God still cares about me, I'm so blessed. Thank you God. You may not actually feel the actual moment, but in the overall spirit, you know He's there. I can't expect too much but to thank Him for everything. I realised that He is there for me and that He loves me. The problem was that perhaps I used to think that our God is just someone who craves for your attention all the time and all that; that's just misguided; I have to realise that He is someone who loves, He's a God of love, and because of that great love for us, we can only love him, naturally, out of the fact that we are touched by His love, not because we are forced to do so by way of intellectual reasoning and logic, but because we naturally want to do so, we are voluntarily doing it, because we are emotionally touched. And today I somehow felt that love again. It's all because Jesus died for our sins and He died for all and for the worst sins, and so it's all been paid for. I am free. And if he paid for our sins, who are we to judge them? it's all been paid for. And how the devil is lurking at every corner trying to devour us, and how we have to recognise this and pray and ask for guidance and do what we feel is best in our hearts. Because your love covers it all.
And the obvious guide to whether God's with me or not is whether I'm confident or I'm just nervous and flippant and all that. With God His Spirit gives me strength and perseverance, I'll just allow Him to work in me to make me new again, fresh again, born again. No negative thoughts. Erase. Erase. But let good things flow. Like Joshua, to be bold and courageous, to step out in faith. And really when you know God's working is through people; I was at a prayer meeting today and the things that we just discussed just made me realise how beautiful and loving God is, and on my way home i started a song to Him about His love, and later on I said that I wanted to ask my parents to go for prayer meeting, I prayed about it and asked them to be receptive, and yeah they were. i mean it's these things that are important. when you are, yourself, willing to do something for God then you open the door for Him to lead you and all that, but I have to be willing alright. It's how this love is passed on; people love me for who I am, God loves me, so shall I pass that love on. it's too selfish to keep it to myself.

And about music. I was singing the song to God on my way home and voila it's amazing how everything just seems miraculously in tune, especially my ear. i mean, even the 3rds and 6ths are flattened automatically and i can hear melodies again. because I told God, that He has given me a gift for melody and I shouldnt' just waste it away, and He allowed me to write a bit of the verse with real melody. and when i played the guitar, i was shocked at how out of tune it was; immediately i could tell which note was off; i hooked it up to a tuner and yeah it was so off man. i mean, it's not that music and God is mutually inverse; God made music anyway, and so cleaving to Him first will then allow me to be in the right state of mind and have the right connections in my brain to write good music because I am with God and His peace will bring joy and comfort and that calm will bring good music, not to mention Him giving me melodies. I remembered last time I always trusted God first for music, and it was like, we were just little small computers plugged to a big server (God) (sorry for taht bad analogy, haha), and now im trying to download alot of the data to my own hard disk, but that's just bad. because it's pressurising trying to keep these data on my own, there's no security, and there's no inspiration for new songs and i just feel so insecure trying to keep them on my own. so shall i put these back into the server for the joy of the world and just rely on God for everything.

And the great thing about being with God is that I am less prone to being swayed by the ways of the world. I used to think that everything was cool, being flippant and all; now i stand firm and i know what is good and what is not, and there is plenty of things out there that i thought was cool and good but really are not. and i have to stand, firm, unwavering. yes. even lots of music that i thought were good are actually not very good after all.

Yay. I'm quite happy now. i'm trying to be a testimony to all, especially to my family. for it is written, "Let no one look down on you because you are young, but in speech, conduct, love, faith,
and purity, show yourselves an example to those who believe."
1st Timothy 4:12
I was always hampered perhaps by the perception that I'm young and unable to do anything, but yeah, I can still be testimony. youth doesn't hamper anything.