Today is smellymelly yeo's birthday, and i thought I should say something about my funny old friend. the first time we met was the time that we were on the way to hwa chong for some humanities meeting; and then she scolded me, like, i was yaccking away and she started shouting "can you please dont speak so loud?" okay maybe it was less tactful than that. haha. but strange things happen. in the end we got to know each other, and then she realised i wasn't that bad after all; coz we were all in the same clique; and later on we just grew closer and just became really good friends. i suppose. i suppose maybe we have an intuitive understanding. we understand what each has been through, and where we are individually heading towards; and we understand we just want each to be happy. maybe. okay so mel if u're reading this, it's your 22nd birthday today (yes today), be happy okay. life is wonderful, be happy, enjoy each day God's giving you and rejoice! yay. hope the storm settles, yeah; there may be rainbows but it may take longer than you would hope? dunno what i am saying [i'm blogging in company law seminar] but yeah be happy k.
*hug.* [still a favourite miao-miao]

and anyway i just had my one week break; and i just realised how tired i was. tired, because my OCD's just sapping me up dry with that energy; and i'm really tired, Lord. sigh. but those that wait upon the lord shall renew their strength -isaiah; but Jesus my defender has defended me and renewed me and forgiven me when i've strayed, placing His arms around me and assured me and chosen me. shawn, be strong. life is long. that irritatoinal fear is killing me though, the fear that i will do something that i do not want to do - but sometimes i just have to have that simple faith and simple trust in His goodness.
greater love hath no one than this.


law school as well is doing me no good. but maybe it's my own fault. i'm not contributing; not developing. not developing and building people's lifes and shared expeirences with all this bad OCD; just tension. social networks are dying; social groups. butler changed roles. people not wanting to socialise. argh. too bad i'm not that kind of assertive, powerful, bold person that law school people like. they admire that devil-may-care attitude. but i've learnt enough not to be like that, i can't change what has happened to me, right?

all those of you who actually read this dont come up to me and say "are you okay?" i fairly well am; blogging is just a way of expressing all the multitude of thoughts that go around my brain; it's my brain that is messed up all right. maybe coz i'm too smart; so i think too much ffor my own good. i'm always one step ahead of you, in all the wrong things; but one step behind, in all the right things, such as my company law, or my property assignment. sigh. dunno why im taking law in the first place.

because law is always cerebreal and argumentative and logical and in-for-a-fight to-prove-you-wrong; alot of my talents are wasted in law. my intuition, my sense of aesthetic beauty, musical talents notwithstanding, ability to see the big picture and conceptualise. sigh. who knows, i may be ending up selling cakes.