There are girls that are just so delicious... they've got this incredible charm about them that makes me swoon. sigh. but I'm a creep, after all...what the 'ell am i doing here? man, it's really that smile that's so heart-warming, it just releases all the good energies in me...i just wanna go and embrace people. just to accost them or something, sigh. delicious. yummy!
okay that was a bit off, hmmz? today was a boring day, stayed at home mainly after guitar and slept, how interesting can it get? tomorrowmust be better, but today was already pretty good, esp the morning, just totally high. haha. wondering what to do if we're jamming tomroow...wanna try recording 'nobody cares', its a pretty good song, a catchy chorus, prolly an above-average guitar riff, lyrics by wen en *but i might tweak it*, a cranberries/poppish style verse: it's pure pop, but who cares?
nothing left to say, eh? music was so cool today though, there was a nice blend, as usual, that's so essential. melodies, more melodies, ahh i love them.
Saturday, July 05, 2003
Friday, July 04, 2003
Yay! econs S is over! woo hoo, can celebrate now!
But really it's been a rather crappy day today...though I'm already all tired. Hanging around with 3 different groups: daryl/nat, calvin/lijing/ken, dinky/eleena...sigh, it's so weird. Just feel like a retard, i'm a creep, i'm a weirdo, what the hell am i doing here, i don't belong here. no wonder that song became an anthem. It's like, people talk and i just can't relate, just can't chip in, got nothing to say, just don't care what they're saying, just don't need to care what they're saying. It's like people do/say things for social leverage/clout and all they wanna do is to push themselves up the ladder to make themselves more attractive to women, or to make themselves more 'well-liked' and all that. heck man, i've had enough of that. goodness, i'm WHO i am, because of who I am, and heck i've made a living out of being stupid and doing stupid things and acting stupid in my life, i like it that way. it's so attractive to become me, i think. not that anyone really agrees. no one really bothers. concerned abt their image, all of us are. image-consciousness kills: it means that really all we do is to filter someone through that proxy called their physique: if that physique is good, everything will flow: otherwise it's all rubbish. and i'm tired of laughing at someone else's jokes and all that: no one laughs at mine anyway. and so i'm tired of humouring people, why don't all of ya humour me?
crap i soudn very angsty. blogging really builds that up in you. i was going to say something nice, that what i really want is just pure, natural human relations, and really that's what i somewhat have, and that's all i need, no need for the social clout, the political leverage, yadayada, it's all retarded rubbish, that is. the problem is that sometimes the things others do affect us, when it shouldn't, really. if not all we really do is to please others, and that's the most retarded thing i've heard.
But really it's been a rather crappy day today...though I'm already all tired. Hanging around with 3 different groups: daryl/nat, calvin/lijing/ken, dinky/eleena...sigh, it's so weird. Just feel like a retard, i'm a creep, i'm a weirdo, what the hell am i doing here, i don't belong here. no wonder that song became an anthem. It's like, people talk and i just can't relate, just can't chip in, got nothing to say, just don't care what they're saying, just don't need to care what they're saying. It's like people do/say things for social leverage/clout and all they wanna do is to push themselves up the ladder to make themselves more attractive to women, or to make themselves more 'well-liked' and all that. heck man, i've had enough of that. goodness, i'm WHO i am, because of who I am, and heck i've made a living out of being stupid and doing stupid things and acting stupid in my life, i like it that way. it's so attractive to become me, i think. not that anyone really agrees. no one really bothers. concerned abt their image, all of us are. image-consciousness kills: it means that really all we do is to filter someone through that proxy called their physique: if that physique is good, everything will flow: otherwise it's all rubbish. and i'm tired of laughing at someone else's jokes and all that: no one laughs at mine anyway. and so i'm tired of humouring people, why don't all of ya humour me?
crap i soudn very angsty. blogging really builds that up in you. i was going to say something nice, that what i really want is just pure, natural human relations, and really that's what i somewhat have, and that's all i need, no need for the social clout, the political leverage, yadayada, it's all retarded rubbish, that is. the problem is that sometimes the things others do affect us, when it shouldn't, really. if not all we really do is to please others, and that's the most retarded thing i've heard.
Thursday, July 03, 2003
Okay, so like 4 common tests are over, and I'm slightly back to normal, save for econs S that's really bugging me tomorow, but never mind, i'll find complete relief after that. history was okay, save for the no-time on the sourced based. literature was fine....i think PC was quite alright tho i spent too much time on it, henchard was normal, long days was normal but not much time left but ms lim is a nice person, haha. econs was probably 'A'-able, if the essay and case study gets through so that the 2 mistakes on the mcq won't be too bad. math is a killer...just stared at the paper, didn't know what to do, just didn't get the hints, just didn't know how to do it. sigh. how stupid can you get?
It's so different, RJC. i just feel this whole overwhelming sense of you-must-do-well you-must-do-well if not-your-life-will-be-screwed....sigh it was never that way at all, was it? never, never.
It's so different, RJC. i just feel this whole overwhelming sense of you-must-do-well you-must-do-well if not-your-life-will-be-screwed....sigh it was never that way at all, was it? never, never.
Monday, June 30, 2003
I have just been listening to the wonders of the just intonation scales and the richness and the fullness that you get from those chords, that blend and the harmonic overtones that are so pure and delightful. My songs sound nice again, haha. Yeah, I mean i've been trying midi programs that can sequence these scales, but unfortunately it's shareware. Never mind, the bliss of a moment. the swell brings back moments of angelic choirs singing in pure harmony, a world apart from the convulated untuned music that we get here, where chords just lose all their flavour, when the 4ths and the 5ths and the 1sts all lose their overtones.
Holy Spirit be with me: i've been so encouraged by Bible church's youth fellowship and all. I wanna go back.I asked God for my melodic gifts back (if you would call them gifts) and there and then i just wrote a song about coming back to God! 'Jesus...I'm coming back to you'....with rock/pop influences, and I'm so happy coz you know these things don't come so often...the immediate answering of prayer. And the funny thing is that, at the meeting I was thinking, crap i wanna return home, i've been away for too long, I've settled for the leftovers when I can enjoy the firstfruits, the harvest.... and then about a few minutes later the speaker suddenly spoke about how we all try to leave the church to see the world, when the fruits are there, right there, where the church is...and she said, why settle for the dust when you can settle for the gold? Sure, there's a lot of dust to see, but when you get the gold.... and immediately it struck...wow, deja vu, hadn't i been thinking that thought just a while ago? Praise God, what a revelation. I must go back i must go back.
I have to start.
Holy Spirit be with me: i've been so encouraged by Bible church's youth fellowship and all. I wanna go back.I asked God for my melodic gifts back (if you would call them gifts) and there and then i just wrote a song about coming back to God! 'Jesus...I'm coming back to you'....with rock/pop influences, and I'm so happy coz you know these things don't come so often...the immediate answering of prayer. And the funny thing is that, at the meeting I was thinking, crap i wanna return home, i've been away for too long, I've settled for the leftovers when I can enjoy the firstfruits, the harvest.... and then about a few minutes later the speaker suddenly spoke about how we all try to leave the church to see the world, when the fruits are there, right there, where the church is...and she said, why settle for the dust when you can settle for the gold? Sure, there's a lot of dust to see, but when you get the gold.... and immediately it struck...wow, deja vu, hadn't i been thinking that thought just a while ago? Praise God, what a revelation. I must go back i must go back.
I have to start.
Sunday, June 29, 2003
Friday, June 27, 2003
The blog's primary purpose has to move away from being a purely personal journal into being an avenue for expression, and the main advantage of that shift is, it's less boring for all those out there ploughing through journal entries. who wants to scour through endless pages of information about me mindless me? [unless of course, you think i'm cute, which of course is of zero possibility]
alright.
On Social Relations (a social commentary)
Much has been written about the idea of shyness, and whether it is embedded in the brain, or not. For someone used to be plagued with shyness to such a great degree until a churchmate actually told me it seems unreal that i'm so quiet, and now gradually evolving into some level of consciousness and a desirable level of expression, shyness for me has not been something hard-wired into your brain, as though you could not help it. In fact the very essence of dealing with it can be learnt, and the faster one realises it the better.
Of course much has been said about something called the 'comfort zone', the place, the arena, where one feels most at home with, be it with one's family, or with close friends, and it is in that place where the people with introverted tendencies can express themselves more fully, to feel at ease to express themselves, and remove away the self-conscious train of thought that expressing oneself might entail a risk of getting hurt, and so on. It is in that comfort zone that a person's identity and character more often than not comes across accurately. For me it might have been tuition class, or even class, but not at church: church was not really a comfort zone due to the wrong sort of mix of people, and the fact that i had to succumb to the people who were seen as having more social leverage, and the fear of being hurt: there was simply little connections that would have helped me stabilise and find identity.
No doubt, there is that hierarchy in social relations, and often it can be felt so obviously: People that are good-looking and outgoing tend to occupy the highest echelons of the ladder, they are the in-group, the core-group: their disappearence often changes the makeshift of the group totally, and that is why they have so much influence, since the group loses its identity when they disappear. And further down there are the in-betweens, they have some social clout but not as much, and often do not have influence to unilaterally decide the course of action in a group. And further down still there are people with no social leverage: they are discards, waiting to be chucked down and away at the slightest notice; their words have little influence, and they are just there to make up the numbers.
In fact, the hierachy is not steeped in stone, but even moving up the ladder is difficult, but of course once you've reached the upper rungs coming down is harder, due to impressions. There are certain ways for individuals to move up the ladder, such as, offering something new and special; emboding more characteristics that are desirable according to the group, and flaunting these characteristics; allying oneself with the people who have influence and form bonds within a group that would help--i find this pretty helpful sometimes into integrating myself with groups; and further on reducing the self-consciousness that accompanies people at the lower rungs.
Another aspect that creates shyness is the concept of self-image: the image that a group portrays on you affects the way you view yourself. In church i was viewed as quiet, so naturally one would tend to live up to one's reputation as being quiet, for to do so would be to invite stares and questions, that go, oh no are you okay? you're mad! Stupid people, can't they realise i'm who i am?
Of course, the greatest obstacle to social integration is that self-consciousness, the fear of what someone else might think about the person. Naturally it is unavoidable that, out of the comfort zones, some of that fear would remain. However, a shift in perspective must occur: individuals should realise that the consequence of being rejected, being hurt, etc, is not death and decay, but just a little setback that can be overcome, that will be over and one can go back to his comfort zone. After all, if individuals are not very close to you, you can let yourself get hurt and risk it all by being who you are, by being yourself, since, if they hurt you, it doesn't matter anyway, they aren't close to you, you won't be down coz of them coz they don't matter, and besides, on the other side, if you aren't part of their social circle, they'll forget you the next day anyway, so why bother to produce such a good reputation, why not just be yourself?
The difficulty, though, is to develop that strength that says, never mind, i'm hurt but i'll bounce back. That inner strength that must be there is hard to build up in some, the self-belief, the self-esteem, that comes with confidence, perhaps accentuated by religion, a knowledge that God is on your side, and so on, which would provide that essential that would allow one to take risks more readily and remove the barriers that shut them out to integration and allow them to open up to the world more easily.
Oh, if only people would love themselves, and maybe they would find it easier to love others, as one pastor has said so aptly. And it is so true: having confidence in oneself, (not arrogance, mind you, but just confidence) and knowing that your views have value and you are just as worthy as the next guy on the street, or the pretty girl out there, for appreciation and adoration, is crucial in overcoming the fear that greets shyness, and maybe social assimilation might be easier.
alright.
On Social Relations (a social commentary)
Much has been written about the idea of shyness, and whether it is embedded in the brain, or not. For someone used to be plagued with shyness to such a great degree until a churchmate actually told me it seems unreal that i'm so quiet, and now gradually evolving into some level of consciousness and a desirable level of expression, shyness for me has not been something hard-wired into your brain, as though you could not help it. In fact the very essence of dealing with it can be learnt, and the faster one realises it the better.
Of course much has been said about something called the 'comfort zone', the place, the arena, where one feels most at home with, be it with one's family, or with close friends, and it is in that place where the people with introverted tendencies can express themselves more fully, to feel at ease to express themselves, and remove away the self-conscious train of thought that expressing oneself might entail a risk of getting hurt, and so on. It is in that comfort zone that a person's identity and character more often than not comes across accurately. For me it might have been tuition class, or even class, but not at church: church was not really a comfort zone due to the wrong sort of mix of people, and the fact that i had to succumb to the people who were seen as having more social leverage, and the fear of being hurt: there was simply little connections that would have helped me stabilise and find identity.
No doubt, there is that hierarchy in social relations, and often it can be felt so obviously: People that are good-looking and outgoing tend to occupy the highest echelons of the ladder, they are the in-group, the core-group: their disappearence often changes the makeshift of the group totally, and that is why they have so much influence, since the group loses its identity when they disappear. And further down there are the in-betweens, they have some social clout but not as much, and often do not have influence to unilaterally decide the course of action in a group. And further down still there are people with no social leverage: they are discards, waiting to be chucked down and away at the slightest notice; their words have little influence, and they are just there to make up the numbers.
In fact, the hierachy is not steeped in stone, but even moving up the ladder is difficult, but of course once you've reached the upper rungs coming down is harder, due to impressions. There are certain ways for individuals to move up the ladder, such as, offering something new and special; emboding more characteristics that are desirable according to the group, and flaunting these characteristics; allying oneself with the people who have influence and form bonds within a group that would help--i find this pretty helpful sometimes into integrating myself with groups; and further on reducing the self-consciousness that accompanies people at the lower rungs.
Another aspect that creates shyness is the concept of self-image: the image that a group portrays on you affects the way you view yourself. In church i was viewed as quiet, so naturally one would tend to live up to one's reputation as being quiet, for to do so would be to invite stares and questions, that go, oh no are you okay? you're mad! Stupid people, can't they realise i'm who i am?
Of course, the greatest obstacle to social integration is that self-consciousness, the fear of what someone else might think about the person. Naturally it is unavoidable that, out of the comfort zones, some of that fear would remain. However, a shift in perspective must occur: individuals should realise that the consequence of being rejected, being hurt, etc, is not death and decay, but just a little setback that can be overcome, that will be over and one can go back to his comfort zone. After all, if individuals are not very close to you, you can let yourself get hurt and risk it all by being who you are, by being yourself, since, if they hurt you, it doesn't matter anyway, they aren't close to you, you won't be down coz of them coz they don't matter, and besides, on the other side, if you aren't part of their social circle, they'll forget you the next day anyway, so why bother to produce such a good reputation, why not just be yourself?
The difficulty, though, is to develop that strength that says, never mind, i'm hurt but i'll bounce back. That inner strength that must be there is hard to build up in some, the self-belief, the self-esteem, that comes with confidence, perhaps accentuated by religion, a knowledge that God is on your side, and so on, which would provide that essential that would allow one to take risks more readily and remove the barriers that shut them out to integration and allow them to open up to the world more easily.
Oh, if only people would love themselves, and maybe they would find it easier to love others, as one pastor has said so aptly. And it is so true: having confidence in oneself, (not arrogance, mind you, but just confidence) and knowing that your views have value and you are just as worthy as the next guy on the street, or the pretty girl out there, for appreciation and adoration, is crucial in overcoming the fear that greets shyness, and maybe social assimilation might be easier.
Thursday, June 26, 2003
here's what i did over the hols!
fri: watched matrix reloaded at nite: street festival
sat -
sun: -
mon: guitar
tues: played LAN
wed: guitar
thurs: watched finding nemo: played pool
fri: guitar
sat: nothing much=)
sun: soccer!
mon: LAN
tues: bball...pool at mambo
wed: soccer!
thurs: great day! played tennis, studied, went borders, hard rock revolution at night
fri: home
sat: stayed over at darren's, watched midnite movie (far from heaven)
sun: darrens...ms lim's wedding, tennis
mon: at home
tues: went og, played LAN
wed: went airport
thurs: today! charlie's angels!
fri: gonna see red
oh btw i alwways seem to have good thursdays, don't know why...
fri: watched matrix reloaded at nite: street festival
sat -
sun: -
mon: guitar
tues: played LAN
wed: guitar
thurs: watched finding nemo: played pool
fri: guitar
sat: nothing much=)
sun: soccer!
mon: LAN
tues: bball...pool at mambo
wed: soccer!
thurs: great day! played tennis, studied, went borders, hard rock revolution at night
fri: home
sat: stayed over at darren's, watched midnite movie (far from heaven)
sun: darrens...ms lim's wedding, tennis
mon: at home
tues: went og, played LAN
wed: went airport
thurs: today! charlie's angels!
fri: gonna see red
oh btw i alwways seem to have good thursdays, don't know why...
Charlie's angels was super fun, super dumb, and super hilarious! It simply released all the endorphines in me, goofy lil' Cameron Di's adorable, man, what can i say. hehs. been laughing throughout the show and it was simply wonderful! it was almost like a music video with lil songs here and there and even a funny part that alluded to the sound of music with the song 'lonely goatheard' playing..how cool was that. in fact the beats and the rhythms of music were with me throughout the day, and especially the facility of language....wrote many lil' hooks complete with lyrics today, which was a change from usual when i can hardly think of words to write: words actually help in so many ways to actually construct melodies, in fact. there was just this rhythm and this lil' beat that i've been lacking, being sleepy and bothered....this was a nice change. played pool, but it sucked. haha. still the songs written were enough to compensate for it: i've got some little 'babe' song, some 'beautiful baby' song, and some 'rock and roll' song....eh. yeah. even the guitar playing's improved. it's like my brain has decided to work again, so i'll keep it while it lasts, huh? yeah
breathe the pressure, come play my game i'll test ya, psychosomatic addict-insane
oh i had another really weird dream yesterday, which consisted of some sharks swimming in a dark ocean, and they were really bad sharks, fighting for every little human being...and they could really eat human beings...so to distract them....we, on the shore, sorta threw little pencil caps at them...which ended up in them fighting over the little pencil caps! and it ended up with another shark coming to negotiate a truce at a conference (wait, was it sharks, or crocodiles? haha)...and in the end they started having peace...something like finding nemo, huh? fish are firends, not food... and then there was something about them deciding to attack a city. an unrelated part of the dream ended in me asking someone to go for red (which is tomorrow) and she refused coz she was going out with her friends...and the i asked someone else, and they all happen to be girls! ironic, huh. and another part of the dream focussed on me finishing school early and going to orchard....
sigh
dreams.
breathe the pressure, come play my game i'll test ya, psychosomatic addict-insane
oh i had another really weird dream yesterday, which consisted of some sharks swimming in a dark ocean, and they were really bad sharks, fighting for every little human being...and they could really eat human beings...so to distract them....we, on the shore, sorta threw little pencil caps at them...which ended up in them fighting over the little pencil caps! and it ended up with another shark coming to negotiate a truce at a conference (wait, was it sharks, or crocodiles? haha)...and in the end they started having peace...something like finding nemo, huh? fish are firends, not food... and then there was something about them deciding to attack a city. an unrelated part of the dream ended in me asking someone to go for red (which is tomorrow) and she refused coz she was going out with her friends...and the i asked someone else, and they all happen to be girls! ironic, huh. and another part of the dream focussed on me finishing school early and going to orchard....
sigh
dreams.
Had medical checkup today, which meant that I had to wake up at 7. consequently the rememberance of my dream became even more concrete. it was so, so, weird, i could tell you that. It all started off with this really funny emotional-lovey-dovey song that was playing, which made this girl feel so ..,unoe..that we hugged....and it was so funny. coz the girls' a really obscure one. haha. speak of weirdness. and then it progressed on to wishing another girl happy birthday, though i hardly know the girl at all, before i actually forgot i had an exam, and forgot which exam it was...until i realised it was history....we trooped into class, before realising that you know, it was a singapore history paper, with many many questions, and from each section of three you choose one....and it had questions about a burmese king who came to singapore to assassinate a local prince, and about the periods of war in the 1860s *what war, i don't know....there must have been!* a burmese invasion, and the quesitons were all short questions, but you didn't know how many marks they were! so we were supposed to scribble on and on and on.... and rolly allowed us to bring the paper home! so sneakily i checked the answers...before going back to school to have breakfast with 1b at ghim moh....and that's how the dream ended.
so surreal. yucks.
wonder if you all can beat that. haha.
so surreal. yucks.
wonder if you all can beat that. haha.
Monday, June 23, 2003
Have you ever been so stoned before, your head's in a daze, chocolate has lost all its aroma and flavour, the pillow's inviting....intl' economy's so boring...music has no charm, there's absolutely no rhythm, you just want to rest in some Dvorak or some mellow crap. Woke up at 2'o'clock today and went back to sleep at 5--just that sorta hangover, and couldn't wake up for dinner. man. music beats irritate the 'ell out of me, and i think audioslave's vocalist has a really ugly voice, whereas the subtle mellow horns of the largo from dvorak's new world was so inviting, so peaceful. so spiritual.
Audioslave's 'Like a stone' was pilfering through my head today: ironic, tho it's not what the song intended, huh. never mind. stone is stone.
Audioslave's 'Like a stone' was pilfering through my head today: ironic, tho it's not what the song intended, huh. never mind. stone is stone.
Sunday, June 22, 2003
happy birthday jeremY!
it was pure exuberant energetic energy yesterday...prolly a sugar rush of coke and all. wonderful. couldn't sleep till about 5, stayed over at darren's, played war3, jammed a lil, talked....ahha how fun can your hols get? i'm gonna have real good memories man. just to bring some along with me. don't think so much...don't worry...but be happy...live for the good things in life! yeah!
ms lim...have a wonderful marriage yeah. haha. although no one really reads this.nice to see all the rj pple again, huh. but then again i din really miss them. haha.
=)
oh well, mebbe just a few ^_^
it was pure exuberant energetic energy yesterday...prolly a sugar rush of coke and all. wonderful. couldn't sleep till about 5, stayed over at darren's, played war3, jammed a lil, talked....ahha how fun can your hols get? i'm gonna have real good memories man. just to bring some along with me. don't think so much...don't worry...but be happy...live for the good things in life! yeah!
ms lim...have a wonderful marriage yeah. haha. although no one really reads this.nice to see all the rj pple again, huh. but then again i din really miss them. haha.
=)
oh well, mebbe just a few ^_^
Friday, June 20, 2003
You know, it's surprising how some people just can't listen to music properly you know. i think it's an art, just to listen to music...i mean if people'd only learn how to listen properly, they'd be able to appreciate the harmonious blend and swell of classical music....when the chord is played with perfect intonation, there's a 'swell', since the harmonic overtones of the 5ths and 3rds can be heard distinctively and the chord blends in together....there's the sounds of angels, there's the sounds of a purity, a cleansing, that is just so delightful. it's not just technical stuff, it really happens, one just has to open his ears and listen intently, to let the music come to you. also, like they can't tell if someone is singing off? or if a pitch is off? that's really surprising. i mean, when the singer's voice doesn't blend musically with the instrumentations, that's definitely off, isn't it? matchbox 20's unwell is off, sometimes, since rob thomas doesn't sing exactly on the note itself...same for third eye blind... when one listens, stop listening just to the lyrics, or the chords, or the bass line, but how the whole songs fits in...all e elements should fit in nicely....and that's the only way you're gonna get that understanding of music and appreciation. if not one'll never grow in music appreciation! i mean, with regards to intonation, there's no margin for error, so long as it's not on the dot, it's off. unless the note is perfectly intoned, the song's never gonna transcend into something beautiful, or to produce any of the pure emotions. sheesh. at guitar club some pple just can't hear it. and 440hz has a kind-of classical beauty about it, seriously. it's when Mozart sounds so melodic and simple and balanced and reminiscent of order in the universe...the shifts of a chord, from a 4th to a 5th is simply a whole change in mood....the 4th is more 'gospel-like' and more summer-like, whereas the 5th is trying to resolve itself to a 1st....and the interrupted cadence 5-6 is a surprise, really an 'interruption', unexpected...the dissonances are trying to resolve itself to consonance, and there's the tension...
and if only people open their ears they'll listen to good music, and not that crap you get on radio....in the world where a toilet bowl can be art, we need some absolute nuances of what good art is.
and if only people open their ears they'll listen to good music, and not that crap you get on radio....in the world where a toilet bowl can be art, we need some absolute nuances of what good art is.
Yesterday certainly was fun: we were at the Hard Rock Cafe to see bands perform, at the Revolution Centerstage: the slots, and later on mute, tho i din get to see the last act. the slots were pretty good, as a cover band, simply coz they played all the nice songs~ weezer's hash pipe, radiohead's just, coldplay's yellow, to mention the highlights...even seven nation army. wow. my one free drink was a bourbon coke which was pretty nicely done....it had some meat in it....oh before that we were shopping around and it was just fun yeah? exuberant, if i may say so. energetic. din matter what happened, we just went there to do what we felt like, haha. and guitar club was good, as well...tho i woke up at9.20, which isn't unexpected, i must say i'm getting my sense of talkativeness and fun back, some energy in my life again, it's back to good ol' j1 days: life isn't that bad after all, is it? when you think about As and NS it seems like a pretty depressing thought but why should that be the case? hmmph!
oh well, rock and roll's just fun. it's just rock and roll
don't know whether i should blog...it's such a mess to keep blogging and remembering.....like my friend once so aptly said, it's no point to recall the moments in your life since every moment is different, so just go and enjoy the next moment that comes instead of trying to recapture the old moments...or something to that effect.
oh well, rock and roll's just fun. it's just rock and roll
don't know whether i should blog...it's such a mess to keep blogging and remembering.....like my friend once so aptly said, it's no point to recall the moments in your life since every moment is different, so just go and enjoy the next moment that comes instead of trying to recapture the old moments...or something to that effect.
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
Lord, we don't deserve anything....and unless we realise that, and just give thanks for everything, no matter how minute, how can we be thankful and experience joy? Give thanks! Be humble! Only if we have the right relationships with God and man can we really be happy.
I don't know. I'm a mess right now. there are times when you want to escape, don't you. we're full of contradictions and maybe the only way to live is to escape the mess of contradictions that are there. coz who are we, really? argggghh....................falling into oblivion.
I don't know. I'm a mess right now. there are times when you want to escape, don't you. we're full of contradictions and maybe the only way to live is to escape the mess of contradictions that are there. coz who are we, really? argggghh....................falling into oblivion.
Sunday, June 15, 2003
So i went pub-crawling with darren. went to orchard's street festival, before trooping down to the esplanade, where there was a pretty good australian band called fruit playing, which was really quite pro, they had their own cd, and even asked a member of the audience to do a jig-along with them! pretty cool, huh...and they've got showmanship.... embassy was really quite crowded from outside, but i heard from everyone it was pretty fun, so, sigh, wasted, huh? We snugged into crazy elephant after crossing boat quay to clarke quay, to hear a zai guitarist, okay, a very zai guitarist, improvise on blues with his strat...wow wow.
Today's cell was pretty interesting. i think it's a change in perspective, really. Stop thinking about God as the punisher of our fallen nature, but as God being really loving and caring and all that, and knowing all our faults even before we commit them! it's a much more forgiving God I have to see. since it is written, 'there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus', and since we're saved, we're happy!! yeah! joyful! rejoice! we're going to heaven! yeah! this world is not my home! and the mentor said something about, loving yourself, before you can love others, and that's so true, ahh...stay the same. love yourself. God loves you.... and yeah....we were made for relationships, since even God is in relationship (the Father, Son, Holy Spirit)...so true, so true. and so I'm gonna feel good about myself and stop all that self-depricating being-scared-of-everything nonsense man, that comes with the dwelling on the fact that we are fallen....that was before we were saved, but things are so different now! So why waste our life away by dwelling in our fallenness? rejoice in our redemption! yeah!!!!!
the world's a messed up place, but we can always make a difference. and GOD WILL MAKE A WAY...yay! these are the days of elijah... and it is because of GOD's grace and GOD's love that we are here....and when He is with me, everything is better....somehow..somehow... my guitar playing sounds nicer. can write more songs. everything. pool, soccer, the works. haha.
and an essential ingredient in relationships is mutual respect of another..think that is so true, so true.
and giving 100% in a relationship, and looking for consistency, rather than the 'sparkle' of added attention, since that is true character as opposed to faking it. romance last three years...haha. so short ah?=-)
oh, played soccer just now actually..should've scored on a one-on-one, but didn't. haizz. a pity, a pity..... tried some flicks which din really work. oh well. must work on my soccer, gonna get some boots, hopefully?
Today's cell was pretty interesting. i think it's a change in perspective, really. Stop thinking about God as the punisher of our fallen nature, but as God being really loving and caring and all that, and knowing all our faults even before we commit them! it's a much more forgiving God I have to see. since it is written, 'there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus', and since we're saved, we're happy!! yeah! joyful! rejoice! we're going to heaven! yeah! this world is not my home! and the mentor said something about, loving yourself, before you can love others, and that's so true, ahh...stay the same. love yourself. God loves you.... and yeah....we were made for relationships, since even God is in relationship (the Father, Son, Holy Spirit)...so true, so true. and so I'm gonna feel good about myself and stop all that self-depricating being-scared-of-everything nonsense man, that comes with the dwelling on the fact that we are fallen....that was before we were saved, but things are so different now! So why waste our life away by dwelling in our fallenness? rejoice in our redemption! yeah!!!!!
the world's a messed up place, but we can always make a difference. and GOD WILL MAKE A WAY...yay! these are the days of elijah... and it is because of GOD's grace and GOD's love that we are here....and when He is with me, everything is better....somehow..somehow... my guitar playing sounds nicer. can write more songs. everything. pool, soccer, the works. haha.
and an essential ingredient in relationships is mutual respect of another..think that is so true, so true.
and giving 100% in a relationship, and looking for consistency, rather than the 'sparkle' of added attention, since that is true character as opposed to faking it. romance last three years...haha. so short ah?=-)
oh, played soccer just now actually..should've scored on a one-on-one, but didn't. haizz. a pity, a pity..... tried some flicks which din really work. oh well. must work on my soccer, gonna get some boots, hopefully?
Saturday, June 14, 2003
Ah, the answer is, no! Or at least, I don't think so.
my parents don't really like me clubbing, i guess. ahhhh. I prayed about it, asking Him to tell me whether to go or not, and it seems He says no, haha, coz someone just called me to go to orchard to watch the street festival, so i guess, it's no. well well.
my parents don't really like me clubbing, i guess. ahhhh. I prayed about it, asking Him to tell me whether to go or not, and it seems He says no, haha, coz someone just called me to go to orchard to watch the street festival, so i guess, it's no. well well.
Friday, June 13, 2003
There's something wrong with my archives, is there not, oh well. can't seem to access it: will someone tell me what the problem is? Actually come to think of it you'd like blogger. blogger gives you an opportunity to explore yourself and to release anything you want to say to the world...
Oh actually music was brilliant in my ears yesterday. music just being wonderful....simply wonderful. swooningly beautiful. smile-inducingly refreshing and delightful. ah well it didn't last, did it. looking at the bands that were playing yesterday outside cine and it becomes rather exciting, this street festival.
I've got to find God again: I keep thinking He's angry with me, I gotta go back...His love and grace is greater than all my sin, His love and grace is greater than all my sin... You know what, we're just not of the world, we just don't belong, and it couldn't be otherwise. Those who want to follow You, the world would hate. That change in perspective has to come, if not we all fall into being servants of the world and not Royal children of God that have been called to a greater mission.
Just want to burst out in song sometimes.
You see, there's the perpetual contradiction: part of me wants to have fun and live, while the other is contemplating on issues that are far greater than the grasp of my understanding.
Oh actually music was brilliant in my ears yesterday. music just being wonderful....simply wonderful. swooningly beautiful. smile-inducingly refreshing and delightful. ah well it didn't last, did it. looking at the bands that were playing yesterday outside cine and it becomes rather exciting, this street festival.
I've got to find God again: I keep thinking He's angry with me, I gotta go back...His love and grace is greater than all my sin, His love and grace is greater than all my sin... You know what, we're just not of the world, we just don't belong, and it couldn't be otherwise. Those who want to follow You, the world would hate. That change in perspective has to come, if not we all fall into being servants of the world and not Royal children of God that have been called to a greater mission.
Just want to burst out in song sometimes.
You see, there's the perpetual contradiction: part of me wants to have fun and live, while the other is contemplating on issues that are far greater than the grasp of my understanding.
Thursday, June 12, 2003
Ahh...looks like my pool's getting better, if only some of the shots would just fall! anyway had quite a bit of fun, watching nemo, hanging around, chit-chatting, playing pool, oh well, that]s the life that hols should be, not sit-at-home and study. Sigh. life's like this, huh. anyway i just wrote a song which is quite good, actually: it's rock. i'm back to writing pop music, woo hoo!
Oh mayor of casterbridge is quite interesting....lol i'm abt to finish it. and finding nemo was interesting also...gee dory is such a bimbo man she just reminds you of every little bimbotic girl out there.haha.
haven't got much to say, really, just living and not thinking. it's a bit easier on me brain.
Oh mayor of casterbridge is quite interesting....lol i'm abt to finish it. and finding nemo was interesting also...gee dory is such a bimbo man she just reminds you of every little bimbotic girl out there.haha.
haven't got much to say, really, just living and not thinking. it's a bit easier on me brain.