Blogging has been such a chore; it should be fun, but then it seems like a routine. but then again, you need to update it, if not it'll seem that nothing has happened.

but of course things happen. i just don't want to blog them.

it's been really topsy-turvy, i guess. one thing i still haven't learnt, even from entering the army, is consistency. The ability, really, to just have ONE mood for one whole day and stick to it. it's always up and down, which makes for paranoia that the euphoria i feel now would be immediately submerged by feelings of loneliness and depression.

So it's time to make a change, only thing is, I don't know how.

still, the week has been fine. by 2004 NS standards, of course. The weekend was really topsy-turvy, like I mentioned earlier. Friday was pretty good: I met daryl for some catching up over pool (with justin), and it got better later on at my fren's surprise party (at his place). Of particular note was the large amount of booze and, more importantly, the people that came, which made conversation enjoyable and meaningful. Even though it might not have been very happy altogether (due to reasons unknown), it was really nice because I really felt appreciated. Appreciated with a capital A. These are people who know me, who actually value my companionship. I don't need to prove anything else to them and they already know me. So it's an ease on my shoulders. Damn I hate meeting new people.

Saturday started off very well, though i had only 4 hours sleep; I went to send vette (and later meiping) to airport with daryl and gang. it was really hilarious, all the 'shuai' and stupid RI lingo (i mean it in an affectionate way). and later went to play soccer at RI: scored a goal, but the rest of my performance was quite disastrous by my standards; hardly touched the ball, can't really get past any players, dwindling on the ball...oh well. nvm i scored a nice goal so it's okay, almost makes up for bad performance. had a tiff with my mother about punctuality but that's normal, really, for me. slept like a pig later on because of the sheer lack of sleep.

and sunday was really bad; i was stuck in the annals of depression. i dunno, but i just find it very difficult to get along with church people; it just seems that they and I are on different wavelengths, and i have to try to impress them and prove myself, which is so difficult. they're not yet in my comfort zone, which is a real worry.

monday, and it felt strange, back to camp again, back to stress, and the absence of any respite from the constant torrental fear that someone is watching your back. tuesday was better, took half day off to sleep at home before going to airport. and that was fun!! seeing daryl and gabriel off to UK; met loads of friends, the RI clerk bunch that i must definitely hang out more with, and my ac friends. felt like old times. the jokes and stuff. even if it is directed at me. hmmph. yah but it was okay. i felt good after this, really i mean. it was nice.

wednesday, and the combo band was back playing; i was stoned as usual; we spent the morning sleeping and eating in the mess. thursday, and it was a really nice feeling in the morning waking up late (took off) and travelling down bkt timah road; was a really nice feeling seeing all those trees and nice chill-out music played in my head. which was really nice. and later i go to dark old ubi and everything's ugly and grey again. i took a look around; everything's grey! no wonder my mood is grey too. later we went to eat gengkhis khan. met up with eugene, who graciously treated us. the food was good....sashimi was fresh, oysters big, and the teppanyaki nice. but it's a bit on the high side for that kinda food.

friday, and i'm sick, and hoping and praying there isn't a recall. because if there is i'm going to positively yell and scream my head off.