I just had this really weird dream

it all started with me, being in chinatown, driving around; i dreamt i was going to mirabelle to buy more croissants, and then to papa pahleta, and then i was stopped right in chinatown. and i saw D** travel, which is the place where i was to collect my tickets.
and then, i drove my car into the ramp; it was a dingy place; but somehow i parked my car somewhere, but then,in my dream i was transported into a trance, and then i forgot where the car was; it was as if my mind was just blank - kinda like a forgotten dream, in a dream. and so i asked the store proprietor, where the car was; no answer.
strange.
i decided to walk around; and suddenly i felt like they stole my car; the car was not in any of the carparks. it was gone, gone! strange. i ran around looking high and low for it, but to no avail. it was really gone. in the end, one of them came up to threaten me with a clobber saying someting like "if you call the police, it's too late".....
and i was pleading with them: "please, it's my parents car, it's not even mine".....and they even looked into the used car manual and it was worth only 13,000 SGD.

and later on there was a food review section - where i saw different 'fusion' cuisines; i cant remember all the dishes but i think the highest rated one was a Mango-Banana dessert thing. quite strange. i tried it; also lots of blackberries and berries and dunno what.

my dreams are strange eh.
im just blogging about it for fun.
for me to remembe them.

living in this world is hard

i think strawberry fields forever is better

i'd rather live in my dreams

but when i step out of the house it's reality

and it crushes me

yesh it crushes me

im coming up with these lyrics ad hoc
maybe ill set them to music
it's hard when all they shoot you down for are mundane little things
little horrible things
it crushes me
it's not easy

that's why the Lord still loves you even though you are down
coz you can't make it on your own
and the times of despair
just brings you back there
to His arms alone
he's not ashamed to take you

id' rather have strawberry fields forever
but i know that the Lord is loving and kind
and maybe i must make up my mind
and be a bit stronger in this world.

for i'm being thrown into the fire; into a den with wolves
have to be cunning like snakes

thanks for the well wishes again.

anyway, thought for the day: i think i have to marry a conservative. at heart, im really a conservative.

bring me the mountains, and the sound of music anyday man, and may it last for a long time!

Thanks all, for the well-wishes. it's the only time my wall is so popular. hurhur. i feel flattered and i quite enjoy the attention. thanks guys for all your kind words. appreciate it.

I had a really interesting conversation with D, whom I haven't met in a long time.
Hello D if you are reading this.

We spent alot of time talking about this whole conundrum called "INFP-ness". It's because both of us are INFPs, and well, sometimes it really takes one to know one. I mean, we INFPs are strange. Wait, maybe strange is too mild a word; psychotic, maybe. If you already don't know, INFP stands for "introvert-intuition-feeling-perceiving" and it's a personality type from the Myers-Briggs classification system.
We began talking about many things: it's quite interesting actually, because you know, there are so few INFPS in this world so once you meet one it's very rare:
a) We see that there is meaning in everything; thus everything seems to be a sign that God is speaking to us. even very very mundane things that most people would find just....everyday happenings. it means we think too much.
b) We get lonely sometimes; even when we're in a crowd with alot of people, we feel like we're alone; distant.
c) we need our own space; when someone budges into our space we feel threatened. yeah - tick - i go through that quite alot actually.
d) We feel genuinely happy when there's good in this world; when people do good to others, it makes our day; and when people are bad to others, we feel urm. angry? i don't know.
e) we try to "feel" and "mean" everything we do and say; we feel BAD when we don't mean it from our heart. i have this problem alot when i'm saying grace. i mean, it's just 'thank you God' but i really want to mean it. so i always have this problem when i'm saying grace. or saying "thanks" when peopel give you things.
f) this feeling bad thing - i told D - is crazy; sometimes you need a defence mechanism. but then again; maybe you don't, coz it's more genuinely who you are.

anyway, it's hard to be an INFP in law school, believe me.

Oh i have started a Soundclick. It has my songs on it.
http://www.soundclick.com/shawnpoon
Do feel free to listen and comment. thanks.

"Oh, it's what you do to me"
What a superb song. tom higginson is a genius.
(well not really but well)

When the Lord shows you something (through a dream) you'd better listen - you'd better listen the LORD and NOT go your own way.
now i need is a bit of humility to ask the LORD to help me on this.

Praise the Lord for just granting me another wonderful theme (melody/tune) for my new string quartet!
I'm so excited!

And i'm so glad that i learnt counterpoint and harmony last time; good voice leading makes everything sound much better.

Happy easter and good friday; i shall write another post on that another day, but now I'm really very sleepy, it's a monday morning, and the day is daunting so, i wrote a new song on the way to school! it goes something like that.

Come on shawn, it's not so bad after all! (x2)
Wake up and smell the coffee (x2)
Come on shawn, it's not so bad after all!

yooo


it shld be fun.

thank Jesus for a wonderful day today - which included many blessings - including;
a. a good nice jap lunch!
b. a great time cooking and having dinner and jamming
c. good friends
d. the ability to play a musical instrument relatively well.
e. the ability to sing better (or improving)


thank him
shawn

on to the weekend!

* you must realise that when bloggers blog, it's not that that's the only thing they've been thinking about for the past week, and then it all comes together, and eureka, you get a blog entry. We don't spend our lives 24/7 for the blog, on the blog, or even caring about the blog, for the matter. we only blog when we feel like it, or when we have something to say. I guess this is the latter time.*

Having done family law for like a few months now, I honestly think that we should go back to the old Catholic/Christian view of divorce. Make it extremely hard for couples to divorce once they have decided to get married. I mean, where's the "to death till us part", where's that concept of marriage that two people decide to commit to their life partner once and for all, and be safe and secure in that? In that love that should not change, that would not change, that need not change. All too often people are flippant and give up on love too easily. Which reminds me of KT Tunstall, who sang, on the "Other side of the World": "The fire fades away, most of everyday, is full of tired excuses, but it's too hard to say, I wish it were simple, but we give up easilyyou're close enough to see that....." Well, it doesn't have to be in the course of a long distance relationship, but either way, love should not give up so easily, isnt' it? It's a choice, to love that person - not just a feeling of romance. That feeling goes away, yes, but ultimately that choice should not go away, because you have willed (in the Kantian sense) it not to.

I sound very much like a guru on love, even though I never had a girlfriend before. It comes from my experience with counselling alot of my male and female friends. I think if I could charge money on this service I'd be rich by now. But never mind. And alot of it comes from the relationship with Christ - if you see the way He loves it's a constant choice to love, a constant love, that doesn't change. And will not change, if I know Him truly.

why do i like sleeping at unearthly hours?

I can write better music then.

it's the silence, man. the day's just too noisy!

i'm trying to complete a string quartet now, hopefully for mings and co to play. hehs. hopefully. it doesn't sound too terrible i hope.
im trying to finetune the chords so that it's intersting for everyone.

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
I can't.

I have to stop this.
the heart belongs to Jesus and it must remain.
who can save me from this body of death?
no one but God

I was a really emo kid last time.

I remembered writing a song for a friend who kind of "lost" me and drifted away, and i was really sad. in my heart i was sad. i used to give my heart away too easily - right now i keep my heart to myself too much - but it used to be that i gave it away too easily.

the song went like that
"There was a fork on the road we were travelling
You said go on, you could walk on alone, without me
You were so afraid to open your heart out

We sailed on by just to drift by (sic) another day
And when I said look at the sun, it's shining out for you the lights will pull you through
you needed to go"

super sad. and i was like, maybe 17.
oh how cynical i have become!

A good thought to end the day
1 Corinthians Chapter 13

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails.

how true.
it is not self seeking.

The Lord, this morning, assured me that He chose me, and will be with me for the rest of my life. I heard the comforting strands of sm singing to me from Him how he still loves me, and then i heard a verse - psalms 23.
"even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil, for your rod and your staff, they comfort me."
(i don't have e actual paraphrase but this is probably the jist of it)

i am going into alot of valleys o shadows of death soon. it may be in school, in work, in anything - but i must believe that the rod is still there, even though i don't feel it at all. it seems so distant - i feel so alienated - but the rod IS still there.

alright, i guess a part of me is just impatient - impatient for my real life to start. it's kinda in limbo, i don't know where i'm heading, really.

"But those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall soar on wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not be faint."
isaiah.

Waiting has never been easy, huh. I mean, you can only wait if you have faith. But if you don't even have faith, your waiting is pointless, because waiting involves that you do believe that something good is going to happen, in the end; that's why the Lord in His Word said that if e Lord didn't rise from the dead, our faith would be useless - because ultimately there must be something good in the end - Jesus's Resurrection - amen, which is true, and real, and He is Lord of all - from now till forever. but then faith manifested itself in something real - that there is something good in the end (His resurrection), that's why we can really have faith, because we knew something good is going to happen in the end.
It's the same with me, i have to have faith that something good is going to happen, at the end of all this. in my life, though for the dearth of me i can't see it now. i gotta believe.


I'm trying to get rid of a stronghold man. this stronghold will not go away. but it must - for it is causing deep rebellion, inside. but even this is down to faith. it is really about faith - faith that e Lord will deliever me from this stronghold.

I used to blog much more - about who I am, finding myself. (this blog's been around for quite some time, incidentally. 2003). and i'm back to writing music again. i think when i'm writing, part of it is really self-exploration, a quite cathartic form of expression that releases what's inside me. and it's really about personal expression - it's not about being proud and trying to show off to the world "oh i'm such a super awesome songwriter", but it's really about personal expression, personal emotion, to release how i really feel inside. if not it's too unhealthy - keeping it in is only going to make it worse, really.

in law school, being an INFP is very difficult. absolutely.
because, one, law school is often always about who has the loudest voice, largest gestures, biggest opinions. an introvert shys away; law school is about logic - you win based on logic, but then i'm an emotional person who prefers to let my feelings do the talking. so again, no go. and it's not about intuition, because you can't use intuition to convince the judge, can you? it has to be based on details. and lastly, it's about the details, not the big picture; if you cared about the big picture, you'd be a politician. a visionary. an economist. or something. in fact those are really the things i wanna do, to be a steve jobs or something. create a new product. think of a new concept. but of course, vanity has brought me to law school, and the pain of living a life unhealthily not-suited to my own.

guess i'll work for a few years and then buzz off.

N & M's advice, i better take.
the douchebag's got it all wrong. oh well. but i can't help it, can i?

roarrr!

Thy loving kindness is better than life
that old refrain is so true.

Mental note to myself: must be strong in the mind - must overcome the enemy! must overcome adversity!
MUst.