Saturday, July 19, 2003

I have unearthed a Jill Sobule classic, 'Bitter'. it's so nice i'm listening to it over and over agian

I could slip I could fall
IN that mean and awful hall
With the other jealous bitches and the bitter grumbling men
I could sneer I could glare
Saying life is so unfair
And the one who made it made it coz her
breasts were really big

but i don't wanna get bitter
i dun wanna turn cruel
i don't wanna get old before i have to

i could bitch i could moan say i wanna be left alone
but that's not relaly true becoz i like my time with you
...

i don't wanna get bitter like you
you with the thoughts in your eyes
you with disdain for mankind
i was charmed now i wonder...


the thing is. i want to get bitter. it's a lovely pill to swallow to make you cry your guts out.

Friday, July 18, 2003

We can't change the things life has put in place for us. we have to fight for our lives. we can't change, we'd only distort.

I have been rather close to God the past two or three days and I think over the week. today was pretty good. last night's little message was really meaningful and the prayer was good and all that and everything today was fine, it was peaceful, it was God-centered, i felt free, not to worry what happens to me coz it really doesnt' matter. sigh. and then like everything was fine. i was happy. not as crazy as yesterday, yesterday was really really mad coz like everything was really noisy and hyper and stuff. today was more sedated, i did math, i worked a little, got back my B for lit and A2 for GP, and tried to make the best i could, making friends with people, talking to them nicely, etc. you know, i behaved like a Christian, at least for a while.

then all hell broke loose. don't know what i was doing. don't know what i was trying to do. just a meaningless struggle through eternity and space that had no real beginning nor end and was begging to be defined. it was begging to be shaped into some discernable form that i could embrace, or even make sense of, enjoy; instead it was a cesspool, a mess, going to guitar at 5.30, stoning around, you know, playing the piano, frustrated coz i couldn't write any songs, or at least i was compelled by my urge to write something for the piano coz i was playing 'YOu must love me' and the sound of the piano under my hands was just to marvellous not to write something for it, you know. and then guitar was just, ah well, by that time i couldn't have cared less. and even in CG it was a mess. pool was great, hadn't played in eons, that's what you call 'accumulated desires' i guess.


I'm a mess now. depressed. it's time to write more songs. ahh. great thats nice i can feel the tingles wiggling through my spine and sending me shivers down my back. it's lots of depressive manical music that you've gotta get yourself into to feel real, actually.
and besides, i've been writing pretty well ever since jamming on wednesday. wrote some Rnb song that is pretty soothing with the usual descending chord progs, two little pop-rockers: one's more laid-back with an ebuillient feel, the other's a little edgy, it's about us being 'lovechilds', a reference to something said in GP today, which i took down. hmm. gotta catch all these good phrases to use, huh.

okay. tomorow is the audition. i better not let my friends down.

sigh.
what's with the world .

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

An interesting thought: did you know the real just intonation scale had 3 different intervals besides semitones and tones? it's really interesting coz i din realise it. in fact, a major interval is like 208 cents, bigger than a tone interval that is 200 cents: while a minor tone interval is 186 cents or something, while a semitone is 112.
It's something like that
1-(major)-2-(minor)-3-(semitone)-4-(major)-5-(minor)-6-(major)-7-(semitone)-8

so like thats y u raise the 5ths, lower the 3rds *since you have to compensate for the smaller interval of the minor*, and lower the 6th (for the same reason) while raising the 5th, since the major is slightly bigger than the whole-tone. interesting huh. and was playing, jamming, on a fretless bass today, sigh, really difficult, playing some trust company and stuff for my friend's audition for some band competition. well done. i'm all tired, after SYF also, which we got silver for...well i'm not particularly disappointed, but ah well, what could have been, ahhhh. hehe nvm got to miss school so that was nice.

yeah.
okay good nites.

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

I have been able to savour some really interesting dreams over the last few days. and it's really uncanny. the dreams just seem like reality you forget which is which, and i'd rather have the dreams, really. it's been more eventful than this mundane life i'm living in. sunday's dream was about so many things, about sitting down in this big ballroom and meeting wen en while i catch the attention of a girl, let's just call her X. and later on we played some bball with some greats, and i got my name in the papers: i was the best full-season player. and after that it was off to a holiday, to this really big building with a lift that goes up and down, and different things appear at different stories. there were the houses at e top, a shopping mall in the center complete with shops galore, and we the lift to a floor, and then we found this little palace, or cathedral, and it was sunken into the ground, where only the sloping roof and the pedestral were sticking out. I was with another group of pple, let's just call them J, Z, V, etc. and we wanted to explore it...there were little stone carvings around, decorating the entrance. We decided to go in, but J's parents objected, and later they consented, but it was ominous, something was wrong. And I decided, be careful, any time we will leave.
So we enter the place, and found out there were many artifacts that seemed to have life, that could move, like pop-up and shoot some fire, ala harry potter, there was even a wailing corner with wailing noises. It was easy to like, step on them, to cast them down, and later on after having taken seperate paths we met at the exit to the hall. Some sages/councillors walked by, and J then got scolded, something that went ... 'who's the leader'? 'me'...'did you do anything, leading?' 'no'....J was then scolded for valuing political clout, over actually conjuring and defeating the other powers that had held my other friend hostage. Apparently he had entered the building earlier, but was unsuccessful, on the brink of death, sustained only by the food of another person, it seemed to be fish, but he refused, deciding to pass it back to her and her bf. And we were told by the sages that they loved the person, the 'man of wealth' (okay its jeremy....haha....aka pamelsh) and it was horrible to let him suffer....we magical people have to use our talents.

what a story from a dream. could publish it or something, man.

And on the way to school, we were late, I prayed that somehow we'd get to school fast, and miraculously, just as i thought, how nice it would be if all the traffic lights were to turn green, it did! suddenly all the traffic lights indeed did turn green and later on at ghim moh it was funny coz then i wanted the traffic light to turn red, and it did! well well.

---

Monday's dream wasn't as bad but some parts were really nice. was with M, D, and this gal called Y, and we were in this room and discussing life, and it seemed as though Y and I wanted to get together, you know, we were tentative, not knowing if we were indeed for each other, liking each other, that kinda thing. and it was so weird, coz we smiled at each other, yet, shyly turning away, it seemed tentative, like, we were trying to test the waters. haha. well. i think it was more than that, but i can't remember now.
and there was something about staying late at a cafe, eating something that looked extremely pale for like 3.80, with D and J, and in the end there was no bus left to go home, so my father had to come over in some car and fetch me back. quite uneventful, i guess, compared to yesterday's! there was something about a song that my bandmate and i were trying to write, some drug addiction song, with the phrase 'head' and 'instead', if i can remember, correctly.
wow.
---
School tody was nice, got a good vibe. mel and addy and sim and liang were all nice and bubblly, and my classmates too, i guess. hmms. pretty good.. too bad i din see any pretty gals. haha. but that's another issue.

Guitar SYF is tomroow, pray it'll be good. hopefully!

Monday, July 14, 2003

I have just seen the now-infamous video of RJC from an obscure website. well. i just have to say, what's the big fuss? it's just a small scolding, nothing really substantial, i'm sure that happens more often than not, it's not like the teacher threw the bag outta the window or something, or hit the guy or what. so really what's the big hoo-ha? of course it's a little overboard to scold the poor old guy like that, and well about the issue of putting it on the web, it depends on whether you define the classroom as a public place, or a private one. if it is the latter, there would be a violation of privacy, but what's so private about your classroom?

oh man. if something happens to him coz of this there will be an even greater hoo-ha. okay some white slips for bringing in a PDA and using it, that's legitimate, but he should not be a scapegoat for the school's need to win back some face, and a bloody-sunday like reactionary blitz on rights of students, and his welfare, just because some other pple happened to publicise what he put on his blog.