inside me i've changed, somewhat; a bit more scared, i think i know i have to hold on to God but i'm not even sure what that really means, how do you hold on to Him? (yah i know they say He holds on to you) but i'm not even sure what you mean by you holding on to Him. i'm not even sure.

i think deep down i feel a bit inadequate, like i keep asking myself - why would God want me to enjoy life, or pursue my dreams? if it's my will, then it can't be His will, blah blah, absolutely didactic. i know it's not right but i can't help but feel this way sometimes.

but i believe - i must have faith - that Christ chose me, for His sake, and He will do His purpose in my life, in the things that i do, without me even realising that, which is good; i don't want to keep asking God - eh is this your will is it is it is it - but i want to be able to believe that, Yes it is.

hmms

faith faith faith.

and please put the helmet of salvation on because these thoughts are killing me. argh.