sians. i have destructive tendencies. tsk.

its like when GOD blesses me and im one in union with Christ and everything is awesome, like, got love, peace, kindness, goodness, everything, and his presence with me, i go and screw it up after a while.

whats wrong with me.
and then i lose everything that i really wanted so badly. i mean, doctrinally, i havent lost it, but ive lost it, if u noe what i mean.
like the joy is gone.
coz i screwed it up.

im a mess sometimes. ack