Today was great! i am amazed by His favour and mercy and by the little lessons God's teaching me as his child.

it didn't start off very well. i sinned quite a bit. and it was really bad on the way home; the torture was killing me, the soul torture.
i thank You that in Your infinite mercy You still found me. even though i was stained with so many countless sins.
i was still and quiet, and recalling my day, and then i suddenly realised the important lesson you wanted to teach me.
it was that You wanted me to be humble. too often i've taken pride in my own achievements, in being an NCO in army, in being a capable person in a land where most people dont have great academic credentials, on being a good musician and stuff-- yet God told me to be humble. before this my soul was totally a mess, restless, weak, and all that, but once it suddenly dawned on me to be humble, suddenly i felt this peace, that was allowing me to rest in Him. the Holy Spirit was telling me the Father's will which was to tell me to be humble. it's only in humility that we can come before the Lord. and because i was humble God did help me to find that treasure again. i thank You Lord for that, though You are the biggest treasure.

at quiet time i was just reflecting on Jesus as my friend. Jesus as my shepherd. Jesus as my best friend. i could just talk to Him in a personal way and thanking Him for dying on the cross. just confessing that He is the Son of God and that He is Lord. and then i was praying to the Father; please reveal yourself to me and may I be known by You. and something stirred in my heart and reminded me to be humble. God wants me to be humble, in my workplace, in my life. and that's what i'm going to do. especially starting tomorow in the work place. in my mind were images of a slice of heaven. not sure if i saw colours it was all a bit fuzzy but maybe saw Jesus praying for me, Jesus at the right hand of God. thank you Lord. almost out-of-body peace was great. the Holy Spirit was definitely there in my heart, i could feel it. i don't know but sometimes i'm always wondering if i am truly truly saved. but you know, with all these lessons my Father's teaching me to become more like Jesus, who was so humble, there is little doubt.

i used to be plagued by mental insecurities and fear of Satan and fear of blasphemising my loving God, but just now at quiet time there was just that peace. i am thankful for that.

and i just pray that it'll last. it has been one of the best days of the month! July 14th! thank You Lord for loving me.

the one fundemental truth i've also learnt is that Jesus loves me! Lord Jesus you love me that's one of the most profound truths and yet it's so simple. Jesus Son of God loves me. thank You. You have defeated the evil one and there is no return now!

yay.

It's been an interesting weekend, followed by another intresting couple of days.
dont usually blog about my life, but then.
it was interesting. monday night was fun with kevin and talking and laffing like old times. oh wells.

one of my biggest aims now is to get closer to God and know Him more intently. i realised i haven't been actually doing this very well, so hence my new commitment. i have to know Him for His sake, for the main goal of knowing Him, and not for other things, such as-- oh i can write new songs! oh i can have a better life-- no, no, it is not for that, but for the sole purpose of knowing Him and obeying Him.

tuesday morning was interesting. i was feeling really shacked, but the thought came to mind about Jesus and His great love for me. and i was really just feeling His comforting presence around me, a comforting wind. i have realised i'm not going to live a moderate life. my Lord told me to take up my cross and follow Him, and not look back- often it is us, the privileged, that find the most difficulty doing so-- Jesus said how difficult are the rich to go to heaven-- and it's because we aren't ready to put down all our crowns and take up the cross to follow. and that has been my problem. but i realise that the life God has for me is going to be much better and much more fulfilling and will ultimately decide my destiny. nothing else can bring satisfaction, i realised, my soul thirsts for the living God. nothing else can bring that same kind of love and security as the knowledge that God is with me and for me. nothing else can bring me protection from the evil one. so i want to be radical-- to really really follow Jesus and obey Him and leave no baggage. don't want to have all these other commitments and distractions. just want to narrow it down and be obedient to Him. and to worship Him. and to give my all to His purpose. you can't be a Christian, and be obsessed over music, or be obsessed over sport; one can only serve one thing.

this morning i was struck by the thought that the Jesus i worship is the same Lord Jesus found in Scripture! it may sound so obvious but sometimes it doens't really srtike you that hard; but yeah this morning it did, that yeah, it was a historical thing, He indeed did come down, was born a virgin birth, did all the miracles, died on the cross and rose again on the third day, appeared to the disciples, and is in Heaven. it's wonderful knowledge to know that Jesus remains the same and is seated at the right hand of God. it brings a perspective to things; to follow is to obey the things He said in the Bible. and another thought that came to mind is how i am a son of God! God is my Father, im adopted by faith in Jesus Christ and im an adopted son! in His family! it's wonderful. it's not just justification; it's adoption. thank you Father.


it's funny how all these thoughts appear during morning parade. parade isnt;' so bad after all. haha.