Ah, the answer is, no! Or at least, I don't think so.
my parents don't really like me clubbing, i guess. ahhhh. I prayed about it, asking Him to tell me whether to go or not, and it seems He says no, haha, coz someone just called me to go to orchard to watch the street festival, so i guess, it's no. well well.

To club, or not to club? that is the question.

Oh well. today has been a pretty stoned day, i got to start moving around and start feeling again. being stoned is just a waste of time: one feels nothing. the night has been better, though. thankfully.

There's something wrong with my archives, is there not, oh well. can't seem to access it: will someone tell me what the problem is? Actually come to think of it you'd like blogger. blogger gives you an opportunity to explore yourself and to release anything you want to say to the world...

Oh actually music was brilliant in my ears yesterday. music just being wonderful....simply wonderful. swooningly beautiful. smile-inducingly refreshing and delightful. ah well it didn't last, did it. looking at the bands that were playing yesterday outside cine and it becomes rather exciting, this street festival.

I've got to find God again: I keep thinking He's angry with me, I gotta go back...His love and grace is greater than all my sin, His love and grace is greater than all my sin... You know what, we're just not of the world, we just don't belong, and it couldn't be otherwise. Those who want to follow You, the world would hate. That change in perspective has to come, if not we all fall into being servants of the world and not Royal children of God that have been called to a greater mission.
Just want to burst out in song sometimes.

You see, there's the perpetual contradiction: part of me wants to have fun and live, while the other is contemplating on issues that are far greater than the grasp of my understanding.

Ahh...looks like my pool's getting better, if only some of the shots would just fall! anyway had quite a bit of fun, watching nemo, hanging around, chit-chatting, playing pool, oh well, that]s the life that hols should be, not sit-at-home and study. Sigh. life's like this, huh. anyway i just wrote a song which is quite good, actually: it's rock. i'm back to writing pop music, woo hoo!
Oh mayor of casterbridge is quite interesting....lol i'm abt to finish it. and finding nemo was interesting also...gee dory is such a bimbo man she just reminds you of every little bimbotic girl out there.haha.
haven't got much to say, really, just living and not thinking. it's a bit easier on me brain.

Been listening to classical music, appreciating the thoughtfulness and the peace, stillness and calm of those instruments that blend in. And of course it's soothing to listen to, and it makes you want to pay attention to the music, to give it respect, since it demands one's attention by not boldly thrusting itself into your face. But of course there's the tendency that the music becomes bland and uninspiring, particularly if the music is composed mainly of sequences and devices without any thought to melody, or tune, or an organic construction of music. On the other extreme is pop, thrust straight into your face, demanding you catch it, but sometimes without the thoughtfulness of the former: it is just musak, at it's worst. It doesn't have the sensitivity that classical has, where each chord change is essential, a shift from a minor to major signifying something, a return to the tonic means returning to the point of rest, a finality: dissonance resolved by consonance is essential and inevitable. Classical music demands a sensitivity that people need to cultivate, somehow, to the art of music, itself: a chord change is crucial because it is. it's not just to fill up the bars.
But of course, both has its merits, and good music is good music because it has soul and feeling, whether it is classical, or pop, or rock. Oh well.

Life is getting better I guess, thank God. hmmz. wrote some songs today, starting work on a string quartet. but i'll never finish, anyhow. haha. Guess my piano's touch is coming back, i feel i can actually make it sing again. I'm more in control of myself, i suppose.

Sigh. It’s real annoying when you just want to let it all out in a blog entry and Blogger appears to be down. Its sad, sad.

Is it true that all of us are social beings? Able to communicate, able to live and to talk and to be with others and all that? Sadly some of us, being so resigned to the small plot of social-skills left-over from the partygoers and extroverts alike, have to content ourselves with. Which is the saddest thing of all. Those that are lookers and have the party life don’t need any of that. And for us, our body language makes us irritants to the masses out there. And our speech is harsh and is found wanting, in trying to actually communicate. And we get misunderstood so easily. Our jokes have no punch, they just fade away into the distance. You look around and you see people enjoying themselves, and I’m the morose one trying my best to be someone and fit in and finding myself confined to the outside, desperately looking in. It’s one of those themes you can’t loose yourself from, how to fit in. Am I really that hard to communicate with? Do people get intimidated by who I am? Just a humble old soul, really, I am. It’s depressing that people always get the wrong impressions, until they really know me and find me quite alright, hopefully. It’s a maniac slumber that everyone has to struggle with, until the cords snap loose and we get tossed into the ocean, where it might be better. Away and free. And no one will bother about you except God up there and there is such solitude, if there is loneliness. but then no one will notice you, really. You cry but your cries appear as though they are ice-cold shards, flint spears trying to cut through the happiness of the conversation to bring these eyes to awareness of that one tossed about in the sea by the waves, and is immediately chastised and we can go back to life as usual. But how can we?
Don’t want to talk to anyone. It’s a maniacal life we have to lead. We can’t follow our dreams, since inevitably some things just are and it’s too difficult to change them. And it’s easy for everyone to say, look, just do this and that and you’d be fine, but somehow you can’t get over it. No one gets over the things that happen to us, do they. And how they shape you to become who you’ve become. Sell the artistic side to get back your easy-goingness you’ve lost. Don’t think so much. Sigh. It’s like telling the person who can’t get the math into their head, just do this and do this, and they get it after a while, and they go back and they realize how confusing it all is, and when they want to try again, they can’t. it’s the same old thing that happens. You get it, then you lose it straightaway.