Watched X-man 2 yesterday, with ac friends, for some mindless fun and prancing around in Orchard, which was nice and cool, of course. left me with a smile on my face.
Today was a perpetual state of dreaminess, where the mind is left frozen and the eyes droop and the bed is snug and warm. It's hibernation, where the soft strains of 'somewhere over the rainbow' fill the air. Can't get too excited. The notes don't have that lightness about it, but tends to hold. if you know what i mean. It's being relaxed and letting myself wind down and restore the energy sapped away from yesterday's party-in-orchard-road.
I'm really trying desperately to write a musical-like song, where the notes fill a nice pattern, and is memorable and easy to sing. Just need a spurt of melody to start it and it'll be fine, but that's the really hard part. I just don't want drums. No drums, no guitars, none of that rock-pop thing. but i want pure melody and pure sounds.
I'm really torn between the rock/pop world, where the mind thinks of the chords behind it along with the melodies, and the song-song world of music, where the melody is the primary thing, and in one's brain the melody line is followed dogmatically, and the rhythms are simple and all. I'm trying to crossover now but it's really difficult, because all of my life it's been listening to the radio, and really i'm just 18 and it's crazy for me to live and dream and feel like a 40 year old. It's all about exuberant fun now, not all that mature meaning??
The rock/pop world gives me a smile, while the song-song world gives a clear mind. which one is more precious?

Okay i'm crazy. pple wont' be interestd anwyae. i got a new phone btw. its a 6610 not bad... k nvm.

here's some songs I've been listening to, haha.

sarah connor: skin on skin
50 cents: in the club
avril lavigne: losing grip
portishead: sour times
audioslave: like a stone
eve cassidy: time after time

all great tracks. indicative of my state of mind right now.

Monday was a mess though it started off nicely but it faded away into a mess of thoughts. What's wrong with me, still trying to be a writer. It's never enough, the patterns, the music, the contours. I need something else real badly.

Today was alright. i haven't got anythign to say really, though portishead was good. had a real nice long nap and felt awfully good after that...think i should do that just almost everyday: its wonderful how well you feel after that. everything is nice and a lil' hazy, music has a halo around it, and jazz is sublime.

I'm falling into oblivion. Please save me.
Nobody reads these posts anyway.
I'm tired of trying to be special, we're all so mundane, and maybe when we grow older we'd realise how stupid we all are.
This is just a release. It's such a powerful one. I just had to write, didn't I?

Please tell me how I can be used by You I have no idea give me some assurances and some signs. Your strength is made perfect in my weakness, but I'm still going on trying to be someone? I'm still trying to write a proper melodic song after so long, so long. I want people to sing without going all energetic about it, but maybe I can't do it. maybe I'm trying too hard. I'm trying to talk and laugh but I can't. But this is such great release. It's better than sex, not that I know how it feels anyway. i suppose i'd never.

i'm going crazy. but does anybody care. nobody's online anyway. this loneliness. inertia creeps. nobody's on the sms. haven't got a clue what they're doing with their lives. loneliness. the doors are shut and you're groping for the holes, just to escape. escape.

Such a mess. radiohead might ease the pain.

haha.