Amuse yourself. Entertan yourself. There is nothing else left to do.

I have found new meaning for these words. when I can't get out of the house, paralysed by this raging cough that infuses my lungs with only an irritable itch, I have to find some thing to do, right. it's only natural. and besides, the great thing about this philosophy is that you can create/do anything you like. Absolutely anything. You don't need people to control you, you don't need to respond to anybody. You just have to entertain yourself.

So what have i done so far? Well, i've been watching lots of TV. MTV, rugby union and the like. secondly, i've been writing music. but it's just sporadic tunes that are unlikely to be developed into full songs anyway, just for fun lah. i've been playing my electric (tele) , just playing my 'dance of the chieftains' and all its fast intricate fingerings on the guitar, and later on playing this groovey Em F#m Bm chord prog with added twang, and later on other songs, and trging to imitate carlos santana and later playing 'sweet child of mine' the stupid solo with my neck pickup, that i realised, is very smooooooootthhhhhhhhhhhh. yeaps.

I thank God that I'm getting better and I thanK God for everything He's given to me. my talents my friends, oh, aand, ME! haha. of course of course.=)
i so want to go to mel's bdae party. i missed dalg's party today and that's y i'm resorting to entertaining myself, but i hope tomorow it'll be better. please God. sigh. such a waste. and monday we're getting back results so back to reality agian.
sigh.
reality bites.

Please pray for me. beign sick is horrible. it means i can't do so many things. i'm just at home. lying down. coughing sporadically. God have mercy, please. sigh. i hate being sick
come on. wake me up/
Wrote a poem.

SICK

Superstitious serpents love wringing
themselves round walls
i lie in my bed, a huff, alas, a puff.
To raise high heavens from their peaceful slumber,
To purge the phoenix from its fiery temple.
no, just to breathe another breath
ah, it'll be fine.

pasty-white ceilings and clobbering fans
and friends calling to ask me if everything were fine.
The bed entices the body for a-nesting
till you wake up
and feel the pain.
ah, dreams still bring shelter from rain.

looking out
upon the sunny skies
and people laughing and talking on buses, and in streets,
they call it, 'feeling fine'.
wish i could go. if i could just leave here.

but fate never stays
but tempts the palate.

back here, still lingers echoes of calm and peace
amidst the waves of ache.
the trees have shed their old fruit, waiting for new flowers;
and i am visibly anticipating change
to better understandings. to better meanings.

when the torture of your mind has waned
with the appearance of new, immediate realities
all you hope for is to get out of this
and once you breath the air and find
the chirpings of the crows delectable
then, ah, how wonderful it is to be alive.

-shawn poon 3/10/03

Had a topsy-turvy time. am officially sick now. had chest pains yesterday esp when trying to play footie. couldn't run after half an hour, so just walked around, see a doctor, pump some oxygen, get some muscular chest cream or something, coz it wasn't wheezing, but then i don't know what it might be. it's painful to stand up or exercise, sigh been sleeping alot. i must get down-graded for army man, if not i'll just die.

sun yanzi's voice is so nice. arghh.

=)

went to darren's house yesterday to help him write a song. seems like i could only write a little tune for the chorus in 6/8 before running out of ideas. haha.

well i'm so tired. sigh. means all my activities are probably going to waste. haizz.

Wah i love my guitar!! it's got a nice maple neck with a wood grain streak running through it..this time i'd bettta keep it in good condition man, haha. restrung it with 10s but i think i'm going back to 9s coz 10s are a little dififcult to play and it soudns a little rangly, coz mebbe it was set up for 9s anywae. and besides its easier to play.....yeah. its like pressing string.=D but 10s have nice sound. haha. okay nvm. i think 9s hae nice sounds too. its nice to play it through an amp man u can get all the nice little sounds! wow wee...=) like the screammmmmm. too bad u really can't get hte power chords lah but hwo cares. its a tele btw.

and i am returning to worship God again! yeah! it's all about Him, and only Him.

and ran today to prepare for the napfa rubbish

and tried to write some songs but it didn't work

and played 'autumn' on midicode and it sounds good again. yay. played nobody cares on the tele...wah so cool. coz its like nicer chords than the gibson which was really crap.

I'm in a good mood today! albeit i'm a little dizzy from drinking some milo and combined with playing tennis and being so tired that's a sure combi for zombiefiedness.

ah well. decided on my guitar. it's probably going to be a Fender Japan Tele, which is pretty good, from luther. it has a relaly nice distorted sound that still sings, and plays chords nicely, besides the neck is really comfortable to play barred chords on, being maple wood i believe. visited swee lee today, the jagmaster was interesting but a little metallic; the stagemaster was just rubbish; the cort was okay it had a 24th fret but then the un-acoustic sound is rubbish; the fender mexican tele was not bad but then again the japan one is cheaper. then we went to davis but they sell rubbish there. only the PRS deserved mentioning but it's way above me budget. must thank gangwei for helping me test the guitars tho.

okay. and so i stopped by church , and guess what? they had to rope me in to play for SES coz matt wasn't around. and like the worship singer just started singing one song! so i had to figure out the key which took really long, they were almost in e chorus already, and later on i tried moving back to G when they were playing in A, but he didn't even realise i was trying to switch! arghhh! and like one more song was in another key and it was so messy and all that coz i was so last minute, but i believe God understands. haha.

wrote a christian song just now. something about 'You called me'. sigh. i think the thing about christian songs is that, you've gotta put some imagery into it. sure any praise song is good, but there really are too many songs out there that just say 'Praise You' or 'Worship You' and alll that and it gets really dull sometimes. i mean there are great worship songs that attempt to say somethign in a differnet way, u know what i mean. ah well. i wrote a punk song today also coz i was so punked out with yesterday and stuff....on shopping. haha. wells. the riff and all that. haha.

and i had such a weird dream last nite. it was abt some gal. and like i was playnig pool trying to impress her! and like it was all so werid coz she was wif her family and i was wif my family and we like started talking and it was so weird. i think we were outside a church or somehting. haha. werid alright.

people have this stupid idea that, oh, if you train hard enough, you'll succeed. they can just go kiss their own behinds or something (in very diplomatic language if u like). and if u dun succeed its because u didn't try. i mean. oh. so if u are stupid its coz u din read any books when u were young. if u are tone deaf, too bad, try and try, and u'll succeed. oh listen to mozart. very good use. so the poor have to just find some work to do and they'll lead a comfortable life, and if we only try, well done! well done! silly american idea. well done. go tell that to the man living on the streets and see if you'll live to stroll past the next corner. i seriously seriously doubt it, but you could try. well done. i'll congratulate you if u make it through.

note the irony. of course some pple would ask me what irony is. well go and try your darndest to find out. don't succumb to another irony.

the world is ironic. listening to 'the rainbow connection' by sarah mclachlan while being seriously bitter is really ironic but it works. it's the fuel for the fire.

so i'm going in early for napfa, i'm not very happy about it. but all you get is Mr Macey comments. well done. i mean. i never do that to people never never never. seriously. just gets on my nerves. bitterness. no wonder there are so many people unhappy in the world. because people hardly realise how their words have an effect on other's feelings.

well i'm raring for a fight. i've already got my retorts ready. in fact some of them are quite priceless.

"im just afraid to confront my demons when they arise"--> and the person thought i was being serious abt it! u see how some pple can't see irony? sigh tsk tsk
"its all the truth. i'm a lazybum and the world knows it."--> of course of course.
"i told u, that test, they aborted it, coz they couldn't get a reading, okay?so if i drop dead and faint unconscious u can tell the world abt it"--> i wanted to say, you could write a will, but then again i would be tempting destiny to say it. God wouldn't be very happy. so even though i'm pisssed i'm not going to sin okay.
sigh its like saying. if u're tone deaf its ur fault. haha. tell that to ****or. if ur'e stupid its ur own fault, whu asked u never to read a book when you're young!?"
--> reminds me of my parents speaking to my lil brother. haha. well.

"Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbow's are visions
They're only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told and some chose to
Believe it
But I know they're wrong wait and see


Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me


Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
And look what it's done so far
What's so amazing
That keeps us star gazing
What so we think we might see


Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers the dreamers and me
Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I've heard them calling my name
Are these the sweet sounds that called
The young sailors
I think they're one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
There's something that I'm supposed to be
Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me"

sigh. hate going to NS early coz of stupid nafta. will have to find a way of getting just 2.22 on the jump and on the run!!!! argh!

the good thing is, they'll allow me to bring a guitar in! which means i can still sing and write and play haha. fat hope. as if they'll be time. haha.

=)

played LAN today, and pool. whacked jinwei's ass. okay not really lah but aiya. lan was really stupid. played bball today which was ridiculous. could only play point/defence, din even make a shot! sigh. and like everyone was making 20, 30 pts. sigh. embarassing. listening to nirvana now, and they're really good!

went to see all the guitars at Luther. hmms. the squier tele is not bad. nice chordal tone, the leads have sting, but then its a bit twangy, u lose a little bit of the low-end bite. and there's a bit of fret buzzing problem and we'll have to try to rectify that.
i took a look at the hamer...not sure whether that'll work also.

i really want a jagmaster man, the one kurt cobain used to play. haha

i woke up feeling good. thats nice thats nice.

Yay! Happy days are here again! Yay yay yay! save for the econs S paper. haha. well its nice for a little break just before the 'A's, i'd imagine. can't go back to studying yet. will catch up with some jamming, some movie outings, some pool, some talking to pple and catching up with them, yeahhhhh. sigh. i'm s glad the A level prelims are over! Overall i think i really have to thank the Lord for helping me through this mess i mean like for the energy and strength to do this well, like philippians said, 'I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength' and it's nice to be able to count on that.

Well, so we went to orchard today, and officially 'Life in Mexico' is the worse movie ever! I mean how more stupid can a show get? you have lines like, ' i don't think, i drink', haw haw haw. very funny indeed. *puke*. it was a joke, thats why it was funny. played pool later on, getting my touch back hopefully. ahhhh.

actually today's econs paper was quite okay, thank God. no careless mistakes so far for mcq, hopefully can get A. aiya. see how.....and that girl is so pretty! ahhh hahaha okay nvm=) she's quite pretty what. okay nvm. eye candy is good for you=) aiya i feel like talking to her or smiling but aiyaaaaaaaa shyyy.....=) ssshhh keep quiet. its oh so quiet, ssshh ssssh its oh so still, ssssh ssssh and so peaceful until!! you fall in love, ...=) (not me lah, its just the lyrics)

shall i continue writing my stupid symphonic tone poem? i just might. it's quite a nice thing and it was stuck in my head for a little while. oh and yeah there was tori amos' silent all these years playing also. not bad, not bad.

its nice to be able to sleep again soundly without worrying about the prelims.yeah. sleeping sound is good.

I'm currently on the road to 4Bs, hoepfully, but it could be an A 2 Bs and 1 C-E, or osmething, depending on math, and trying for an econs A. sigh. it's really tiring, and i just want to get over this phase. tomorow we'll be going out after the exams, freedom! wow. i'm so happy, even in expectation. haha.

shawn

life is hard.

Just came back from lunch at Al Dente with Wen en, and just after math! which was okay...stats...just trying to scrap a B, hopefully stats aint' careless.

the weird thing was my dream. it was just some weird dream about being late for math, but another even weirder dream, but it's not in the good sense of me to divulge it. haha. maybe privately. hmm. it's probably 'cuz i could hardly sleep yesterday, being fed on coffee and coffee through the history papers.. ahhh.

and today there were so many cute gals running around in RJC! man. haha. wells..=) sigh. *wistful look*. should i go talk to her? haha . but you might think, who's her? well there are lots of hers, mind you. =)

ahhh. i'm back to being lively again. just carefree. There's no thoughtful deliberation about what to do and all that, but rather I'm just feeding on my instincts. Oh, and trying to lose weight. ahhh thats y pasta today's more than enough, even though i'm hungry as a hunter, still. haha.

Just had some herbs soup, can't sleep. shall study a bit.
hmms. we just had Cell, and the nice thing was coming together again with real friends that share the same perspective, which is God-centered, and having a common fellowship. it's been 2 months since we had CG, and how we needed it. sigh. but it ended up as a talk session about the youth and all that. which was. aiya. never mind. hopefully we get some bible study done=)

i realised something. that its really ironic, life is. which is why i shouldn't keep trying consciously to write a song. it's really stupid. life doesn't work the way one thinks it does, that if you focus your mind you can do it. it really works the other way round sometimes, particularly with art, that when you don't realise it you could do much better. just like dickens says ,'if only he had learnt a little less, how infinitely better he might teach more!' so true. in fact i've been taking stock, and i realised that all the good little songs that i have [or better ones amidst the junk] were all written not-seriously. runaway now was in the toilet. 'autumn' was supposed to be a protest song initially and it started when i just woke up and was playing some chords and singing the melody to myself. 'nobody cares' was written on the bus stop and at raffles town club playing snooker. 'happy' was just another strum-the-guitar and sing song. no real sit-down and, oh, look,i must write a song. that's so stupid. i just have to live my life and eventually i'll have things to sing about.

Now I know how James Harthouse felt , nothing to do in the world, just lazing around. I was even bored enough to open up the mozart sonata songbook to play some mozart! his first sonata in C is typically sparky, then i played the last one...more subdued... in the end i just played the sonata in C, the familar 'do mi so ti-do-ti-do' u noe that one. yah..aiya just trying to sight read the entire thing....I ended up writing a piano-styled ballad that was supposed to mimic X-Japan, coz i jsut hate the thing, and man it's so easy to write. u just have this descending chord prog and you keep repeating it all the way...gangwei says it sounds like 'endless rain', well it's meant to sound like them, sorry. haha. it's not a serious song=) later on i ended up playing guitar, watching TV, just to relieve myself of all the boredom. sigh. playing more piano later on....the mozart andante in A major sonata...some other songs just to cheer me-self up....'be magnified' by Don Moen, great song. it's so uplifting, and just what I want to say. ahhh. mozart sounds great on the piano. his orchestration is just so balanced, and melodies so precise and clear and balanced and melodic and flowing...it's like the piano is singing, and the tonalities are so balanced and clear. but of course it'll be great if the piano was just-tempered. sigh. my usual grouse again. i bet i couldn't tell the difference anyway.

sigh i have to get a new guitar. my old guitar's creaking, and u just can't play for 5 minutes without it being out of tune again! silly.

so one week of exams have passed,but frankly all the pressure comes before the exams. i'm strangely subdued during the exam week, it's almost like holidays. yet i still have to study 2 topics of paper 3. irritating. so far, econs was alright, lit was alright, i'm so glad it's over, history was alright, math was bad. but then again math is always bad. hope it isn't too bad.

sigh. it's bad. studying for lit now. still can't finish. had a really weird dream about me trying to get e attention of a girl who was in the same clasroom [she happened to be, she's not in my class] by kicking the teacher and talking to the teacher alot. sigh. but she just didn't care. haha. so apt=). played some snooker just now, which was really sucky at the start but slowly got more into the groove, i guess.

anyway, just some great new songs for all to listen to.

1. travis: re-offender
2. dido: white flag
3. dreamz fm: should i stay
4. starsailor: silence is easy

Today not so good. sigh. lit wasn't that impressive, and i kept having songs stuck in my head, from beyonce's 'crazy in love' to some of my own songs. sigh. stupid. tsk. like so sleepy.

am raging now. sigh. seems like i can't get the tele after all. what a stupid thing to rage about. but you see wannabe pop stars with their stupid guitars that cost a million bucks and like they can't even play and you tell me is that fair. ahhhh... ragingg now, but i'll be fine later on. sigh. i can't stay raging and angry for too long, which is bad, coz i can't write a raging song. haha. but well. you know. yeah. i mean i used to be really full of rage last time but i guess i'm mellowed down alot as Christianity has probably brought me to realise the important things of life and the Spirit calms me down more often i guess. but then again. sigh. mebbe i'm getting soft. haha. it all depends on your point of view. i happen to think it's an improvement, you just lose a few things about life.

lit was a killer. i just hope i did fine.

In high spirits today, maybe coz i got to go home early to sleep. haha. econs paper was pretty okay, hopefully can do reasonably well. math was quite die, i think i'm consigned to a B or worse. history was so-so, but you'd never know, especially for essay papers.
in high spirits. listening to weezer's 'keep fishin'', simple pop punk music that's so catchy and so fun haha so cool. been writing quite alot of songs today. two songs...one that's really simple and 'major', just a basic 1-4-5-4-5 chord prog with just a fun melody. i can imagine the guitars jangling and twangling in the background....you know, telecasters just giving that good old rhythms....wanna get a tele man, that kinda sound, is really cool. so rhythmical and so full and yet so catchy and jangly. who says it's just for country music? [i could change the pickups and it'll make allt he difference].....yheah wana get a tele. got any to sell? haha the other song is more pop/boybandish lah. haha. sigh i'm unabashedly pop, it's embarassing sometimes.

Haven't been blogging for very long, and my week's been filled with mugging. tuesday, mugged in school. wednesday went to play bball and later went to WS's house and then played pool later on at mambo before studying some econs. thursday was filled with more econs and later on some squash. today was completing econs and doing some math. so its not very fun life huh.

okay.
nvm
waht i wanted to say was, dreamz fm's song 'should i stay' is really brilliant, esp. for a local song. it has melody. it's sing-able, and the vocals and instrumentation all suit it pretty well. this is finally good local music. sigh. been a-waiting for a long time

I have to be able to feel, language, the subtle connotations of every choice word, savouring it like a choice morsel, and understanding why the author portrays the story in such a way. Literature is concerned with the 'How', the techniques and the ways that an author would craft a work of art, in order to fit its themes. such is the key to unravelling the mystery of literature. sigh. math and lit just don't mix, one is so accurate and so precise and so methodical, while the other is littered with so many shades of meaning.

'he is no fool'...so true, so true. Lord help me to give my all to You, and where You lead i will follow, if You send me. the musical was great, a few weak parts but certainly some really touching moments. yeah. even while being an armchair critic, i was distinctly moved. haha. that was nice. good stuff. for what use would it be for me to gain the whole world but lose my soul?

i have to realise a few things. that God is ultimately in control of my life and nothing can stop that. there is nothing in my life that God hasn't planned for--and the daily bread message that cited the Bible just said it, that tribulation brings perserverence, and perseverence brings character. yeah how true. so i just have to realise that each little trial is part of the growing up process. there isn't any accident in my life that God has missed out, oh, suddenly, oops, that's it, you know, i made a mistake, no-no-no, nothing like that, but He's faithful, so faithful to me. thank you...like all things work out for good for those who love Him, you know, for those who are called according to His purposes.

You did not wait for me to cry out to You...and I'm forever grateful to You

Being so miserable without God just makes me wonder about all the people who don't have God in their lives. i mean, you know you might think it's fluff but really it makes a whole lot of difference, being away from Him or being with Him. no more do you feel lonely, or angry, or frustrated, but you are joyful and happy, you can talk to people, you feel at ease and at peace. it's not like your'e selling-out, but actually He complements your life, after all He made your life! i mean, think about your life. what do you want out of every passing moment? do you know where you're going? or do you really feel so lonely at times? i do, when i am so far away from Him, and that's why i feel so lonely, and how about those who don't even know where He is? go find Him, i really pray, go find Him. Please, no one has to be miserable. hell isn't just about physical suffering, it's about seperation with your Maker, with your Redeemer, with God, that is the real painful thing, really.

'i dont' want to wait, for our lives to be over'--> i'm serious. sometimes it's just too late. why wait.


i'm trying to sell my guitar, on a lighter note. it's a yellow-black les paul junior special, selling for about sgd 600-700, negotiable. condition still good. 1 year old. 2 humbuckers, 2 p-100s. gibson. wanna get a tele or soemthing. haha.

=)

okay will see you sometime. bye.

shawn.
have fun!

I NEED to get out of the house, man, i'm just dying inside, and being unproductive studying. it's much better to go to coffee bean and finish loads of notes or something sigh.
had a really weird dream yesterday, something exotically oriental. i dreamt i was in hongkong, or was it shanghai [i've never been there actually] and we were at a hotel, and there were lovely attractions like a game thing when you like control robots to fight, or something, and also a nice buffet spread that had sushi and exotic abalone and other stuff, and other little attractions in the hotel. and later on it turned out to be this military cop chase....so weird. like how my friend and i managed to snuff out some rebel by disguising myself as his friend while the other person climbed through the roof access! it's so weird!

oh crap i even dreamt i was racing a formula one car around a circuit and boy did i do so badly! i think it was a really small circuit, almost like a stadium. sigh the things you dream of.

and there was even a stupid chinese song 'sheng shui yue' or soemthing playing in the background. irritants. woke up feeling really strange. chinese. eeks

hacving a bad stomach ache now.

I'm on the upward mend, hopefully. been in a funk the whole day man. it's like, thinking so much, and worrying sick, and trying to mend myself, and being restless, taking ventolin shots, thinking abt getting cancer in the lungs and all that. my word it was hellish, simply hellish. in the end i decided to sleep. woke up, went to the doctor's, sigh, but he assured us that it was just some muscular thing and more psychological anxiety than anything, and din charge us! so nice of him.

yeah so now you know what i'm so relaxed. It's so nice to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, the glorious melodic strains of music, or just a simple spaghetti, or you know talking with friends. just not thinking so much. no wonder oscar wilde said 'happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing i know', because it is, empirically! when you keep thinking so much, you just get yourself all worked up, and you don't realise that life is a natural, organic construct and not an artificial logical one, as the book 'hard times' should have told me long ago. in fact when you don;'t think thats when you're the happiest. its no wonder no one is happy during exam times, coz they're always thinking and trying to remember. i guess the only solution is to think, but only about school work, and use your heart for the rest of the time. because life ultimately is about the heart and the feelings, not the thoughts! listening to music is the same thing. if we'd just listen organically without thinking about the notes, and like what patterns it forms, or whether the 'so' is sharp or flat, then how much happier we'd be! because that just seems to be so evident.

its being able to appreciate silence without trying to fill the silence with some stupid thought running through your head.

it's what the GP passage said. when one expects too much out of life, one is never satisfied. sigh, so true, so true.

okay just dont think. don't think. haha.

okay God i'm coming back please be with me. you know that's y thinking is not good, coz thinking is using man's own wisdom to supplant the natural order: but not thinking then allows for a divine intervention that is much better. okay this sounds really primitive to those so-called academics out there but who cares. i'm a human being, not a debating machine or something.

yups. thinking is not good. conclusion no 1 for the day.