Sigh. It’s real annoying when you just want to let it all out in a blog entry and Blogger appears to be down. Its sad, sad.

Is it true that all of us are social beings? Able to communicate, able to live and to talk and to be with others and all that? Sadly some of us, being so resigned to the small plot of social-skills left-over from the partygoers and extroverts alike, have to content ourselves with. Which is the saddest thing of all. Those that are lookers and have the party life don’t need any of that. And for us, our body language makes us irritants to the masses out there. And our speech is harsh and is found wanting, in trying to actually communicate. And we get misunderstood so easily. Our jokes have no punch, they just fade away into the distance. You look around and you see people enjoying themselves, and I’m the morose one trying my best to be someone and fit in and finding myself confined to the outside, desperately looking in. It’s one of those themes you can’t loose yourself from, how to fit in. Am I really that hard to communicate with? Do people get intimidated by who I am? Just a humble old soul, really, I am. It’s depressing that people always get the wrong impressions, until they really know me and find me quite alright, hopefully. It’s a maniac slumber that everyone has to struggle with, until the cords snap loose and we get tossed into the ocean, where it might be better. Away and free. And no one will bother about you except God up there and there is such solitude, if there is loneliness. but then no one will notice you, really. You cry but your cries appear as though they are ice-cold shards, flint spears trying to cut through the happiness of the conversation to bring these eyes to awareness of that one tossed about in the sea by the waves, and is immediately chastised and we can go back to life as usual. But how can we?
Don’t want to talk to anyone. It’s a maniacal life we have to lead. We can’t follow our dreams, since inevitably some things just are and it’s too difficult to change them. And it’s easy for everyone to say, look, just do this and that and you’d be fine, but somehow you can’t get over it. No one gets over the things that happen to us, do they. And how they shape you to become who you’ve become. Sell the artistic side to get back your easy-goingness you’ve lost. Don’t think so much. Sigh. It’s like telling the person who can’t get the math into their head, just do this and do this, and they get it after a while, and they go back and they realize how confusing it all is, and when they want to try again, they can’t. it’s the same old thing that happens. You get it, then you lose it straightaway.