Hope u all had a merry christmas. I surely did. It wasn't bad. the highlight must have been watching les miserables on DVD, all soppy-eyed. it was good, very cathartic.
And Yes okay I know im fat. didn't you know that? i have been the brunt of too many jokes. they normally go like that:
"oh, XXX is 5 months pregnant, you are already 9 months! congrats!"
"when is the baby due?"
"young kids like you 23 years old shouldn't have a tummy that is meant for middle-aged men."
and yeah i know i'm fat. when they say "9 months pregnant" they are not actually engaging in hyperbole. i do have a pot-belly, an embarassing one that sticks out like a sore thumb/balloon and invites everyone to rub it "for good luck", as a friend has put it. and it means i can't wear anything but black, or something dark, lest it look too obvious.
but you never hear anyone make fun of "stupidity" or "arrogance" or "nastiness". you never hear someone say "why are you so dumb!", just as if to call one stupid is being absolutely inconsiderate, and absolutely "insensitive" to the person's feelings - because the logic is - one cannot control how stupid he may be, or how arrogant he may be, but one can control how 'fat' he is. i don't buy that; is it not inconsiderate and insensitive to call someone 'fat' as well? or say 'oh he has put on so much weight?' and is not the lack of an aptitude in studies/work/anything also due to some character flaws for eg. laziness just as being fat is a product of another character flaw, that of greed? if i'm lazy and i dont study all my life i will naturally be more stupid; if i'm greedy and eat all day i will become fat; how come people only make fun of the fat and not of the stupid?
i know why - because being 'fat' is good for 'comic relief'. if you see a fat person, you can make fun of him because you can laugh about it hahaha. wow.
i'd like to see people comment on another's ears, for instance; how come no one goes and says 'look at those big ears!' or.....other body parts - to say the least.
the bottom line is, we like to talk too much, about stupid things. maybe we are too bored in life. then go get a life. go get a hobby. go do something. go learn about the world man. where is greenland? go find out. wikipedia. there is so much more to life than being concerned with my fat belly.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Just to confirm I'm screwed up, here's a song that was written by yours truly (me) some 1o years ago, when I was just, 13. Not even pubescent yet. And how moronic I was, and how sad, and how psychotic.
I think about my family - Shawn Poon
....(i can't remember the first few lines - the verse)
"Paranoid fears, grip me never let me go
Thinking there's a bomb over my head
Anytime my fate would be sealed
Whether I would go to heaven
Or the depths of hell
But sweetheart, I really wanna see you next morning
I don't wanna go
And when we walk through the depths of hell
I wonder where we will reside
And when I think my life's not worth living
I think about my family"
morbid, ain't it. maybe just a little poetic. oh for a 13 year old. cut me some slack.
I think about my family - Shawn Poon
....(i can't remember the first few lines - the verse)
"Paranoid fears, grip me never let me go
Thinking there's a bomb over my head
Anytime my fate would be sealed
Whether I would go to heaven
Or the depths of hell
But sweetheart, I really wanna see you next morning
I don't wanna go
And when we walk through the depths of hell
I wonder where we will reside
And when I think my life's not worth living
I think about my family"
morbid, ain't it. maybe just a little poetic. oh for a 13 year old. cut me some slack.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Christ, I wish that you would just take away these impulses. These silent impulses , that quietly creep into your subconscious, that tells you thoughts that you do not want to hear. That rages themselves against you till you succumb and then be plagued by the greatest fear. And then I ask for forgiveness but I cannot get the words out right – they are too disjointed – they get cut off – they never finish the sentence and never come to fruition – Christ I remember Your words and kindness and love once upon a time – the time when I was in Your arms and when I hang on like a baby, close to You and just letting Your light shine on me. It was nice, I remembered, genuinely nice and warm and loving and full of love and it was, just, good. I remembered lying there saying that You will never leave me for the rest of my life and how You whisper that You love me. And how You whispered to me those truths I would never forget – but now, what has happened now? I’m so far away – I am just chasing shadows, chasing little voices of you that really just could be my own voice – and I’m not sure. I can’t trust myself – it could just be me. I wish it were You. But it is You, You say – I just have to realize – and grow – and trust – it will be okay, it will be okay. I just need to know that it will be okay. It has to.
-Prayer from an OCD boy
So He has forgiven me and He has said "I forgive you shawn" and hugged me and said that I am His. That I am "my shawn" and not just "shawn" or any other "shawn" on the street but His. I hope it doesn't change. sigh.
-Prayer from an OCD boy
So He has forgiven me and He has said "I forgive you shawn" and hugged me and said that I am His. That I am "my shawn" and not just "shawn" or any other "shawn" on the street but His. I hope it doesn't change. sigh.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
never show a tear
for then, you are weak - this is (1)
and if you are weak
no one will respect you
no one gives a damn
about how you feel - only about how you behave
and we all know
that there is injustice - and we all feel
unjust laws are a manifestation of our own selfish human nature
our hopes and desires let them fester
these are only your desires.
am i really that morally bad?
what is morally anyway.
am i really that bad?
it's your own expectations of me - i'm not doing something bad in the sense of depriving you of something reasonable.
it's just your own expectations of me - for me - but why hit me - to bring about something good? i'm tired of the hittings. i'm gripped by fear when the things start because i know nothing good will come out of this - again - i must not fear - refer to (1). (it is supposed to rhyme)
ah so you are talking super loudly.
yes
i cannot be trusted.
yes
im a demon
yes
im the scum of the world
yes you're talking so loud so i can hear it
i can hear everything you say
but if i let it affect me see (1)
then you will say
ah you are so weak so i have to take matters into my hands for your sake
and handhold me.
so yes
i'm not blessed because i'm disobedient.
but then again
its not that i want to be, disobedient.
but then some of the laws are arbitrary. unjust. there is no rational basis. no reason.
just. up to your whim and fancy, and i am bowed down to that - that you call - your law.
of the house
and oh. so i have to grovel.
notice that im not challenign your authority, but your improper use of it, for a lack of a better word.
and so i ask
why do i have to do this (listen to your directive)
and then you say
because i say so.
so if you say that then okay it's the end of it - and it's not that
there is any form of moral directive - even though let's say obeying you is the moral obligation - but then -
it is perhaps about "stop doing this now" - and why? - because i like it - or - because you should do it - which makes no sense if you can't say why one should do it or not - especially if it is something trivial such as - why you should sleep early, or stop playing com games. or something. which really has no bearing on real life at all. unless you make it an issue, of course.
then some people wil give the argument that - eh - you know - you should submit anyway.
sorry i'm not mature enough to be submissive. because i feel submission (rightly or wrongly) is subjudication.
sure everything is good for me - but the way i see it - while often there is the "oh, i'm sad that you don't want to listen to me coz i'm sad for you coz you will suffer" - which is proper and which i will generally accept as being morally right and acceptable - often you get the "i'm angry coz you don't want to listen to me, me, me!" and then they get angry coz the ego is bruised.
you get that alot sometimes - we all have fragile egos, bless my souls. (it is rhyming)
so because you get this ego thing, it is subjudication, isn't it?
because you can't be comfortable in yourself - so you need something else - to fill that gap - and maybe authority over me - is a good way - to fill that gap - so i need authority over someone else also - but then again.
no!
no!
no!
im not going to stoop down to your means!
i already have, by blogging about this
i have let my emotions take control
i have let myself go
and be angry
and be
resentful
and it's not even the right kind of anger
because
it's so selfish
and i know i'm going to regret this
because ultimately we cannot escape the laws of the Almighty one
nor fail to give Him the glory that He deserves
but sometimes, i'm too weak not to give in to my emotions.
those that scream out of my sinful depraved soul.
but then i pray to Christ
and He tells me He's forgiven me and chosen me
and I start to cry. - yes i can cry sometimes
and i know that there is something truly moral about it
and truly lawful and truly true.
something stirs up within me, in my soul, a stirring
of life
and i find myself again.
oh.
the woes of life.
for then, you are weak - this is (1)
and if you are weak
no one will respect you
no one gives a damn
about how you feel - only about how you behave
and we all know
that there is injustice - and we all feel
unjust laws are a manifestation of our own selfish human nature
our hopes and desires let them fester
these are only your desires.
am i really that morally bad?
what is morally anyway.
am i really that bad?
it's your own expectations of me - i'm not doing something bad in the sense of depriving you of something reasonable.
it's just your own expectations of me - for me - but why hit me - to bring about something good? i'm tired of the hittings. i'm gripped by fear when the things start because i know nothing good will come out of this - again - i must not fear - refer to (1). (it is supposed to rhyme)
ah so you are talking super loudly.
yes
i cannot be trusted.
yes
im a demon
yes
im the scum of the world
yes you're talking so loud so i can hear it
i can hear everything you say
but if i let it affect me see (1)
then you will say
ah you are so weak so i have to take matters into my hands for your sake
and handhold me.
so yes
i'm not blessed because i'm disobedient.
but then again
its not that i want to be, disobedient.
but then some of the laws are arbitrary. unjust. there is no rational basis. no reason.
just. up to your whim and fancy, and i am bowed down to that - that you call - your law.
of the house
and oh. so i have to grovel.
notice that im not challenign your authority, but your improper use of it, for a lack of a better word.
and so i ask
why do i have to do this (listen to your directive)
and then you say
because i say so.
so if you say that then okay it's the end of it - and it's not that
there is any form of moral directive - even though let's say obeying you is the moral obligation - but then -
it is perhaps about "stop doing this now" - and why? - because i like it - or - because you should do it - which makes no sense if you can't say why one should do it or not - especially if it is something trivial such as - why you should sleep early, or stop playing com games. or something. which really has no bearing on real life at all. unless you make it an issue, of course.
then some people wil give the argument that - eh - you know - you should submit anyway.
sorry i'm not mature enough to be submissive. because i feel submission (rightly or wrongly) is subjudication.
sure everything is good for me - but the way i see it - while often there is the "oh, i'm sad that you don't want to listen to me coz i'm sad for you coz you will suffer" - which is proper and which i will generally accept as being morally right and acceptable - often you get the "i'm angry coz you don't want to listen to me, me, me!" and then they get angry coz the ego is bruised.
you get that alot sometimes - we all have fragile egos, bless my souls. (it is rhyming)
so because you get this ego thing, it is subjudication, isn't it?
because you can't be comfortable in yourself - so you need something else - to fill that gap - and maybe authority over me - is a good way - to fill that gap - so i need authority over someone else also - but then again.
no!
no!
no!
im not going to stoop down to your means!
i already have, by blogging about this
i have let my emotions take control
i have let myself go
and be angry
and be
resentful
and it's not even the right kind of anger
because
it's so selfish
and i know i'm going to regret this
because ultimately we cannot escape the laws of the Almighty one
nor fail to give Him the glory that He deserves
but sometimes, i'm too weak not to give in to my emotions.
those that scream out of my sinful depraved soul.
but then i pray to Christ
and He tells me He's forgiven me and chosen me
and I start to cry. - yes i can cry sometimes
and i know that there is something truly moral about it
and truly lawful and truly true.
something stirs up within me, in my soul, a stirring
of life
and i find myself again.
oh.
the woes of life.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
GOD IS A FAITHFUL GOD He will keep His promises today, and tomorrow and evermore.... He will not let me down man sigh help me Dear God not to let you down again and again sigh i want to be good oh man.
come on conscious decision come on conscious efforts come on considering each thought and submitting it to Christ; come on, take that leap of faith when things go bad and things all seem to go wrong and submit it to Christ and trust your friend your lover your Saviour who has brought you out of the storm before and WILL and CAN and WILL DO "immeasurably more than you can hope for OR imagine". trust trust trust. when things go wrong, trust trust trust. believe. believe believe. it will be alright. god is faithful.
and sometimes i feel like throwing up. coz sometimes i know there are things that i can do. thigns that i know i can do. but im just unable to execute. or osmetimes i feel bad about doing well. i feel that somehow im going into that slippery slope of pride again and soon i may lose control and feel i dont need God and leave my God or something like that thinking i can make it on my own but i cant i know i cant im lonely and my soul cries out for the living God once in a while. bleagh. i wish it were more often. they always say souls cry out to God but mine hasnt been crying out too often. i wonder why. is there too much going on in my life???? that sometimes God is out of the picture? or that im ujst procrastiaingt and wasting my life as it goes by?
coz i know that i can do great things. or be good. or be a success. or be good. or be the life of the party or the smart kid on the block. but im afraid, afraid to go in, scared that success (in any form) will bring me to pride and let my head grow big that i leave my god or feel i dont need him or anyone else's advice. it's a sad life, this conundrum. so i stagger along in my mediocrity, thinking that perhaps the onyl reason i need god is so that he can lead me out of my mediocrity into success and happiness; whats wrong with me? why cant i love god for God's sake instead of what he can do for me? (ie that way i dont have to stay in my mediocrity so that i will need god and not push him aside and actually take more success and fulfil lthe god given potential) . why why cant i do that? Jesus help me Lord please - to love You for Your own sake.
this is a nice song:
come on conscious decision come on conscious efforts come on considering each thought and submitting it to Christ; come on, take that leap of faith when things go bad and things all seem to go wrong and submit it to Christ and trust your friend your lover your Saviour who has brought you out of the storm before and WILL and CAN and WILL DO "immeasurably more than you can hope for OR imagine". trust trust trust. when things go wrong, trust trust trust. believe. believe believe. it will be alright. god is faithful.
and sometimes i feel like throwing up. coz sometimes i know there are things that i can do. thigns that i know i can do. but im just unable to execute. or osmetimes i feel bad about doing well. i feel that somehow im going into that slippery slope of pride again and soon i may lose control and feel i dont need God and leave my God or something like that thinking i can make it on my own but i cant i know i cant im lonely and my soul cries out for the living God once in a while. bleagh. i wish it were more often. they always say souls cry out to God but mine hasnt been crying out too often. i wonder why. is there too much going on in my life???? that sometimes God is out of the picture? or that im ujst procrastiaingt and wasting my life as it goes by?
coz i know that i can do great things. or be good. or be a success. or be good. or be the life of the party or the smart kid on the block. but im afraid, afraid to go in, scared that success (in any form) will bring me to pride and let my head grow big that i leave my god or feel i dont need him or anyone else's advice. it's a sad life, this conundrum. so i stagger along in my mediocrity, thinking that perhaps the onyl reason i need god is so that he can lead me out of my mediocrity into success and happiness; whats wrong with me? why cant i love god for God's sake instead of what he can do for me? (ie that way i dont have to stay in my mediocrity so that i will need god and not push him aside and actually take more success and fulfil lthe god given potential) . why why cant i do that? Jesus help me Lord please - to love You for Your own sake.
this is a nice song:
Watching the people get lairy
Is not very pretty I tell thee
Walking through town is quite scary
And not very sensible either
A friend of a friend he got beaten
He looked the wrong way at a policeman
Would never have happened to Smeaton
And old Leodiensian
La-ah-ah, la la lalala la
Ah-ah-ah, la la lalala la
I predict a riot, I predict a riot
I predict a riot, I predict a riot
I tried to get in my taxi
A man in a tracksuit attacked me
He said that he saw it before me
Wants to get things a bit gory
Girls run around with no clothes on
To borrow a pound for a condom
If it wasn't for chip fat, well they'd be frozen
They're not very sensible
La-ah-ah, la la lalala la
Ah-ah-ah, la la lalala la
I predict a riot, I predict a riot
I predict a riot, I predict a riot
And if there's anybody left in here
That doesn't want to be out there
Watching the people get lairy
Is not very pretty I tell thee
Walking through town is quite scary
And not very sensible
La-ah-ah, la la lalala la
Ah-ah-ah, la la lalala la
I predict a riot, I predict a riot
I predict a riot, I predict a riot
Monday, May 26, 2008
I havent been updating for so much;
it's been more than a month.
Just want to record that I really had such a wonderful time of worship today - praising God for who He is, the loving Heavenly Father that He is who gives us all good things, and His Son Jesus Christ - the best most faithful friend you can ever find - the one who died for you, who will never leave you nor forsake you, who showers you with love and reassurance and compassion, who strengthens you. It's really great to be able to praise God again - to really mean the words of the hymn - "great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me" - and sing out with joy to the God of the universe - "great is Thy faithfulness" Lord unto me. There were moments of the Lord whispering his words of encouragement to me and his words of love as I rested in Him safe in the knowledge that like a loving shepherd he will take care of me and no harm will befall me, coz He loves me, and while I doubt sometimes being the stubborn ol' me, He proves again until I'm not doubting - for He has shown it again - and like doubting Thomas who doubted - i will remember His words that "I will never leave you nor forsake you" and the verse that sprang to my mind out of His amazing goodness to me, which was Romans 8, which said that "Nothing in heaven and earth shall be able to separate you from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Which is an amazing promise if you realise how stupid we are and how fallen we are. We think we have to love God first; no, He first loved us. Even if we don't love God (and many of us dont'r eally love God by what we do or say) He still loves us. And isn't that amazing, unconditional love.
It was amazing just praising God. Just having faith in Christ and remaining in Him and allowing Him to teach me how to worship His Father.
Psalms 103 says : " Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:
it's been more than a month.
Just want to record that I really had such a wonderful time of worship today - praising God for who He is, the loving Heavenly Father that He is who gives us all good things, and His Son Jesus Christ - the best most faithful friend you can ever find - the one who died for you, who will never leave you nor forsake you, who showers you with love and reassurance and compassion, who strengthens you. It's really great to be able to praise God again - to really mean the words of the hymn - "great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me" - and sing out with joy to the God of the universe - "great is Thy faithfulness" Lord unto me. There were moments of the Lord whispering his words of encouragement to me and his words of love as I rested in Him safe in the knowledge that like a loving shepherd he will take care of me and no harm will befall me, coz He loves me, and while I doubt sometimes being the stubborn ol' me, He proves again until I'm not doubting - for He has shown it again - and like doubting Thomas who doubted - i will remember His words that "I will never leave you nor forsake you" and the verse that sprang to my mind out of His amazing goodness to me, which was Romans 8, which said that "Nothing in heaven and earth shall be able to separate you from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Which is an amazing promise if you realise how stupid we are and how fallen we are. We think we have to love God first; no, He first loved us. Even if we don't love God (and many of us dont'r eally love God by what we do or say) He still loves us. And isn't that amazing, unconditional love.
It was amazing just praising God. Just having faith in Christ and remaining in Him and allowing Him to teach me how to worship His Father.
Psalms 103 says : " Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:
3 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;
4 Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
5 Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle�s."
And the pastor preached on this - and so many reasons to praise God - for He is hte source of all good things, and the only reason we are saved - and the only reason we are alive - and allowed to enjoy any good thing in this world - and praise God because He is good - and He is really very very good - too good for me to see or imagine - "so good" says the Psalmist - and knows your every desire and still guides your path even though you're so wrong - knows you are fallen and still holds you in his hand - knows you are weak and still strengthens you - knows that you are lost and still guides you and promises you - forgives your sins gladly - and strengthens you with love and compassion - praise is truly saying who He is - that He is good - that He is great - that He is awesome - that there is nothing He cannot do - that he can heal all your problems should he want to - and yet chooses to give u some problems so that He can strengthen your faith - that He can do all things in your life - truly your soul cries out to the Lord and says Wow God you're so good I'm amazed and I want to say that to you today - that You are good and awesome and great - for You are!
And sometimes in my own world I question too many things - I have too many complexes - but whenever I go back to church - i realised the only thing that is keeping me there, is God. Can you imagine a life without God? I can't.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
The LORD Jesus said "My grace is sufficient for you" - and I have to believe it; through the OCD, the bad thoughts, the bad habits, the strugglings with the devil, with demonic powers, the disobedience - it's not over, God will pull me through - God will see me through - His grace is sufficient for me. And He said he will never leave me nor forsake me. I will believe that His grace is sufficient for each day, each moment, as I do the things that I need to, and are required, to do - for He truly loves me; and I know that it will never be the end, because Jesus Christ has already won the victory for me, for us believers, and He will bring me back and through each storm. We've weathered alot of storms together, we can do another round. come on.
fight.
on another note, patrick was very kind to mention me in his blog ; that was very kind of him, speaking of my musical gifts and stuff; go read it; but yeah it's really the favour of God upon me in those moments that allow me to write those songs I suppose. It's very tempting for me to claim credit for those things for myself, but I know I can't, because that's just not the truth - the truth was that God was the one who wrote them through me. I remembered the times where I prayed for answered prayers (songs) and He has graciously granted them to me, and I realised it's not just me, but someone else bigger than me.
On another note; I am realising how awesome His creation is ; I was at brussel sprouts for dinner with my famly and the food was lousy; and as i thought of God and how everything was His creation and how everything was made good by Him - "and it was good" - the food suddenly tasted remarkably incredible; the duck confit had so much so much flavour and was really ducky; the mussels and the sauce really tatsed like it used to be; and even the beef had this beefiness and tastiness; ohhh; it was really like in heaven; it was really like in paradise - it was really like so cool and foodasmic (pardon the pun). Was reminded of the LORD JESUS turning water into wine - and then everyone saying this was the best cup of them all - hey, what's there not to love about such a loving and great God?
amen.
i shall put up an entry on my food blog, go check.
fight.
on another note, patrick was very kind to mention me in his blog ; that was very kind of him, speaking of my musical gifts and stuff; go read it; but yeah it's really the favour of God upon me in those moments that allow me to write those songs I suppose. It's very tempting for me to claim credit for those things for myself, but I know I can't, because that's just not the truth - the truth was that God was the one who wrote them through me. I remembered the times where I prayed for answered prayers (songs) and He has graciously granted them to me, and I realised it's not just me, but someone else bigger than me.
On another note; I am realising how awesome His creation is ; I was at brussel sprouts for dinner with my famly and the food was lousy; and as i thought of God and how everything was His creation and how everything was made good by Him - "and it was good" - the food suddenly tasted remarkably incredible; the duck confit had so much so much flavour and was really ducky; the mussels and the sauce really tatsed like it used to be; and even the beef had this beefiness and tastiness; ohhh; it was really like in heaven; it was really like in paradise - it was really like so cool and foodasmic (pardon the pun). Was reminded of the LORD JESUS turning water into wine - and then everyone saying this was the best cup of them all - hey, what's there not to love about such a loving and great God?
amen.
i shall put up an entry on my food blog, go check.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Super super pissed;
Arsenal just can't score!
What's wrong with them.
First, Hleb wasn't given a penalty in the game against Liverpool where it was obvious that Dirk Kuyt was tugging blatantly on his arm after a brilliant mazy run by Hleb;
then Bendtner proceeded to play the role of last defender (for Liverpool) by blocking Fabregas's goal-bound shot on the line.
and then.....
Bendtner misses a sitter one-on-one...
what's wrong with them?
But I think they can go to Anfield and get a result; if they just keep their heads up, they can beat Liverpool, just as they did Milan at San Siro.
Anyway it seems like there's going to be a nail-biting finish to the season; Man Utd, I hate to say this, has been playing tremendously well, far beyond themselves. Ronaldo deserves to be EPL player of the year by a mile, even though he's from man utd; because he has that ability to change the complexion of a game with one brilliant move, feint, shot, dribble, backheel; he sees things that people can't see, and yet, this is crucial; he has the skills, and the technique, to pull them off to perfection; now that is class. and you realise that most of man utd's attacks go through him directly; inadvertantly, Ronaldo is involved; the moves always pass through ronaldo and he always knows what to do. but besides ronaldo, evra has been solid; so has anderson the hustler, and rooney still knows how to score some goals when he is required to do so. thus their attacking trio of rooney, ronaldo and tevez all seem to be in full force.........i have to say that they're a splendid attacking team, let's not take credit away from that.
but then again, their defence may prove to be their undoing; rio is injured now, and so is vidic; against middlesborough they had to rely on wes brown and pique, and afonso alves managed to score 2 goals against a woeful defence, and boro almost had the chance to score right at the death.
and let''s not forget chelsea; who are still relatively efficient, if relatively boring;
and if i were to pick a EPL dream team, it'll almost have to be like this:
GK: Petr Cech - still the best shot-stopper ever despite his howlers (occassionaly)
LB: Patrice Evra - good defensively, great going forward (Gael Clichy is a close second)
CB: Jamie Carragher - it's a toss up between him and rio but carragher is always solid
CB: Nemanja Vidic - solid defender, the one reason why man utd is conceding so little. powerful presence.
RB: Bacary Sagna - can attack and defend
LM: Alexander Hleb - he is a solid solid player; he holds the ball up superbly well, has great atheletism and energy, and wonderful sublime skills; can squeeze through the tiniest of holes and set off on mazy runs and passing is first rate; also two-footed but can't finish;
RM: Cristiano Ronaldo - EPL player of the year, need i say more? read above; has sublime skills, great pace, can use his head, a powerful shot with both feet, good reading of the game, creative, wonderful dribbling skills to beat his marker and tricks, waht else do you need?
CM: Francesc Fabregas - the best rhythm passer of the game; the best passer of the game in the league; first rate, be it a long-ball over the top or simple one-twos; makes the game look easy; plus can score goals from midfield.
CM: Javier Mascherano - a toss up between him and Anderson for the DM role, but i prefer mascherano because he's alweays crucial in breaking up the attacks.
AMC: Steven Gerrard - the complete player; great free-kick taker, passer, scorer of long-distance strikes, wonderful energy, athletism, pace; tracks back well;
SC: Fernando Torres - clinical, pacy, strong, with delicate skill to boot and great composure, not to mention a powerful shot. pacy;
2nd team:
GK: Reina
DL: Clichy
DC: Kolo Toure
DC: John Terry
DR: Wes Brown
ML: Stewart Downing
MC: Mikael Arteta
MC: Anderson
MR: Joe Cole
SC: Dimitri Berbatov
SC: Emmanuel Adebayor
Arsenal just can't score!
What's wrong with them.
First, Hleb wasn't given a penalty in the game against Liverpool where it was obvious that Dirk Kuyt was tugging blatantly on his arm after a brilliant mazy run by Hleb;
then Bendtner proceeded to play the role of last defender (for Liverpool) by blocking Fabregas's goal-bound shot on the line.
and then.....
Bendtner misses a sitter one-on-one...
what's wrong with them?
But I think they can go to Anfield and get a result; if they just keep their heads up, they can beat Liverpool, just as they did Milan at San Siro.
Anyway it seems like there's going to be a nail-biting finish to the season; Man Utd, I hate to say this, has been playing tremendously well, far beyond themselves. Ronaldo deserves to be EPL player of the year by a mile, even though he's from man utd; because he has that ability to change the complexion of a game with one brilliant move, feint, shot, dribble, backheel; he sees things that people can't see, and yet, this is crucial; he has the skills, and the technique, to pull them off to perfection; now that is class. and you realise that most of man utd's attacks go through him directly; inadvertantly, Ronaldo is involved; the moves always pass through ronaldo and he always knows what to do. but besides ronaldo, evra has been solid; so has anderson the hustler, and rooney still knows how to score some goals when he is required to do so. thus their attacking trio of rooney, ronaldo and tevez all seem to be in full force.........i have to say that they're a splendid attacking team, let's not take credit away from that.
but then again, their defence may prove to be their undoing; rio is injured now, and so is vidic; against middlesborough they had to rely on wes brown and pique, and afonso alves managed to score 2 goals against a woeful defence, and boro almost had the chance to score right at the death.
and let''s not forget chelsea; who are still relatively efficient, if relatively boring;
and if i were to pick a EPL dream team, it'll almost have to be like this:
GK: Petr Cech - still the best shot-stopper ever despite his howlers (occassionaly)
LB: Patrice Evra - good defensively, great going forward (Gael Clichy is a close second)
CB: Jamie Carragher - it's a toss up between him and rio but carragher is always solid
CB: Nemanja Vidic - solid defender, the one reason why man utd is conceding so little. powerful presence.
RB: Bacary Sagna - can attack and defend
LM: Alexander Hleb - he is a solid solid player; he holds the ball up superbly well, has great atheletism and energy, and wonderful sublime skills; can squeeze through the tiniest of holes and set off on mazy runs and passing is first rate; also two-footed but can't finish;
RM: Cristiano Ronaldo - EPL player of the year, need i say more? read above; has sublime skills, great pace, can use his head, a powerful shot with both feet, good reading of the game, creative, wonderful dribbling skills to beat his marker and tricks, waht else do you need?
CM: Francesc Fabregas - the best rhythm passer of the game; the best passer of the game in the league; first rate, be it a long-ball over the top or simple one-twos; makes the game look easy; plus can score goals from midfield.
CM: Javier Mascherano - a toss up between him and Anderson for the DM role, but i prefer mascherano because he's alweays crucial in breaking up the attacks.
AMC: Steven Gerrard - the complete player; great free-kick taker, passer, scorer of long-distance strikes, wonderful energy, athletism, pace; tracks back well;
SC: Fernando Torres - clinical, pacy, strong, with delicate skill to boot and great composure, not to mention a powerful shot. pacy;
2nd team:
GK: Reina
DL: Clichy
DC: Kolo Toure
DC: John Terry
DR: Wes Brown
ML: Stewart Downing
MC: Mikael Arteta
MC: Anderson
MR: Joe Cole
SC: Dimitri Berbatov
SC: Emmanuel Adebayor
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Don't think so much.
I (shawn poon) belong to JESUS, and thus, to GOD. FOREVER.
JESUS CHRIST CHOSE ME (SHAWN POON SHUNJIE); GOD CHOSE ME.
THIS WILL NOT CHANGE.
This whole RELATIVISM is killing ME.
Some things you should approach from a MATHEMATICAL perspective
MATHEMATICS.
EQUALS.
GOD = GOOD
GOD = HEAVENLY FATHER, SON, HOLY SPIRIT
FATHER = GIVES GOOD THINGS (ALL THE WONDERFUL MUSIC = ALL THE NICE THINGS = ALL THE NICE FOOD = ALL THE SONGS THAT I HAVE WRITTEN = ALL THE SONGS THAT I HAVE NOT WRITTEN BUT ARE GOING TO WRITE = ALL THE MASTERPIECE SONGS = ALL THE LOVELY FRIENDS = THE FAMILY = THE LOVELY INTIMACY WITH GOD = HEARING GOD'S WONDERFUL VOICE SPEAKING TO ME = HAVING GOD COMFORT ME WHEN I AM DOWN AND LONELY = HAVING GOD PROMISE ME SO MANY THINGS = THAT HE HAS GREAT PLANS = THAT HE WILL FORGIVE ME DESPITE MY HIDEOUS SINS)
SON = MY FRIEND, MY HIGH PRIEST, MY COMFORTER, MY CORNERSTONE, MY BEST FRIEND, MY GOD, MY MASTER, WHO LOVES ME
HOLY SPIRIT = MY COMFORTER AND COUNCILLOR WHO TELLS ME THINGS THAT ARE THE TRUTH AND NOT THE LIE = THAT WILL FREE ME AND SET ME FREE ULTIMATELY
THUS
GOD GIVES GOOD THINGS
AND HE WANTS ME TO ENJOY THEM
SO DONT GO TO OTHER PLACES TO LOOK FOR IT
IT WILL NEVER COME
FOR EVERYTHING IS THE FATHER'S, AND BELONGS TO GOD
AND GOD IS KIND ENOUGH TO GIVE ME SONGS (I'M A STEWARD FOR WHAT IS ULTIMATELY HIS)
SHARING
AND I WILL STICK WITH GOD FOREVER
FOR HE IS THE SOURCE OF EVERYTHING GOOD
SO STOP THIS STUPID RELATIVISM.
PLEASE
I (shawn poon) belong to JESUS, and thus, to GOD. FOREVER.
JESUS CHRIST CHOSE ME (SHAWN POON SHUNJIE); GOD CHOSE ME.
THIS WILL NOT CHANGE.
This whole RELATIVISM is killing ME.
Some things you should approach from a MATHEMATICAL perspective
MATHEMATICS.
EQUALS.
GOD = GOOD
GOD = HEAVENLY FATHER, SON, HOLY SPIRIT
FATHER = GIVES GOOD THINGS (ALL THE WONDERFUL MUSIC = ALL THE NICE THINGS = ALL THE NICE FOOD = ALL THE SONGS THAT I HAVE WRITTEN = ALL THE SONGS THAT I HAVE NOT WRITTEN BUT ARE GOING TO WRITE = ALL THE MASTERPIECE SONGS = ALL THE LOVELY FRIENDS = THE FAMILY = THE LOVELY INTIMACY WITH GOD = HEARING GOD'S WONDERFUL VOICE SPEAKING TO ME = HAVING GOD COMFORT ME WHEN I AM DOWN AND LONELY = HAVING GOD PROMISE ME SO MANY THINGS = THAT HE HAS GREAT PLANS = THAT HE WILL FORGIVE ME DESPITE MY HIDEOUS SINS)
SON = MY FRIEND, MY HIGH PRIEST, MY COMFORTER, MY CORNERSTONE, MY BEST FRIEND, MY GOD, MY MASTER, WHO LOVES ME
HOLY SPIRIT = MY COMFORTER AND COUNCILLOR WHO TELLS ME THINGS THAT ARE THE TRUTH AND NOT THE LIE = THAT WILL FREE ME AND SET ME FREE ULTIMATELY
THUS
GOD GIVES GOOD THINGS
AND HE WANTS ME TO ENJOY THEM
SO DONT GO TO OTHER PLACES TO LOOK FOR IT
IT WILL NEVER COME
FOR EVERYTHING IS THE FATHER'S, AND BELONGS TO GOD
AND GOD IS KIND ENOUGH TO GIVE ME SONGS (I'M A STEWARD FOR WHAT IS ULTIMATELY HIS)
SHARING
AND I WILL STICK WITH GOD FOREVER
FOR HE IS THE SOURCE OF EVERYTHING GOOD
SO STOP THIS STUPID RELATIVISM.
PLEASE
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Rachael said something very amazing in her blog so ill just give you the link:
http://thebeautyofrain.blogspot.com
on how God never changes, and His love never changes - the world is looking for security, but there is only one person we can hold on to, and that is Jesus.
The Lord has been exceedingly faithful and close and real to me over the few weeks; from doing my Bible study 2 saturdays ago about being filled with the Spirit and experiencing communion with the Risen Lord and from His daily assurances on how He has chosen me "I chose you" ("I chose you, you did not choose me") and how He is willing to forgive me for things that I have done in my life.
"You know I will truly forgive you".
"Yes Lord"
"then just ask - and you will be forgiven."
Only problem is that we forget. We forget about how good our Lord is, who "died for us". How infinitely good our God is and how infinitely wonderful He is. We focus only on ourselves, and how lousy we are. And how we're not good enough for God. But enough of focussing on ourselves - because it will lead to despair and misery - but focussing on God and seeing everyday How good He is and how Great and Good He is, and always is, and always will be - unto the ends of the earth - is simply so wonderful and so amazing, it comforts you, assures you, guides you, makes you HOPE, makes you have FAITH, makes you bow down and worship, and makes you really LOVE HIM [JESUS].
For I am beginning to understand what it means that "we love Him because He first loved us."
-by Shawn Poon [05 Feb 2008]
Thus says the word: "Your lovingkindness is better than life" - Amen to that.
http://thebeautyofrain.blogspot.com
on how God never changes, and His love never changes - the world is looking for security, but there is only one person we can hold on to, and that is Jesus.
The Lord has been exceedingly faithful and close and real to me over the few weeks; from doing my Bible study 2 saturdays ago about being filled with the Spirit and experiencing communion with the Risen Lord and from His daily assurances on how He has chosen me "I chose you" ("I chose you, you did not choose me") and how He is willing to forgive me for things that I have done in my life.
"You know I will truly forgive you".
"Yes Lord"
"then just ask - and you will be forgiven."
Only problem is that we forget. We forget about how good our Lord is, who "died for us". How infinitely good our God is and how infinitely wonderful He is. We focus only on ourselves, and how lousy we are. And how we're not good enough for God. But enough of focussing on ourselves - because it will lead to despair and misery - but focussing on God and seeing everyday How good He is and how Great and Good He is, and always is, and always will be - unto the ends of the earth - is simply so wonderful and so amazing, it comforts you, assures you, guides you, makes you HOPE, makes you have FAITH, makes you bow down and worship, and makes you really LOVE HIM [JESUS].
For I am beginning to understand what it means that "we love Him because He first loved us."
-by Shawn Poon [05 Feb 2008]
Thus says the word: "Your lovingkindness is better than life" - Amen to that.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
my friend fen just started a food blog. go check it out.
http://www.incidentalhighs.blogspot.com
oh well. check it out. at least she has photos.
i am tired. le tired. i should be blogging about much more important things than my life, and my lack of sleep, or my wonderful dreams. but i just dreamt about evangelising to a muslim. and it seemed to went very well. but i'm spiritually dry now, i wonder what it means.
http://www.incidentalhighs.blogspot.comoh well. check it out. at least she has photos.
i am tired. le tired. i should be blogging about much more important things than my life, and my lack of sleep, or my wonderful dreams. but i just dreamt about evangelising to a muslim. and it seemed to went very well. but i'm spiritually dry now, i wonder what it means.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
I just had this really really weird dream. Dreams have a way of reflecting your subconsciousness. Oh well.
I dreamt about this girl called X, and a boy called Y, and myself, called S. X is one of the most pretty girls you'll ever meet. She's got the charm of a film star, the looks of a model, and a smile that captivates. Y has the Korean charm about him and everyone comments on how good he looks. The dream featured a boat ride where people, including me, was jumping into the sea in order to swim to the other part where I could start rowing a boat, that looked like a canoe. okay it was a canoe. then X was also rowing the boat, and I was trying to find where she was. oh. but she ran away.
then there was another moment where Y and X were in a circle and X was asking Y who Y found cute in school, and Y actually murmured that he liked X coz X was the one. haha. and X was super embarassed.
And then Y was standing on stage helping the dean of the law school go on stage (escorting her); and he was drinnking Fanta Grape.
And the last scene saw me and my churchfriends watching Phantom of the Opera.
What a weird dream, can someone elucidate what it all means?
sigh.
I dreamt about this girl called X, and a boy called Y, and myself, called S. X is one of the most pretty girls you'll ever meet. She's got the charm of a film star, the looks of a model, and a smile that captivates. Y has the Korean charm about him and everyone comments on how good he looks. The dream featured a boat ride where people, including me, was jumping into the sea in order to swim to the other part where I could start rowing a boat, that looked like a canoe. okay it was a canoe. then X was also rowing the boat, and I was trying to find where she was. oh. but she ran away.
then there was another moment where Y and X were in a circle and X was asking Y who Y found cute in school, and Y actually murmured that he liked X coz X was the one. haha. and X was super embarassed.
And then Y was standing on stage helping the dean of the law school go on stage (escorting her); and he was drinnking Fanta Grape.
And the last scene saw me and my churchfriends watching Phantom of the Opera.
What a weird dream, can someone elucidate what it all means?
sigh.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Today is smellymelly yeo's birthday, and i thought I should say something about my funny old friend. the first time we met was the time that we were on the way to hwa chong for some humanities meeting; and then she scolded me, like, i was yaccking away and she started shouting "can you please dont speak so loud?" okay maybe it was less tactful than that. haha. but strange things happen. in the end we got to know each other, and then she realised i wasn't that bad after all; coz we were all in the same clique; and later on we just grew closer and just became really good friends. i suppose. i suppose maybe we have an intuitive understanding. we understand what each has been through, and where we are individually heading towards; and we understand we just want each to be happy. maybe. okay so mel if u're reading this, it's your 22nd birthday today (yes today), be happy okay. life is wonderful, be happy, enjoy each day God's giving you and rejoice! yay. hope the storm settles, yeah; there may be rainbows but it may take longer than you would hope? dunno what i am saying [i'm blogging in company law seminar] but yeah be happy k.
*hug.* [still a favourite miao-miao]
and anyway i just had my one week break; and i just realised how tired i was. tired, because my OCD's just sapping me up dry with that energy; and i'm really tired, Lord. sigh. but those that wait upon the lord shall renew their strength -isaiah; but Jesus my defender has defended me and renewed me and forgiven me when i've strayed, placing His arms around me and assured me and chosen me. shawn, be strong. life is long. that irritatoinal fear is killing me though, the fear that i will do something that i do not want to do - but sometimes i just have to have that simple faith and simple trust in His goodness.
greater love hath no one than this.
law school as well is doing me no good. but maybe it's my own fault. i'm not contributing; not developing. not developing and building people's lifes and shared expeirences with all this bad OCD; just tension. social networks are dying; social groups. butler changed roles. people not wanting to socialise. argh. too bad i'm not that kind of assertive, powerful, bold person that law school people like. they admire that devil-may-care attitude. but i've learnt enough not to be like that, i can't change what has happened to me, right?
all those of you who actually read this dont come up to me and say "are you okay?" i fairly well am; blogging is just a way of expressing all the multitude of thoughts that go around my brain; it's my brain that is messed up all right. maybe coz i'm too smart; so i think too much ffor my own good. i'm always one step ahead of you, in all the wrong things; but one step behind, in all the right things, such as my company law, or my property assignment. sigh. dunno why im taking law in the first place.
because law is always cerebreal and argumentative and logical and in-for-a-fight to-prove-you-wrong; alot of my talents are wasted in law. my intuition, my sense of aesthetic beauty, musical talents notwithstanding, ability to see the big picture and conceptualise. sigh. who knows, i may be ending up selling cakes.
*hug.* [still a favourite miao-miao]
and anyway i just had my one week break; and i just realised how tired i was. tired, because my OCD's just sapping me up dry with that energy; and i'm really tired, Lord. sigh. but those that wait upon the lord shall renew their strength -isaiah; but Jesus my defender has defended me and renewed me and forgiven me when i've strayed, placing His arms around me and assured me and chosen me. shawn, be strong. life is long. that irritatoinal fear is killing me though, the fear that i will do something that i do not want to do - but sometimes i just have to have that simple faith and simple trust in His goodness.
greater love hath no one than this.
law school as well is doing me no good. but maybe it's my own fault. i'm not contributing; not developing. not developing and building people's lifes and shared expeirences with all this bad OCD; just tension. social networks are dying; social groups. butler changed roles. people not wanting to socialise. argh. too bad i'm not that kind of assertive, powerful, bold person that law school people like. they admire that devil-may-care attitude. but i've learnt enough not to be like that, i can't change what has happened to me, right?
all those of you who actually read this dont come up to me and say "are you okay?" i fairly well am; blogging is just a way of expressing all the multitude of thoughts that go around my brain; it's my brain that is messed up all right. maybe coz i'm too smart; so i think too much ffor my own good. i'm always one step ahead of you, in all the wrong things; but one step behind, in all the right things, such as my company law, or my property assignment. sigh. dunno why im taking law in the first place.
because law is always cerebreal and argumentative and logical and in-for-a-fight to-prove-you-wrong; alot of my talents are wasted in law. my intuition, my sense of aesthetic beauty, musical talents notwithstanding, ability to see the big picture and conceptualise. sigh. who knows, i may be ending up selling cakes.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
I had just recovered from a terrible bout of gastro-enterisis; stomach flu (is that how you spell it?). But there is something vaguely serene and surreal about being sick. it's about lying there just resting and letting your body recover and start feeling the sensations from the numerous sinews and nerve-endings of your arm, your leg and not feeling the pressure of life that says 'i have to do this' or 'i have to do that'; but everything is still and calm and nice and you can feel yourself again.
if only the fever won't be so bad, bah. that's the worse. vomitting like a dog is bad also. but lying on my bed, not having to think about work, or the pressures of needing to think about work --ah, now that's a welcome change.
i have more to blog about. but it's all over my head now.
no one reads this blog anyway.
if only the fever won't be so bad, bah. that's the worse. vomitting like a dog is bad also. but lying on my bed, not having to think about work, or the pressures of needing to think about work --ah, now that's a welcome change.
i have more to blog about. but it's all over my head now.
no one reads this blog anyway.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
It's been a long time since i've updated this blog. so many things have happened since then; i got my results, which weren't that good, but they were credible i suppose. overall i guess i haven't been putting in the effort required to get the As, but i guess i was satisfied with what i got.
it's been a period of bumming and slacking and hanging out with friends doing things like play dota or hanging out at walas, which have been decidedly good fun. i've frequented headquarters at paradiz almost twice a week ever since june started, which shows you how much lanning i've been doing.
i guess a highlight for me was the vcf foc camp held at scripture union campsite. i just felt that God was so powerfully involved in the camp that His presence was with us in everything that we did there, be it praying for good weather for the beach games which were a great success, to the wonderful worship session, to the theme talks, and even through general fellowship, how His Spirit infused the place with peace and loving kindness. and i had wonderful experiences with Jesus Himself in my dormitory, while worshiping Him, during worship, during meetings, and i say it was a great experience just being part of the team to organise the camp, really must thank God for that opportunity, and to thank lester too for asking me. i really miss the people there already, and the meeting room where we used to hang out for our meetings.
some great pals met there during the camp, which was really nice. they're all great people, my brothers and sisters in Christ, joel, guoyi, teck tee, clara, elaine, angel, jenny, serene, jeanette. woohoo! and i've got a fan club now! clara and teck tee set it up, you can see it at http://weheartshawnpoon.blogspot.com
i guess i had a very nice time with Jesus/God just now. i want a good relationship with Him. and i guess i've been struggling in my relationship with Him because i've doubted certain things, but when He whispers to you that "shawn i have chosen you" or something like "i chose you, you did not choose me, but i have chosen you" how can you not want to fall into His arms and embrace the love that you cannot get from this world? how can you not want to be a more faithful servant and follower of Jesus Christ?
but i want that close relationship now! i want it. i've got enough of this world. it can't offer me much.
so stop doubting shawn. and really i realise i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. i was listening to "umbrella" and suddenly all the notes fell in my head again, there was music. i was like, i could tell it was Db major and it really was in Db! wow. my own songs sound nice again and melancholic in it's melancholic splendour. SMIL.
really when i'm writing blogs i'm blogging for posterity. i'm blogging to look back 10 years down the road and see where i''ve been coming from and where i'm headed to. that's why the old entries are still there. you can see them. because they are a part of me that constantly evolves for the better, i hope.
the mumblings are still there, but now at least there is a peace.
it's been a period of bumming and slacking and hanging out with friends doing things like play dota or hanging out at walas, which have been decidedly good fun. i've frequented headquarters at paradiz almost twice a week ever since june started, which shows you how much lanning i've been doing.
i guess a highlight for me was the vcf foc camp held at scripture union campsite. i just felt that God was so powerfully involved in the camp that His presence was with us in everything that we did there, be it praying for good weather for the beach games which were a great success, to the wonderful worship session, to the theme talks, and even through general fellowship, how His Spirit infused the place with peace and loving kindness. and i had wonderful experiences with Jesus Himself in my dormitory, while worshiping Him, during worship, during meetings, and i say it was a great experience just being part of the team to organise the camp, really must thank God for that opportunity, and to thank lester too for asking me. i really miss the people there already, and the meeting room where we used to hang out for our meetings.
some great pals met there during the camp, which was really nice. they're all great people, my brothers and sisters in Christ, joel, guoyi, teck tee, clara, elaine, angel, jenny, serene, jeanette. woohoo! and i've got a fan club now! clara and teck tee set it up, you can see it at http://weheartshawnpoon.blogspot.com
i guess i had a very nice time with Jesus/God just now. i want a good relationship with Him. and i guess i've been struggling in my relationship with Him because i've doubted certain things, but when He whispers to you that "shawn i have chosen you" or something like "i chose you, you did not choose me, but i have chosen you" how can you not want to fall into His arms and embrace the love that you cannot get from this world? how can you not want to be a more faithful servant and follower of Jesus Christ?
but i want that close relationship now! i want it. i've got enough of this world. it can't offer me much.
so stop doubting shawn. and really i realise i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. i was listening to "umbrella" and suddenly all the notes fell in my head again, there was music. i was like, i could tell it was Db major and it really was in Db! wow. my own songs sound nice again and melancholic in it's melancholic splendour. SMIL.
really when i'm writing blogs i'm blogging for posterity. i'm blogging to look back 10 years down the road and see where i''ve been coming from and where i'm headed to. that's why the old entries are still there. you can see them. because they are a part of me that constantly evolves for the better, i hope.
the mumblings are still there, but now at least there is a peace.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Fear is really quite bad.
Fear.
Fear of many things. Fear of the devil, fear of God, fear of yourself, fear of people, fear of pain, fear of everything.
Fear stifles your life because maybe the only thing to fear is fear itself, that the 'thing' isn't so bad, it's the fear of that thing that cripples you.
Fear cripples you.
That's why "perfect love casts out all fear" because God's love is so perfect that we ought not to have our fears, but we all do. OUr faith isn't strong enough, perhaps. The disciples were so scared when they saw the storm, but Jesus calmed the storm. Jesus said "you of little faith..." and If He weren't so merciful he would have rebuked me many times for that lack of faith, that I have.
Grow my faith!
Sometimes we wonder why faith must be grown through trials. It is written "consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence." Your faith is small usually but if you really did know how big and how wonderful your GREAT AND GOOD GOD IS, and how he is able to overcome all of your trials and so immesurably more, you should have total faith in Him. Which I haven't learnt yet!
We know it, but we can't do it!
So no more fear. Not to live callously of course, but not to be so stricken with guilt, and learn that you have the blessing and favour of the Lord and that doens't change.
Fear.
Fear of many things. Fear of the devil, fear of God, fear of yourself, fear of people, fear of pain, fear of everything.
Fear stifles your life because maybe the only thing to fear is fear itself, that the 'thing' isn't so bad, it's the fear of that thing that cripples you.
Fear cripples you.
That's why "perfect love casts out all fear" because God's love is so perfect that we ought not to have our fears, but we all do. OUr faith isn't strong enough, perhaps. The disciples were so scared when they saw the storm, but Jesus calmed the storm. Jesus said "you of little faith..." and If He weren't so merciful he would have rebuked me many times for that lack of faith, that I have.
Grow my faith!
Sometimes we wonder why faith must be grown through trials. It is written "consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence." Your faith is small usually but if you really did know how big and how wonderful your GREAT AND GOOD GOD IS, and how he is able to overcome all of your trials and so immesurably more, you should have total faith in Him. Which I haven't learnt yet!
We know it, but we can't do it!
So no more fear. Not to live callously of course, but not to be so stricken with guilt, and learn that you have the blessing and favour of the Lord and that doens't change.
Friday, April 13, 2007
What does it mean to be real?
Someone real.
Not just someone who has a false existence and running around
Or making smiles or making jokes or all that.
But someone real.
I in my mind can hardly think of real people. Or maybe there are some. Some people who are real. Whose veil i can penetrate. the love, the need for company. the humanness.
Because mechanicality is not human. Because it only ofusciates what our souls demand; what it really needs.
Our souls have lives of its own; no one really sees a little bit but it cries out evermore; the soul
and it cries out for the living God; and for real people.
and it cries out but some hear it and some wait
with their loving arms outstretched to embrace our hungry souls.
these souls have a life of their own.
not my mind not my intellectual pursuit of what is right and what is wrong.
no, something deeper.
something i can taste with my tongue and feel with the touch of my skin
(it's different from seeing or hearing)
that something within.
Someone real.
Not just someone who has a false existence and running around
Or making smiles or making jokes or all that.
But someone real.
I in my mind can hardly think of real people. Or maybe there are some. Some people who are real. Whose veil i can penetrate. the love, the need for company. the humanness.
Because mechanicality is not human. Because it only ofusciates what our souls demand; what it really needs.
Our souls have lives of its own; no one really sees a little bit but it cries out evermore; the soul
and it cries out for the living God; and for real people.
and it cries out but some hear it and some wait
with their loving arms outstretched to embrace our hungry souls.
these souls have a life of their own.
not my mind not my intellectual pursuit of what is right and what is wrong.
no, something deeper.
something i can taste with my tongue and feel with the touch of my skin
(it's different from seeing or hearing)
that something within.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
This is what a clinical psychologist using a colour test had to say about me:
You are constantly trying to make a favourable impression and endeavouring to be considered as that someone 'special'. You are pretty good at using various tactics and strategies that give the impression that you are in control. Maybe you are - but you are constantly watching to see whether or not your endeavours are truly appreciated. Be careful... just as 'you' may be endeavouring to influence others, 'they' may indeed be influencing you.
Being a somewhat gentle, emotional and sensitive person, you are at this time experiencing a considerable amount of tension. What you really need is someone who can be close to you and to listen to what you have to say.
Everything seems to have gone wrong and the situation at this time is such that you are not quite sure which way to turn. So it would appear that you are 'holding back', re-consolidating your position and relinquishing all fun and games for the time being.
You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.
You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality.
How interesting.
I wrote another song, thank God, called "i don't care". it's brilliant thank God. and yeah hiopefully it'll be a nice song.
Btw all my songs are uploaded at http://www.esnips.com/web/ceadsearc so go see!
You are constantly trying to make a favourable impression and endeavouring to be considered as that someone 'special'. You are pretty good at using various tactics and strategies that give the impression that you are in control. Maybe you are - but you are constantly watching to see whether or not your endeavours are truly appreciated. Be careful... just as 'you' may be endeavouring to influence others, 'they' may indeed be influencing you.
Being a somewhat gentle, emotional and sensitive person, you are at this time experiencing a considerable amount of tension. What you really need is someone who can be close to you and to listen to what you have to say.
Everything seems to have gone wrong and the situation at this time is such that you are not quite sure which way to turn. So it would appear that you are 'holding back', re-consolidating your position and relinquishing all fun and games for the time being.
You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.
You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality.
How interesting.
I wrote another song, thank God, called "i don't care". it's brilliant thank God. and yeah hiopefully it'll be a nice song.
Btw all my songs are uploaded at http://www.esnips.com/web/ceadsearc so go see!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
i was really really down, just totally out, really gone, full of guilt, lost, wandering, helpless, but then I prayed to the Lord Jesus Son of God and cried out to Him and He placed His tender arms around me and lifted me and told me He loved me an that I was saved a long time ago and nothing can snatch me from His hand.
my need for the Lord Jesus is so great that sometimes i'm so ashamed of straying but i know somehow He's there.
"Love lifted me".
my need for the Lord Jesus is so great that sometimes i'm so ashamed of straying but i know somehow He's there.
"Love lifted me".