today, than i was yesterday, when i didn't go out. at least i'm starting hard times.

I can do nothing without You, but with YOu I can do everything. You are the vine I am the branches.


on a side note...
so pretty. ahhh!!=)
yummm!

okay nvm!=) hies.

Friday was nice. Cell was interesting, about God providing for all your needs. Such an apt comment.

Saturday and I was bumming around listening to the strains of Van Morrison's 'Into the mystic', inexplicably charmed. England beat South Africa, and Arsenal beat Chelsea. Yeah!!! Eb is such a nice key. I was just sleeping, which I am, like, so deprived of. So, there. Happy now.+)


Sunday, and church was so so good. Sigh, message was so good. About Jesus being the vine and we being branches that bear fruit.

Everyday I'll ask myself, How am I growing in You today, O Lord? I surrender my everything, my all, to you each day. Guide me every step of the way.

I want to be a vine that bears fruit, not one that is to be thrown away. So may You lead me each day, O Lord. For I can do nothing without You, but with You I can do everything.

Today's message was really good, I have to say.

And later on Uncle Alan showed us his ministry work in the Heartlanders, and I was really touched. It's nice to see God working through us, and I just want to be part of His work.
Somewhere, somehow. Show me...

I had SUCH a nice dream. WHY did i have to wake up?

decided to wink at X. there was a pause, and then, a soft, blushing smile and a small giggle, or a laugh, turning away.

i felt good for the rest of the day.

why did i have to wake up?


and besides I'm not waving to you. yes, not you. oh well.


Prayer meeting was great. irish music. something about it. pity i'm not in ireland, though. sigh. would love to be a seamus heaney in music. trying to find your own identity and something.

Just came back from Orchard, following the football match.
WE WON 3-1! BEAT THE RI GEPS! (the ac geps beat the ri geps. no more specifically the ac geps with liang and sim)
actually it was a really scrappy match. the ball kept getting stuck in the mud, which was to our advantage coz it meant hte fast players couldn't run and run with the ball.=)

tim scored the first with a nice thumping bullet header off a jon huang cross. actually he hit the corner, and it deflected off someone, to me, i just stuck out my foot and pushed it bck to huang, he crossed (he told me he was trying to shoot) and then tim just was totally unmarked to head it in from about 10 yards out, i think.
the second goal was from sim's corner. to the nearpost tim backflicked it, and it hit goose and into the net.
i scored the third. off a throw in, just got into the box past a few tackles (Actually they weren't very good tackles lah) and chipped it over dave.
harry scored their consolation. sidefooted it to junyi's left.

went to have lunch, before adjourning for pool with kevin. Lost to him real badly, but nice talking to him. it's been a really long time. just talking about life, you know, everything and anything. went to buy some cds, he got Ok computer from radiohead and another which i can't remember what its name was. radiohead should pay me haha for sales commissions. went to coffee bean to eatttttt. caesar salad was lovely, and of course the coffee. haha i was teaching him econs, don't know why also. kinda outta pt. haha.

actually, yesterday i couldn't sleep, too excited. haha. and i really thought it was going to rain, and it did, and in the morning i woke up, thinking, oh crap we can't play, if we play it'll be so wet. but then we did play, in e mud with boots and all, and it was actually quite fun. thank God i didn't get my asthma rubbish again, and i actually could run a bit, up and down. haha.

okay been a good day so far.

Hello everyone! In school now, on this damn library computer of RJC's. it's a pain studying, I've been doing the CJC paper for almost 3 hours and I haven't even got past the 2/3 mark yet! Talk about the 'A' levels!

Sida says I'm rambling
Okay i probably am
But who cares

Shall I write you a poem?
How bout some haikus...haha

Prom night is coming
Shawn is going there topless
I did not say that

-okay never mindd.....

how bout a proper poem...
alliteration!!! wow.

THE SCHOOL

Boys from Raffles Institution
Bury their heads in books
Boring!

Boys from ACS
Bum around buayaing babes
Bastards!

Boys from Chinese High
Breakdance to break their necks (from Sida: hear hear Dalg)
Bad taste. tsk tsk.

okay this sums it up nicely. haha.

bye bye!

SATS yesterday, shoudl be alright. math not too good, lit not too good, writing shaky. jhaha. what else is left? i don't know.

bought some shoes.

Church was really fantastic. Sitting/standing in the pews, lifting hands, praising God, just letting go and letting your spirit sing and praise Him, not thinking (it's a bad habit), just proclaiming how great He is, that was just wonderful. haven't had that experience in such a long long time. it just seemed as though i was His good child again, no more stupidness and craziness, but just love. He wants the best for me, I give my best to Him. And you know, if you give your best to Him, He will grant you the desires of your heart, the richness and fullness of joy, as He gave me. So i'm just really thankful and grateful for all that, and I really hope it lasts. Everything was great just now. I was talking to people really well, just communicating with them, not being afraid, but just having fun, and being happy. None of that self-conscious reflecting, oh what would he think about me, and so on, but being natural about myself. That's really wonderful, and it's so rare Sigh why did it take so long to come back?

Ah, it was really something special. Full, whole-hearted, joyful, worship, all to Him. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you."

It's complimentary, not substitutional.

You know, maybe my sickness was a blessing in disguise after all. Before that sickness I was rather grumpy, far away from Him, and all that, but after that sickness really set in i began to trust more and more in Him and His grace and i think that's really great, just to be able to call on Him more often and allow Him to be in my life more. I mean, now I'm much more happy with God.

I mean if we'd only let God take control, we would slowly lose our propensity to sin, and only by putting away everything else and coming to God will we find that we can conquer sin more decisively. There is no use trying to put sin away if you don't come to God; come to God and everything else will be fine.

I really believe. Please use me. thank you.

haha its nice to be happy.