Instead of viewing rationality and religion as being opposed to each other, where we are gradually evolving into human reason being the highest level in a form of humanistic ideals, indeed both are really just ways of viewing the world, to understand it. They are different frameworks for us to work in: rationality asks us to question, to seek, to find answers in human methods, while religion teaches us to seek methods of the supernatural. It is a whole transplant of mindset, rather than a shift in perspective. After all the ancients didn't really care much for rationality and reason simply because they were not educated enough, and that's why they attached spiritual significance to objects: 'fetishism' in the terms of George Eliot, and soon came the organised religions, as we all know, like Christianity. Perhaps these new ideas signify the emergence of the human race as being able to lead and rule the order of the universe.

I am slightly doubtful if that can ever be a reality. The universe is just too complex and mysterious: there are just far too many things outside the realm of the human that we can't control at all, not to mention dictate. The recent SARS virus is a case in point. Weaknesses, fears, irrationality, all point to the fact that perhaps this 'humanism' based on the notion of the imperfect being is not as wonderful as it seems, an ideal though it may be. Why then are we so scared of death if we seem to rationally be able to control everything?

We can't. we're all fallible anyway, and the sooner we realise this the better. I've seen people become happy because they've realised the need for some spiritual order 'coz the rational humanistic order satisfies not the inner souls. And that's why God will never be dead, as Nietzche famously put it a century ago.

Human beings are social characters, living in a social world? Pawh, that's just stupid rubbish. At some times when we get all warm and cuddly and we need friends, of course, our feelings make it so, but where we realise most people can't see the same things you see [not equating to them being able to see less things] and your little joys can perhaps be taken from your own imaginery world of thoughts and feelings, perhaps we might become more clinical in dealing with the rest of society. Why do people talk anyway. Talk is just so cheap. We say some words to convey some things that we might never believe in, anyway. Where's all that real feeling gone to? I'm going to say the things I mean, even if they're not very nice. I realised I'm not a very nice person anyway. All that trivial 'Oh, no problem' and you know 'I don't mind' and all that rubbish can go to waste and it's all hogwash anyway. Can't people just say what they feel and what they mean? If I know the person I won't hold it against them since I know we all go through these little 'ups' and 'downs', but it's real irritating when people never mean what they say, and never say what they mean. It leaves me grasping in the dark and one has to waste much energy trying to decipher what they really mean when it could have been so much easier. And of course then you could never get it right, and then they'd expect you to involve yourself in polite conversation that is never honest anyway.

We have to commnicate, of course, but sometimes I'm amazed by the triviality of it all. The discussions that just flutter in through the little organ one'd call the ear processed loosely before fluttering out through another organ called the mouth. Not much thought goes through it, anyway. Maybe they're right, why must it be processed anyway. We're just a great party, eh. La la la let's put some flowers here and there flowers here and there. Grrr. I'm tired of that whole party thing, I want some real feelings, alright. All that superfluous fluff is nice at some points but real tiring after some time. Of course it's like what Jane Austen would say, but then these things never die, do they.

Bloddy hell. I'm thinking of what I can do to be nice when I'm not feeling nice at all, but I'm just too civic minded to bark at people, unless they really get on my back.

I have just started reading 'Long day's journey into the night' and I must admit am rather interested by the prospects of the play and hopefully it's emotionally touching. And of course I must admit I'm rather sick and tired, in the physical sense, having 2 econs lectures on consecutive days and no doubt perhaps that's the reason for the state that I am. And my house, especially after 6 o'clock is so noisy one can't get any sleep at all, even if one needs it so desperately, even more than I need some love. And so what can one do when the booming of voices loves drumming on your skull with uninspired rhythm?

This is probably the time where my self-belief flourishes into something you'd call contempt and a belief of my innate superiority, but of course it's weird when the rest of the time I hardly have any self-belief at all. It's very normal to think everything else is better than you, you need God coz you're so weak and all, and how in the world are you going to face up to all of that? But now I'm going to conquer the world and the rest of it sucks eh. I don't know I don't know. Maybe they don't, but now I couldn't care less I just want some meaning and an end to this flu.

I've decided to use entention for people to post some comments onto the blog, which I think is pretty useless since nobody visits this blog anyway. But it's useful i hope, for that occassional soul that wants to say something and deserves to be heard :-) I'm also using this for my website, perhaps.

I can't believe I got A B B so far for common tests! it was a presently nice surprise coz i thought i was going to die for math and history was quite alright, at least for paper 1 but you'd never know what surprises paper 3's gonna bring, of course. That was quite nice coz at the start i thought i was going to die coz i din have enough sleep and my whole body was a mess and it got worse with PE, huh.

Something about philosophy:
What I believe is just the truth: any theory and logic can really be argued for based on one's perspective, yet the only thing that matters is what is the truth in the universe. If God exists based on empirical evidence and my experience, than He exists: no ratinoal explaination for these religious beliefs can erode my view of the way life is. Sure, it is nice to believe human beings can prosper on their own, but is that really proven empirically, or issit just an assumption that people make based on their own utopian ideals of the world?