I haven't blogged in a while, because I've been too busy having fun; it's when you're having fun that you're least inclined to blog, really: so that means that since last week things were looking pretty good.

Monday, 10/01/2005, and the day was absolutely horrible. listened to belle nad sebastian in the daytime but got bored after that; still, the music at night was very good. could hear the thirds and sixths flattened with the midicode program. like bliss, the music. i can't really remember what it felt but i was able to listen to music, tunes, and write some songs as well. being melodic. and on MSN i was really able to chat very well and connect with others, not having any of that negativity that used to bog me down, like when your mind suddenly shoots out questions like, 'is that right?' or 'really?' and you are just able to be positive about everything. it's a feeling.

tuesday, and i was able to write a very good song, in my opinion. melodic and easily accessible, yet lending itself to jazzed-up/souped-up versions more easily than my other songs, in other words, flexible. hopefully i'll be able to write some good lyrics for it. mm. we went for band practice too. still darn busy.

wednesday and it was band performance. nothing much to say.

thursday, and i wanted to take off, but i couldn't, so i just hung around. met daryl and friends later on and really i haven't had such a wacky time in so long. we were just laughing over ice-cream at haagen daaz, irritating the waitresses, (there's a certan perverse pleasure in doing that) and making stupid comments about some girl and other things and photos and a cheekopeh pose. hah. it's times like these that makes you want to relive them. just for the sheer high. HIGH. because gravity has no more effect on U=) (like this) the dominant song was ocean colour scene's 'the day we caught the train'--oh ooh lala. tried to tune the tele to play that.

friday, and i went out with chris tham and stacey and wen hui to play tennis at stacey's condo, which was quite fun really coz all of them can play quite well and it was funny. haha. we went swimming later on and later adjourned to novena square. i was damn shagged by then man. slept like a pig.

saturday and i had music practice. could feel the rhythm coming again man. and at night i tried to be a good friend and went with gang to ms lim's husband's pool place in clarke quay, freakin espensive. like, 22 bucks for covr and 12 per hour for pool. haha. ridiculous. man u won tho, and arsenal lost! bad day bad day at the games...

sunday, and i had a great time with samuel debbie plus the chiangmai mates. we were just so able to bond so well in the chiangmai discussions and even in dcg and all that. i found i've really started to grow and love mt carmel and the people and the fellowship there coz now i can feel like it's really home for me. i mean my old cell and the mission trippers are pple whom i can identify with and who really accept me and whom i respect and love as well. we went to watch tiger cup after that and the atmosphere was electrifying, it was like national day parade man. so many people all in red! but singapore really deserved it, their game plan was just perfect, and the spirit was really really good, i could feel it. wonderful. the cheering was all in good fun, and like our voices were sore after that. damn i'm almost falling sick arleady (monday). later on we went to el-amin to eat, and so concludes the nice week and weekend.

one thing that's real positive is that i'm so much more able to empathise with people again. as in, to realise that people are actually living, they have souls inside them, and they are able to feel emotions just as i can, (it's obvious really but sometimes you dont' realise these things) and so i try my best to be able to work sensitively to respond to them and to be able to bring about good emotions in them. (this sounds like so robotic but okay u noe what i mean) i mean sometimes i'm just so stoned and i'm so unable to catch what people are saying, but really sometimes like just then i was able to really feel and understand other pple. and to know that there are souls all around us. it's possibly to do with humility as well. i mean back in RJC, we were very democratic. everyone's opinions mattered. i mean, we valued diversity and we like learnt from each other and stuff. but now in army things are so different, because i see alot of things that i dont like and my immediate instinct is to withdraw and i feel like somehow im better but maybe (and most likely) i'm not. and i begin to become almost absolute-monarchy, trying to block out the rest, trying to influence others and make them like me, thinking that only i have the keys to knowledge and fine arts and eveyrthing good. but of course it's not true. and when i start having this new bad mindset to put out the bad influences ahd the people of army i inevitably bring that along to my own private life as well. which sucks. which means i'm blocking out the people whom i used to enjoy living with. sigh. so here's to democracy. and i realised that i'm so much more able to feel and love others again. when there's not so much pride inside me thats when things are much better. and i feel like i can communicate with God again. because i have to realise that God is a living God as well, a soul, a burning consumate fire, who feels and has emotions--not like the sun, who is constant but is not living--God, though, is living, and unless i realise that, and when i speak to Him i realise that i'm actually communicating and having a relationship by talking, i won't be able to really communicate effectively. but this weekend it seems like i was able to be sincere in what i said and feel like im actually speaking to a being. to love God is the foundation for everything else. and everything is about relationships, inevitably. i mean, we could all live by ourselves and love ourselves, but really if i love you and you love me it's ten times better than i loving myself and u loving myself. i mean sometimes i don't exchange gifts because i think practically it makes more sense to buy things that u like, that's so an economomist pt of view, but what u miss out with that mindset is that when people exchange gifts they put a bit of their soul into the present and that the gift will inevitably link you to the giver. same with relationships. much betta to share man.