Sigh. another day has passed by, and the funny thing was that I dreamt abt chatting with so-and-so on icq. was really weird, rite.
=) but i mean sometimes you wonder, why weren't you in acjc? i mean, the kind of fun they're having, the simple, unadulerated fun and like sitting with my church friends making loads of noise in swensen's, singing 'answer the phone' and just being stupid. haha. sigh. guess i was neverr a true intellectual you know, in rjc. you're surrounded with people who can articulate themselves and all and you wonder how you can gain their respect, but you're never going to be like them, so i guess i have to be true to myself.

It's about crying, and letting life touch your inner soul again, and feel every emotion fill your heart and your entire body, that had been missing for so long. It's about real people and real emotions, no naff namby-pamby clap-your-hands we're all happy populist-pop. It's the genuineness of human relations and emotions, no fake trying-to-be-cool and blend-in mindset, but really just to see people as people, as individuals. It's a comforting melancholy--knowing that life has its joys and sorrows and yet there's a hope that things will be better.

It's the change in mindset that I need so badly, to move away from ideas and intellectual arguments, just to see people as people, being affectionate again, just to hug and smile. To write music that is uplifting, that is genuine, that has real emotion, that has so much emotional energy to touch your inner being, instead of letting the music just wash over you. to really love others, love God, and to be a person of genuineness. I mean when you listen to songs like 'The Scientist' and the organicity of it all, it just makes you want to cry, and be nice to people again.

sigh. i feel like Henchard sometimes. just so isolated. but thank God there are still little friends around.

Today's SES message was really good. It was the story of Lazarus, Martha and Mary in Bethany with Jesus, and how Mary poured the expensive perfume that was worth a year's wages on Jesus' feet. John chapter 12 i think. And pastor talked about the many ways we can show love to God, be it serving (Martha), talking(Lazarus), or doing what Mary did. It was about extravagant love, as Mary showed, doing what Jesus called a 'beautiful thing', out of the gratitude of their hearts for the resurrection of Lazarus. That extravagant display of love, is from abundance, of splendour and beauty, is what one would call 'first class', not out of mere adequacy, but going out-of-the-way, giving Him the first fruits. After all in heaven, aren't the streets paved with gold? Extravagance? But God deserves the best!

SIgh. I feel changed. okay let's hope this keeps up!

some energy is good, thank you very much. yeah. i don't know i think i've lost the spark that kept me going. sigh. God please help. ugh. you know you try to remember moments that you thought were the most important and most happy, and you can't find it, and it's alll gone...and you're left floudering....and you have no confidence in yourself. i don't know. why do i feel this way?
sigh. but it's coming back, really. today's SES concert was uplifting, and it was fun to play also, coz it was nice performing and you know ministering with music. well. it was nice yeahh. coz the whole day had been rather sucky.

i hate having this cough that just won't go away, it's so irritating, coz you can't laugh, nor talk, coz every time you want to laugh
or talk you end up coughing. and for one who talks a great deal it's so difficult not to talk, you noe?

had this really cool dream....i'd just wish it were reality. you know it was like having fun back with my old classmates, sitting at a table talking, and later on it was so cool coz i was in the canteen when someone, let's just call the person X, came to me and started chatting with me and the person knew my name and i knew the person's! and it was like, going to help this guy on some math problem [think it was how to find the normal distribution from the table...haha sigh such dreams, eh] and later on talking with me one on one and something...crap....but then when i went to sch..sigh...its like...the person never knew whu i was! sigh. just ignored. kena. jialat....damn pissed. argh. spoilt my day lah...thats the way to spoil my day, go ahead man..=)

sigh. going back to ac...everyone being a bitch but mervlyn was really nice....yeah. she's cool. i dunno. so MG. haha.

i'm back to writing pop music. good pop music. i'd craft 10 songs. watch this space.

it's nice to be dreamy, floating around, but after all you have to get back to reality, back to earth. you've gotta snap out of it after a while and let life affect you.

i love cough mixture, it makes you all nice and dizzy and dreamy. you just lie there, floating around in a world of your own, where angels dance and flowers buzz, and it's so funny when fangorn in lor dof the rings is talking. oh well. it is a dream-like existence, and very soon i shall reenter that nice little world on my pillow. dreaming of life, in the future, yes, when all things are nice and friendly and the bad things have passed away. and it is so beautiful and so, simple. yeah, the simple things of life. heh. i sound rather unintelligent but then it's easier and nicer being unintelligent and simple. ah. it is a nice world, yes.

today was a great day, despite the fact that i was hoarse for most of the time. it started off quite well with some badminton-playing, before it got quite nice in class [sigh, why didn't this happen long time ago =P] with the chatting and stuff, and for the fact that i did quite okay in the math test, and break was not bad coz me eye-candy was therE! haha okay no wells. uhrm it was nice to be with everyone again i think, i was quite lonely over the hols. my my i have to really study for italy, i'm like tons behind, and like getting intellectually high and stimulated from mugging italy, and frantically doing my econs mcqs and revising the econs in my head from long long back, wow wow wow. then i went up to the library to do more italy, and do the math paper from acjc, but did a bit only coz really no time and gotta mug history haha well i'm going mad haha.
but craps i haven't finished! i'm really slow..sigh sigh

oh later on we had this practise session for SES and it was not bad, the piano-touch was there...the improvisaiton and the touch....and the real fun bit was later on, when we jammed this really cool thing...it was just jamming and improvising on one chord, yeah like Dm all the way for like 32-bars or more...then moving up to Em and stuff...so it was more a modal kind of improvisation, something you'd hear from 'kind of blue' and it was really nice! =) haha. yeah. that was good too

Thank you God! urhm i said i wanted my day to be happy yeah it is haha. thank you.