People just need to relax. Not to the stage when everything is left on the shelf and life becomes a struggle to finish work; but just enough so that things are completed and yet stress is reduced to a minimum.
One must see it this way.
There are so many hours to do work. And yet the work isn't that much. It's still so manageable. Just do your share, go home, and be happy. we can all be friends. what's with all the bickering and the blaming of each other?
Mistakes will be made, for we are human. we are not God. and the right attitude to take with regards to them is to relax and enjoy the mistakes and ensure they aren't repeated.
because. it's scary to be too good. i wonder how human you really are. we should strive for efficiency but please don't take away our human emotions or love for each other.
---
and if you read these blogs, i don't think anyone will know what it is all about.
but neither do i.
i'm rambling, but that's good, because things are more honest.
----
like Sarah said on her blog, hillsongs is really good, and yeah i also remember what darlene said about 'it's not a pretty melody, it's my heart, and my life'. the problem about pretty melodies is that it detracts you from God, because you're so focussed on the melody you forget about who the melody is for. so more important is to focus on God, and if the melody wants to come then let it come.
and i really liked the 'walk humbly, be kind and compassionate' part, too...
hmms
----
the commentary on Ronald Reagan in Time Magazine was stirring in one phrase, that which mentioned his belief that God has a plan for him and all he wants to do is to follow that plan. such faith is so wonderful and such an inspiration. i mean, things happen for a reason. and perhaps the reason why things don't happen the ideal way is because, well, i wasn't made for it. and if i'm not made for it and God doesn't want it then who am I to say I want it?
this is so confusing, isn't it.
you don't get it. but sometimes you can't have it. because if you have it then you won't actually enjoy it, because it doesn't fit your life.
okay so it really isn't it.
hmms.
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
okay well, so it takes a j1 to realise this: (taken from my junior junior class's blog)
"the people who get the most down are so down probably because their sense of self-worth is measured by evidence of their achievements, i.e. medals and grades and thingys you win etc. or how you look on paper. and so now they can't be at the top they feel like failures. but this is fundamentally wrong cos self-worth should be based on uh. other things i guess. as in. what other things would vary from person to person but i don't exactly think the most important thing in anyone's life should be achievement in terms of winning things. cos thats basically a selfish way to live and even though okay, man is basically selfish we can try not to be can't we? and give life some slightly nobler purpose? and if you try to think this way after some time things may start looking up. like you start living for friends or for cca or for lessons etc. just appreciating these things in themselves. and you set goals and try hard for those goals but you stop trying to win everything. and life gets peachier and rosier =]"
what pearls of wisdom. Such people, who can see beyond their achievements and the immediate and have confidence in themselves because of who they ARE and not what they DO, are hard to come by. especially in rj. if only people'd learnt earlier and not waste their lives fighting for useless futile things, maybe we'd all learn to love a little more.
sounds like trite to you, but then, life is a wonderful journey and the negative things that come my way don't deserve to spoil my fun. i am, optimistically buoyant about my future, and that's how it's meant to be. thank you!
urm. yups. i don't know. should i be a lawyer?? i must pray. hmms. i odn't think so, though. how do u be a Christian and be a lawyer at the same time? as purvis says, are they 'parascites on crime?' so how? so how? hmms. must pray.
"the people who get the most down are so down probably because their sense of self-worth is measured by evidence of their achievements, i.e. medals and grades and thingys you win etc. or how you look on paper. and so now they can't be at the top they feel like failures. but this is fundamentally wrong cos self-worth should be based on uh. other things i guess. as in. what other things would vary from person to person but i don't exactly think the most important thing in anyone's life should be achievement in terms of winning things. cos thats basically a selfish way to live and even though okay, man is basically selfish we can try not to be can't we? and give life some slightly nobler purpose? and if you try to think this way after some time things may start looking up. like you start living for friends or for cca or for lessons etc. just appreciating these things in themselves. and you set goals and try hard for those goals but you stop trying to win everything. and life gets peachier and rosier =]"
what pearls of wisdom. Such people, who can see beyond their achievements and the immediate and have confidence in themselves because of who they ARE and not what they DO, are hard to come by. especially in rj. if only people'd learnt earlier and not waste their lives fighting for useless futile things, maybe we'd all learn to love a little more.
sounds like trite to you, but then, life is a wonderful journey and the negative things that come my way don't deserve to spoil my fun. i am, optimistically buoyant about my future, and that's how it's meant to be. thank you!
urm. yups. i don't know. should i be a lawyer?? i must pray. hmms. i odn't think so, though. how do u be a Christian and be a lawyer at the same time? as purvis says, are they 'parascites on crime?' so how? so how? hmms. must pray.
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Just went for FOP(festival of praise) yesterday; it was a wonderful praise session just worshiping God with so many other Christians and it was great because it was total; we worshipped from the bottom of our hearts, putting away all distractions as unimportant in the splendour of praise and worship, and it was with all our hearts. and so i want to thank God for that chance to be there, and for the uplifting and the chance to dedicate my life wholly to you again. thank you.
i wrote quite alot of christian songs after that. it's great to write christian music, very uplifting and well i don't know, it's like, just some things i want to say ,right.
hmms. i miss my friends too.
i wrote quite alot of christian songs after that. it's great to write christian music, very uplifting and well i don't know, it's like, just some things i want to say ,right.
hmms. i miss my friends too.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
On Music
Music is such a high art form that it takes years of training and immersion to simply touch its surface and understand a bit of its concepts and ideas. Here I shall try to make sense of what is known as ‘Tempo’, after reading a wonderful book in the Esplanade library on the subject.
Tempo
The tempo referred to here is not simply the rhythm, whether it is jagged, syncopated, etc., but the pulse, how fast it is when you count the beats, 1-2-3-4, is it fast or slow. This element is often neglected among performers and listeners, but it plays a very important and elementary role in determining the mood and feel and the entire makeup of the song. The correct tempo should be one that allows the song’s melodies to be eminently singable, not too draggy so that the melodies all fall apart to become individual notes (because the sense of rhythm (and I mean rhythm, not tempo) is lost as a result), and not too fast so that one is hardly able to ‘hear’ the note itself cleanly, which is bad as well. Hence it is probably more accurate to state that there are a range of tempi that a song can be played, and this range varies from a very small window, perhaps for some rock songs or dance tracks when the tempo itself is crucial in adding to the feel of the song, to jazz standards etc when there is probably a looser sense of rhythm that allows performers greater flexibility.
It is not necessarily true that tempo is always decided by mood (happy songs=fast, sad songs=slow), but the greater determinant is the melody in itself, as singled out earlier, but the shape and form of the melody itself. For instance, ‘moon river’ has a large expansive shape, consisting of a perfect 5th up (which is characteristic), and slowly leading stepwards down to the 4th and up again to the 5th in seconds. Because of this large expansive shape being the characteristic of the song, it is only natural that the tempo allows for this broadness, this expansiveness, symbolized by perhaps a grand in-out movement of the arms. On the other hand, a song like ‘Happy together’ will become stifling and boring if it were to be in the same tempo as ‘Moon River’. The verse is rather rhythmic (stop start), and the melody is rather narrow, consisting mainly of seconds, in a descending sequence, and hence the tempo is more edgy and fluid (gets on with it) so as to convey that unique rhythm that characterizes the song. Furthermore, the part ‘I do’, which is on the off-beat, is to be sung in a tone which convinces the listener(the girl) that he actually does ‘imagine me and you’, and hence it has to be rather fast, because the style is one of a man trying to both express his emotions, because deep down he is romantic and feels for her, and wants to hide it, being a little afraid of an unfavourable reaction from her. So hence the mumble ‘I do’. Moreover, the part ‘I can’t see me loving nobody but you’ is to be joyous and exclamatory, a outpouring statement of love and devotion, and hence it is delivered almost anthemically and with a vigour that is conveyed in the tempo of straight beats that are almost martial.
I shall continue more next time. If any of you are playing in a band, this is really important—too many times have I heard young kids, especially, play piano too fast, or old men play too slowly. It is not how fast or how slow you can move your fingers, but how tempi affects listening, that’s the key.
Music is such a high art form that it takes years of training and immersion to simply touch its surface and understand a bit of its concepts and ideas. Here I shall try to make sense of what is known as ‘Tempo’, after reading a wonderful book in the Esplanade library on the subject.
Tempo
The tempo referred to here is not simply the rhythm, whether it is jagged, syncopated, etc., but the pulse, how fast it is when you count the beats, 1-2-3-4, is it fast or slow. This element is often neglected among performers and listeners, but it plays a very important and elementary role in determining the mood and feel and the entire makeup of the song. The correct tempo should be one that allows the song’s melodies to be eminently singable, not too draggy so that the melodies all fall apart to become individual notes (because the sense of rhythm (and I mean rhythm, not tempo) is lost as a result), and not too fast so that one is hardly able to ‘hear’ the note itself cleanly, which is bad as well. Hence it is probably more accurate to state that there are a range of tempi that a song can be played, and this range varies from a very small window, perhaps for some rock songs or dance tracks when the tempo itself is crucial in adding to the feel of the song, to jazz standards etc when there is probably a looser sense of rhythm that allows performers greater flexibility.
It is not necessarily true that tempo is always decided by mood (happy songs=fast, sad songs=slow), but the greater determinant is the melody in itself, as singled out earlier, but the shape and form of the melody itself. For instance, ‘moon river’ has a large expansive shape, consisting of a perfect 5th up (which is characteristic), and slowly leading stepwards down to the 4th and up again to the 5th in seconds. Because of this large expansive shape being the characteristic of the song, it is only natural that the tempo allows for this broadness, this expansiveness, symbolized by perhaps a grand in-out movement of the arms. On the other hand, a song like ‘Happy together’ will become stifling and boring if it were to be in the same tempo as ‘Moon River’. The verse is rather rhythmic (stop start), and the melody is rather narrow, consisting mainly of seconds, in a descending sequence, and hence the tempo is more edgy and fluid (gets on with it) so as to convey that unique rhythm that characterizes the song. Furthermore, the part ‘I do’, which is on the off-beat, is to be sung in a tone which convinces the listener(the girl) that he actually does ‘imagine me and you’, and hence it has to be rather fast, because the style is one of a man trying to both express his emotions, because deep down he is romantic and feels for her, and wants to hide it, being a little afraid of an unfavourable reaction from her. So hence the mumble ‘I do’. Moreover, the part ‘I can’t see me loving nobody but you’ is to be joyous and exclamatory, a outpouring statement of love and devotion, and hence it is delivered almost anthemically and with a vigour that is conveyed in the tempo of straight beats that are almost martial.
I shall continue more next time. If any of you are playing in a band, this is really important—too many times have I heard young kids, especially, play piano too fast, or old men play too slowly. It is not how fast or how slow you can move your fingers, but how tempi affects listening, that’s the key.
God, in His infinite mercy, gave me the opportunity yesterday (Sunday) to turn back and follow Him as a disciple. And how can I not take up that wonderful offer? May You be the center of my life. It is not, God is up there, I am down here, I am communicating, but, God is in me and I am just in Him and everything i have is flowing through Him and He controls it.
The service in the morning was really cool. Thanks to God, somehow all of us played well; somehow God's calming presence enabled us to all play in time, and for once our drummer was cool!! yay! i mean we struggled so much during rehearsals that when it was so good in the real thing it is all up to God's grace and even Uncle Sam was quite surprised we managed to do it. The message was really good. Pastor Daniel showed us 2 pictures; one of a formed Paul and Peter (all scupltures by Michaelangelo), and one of the unformed Matthew, with only his torso formed but the rest still stuck in cement, and challenged all of us not to be like this Matthew, who has started his spiritual journey but in the end lies stagnant, never finishing the race that he has run. I don't want to do that. I want to grow, to bear fruit, to know YOu more to draw closer to You and all that; just to learn a bit more everyday. I dedicate my whole life to You please just use me.
And later on during worship at night it was a wonderful elated experience within me that praised God through the songs we were singing and I was just there prayerful and bowing and talking to Him from the bottom of my soul. it has to be this; prayer must be deep, 'deep calls to deep'. And later on I was just happy, i don't know why.
Just came back from ACJC choir concert. those people can really sing, though I'd rather they pitch better.
The service in the morning was really cool. Thanks to God, somehow all of us played well; somehow God's calming presence enabled us to all play in time, and for once our drummer was cool!! yay! i mean we struggled so much during rehearsals that when it was so good in the real thing it is all up to God's grace and even Uncle Sam was quite surprised we managed to do it. The message was really good. Pastor Daniel showed us 2 pictures; one of a formed Paul and Peter (all scupltures by Michaelangelo), and one of the unformed Matthew, with only his torso formed but the rest still stuck in cement, and challenged all of us not to be like this Matthew, who has started his spiritual journey but in the end lies stagnant, never finishing the race that he has run. I don't want to do that. I want to grow, to bear fruit, to know YOu more to draw closer to You and all that; just to learn a bit more everyday. I dedicate my whole life to You please just use me.
And later on during worship at night it was a wonderful elated experience within me that praised God through the songs we were singing and I was just there prayerful and bowing and talking to Him from the bottom of my soul. it has to be this; prayer must be deep, 'deep calls to deep'. And later on I was just happy, i don't know why.
Just came back from ACJC choir concert. those people can really sing, though I'd rather they pitch better.
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Be strong in the Lord, please be. Somehow I know God has made you strong for this day when you are able to look to Him and let Him enfold you in His arms, in the midst of all the memories and the feelings and emotions that well up inside.
I know that, my friend. please take care.
'This world is not my home, I'm just a-passing through. My treasures are laid up, somewhere beyond the blue'
-for a friend-
--
Life's rollercoaster of ups and downs never seems to end, and it's interesting how everything comes and everything goes in an instance. It was like, I was so happy I got accepted into law, because it was so competitive; the next day I fell sick with a horrible flu. And then like last thursday or friday music just seemed to flow through me, I could hear very well again, could write songs, sing well, in pitch, and everything. Full swing 180 deg back to today, so tired, outta sync, my playing in church was so off.
I have to realise that life brings surprises and new experiences each day and I have to cherish these experiences because they are oh so precious and your life is determined somewhat by them. Cherish them i will, I will.
--
She is so pretty. sigh. (okay nothing nothing)
--
life is unfair
--
I am probably fortunate to be in SSU (my dept) because everyone is happy and friendly to each other. But that is also our biggest curse, precisely because I value honesty. And I can't imagine why everyone can be happy everytime. Sometimes when people are angry and frustrated, it's only human to show it, and when it is hidden under a veneer of happy smiles, it frustrates me, because there isn't any real emotion then. People aren't people anymore. What I like is for people to express themselves naturally in front of others, instead of being a person who simply fakes everything for the sake of preserving his image. I don't care about mine; LOL; i just live. i do not find it glorious to be the most happening, most hip guy around. all i want to do is to live according to my principles, be in close touch with God and with the people I love, and then live true to myself. that's all i ask for, man.
one of the greatest problems about NS is that it distorts the mind and destroys everything that was unique about the individual for the sake of harmonious uniformity and cohesive team spirit, esprit de corps they call it. and so how do they do it? they try to make everyone carbon copies of each other, human robots, eschewing human difference for the sake of efficiency and speed. and you wonder why governments complain about people's lack of creativity. it is precisely because of this. to be different, to slack, to be lazy, even to rebel, is all part of us that allows us to move away from the accepted line of action, and that's when creative paths can be formed. unfortunately, NS doesn't allow such privileges, and so how do you expect that from our men? i do not even want to speak of the social alienations NS creates; maybe after 2 and a half years they'll have forgotten how to speak to girls.
seriously, if robots weren't totally nullified by EMPs, we could scrap NS altogether and have robot soldiers instead. now we have soldiers masquerading as robots.
I know that, my friend. please take care.
'This world is not my home, I'm just a-passing through. My treasures are laid up, somewhere beyond the blue'
-for a friend-
--
Life's rollercoaster of ups and downs never seems to end, and it's interesting how everything comes and everything goes in an instance. It was like, I was so happy I got accepted into law, because it was so competitive; the next day I fell sick with a horrible flu. And then like last thursday or friday music just seemed to flow through me, I could hear very well again, could write songs, sing well, in pitch, and everything. Full swing 180 deg back to today, so tired, outta sync, my playing in church was so off.
I have to realise that life brings surprises and new experiences each day and I have to cherish these experiences because they are oh so precious and your life is determined somewhat by them. Cherish them i will, I will.
--
She is so pretty. sigh. (okay nothing nothing)
--
life is unfair
--
I am probably fortunate to be in SSU (my dept) because everyone is happy and friendly to each other. But that is also our biggest curse, precisely because I value honesty. And I can't imagine why everyone can be happy everytime. Sometimes when people are angry and frustrated, it's only human to show it, and when it is hidden under a veneer of happy smiles, it frustrates me, because there isn't any real emotion then. People aren't people anymore. What I like is for people to express themselves naturally in front of others, instead of being a person who simply fakes everything for the sake of preserving his image. I don't care about mine; LOL; i just live. i do not find it glorious to be the most happening, most hip guy around. all i want to do is to live according to my principles, be in close touch with God and with the people I love, and then live true to myself. that's all i ask for, man.
one of the greatest problems about NS is that it distorts the mind and destroys everything that was unique about the individual for the sake of harmonious uniformity and cohesive team spirit, esprit de corps they call it. and so how do they do it? they try to make everyone carbon copies of each other, human robots, eschewing human difference for the sake of efficiency and speed. and you wonder why governments complain about people's lack of creativity. it is precisely because of this. to be different, to slack, to be lazy, even to rebel, is all part of us that allows us to move away from the accepted line of action, and that's when creative paths can be formed. unfortunately, NS doesn't allow such privileges, and so how do you expect that from our men? i do not even want to speak of the social alienations NS creates; maybe after 2 and a half years they'll have forgotten how to speak to girls.
seriously, if robots weren't totally nullified by EMPs, we could scrap NS altogether and have robot soldiers instead. now we have soldiers masquerading as robots.
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Of Roses and Thorns
Life's journey is littered with thorns. Occassionally there'll be roses, but you really have to find them. People struggle to meet end's meet, feed their families. Life is hard. Yet those who can find their roses among the thorns and build little beds for these roses to grow in their lives are the ultimate winners in life. You have to grow them yourself because there isnt' enough roses to go around.
I need direction, somehow...
And stability
and consistency.
But ultimately the people who I will respect with all my heart are those who will live their life enduring everything the world will throw at them, be it the pains of OCS or heartbreak, etc, and still have it in their hearts to love others and wanting the best for them. and in the end who will be left?
i will respect them. sir. *salute*.
Life's journey is littered with thorns. Occassionally there'll be roses, but you really have to find them. People struggle to meet end's meet, feed their families. Life is hard. Yet those who can find their roses among the thorns and build little beds for these roses to grow in their lives are the ultimate winners in life. You have to grow them yourself because there isnt' enough roses to go around.
I need direction, somehow...
And stability
and consistency.
But ultimately the people who I will respect with all my heart are those who will live their life enduring everything the world will throw at them, be it the pains of OCS or heartbreak, etc, and still have it in their hearts to love others and wanting the best for them. and in the end who will be left?
i will respect them. sir. *salute*.
Sunday, May 16, 2004
Epic movies serve to make me feel how insignificant I am in the whole scheme of things; our lives come and they go like the wind, and years from now, who will remember our name? It makes me appreciate how much God loves me, for He is ruler of heaven and earth, and of all the lands and of all the peoples and of the ancient times to the ends of this age, and yet He cares about me. I feel privileged, and how can I take this for granted? Please don't let me; I feel scared to let go--let me cling on for as long as I live. like how the troy priestesses worshipped their gods, whom they never saw; how much more should I love and worship You O God. so many times we take You for granted and let me start afresh by realising that you have plans for me, and how can you work if i don't let You, let You take control, and involve you into my everyday and my everynight?
i need help. lalala.
i need help. lalala.
I have to apologise for my behaviour in life. For not being present, being there for people, and remaining detached and aloof in front of them, not bringing them into my life and opening up my world to them, not being interested in them, for that matter. Not being interested in their life and all that. So I guess it's no one's fault if I'm just cut off from the world, alienated, and when all i get is hies and friendly goodbyes. You deserve what you get, I deserve mine. I realised I'm not the good friend I once was, last time, caught up in too many things, in trying to get the most out of the good time you have because you really don't have any time left after all that studying in JC (RJC stifles you, it really does), and then you get hard-up and all that, and you care too much about yourself and not enough for others.
crap man I have to change.
Wen en was right when he said that i was spreading myself too thin. because I wasn't investing in people, no one invested in me. No one's interested in whether I get into SMU or what university or how my future will be. or who I'm dating, (Which is no one, incidentally). No one really cares, why, because maybe I didn't care too much about them, I wasn’t interested. I didn’t allow them to come into my world and share the moments with me. So what can I say but, sucks to myself. Spreading myself too thin is that result. Lots of little friends, but gone are the bosom friends I once had.
I know I still care for them. I just don’t express it very well. But I’ll be there, even in the moody times. Things go so wrong, but I’ll be there. I think about these things sometime, but few people really think nowadays, do they. We used to, once, like when you were 13 and 14 and just growing up and discovering life together and all the wonderful things together, playing soccer, laughing, why.
now they dont' call you out to talk over coffee. it's just, okay let's go pubbing or watch a movie. no, i haven't watched a movie in ages also, maybe because there isn't anyone to watch with.
i dread saturdays because of that. because no guy in his right mind puts me as a 'first option'. i am usually the last option.
i am speaking honestly, by the way.
no one calls me so i am lonely. isolated. i hate saturdays. oh i said that already.
i used to have solid groups of friends that were close and we'll all get together and talk about life and everything was fun and all that. but people get girlfriends and boyfriends and they're stuck in camp and have their own groups of friends. tis the problem with going to RJ. you haven't moved on, but they have (the ac people). they've moved on so far to new worlds that you'd only wish you'd have.
and so i wait for better things and better hopes for the future. there's still some confidence in me that i can do it. i can make it this time. because i can turn it on and then things will be better. i'll be the life of the party again.
i wrote a song. songs like that, are genuine.
good night.
crap man I have to change.
Wen en was right when he said that i was spreading myself too thin. because I wasn't investing in people, no one invested in me. No one's interested in whether I get into SMU or what university or how my future will be. or who I'm dating, (Which is no one, incidentally). No one really cares, why, because maybe I didn't care too much about them, I wasn’t interested. I didn’t allow them to come into my world and share the moments with me. So what can I say but, sucks to myself. Spreading myself too thin is that result. Lots of little friends, but gone are the bosom friends I once had.
I know I still care for them. I just don’t express it very well. But I’ll be there, even in the moody times. Things go so wrong, but I’ll be there. I think about these things sometime, but few people really think nowadays, do they. We used to, once, like when you were 13 and 14 and just growing up and discovering life together and all the wonderful things together, playing soccer, laughing, why.
now they dont' call you out to talk over coffee. it's just, okay let's go pubbing or watch a movie. no, i haven't watched a movie in ages also, maybe because there isn't anyone to watch with.
i dread saturdays because of that. because no guy in his right mind puts me as a 'first option'. i am usually the last option.
i am speaking honestly, by the way.
no one calls me so i am lonely. isolated. i hate saturdays. oh i said that already.
i used to have solid groups of friends that were close and we'll all get together and talk about life and everything was fun and all that. but people get girlfriends and boyfriends and they're stuck in camp and have their own groups of friends. tis the problem with going to RJ. you haven't moved on, but they have (the ac people). they've moved on so far to new worlds that you'd only wish you'd have.
and so i wait for better things and better hopes for the future. there's still some confidence in me that i can do it. i can make it this time. because i can turn it on and then things will be better. i'll be the life of the party again.
i wrote a song. songs like that, are genuine.
good night.
Sunday, May 09, 2004
I think the reason why I'm never close to any social group is because i think i get bored really easily, and most of the time groups that I want to be in are either 1. too wild for my parent's liking, or 2. too tame for my liking. you realise there is only a small bandwidth of groups that are in the middle. and so far i haven't found it yet.
you know, parents just play such a big role: it's the reason why i never really go clubbing, because they just keep such a big eye on you. and they just dont' realise, yhey man, i'm 19, what do you treat me for? damn, why i can't i just start work now???
don't ever go bar celona. what a dumb name. lousy music. etc. outta tune, wrong tempo, no liveliness. i could play betta in my bedroom, man.... hmms. i hoep zhu do't get too upset coz it was her suggestion but nvm its okay every thing has the first time lah...
but i am going to rave about vocal exploits that happened yesterday night, for it was really fantastic. the first part was really nice, i loved 'lonesome road' and some of the experimental atonalistic pieces, which was really cool, because the sounds of the harmonies were nice. hmms. seldom do i hear real music nowadays with all the pop trash going on about. and furthermore, later on valerie's voice was really outstanding (i think that's her name), the fringe concert, and punch was brilliant, wonderfully entertaining, with their cornee lame jokes and stupid actions which made it so hilarious just to watch. haha. i can still remember their elephants and their baboons in 'lion sleeps tonight'. grins. oh well, more about that.
it's so romantic, fullerton hotel and the river. what was really nice, though, was just the atmosphere, that you have fun doing something you love, and you show it out.
that's what's important.
you know, parents just play such a big role: it's the reason why i never really go clubbing, because they just keep such a big eye on you. and they just dont' realise, yhey man, i'm 19, what do you treat me for? damn, why i can't i just start work now???
don't ever go bar celona. what a dumb name. lousy music. etc. outta tune, wrong tempo, no liveliness. i could play betta in my bedroom, man.... hmms. i hoep zhu do't get too upset coz it was her suggestion but nvm its okay every thing has the first time lah...
but i am going to rave about vocal exploits that happened yesterday night, for it was really fantastic. the first part was really nice, i loved 'lonesome road' and some of the experimental atonalistic pieces, which was really cool, because the sounds of the harmonies were nice. hmms. seldom do i hear real music nowadays with all the pop trash going on about. and furthermore, later on valerie's voice was really outstanding (i think that's her name), the fringe concert, and punch was brilliant, wonderfully entertaining, with their cornee lame jokes and stupid actions which made it so hilarious just to watch. haha. i can still remember their elephants and their baboons in 'lion sleeps tonight'. grins. oh well, more about that.
it's so romantic, fullerton hotel and the river. what was really nice, though, was just the atmosphere, that you have fun doing something you love, and you show it out.
that's what's important.
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
Haven't blogged for a long time. went for my law interview, on friday, and had a good time after that, shopping with jerald, etc., going to brewerz for some beers, going to sentosa on saturday for some talking and some beach games eg. frisbee. So sick after that, but it was a fun weekend. could be better, though.
i have to OBEY GOD. today's quiet time subject was about how, if we love God, we will keep His commandments and obey Him. I can't agree more. it says 'it's not a warm feeling or a belief', but its obedience....sure. it is. because if He is our master, then the only way we show we love Him is to obey Him. it's just like the way we love our parents is to obey them, no?
hmm. i should do that more.
i've been so bubbly and smiley and talkative, which is good, i guess. i miss that energy. sigh. it seems like only once i get my brain working, which takes incredibly long, can i get into a nice funk to enjoy myself. why's that. haha.
and songs are inevitably linked to images.
and i love 'someone to watch over me'.
Speaking of that, here is my review of American Idol.
1. Diana DeGarmo
Absolutely superb. sure, she doesn't look too good, a bit on the plump side, but man she can sing. someone to watch over me was done in a nice pure way, for a 16 year old that sure is great--it wasn't as rounded/full of that warmth as you'd expect from someone like ella fitzgerald, but it had a nice pureness that came from singing naturally without the vibrato. but the second song really pushed the limits, and beat the competition away. why? because firstly, it was so lively, and her voice just flutted with the melody effortlessly, it was just pitch perfect, seriously. it was, like, so agile, and so fresh. wonderful. judy garland, wasn't it. and also the image: a nice little girl one, which was pretty cool for her. moreover, she impresses with her honesty. in front of everyone, she has no airs, she just speaks with a nice fresh tone, is cheery and bubbly, and takes criticism so well...she deserves to be american idol 3.
2. George Huff
First song, from Top Hat, only amateurish. the song was good, funky, nice and swingy, but maybe the voice just failed to stir, coz it was just so low, and sometimes it seemed as though he was struggling with the notes a little bit. and like he can't talk properly issit. make no mistake, coz i like huff, but i think sometimes the antics are getting too fake, and it's time there's a bit of sad emotion coming through, some realistic little human connectiveness that'll make him a star. but the songs were nice. i wonder what they were. hmm. what a wonderful world, and then the top hat song.
3. Latoya London
Hard to follow after Diana, but surely this was lousy. she looked like a chicken popping her head in and out. the voice was not bad, a bit strained, perhaps? but a lack of personality, maybe. i just can't feel it, i dont' know why. but i guess you can't just strain to hit the high notes all the time. she was better last time, i believe? i haven't heard the judges yes but that's what i think. oh no the judges just gave her a ten outta ten. haha for once i dont' agree with cowell. okay it was a great broadway performance tho. i'll have to give her that.
4. Jasmine Trias.
Kena slammed for being 'unexciting'. sure, but the appeal's still there. sweet girl appeal, isn't it. the first song was really great, i think 'the way you look tonight' really benefited from a warm rendition. the tone was really beautiful, lilting, melodious, beautiful, warm...and the second song was not bad, she rocked. the dress was nice. okay pleasant. but really i think at this stage pleasant is still enough to progress (note ms fantasia)
5. Fantasia Barrino
great performance. nice song. it was quite brilliant actually. there was some emotion there. i din really like her before but okay this one was good
this is in order of performance, btw.
i have to OBEY GOD. today's quiet time subject was about how, if we love God, we will keep His commandments and obey Him. I can't agree more. it says 'it's not a warm feeling or a belief', but its obedience....sure. it is. because if He is our master, then the only way we show we love Him is to obey Him. it's just like the way we love our parents is to obey them, no?
hmm. i should do that more.
i've been so bubbly and smiley and talkative, which is good, i guess. i miss that energy. sigh. it seems like only once i get my brain working, which takes incredibly long, can i get into a nice funk to enjoy myself. why's that. haha.
and songs are inevitably linked to images.
and i love 'someone to watch over me'.
Speaking of that, here is my review of American Idol.
1. Diana DeGarmo
Absolutely superb. sure, she doesn't look too good, a bit on the plump side, but man she can sing. someone to watch over me was done in a nice pure way, for a 16 year old that sure is great--it wasn't as rounded/full of that warmth as you'd expect from someone like ella fitzgerald, but it had a nice pureness that came from singing naturally without the vibrato. but the second song really pushed the limits, and beat the competition away. why? because firstly, it was so lively, and her voice just flutted with the melody effortlessly, it was just pitch perfect, seriously. it was, like, so agile, and so fresh. wonderful. judy garland, wasn't it. and also the image: a nice little girl one, which was pretty cool for her. moreover, she impresses with her honesty. in front of everyone, she has no airs, she just speaks with a nice fresh tone, is cheery and bubbly, and takes criticism so well...she deserves to be american idol 3.
2. George Huff
First song, from Top Hat, only amateurish. the song was good, funky, nice and swingy, but maybe the voice just failed to stir, coz it was just so low, and sometimes it seemed as though he was struggling with the notes a little bit. and like he can't talk properly issit. make no mistake, coz i like huff, but i think sometimes the antics are getting too fake, and it's time there's a bit of sad emotion coming through, some realistic little human connectiveness that'll make him a star. but the songs were nice. i wonder what they were. hmm. what a wonderful world, and then the top hat song.
3. Latoya London
Hard to follow after Diana, but surely this was lousy. she looked like a chicken popping her head in and out. the voice was not bad, a bit strained, perhaps? but a lack of personality, maybe. i just can't feel it, i dont' know why. but i guess you can't just strain to hit the high notes all the time. she was better last time, i believe? i haven't heard the judges yes but that's what i think. oh no the judges just gave her a ten outta ten. haha for once i dont' agree with cowell. okay it was a great broadway performance tho. i'll have to give her that.
4. Jasmine Trias.
Kena slammed for being 'unexciting'. sure, but the appeal's still there. sweet girl appeal, isn't it. the first song was really great, i think 'the way you look tonight' really benefited from a warm rendition. the tone was really beautiful, lilting, melodious, beautiful, warm...and the second song was not bad, she rocked. the dress was nice. okay pleasant. but really i think at this stage pleasant is still enough to progress (note ms fantasia)
5. Fantasia Barrino
great performance. nice song. it was quite brilliant actually. there was some emotion there. i din really like her before but okay this one was good
this is in order of performance, btw.
Saturday, April 24, 2004
Just came back from dance night! In a high now! You'll know you're in a high when you RUN back from the bus stop, instead of walking, for goodness sakes'.
the first part went along with the actual concert itself. i especially liked the 3 beat song, (Forgetting the dance), and especially the coloured dances, the chinese dances, even the hip hop ones. all were pretty cool. there was some nice touches here and there, i must add. what was really cool were the costumes, probably at a all-time high. all tastefully done and stylishly apt, too.
although the fun only got on in the later part, with the photo taking and all that. not bad, it was like a big school reunion with all these people meeting up together and discussing their lives. not bad. felt really nice. although damn why aren't i a councillor? heh. walking to cheese prata was pretty cool also cuz zhu kept calling me bladder boy and all that. =) which was quite fun. aiya. just being the life. just being myself. being loud and don't care and brash and weird and even gay. okay im not but it was fun to pretend i were one...
filled with rhythm to write songs, inspired to write dance tracks. can u imagine them playing it at a club? heh heh....the party atmosphere is pretty cool and euphoric. its energetic. haven't felt like that in ages!
oh...and..HI! and HI! to all of you. hmms. i din say hie but never mind, hi.=)
the first part went along with the actual concert itself. i especially liked the 3 beat song, (Forgetting the dance), and especially the coloured dances, the chinese dances, even the hip hop ones. all were pretty cool. there was some nice touches here and there, i must add. what was really cool were the costumes, probably at a all-time high. all tastefully done and stylishly apt, too.
although the fun only got on in the later part, with the photo taking and all that. not bad, it was like a big school reunion with all these people meeting up together and discussing their lives. not bad. felt really nice. although damn why aren't i a councillor? heh. walking to cheese prata was pretty cool also cuz zhu kept calling me bladder boy and all that. =) which was quite fun. aiya. just being the life. just being myself. being loud and don't care and brash and weird and even gay. okay im not but it was fun to pretend i were one...
filled with rhythm to write songs, inspired to write dance tracks. can u imagine them playing it at a club? heh heh....the party atmosphere is pretty cool and euphoric. its energetic. haven't felt like that in ages!
oh...and..HI! and HI! to all of you. hmms. i din say hie but never mind, hi.=)
Thursday, April 22, 2004
The tragedy at Nicoll highway left a profound impact on me. Looking at the TV and the cries of the families who's relatives had perished in the collapse made me realise just how precious life is, and how infinitely mortal we really are. Each day that we live is a gift from God. The next day, we might die, and meet our Maker. 'I don't worry 'bout tomorrow, I just live from day to day.' And so, how much more should we cherish our lives, and the good times we have and the families and friends you share and know. How much more should we cherish everything we have because time is short. You never know if anything will happen to the people you love and know.
The flaming lips expresses it very well...
"Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun don'-go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round
Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh
Do You Realize - that everyone you know
Someday will die -
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun don'-go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round
Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize "
And I am so proud of my organisation (SCDF) to be the rescuers at the forefront rescuing bodies. We are the best. we actually do something noble. man. this is the thing that makes SCDF people swoon with pride.
Had a swim today; decided to exercise a bit. And moreover, prayer was good today, so good. can actually feel. the images in my head of something majestic towering into the sky coupled with song. it's rather interesting as well. hmms. Lord I just need to feel You with me all the time, and not just know. but to really experience and feel. what an apt bible lesson today!!
The flaming lips expresses it very well...
"Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun don'-go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round
Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh
Do You Realize - that everyone you know
Someday will die -
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun don'-go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round
Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize "
And I am so proud of my organisation (SCDF) to be the rescuers at the forefront rescuing bodies. We are the best. we actually do something noble. man. this is the thing that makes SCDF people swoon with pride.
Had a swim today; decided to exercise a bit. And moreover, prayer was good today, so good. can actually feel. the images in my head of something majestic towering into the sky coupled with song. it's rather interesting as well. hmms. Lord I just need to feel You with me all the time, and not just know. but to really experience and feel. what an apt bible lesson today!!
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Happy birthday to myself! I'm saying this because most people don't have a clue today is, my, urm, birthday. happy 19th.
so i went out with jerm to this mexican restaurant of which i've forgotten the name to have burritos, tacos, wings, and margaritas. it was good, especially the drink, nice and limey and potent. now how often do you get strong cocktail drinks? most of the time it's so diluted it tastes exactly of 7up, or syrup, etc., especially if you go to restaurants which serve drinks but are mainly known for food, such as hard rock cafe. you'll never get proper drinks there. most of the time i order beer, because, well, you can't cheat with beer.
----
i guess working at ubi headquarters has indeed confirmed something people tend to say about singapore. there are the cosmopolitians, and the heartlanders. although somewhat cliched, such a division holds much water. i am not saying one is better than the other, they're just different. Civil Defence is flooded with the heartlander sort. Most speak chinese, play pool, listen to stefanie sun and jay chou, and think the chioest person in the world is joanne peh, or something of that kind. because my department is more heartlandish, i guess i'd also need to adjust. but please, no ah-beng attitudes or act-cools. i really can't tolerate it, man. but what i like about them is this warm and fuzzy friendliness about them. it's rather simple, open, and nice. but somehow i don't know, i'd like to think there's more to life than that.
but you already know what cosmopolitians are like. they speak english, for one thing.
and if you think singapore is one homogenous nation, try living in tampines, and then moving to clementi. whole lot of difference. tampines is so suburban, almost a cluster-town. everything is self-contained. so new. buses travel around like they're in simcity. flats are themed. back here in clementi everyone is waiting to go to orchard to have some fun.
and btw, macpherson is downright ugly. there are factories next to sleazy hotel-81 styled hotels and little residences popping up here and there. LTA should be sued. the whole place reeks of malaysian haphazard-towns where little trucks run up and down amidst rickshaws and bicycles. absolutely disgraceful. if it's old and full of charm, that's wonderful--penang is like that, or maybe even central chinatown. this one isn't old and yet its fugly. ridiculous.
what i can't stand.
1. ah lians with dyed hair.
2. girls with dyed hair.
3. anyone with dyed hair
seriously it's not the occassional highlight, its those brown-coloured dyes that make you look like japs. so unoriginal. please, come on, have some taste.
so i went out with jerm to this mexican restaurant of which i've forgotten the name to have burritos, tacos, wings, and margaritas. it was good, especially the drink, nice and limey and potent. now how often do you get strong cocktail drinks? most of the time it's so diluted it tastes exactly of 7up, or syrup, etc., especially if you go to restaurants which serve drinks but are mainly known for food, such as hard rock cafe. you'll never get proper drinks there. most of the time i order beer, because, well, you can't cheat with beer.
----
i guess working at ubi headquarters has indeed confirmed something people tend to say about singapore. there are the cosmopolitians, and the heartlanders. although somewhat cliched, such a division holds much water. i am not saying one is better than the other, they're just different. Civil Defence is flooded with the heartlander sort. Most speak chinese, play pool, listen to stefanie sun and jay chou, and think the chioest person in the world is joanne peh, or something of that kind. because my department is more heartlandish, i guess i'd also need to adjust. but please, no ah-beng attitudes or act-cools. i really can't tolerate it, man. but what i like about them is this warm and fuzzy friendliness about them. it's rather simple, open, and nice. but somehow i don't know, i'd like to think there's more to life than that.
but you already know what cosmopolitians are like. they speak english, for one thing.
and if you think singapore is one homogenous nation, try living in tampines, and then moving to clementi. whole lot of difference. tampines is so suburban, almost a cluster-town. everything is self-contained. so new. buses travel around like they're in simcity. flats are themed. back here in clementi everyone is waiting to go to orchard to have some fun.
and btw, macpherson is downright ugly. there are factories next to sleazy hotel-81 styled hotels and little residences popping up here and there. LTA should be sued. the whole place reeks of malaysian haphazard-towns where little trucks run up and down amidst rickshaws and bicycles. absolutely disgraceful. if it's old and full of charm, that's wonderful--penang is like that, or maybe even central chinatown. this one isn't old and yet its fugly. ridiculous.
what i can't stand.
1. ah lians with dyed hair.
2. girls with dyed hair.
3. anyone with dyed hair
seriously it's not the occassional highlight, its those brown-coloured dyes that make you look like japs. so unoriginal. please, come on, have some taste.
Sunday, April 18, 2004
'Twas a good day today. It started off with a nice church service. I realised that I have to get back to God and, really, the most important thing is what he thinks of me, and not what the world thinks of me. It's His leading that's important. and even if the whole world hates me/scorns me, but His favour rests on me, that's all that I need.
Statement no 1: The most wonderful thing in life is the knowledge that God is with you; the worse thing is that awful sense of god-forsakenness you get after sinning/being too concerned with earthly things. so, help me to have some resolve.
Statement no 2: character=consistency. there's no point being nice only sometimes when you're in the mood, and the rest of the time when you're in a foul mood to act stupid. the test is CONTROL. how well can you control what you're doing. how well can you control your emotions. now that's real hard. of course, when you are happy and well, everything is nice and you're cheery and bubbly and smiley. but when things start to go wrong, can you still have that warmth in you? if you believe statement no. 1 then God should play the most important role, hence everything still works out fine, hence, you'll be alright.
I had a really nice dinner at Sebestian's. the service was outstanding, the waitress nice, polished, friendly, not too loudish, yet not too reserved. the food was excellent; duck cassoulet (stew) was nice and tasty, esp. with the beans; my rack of lamb was flavourful, the beef was good, and so on. a nice hearty french meal. dessert's souffle was a bit disappointing, it can't compare to bakers' inn, but it did had lots of grand marnier in it, which did wonders. afterward i felt so sweet, tender, full, and just so relaxed as my food digested in me tummy and i just was there. it's the after-dinner effect (it can't be explained. you have to experience it). maybe coz i ate lots of meat, which is quite rare, actually. but i think it's the beer. but the ambience was really nice. it reminds me of rustic french provinces where music is played and you sit there looking over hills and pastures. so story-book like. hmms. i shall go to bed with good memories, and a wonderful feeling in my tummy.
i shall sing songs.
Statement no 1: The most wonderful thing in life is the knowledge that God is with you; the worse thing is that awful sense of god-forsakenness you get after sinning/being too concerned with earthly things. so, help me to have some resolve.
Statement no 2: character=consistency. there's no point being nice only sometimes when you're in the mood, and the rest of the time when you're in a foul mood to act stupid. the test is CONTROL. how well can you control what you're doing. how well can you control your emotions. now that's real hard. of course, when you are happy and well, everything is nice and you're cheery and bubbly and smiley. but when things start to go wrong, can you still have that warmth in you? if you believe statement no. 1 then God should play the most important role, hence everything still works out fine, hence, you'll be alright.
I had a really nice dinner at Sebestian's. the service was outstanding, the waitress nice, polished, friendly, not too loudish, yet not too reserved. the food was excellent; duck cassoulet (stew) was nice and tasty, esp. with the beans; my rack of lamb was flavourful, the beef was good, and so on. a nice hearty french meal. dessert's souffle was a bit disappointing, it can't compare to bakers' inn, but it did had lots of grand marnier in it, which did wonders. afterward i felt so sweet, tender, full, and just so relaxed as my food digested in me tummy and i just was there. it's the after-dinner effect (it can't be explained. you have to experience it). maybe coz i ate lots of meat, which is quite rare, actually. but i think it's the beer. but the ambience was really nice. it reminds me of rustic french provinces where music is played and you sit there looking over hills and pastures. so story-book like. hmms. i shall go to bed with good memories, and a wonderful feeling in my tummy.
i shall sing songs.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
I'm beginning to enjoy Combo Band. I enjoy it more when I'm playing the piano, I guess, because I'm playing more things than silly full chords with the synthesizer to mimic strings, which is, frankly speaking, boring. i hope cpt jaffar etc. aren't reaading this. it will be too politically incorrect. i mean, the worse thing is, the roland is really off in terms of key and stuff. i always have a feeling it's somewhat off in its intonation, but it might be just me. i mean, it just doesnt' sound right, maybe because i don't know how to use it. in any way the strings really sound off. why can't they just get a korg or something. the strings are so much more, stringy.
i mean good strings have to be, full (you gotta hear the chord), unobtrusive (no jagged sounds, etc, no piercing high ends), rounded and mellow, and atmospheric. i mean. it's gotta have that sheen, that warmth and depth as well, while not being overpowering. hard to find the right combination, i guess.
but when i close my eyes and delve into the music, songs like the malay ones 'pintu ke terkaker' etc. and 'lean on me' etc. are really nice sometimes. nice to play with a band, and appreciate all the little chords.
and the thing is, i need a girlfriend. why?? because when all the guys are in the army, girls are the only ones available. and not only that, that's just a peripheral point. i mean, girls are there not just for the fun, but a gf will truly understand you and be a nice pillar of support and a kinda conversation partner, a soulmate so to speak. because sometimes in NS, away from social groups, it can get somewhat lonely, and I just need somewhat to speak with, about what i'm thinking, the day's happenings, the future, the past, and share feelings with.
i'm trying not to be mushy.
=)
layout's changed.
i mean good strings have to be, full (you gotta hear the chord), unobtrusive (no jagged sounds, etc, no piercing high ends), rounded and mellow, and atmospheric. i mean. it's gotta have that sheen, that warmth and depth as well, while not being overpowering. hard to find the right combination, i guess.
but when i close my eyes and delve into the music, songs like the malay ones 'pintu ke terkaker' etc. and 'lean on me' etc. are really nice sometimes. nice to play with a band, and appreciate all the little chords.
and the thing is, i need a girlfriend. why?? because when all the guys are in the army, girls are the only ones available. and not only that, that's just a peripheral point. i mean, girls are there not just for the fun, but a gf will truly understand you and be a nice pillar of support and a kinda conversation partner, a soulmate so to speak. because sometimes in NS, away from social groups, it can get somewhat lonely, and I just need somewhat to speak with, about what i'm thinking, the day's happenings, the future, the past, and share feelings with.
i'm trying not to be mushy.
=)
layout's changed.
Sunday, April 11, 2004
Happy easter to all.
God, in His infinite mercy, is slowly eroding away my hard shell that has developed around me, and showing me love and peace. Thank you. slowly i shall come to understand, fully, and not go back to sinful, angry feelings. The life of a Christian is one of peace, love, and kindness, a slow life of 'others first, I'm last', not this 'go and seek out pleasure and be the best in everything'. It is, 'but for the grace of God am I', and 'I have completed the race' in humble dependence on God, and not, 'I can do everything by myself'. And if I am to understand that, then it is not the world's standards I should be ascribing to, but Yours. Then why am I so hard-up, O Lord?? For fun and all, when everything I need is in You?
For Jesus died for my sins. And Jesus You had to endure the cruelest thing of all, not just the pain and the torture, but seperation from Your loving Father, as You cried out 'Why has Thou forsaken Me?' You were forsaken, when I should have been forsaken. Thank You, God, for sending Jesus down for us.
So please heal me please heal me please heal me and help me...
T. D. Jakes' song 'Mercy saw me' is really inspirational. 'The justice of God saw what I had done, but Mercy saw me through the Son, not what I was but what I could be, that's how mercy saw me'.
Save me.
God, in His infinite mercy, is slowly eroding away my hard shell that has developed around me, and showing me love and peace. Thank you. slowly i shall come to understand, fully, and not go back to sinful, angry feelings. The life of a Christian is one of peace, love, and kindness, a slow life of 'others first, I'm last', not this 'go and seek out pleasure and be the best in everything'. It is, 'but for the grace of God am I', and 'I have completed the race' in humble dependence on God, and not, 'I can do everything by myself'. And if I am to understand that, then it is not the world's standards I should be ascribing to, but Yours. Then why am I so hard-up, O Lord?? For fun and all, when everything I need is in You?
For Jesus died for my sins. And Jesus You had to endure the cruelest thing of all, not just the pain and the torture, but seperation from Your loving Father, as You cried out 'Why has Thou forsaken Me?' You were forsaken, when I should have been forsaken. Thank You, God, for sending Jesus down for us.
So please heal me please heal me please heal me and help me...
T. D. Jakes' song 'Mercy saw me' is really inspirational. 'The justice of God saw what I had done, but Mercy saw me through the Son, not what I was but what I could be, that's how mercy saw me'.
Save me.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
I’m kinda hard up now. Hard up for the good things in life to come and come and come without giving anything of myself away. Wanting to take more, and more, till one day I sink and swim in an ocean of gifts and blessings. Such is a result of my repressed state of mind that I end up like this, a state that, thanks to RJC and all sorts of influences, slowly sinks into never-ending-nothingness. Coming from a world that tells you you have to be the best in order to survive, what more do I now know?
I was not like that last time. I was content to just doing my thing, living my life quietly, enjoying the little simple pleasures that come my way as gifts from God, not thinking too much about what I needed to do to ‘prosper’ and all that. When I treated life like everything was a bonus, I began to enjoy it even more than I would have if I had felt they were expected, I deserved it. Naw. But slowly things changed. In addition to my growing up came this hard-up-ness about me, because I felt things slipping away, I felt my life reducing to nothingness, and I just want to keep the bits that I still had with me. If you’d say, I was nicer 3, 4 years ago, it is probably true. Now, I expect too much. I expect fun after every outing, if not I’d feel disappointed. I’d expect to be the center of attraction. It really sucks. Why can’t I be normal?
We build ourselves around the wrong things. It really should be God as the pinnacle, the base, the support, not songs that you write, music, your friends that will fail you, or even your family. And once the focus is wrong, any little chink to these mortal elements will inevitably cause your whole world to collapse. I hope mine hasn’t.
I am slowly rediscovering my life again. Speaking with J in the office about his friends and deep issues brought me back to the days where I would sit in Coffee Bean/Starbucks speaking about human relationships to my little buddies. Back to the times of sitting in the train pondering over little issues, and discovering new friends, and treasuring friendships before they slip away. It’s speaking of deeper issues that lie beneath the surface and thinking how fortunate you are to have friends. It is not taking people for granted, but treating them as precious jewels that we are fortunate enough to meet. Sometimes you have to, you’ll never know.
‘I’ll drown my beliefs, to have you be in peace’
I was not like that last time. I was content to just doing my thing, living my life quietly, enjoying the little simple pleasures that come my way as gifts from God, not thinking too much about what I needed to do to ‘prosper’ and all that. When I treated life like everything was a bonus, I began to enjoy it even more than I would have if I had felt they were expected, I deserved it. Naw. But slowly things changed. In addition to my growing up came this hard-up-ness about me, because I felt things slipping away, I felt my life reducing to nothingness, and I just want to keep the bits that I still had with me. If you’d say, I was nicer 3, 4 years ago, it is probably true. Now, I expect too much. I expect fun after every outing, if not I’d feel disappointed. I’d expect to be the center of attraction. It really sucks. Why can’t I be normal?
We build ourselves around the wrong things. It really should be God as the pinnacle, the base, the support, not songs that you write, music, your friends that will fail you, or even your family. And once the focus is wrong, any little chink to these mortal elements will inevitably cause your whole world to collapse. I hope mine hasn’t.
I am slowly rediscovering my life again. Speaking with J in the office about his friends and deep issues brought me back to the days where I would sit in Coffee Bean/Starbucks speaking about human relationships to my little buddies. Back to the times of sitting in the train pondering over little issues, and discovering new friends, and treasuring friendships before they slip away. It’s speaking of deeper issues that lie beneath the surface and thinking how fortunate you are to have friends. It is not taking people for granted, but treating them as precious jewels that we are fortunate enough to meet. Sometimes you have to, you’ll never know.
‘I’ll drown my beliefs, to have you be in peace’
Sunday, April 04, 2004
There's something wonderful abt Wala-Wala. it's almost homely. it's kinda like people just responding to the music and everything's nice and wonderful and people are talking and having fun.
that's what we are all about. people and their relationships and atmospheres. i'lll have enough of being technical and absolutely anal and concentrate on getting the feel, the flow, the vibe. it's not the hard mechanics of life, it's more, the undescribable intangibles.
because when we raise the hooegarden and chill out with your friends and talk all sorts of rubbish you feel high and rather warm and nice. u can get away for a while in a dark little room with nice lamp shades and aweesome music.
--
on another note, the combo band's doing well. we're gelling and getttng the music in shape, all ready for the police to come visit us.
--
played soccer and bball today. bball was so-so, made 2 nice floaters tt was really good, but the rest was lousy. in the end it got kinda boring. at least i didn't miss the layups. but soccer was much more fun, although i cramped very very badly. almost 10 minutes. had 2 people to help me stretch my calfs and all, because they were tensing up (both of them), so you can imagine how agonisingly painful it was. until now (almost 5 hours later) i still can't walk properly. sigh. damn.
but i was all over e place. sigh. they had to put like 3 people on me as i wiggled henrylike through their defence. haha. too bad i only scored one, from a corner kick. so many opportunites to score. sigh. nvm i'll be happy providing for people.
why can't people be nice. it sucks. sigh. stress and pressure. the greatest test is not how you act towards me when we're all happpy and partying. it's how you act towards me in stress and pressure and in dire circumstances. will you still be nice.
that's what we are all about. people and their relationships and atmospheres. i'lll have enough of being technical and absolutely anal and concentrate on getting the feel, the flow, the vibe. it's not the hard mechanics of life, it's more, the undescribable intangibles.
because when we raise the hooegarden and chill out with your friends and talk all sorts of rubbish you feel high and rather warm and nice. u can get away for a while in a dark little room with nice lamp shades and aweesome music.
--
on another note, the combo band's doing well. we're gelling and getttng the music in shape, all ready for the police to come visit us.
--
played soccer and bball today. bball was so-so, made 2 nice floaters tt was really good, but the rest was lousy. in the end it got kinda boring. at least i didn't miss the layups. but soccer was much more fun, although i cramped very very badly. almost 10 minutes. had 2 people to help me stretch my calfs and all, because they were tensing up (both of them), so you can imagine how agonisingly painful it was. until now (almost 5 hours later) i still can't walk properly. sigh. damn.
but i was all over e place. sigh. they had to put like 3 people on me as i wiggled henrylike through their defence. haha. too bad i only scored one, from a corner kick. so many opportunites to score. sigh. nvm i'll be happy providing for people.
why can't people be nice. it sucks. sigh. stress and pressure. the greatest test is not how you act towards me when we're all happpy and partying. it's how you act towards me in stress and pressure and in dire circumstances. will you still be nice.