Man, there's been so much going on, so well, i thought i'd better blog and blog what i wanted to say:

CHIANGMAI

So I'm back from a wonderful mission trip in Chiangmai, of all things beautiful. And so, I thought I'd better blog a little bit about Chiangmai before I forgot everything that has happened, and the thoughts that accompanied it.

well, for starters, i wasn't really enthusiastic about it; i mean, I'll be spending one christmas there, leave my old friends back home (of course i'd have stronger church friendships), etc. and wasn't it a bit of a chore, as missions trips always are? But really they were just misconstrued thoughts that shouldn't have been, for the trip was enjoyable from the start. especially the weather, which was just perfect, cold for sleeping, a bit of sunshine in the daytime, and a nice peaceful calm about the whole place. we went to dr chaiyaan's house for a briefing, and what struck me was how everything we do is for the glory of God, everything. we were there to proclaim God's love, to be a living testimony for God. We were briefed about the strategy for the nong wai village (which was where we going to).

So the trip started; we proceeded to conduct an english camp at this campsite/chalet called sainanmin. about 23 youths participated, including some we got to know very well. a boy called view, who played guitar, and some youth from nong wai, etc. it was quite nice, we sang songs and played some games. acting games, telephone line, and other sports and stuff. ate this wonderful roti prata, took photos, and the place was really nice, had a running stream, and a really distinctive sainanmin lady character who was running the place; she was a former actress and she was still the joker (of course in thai), making everyone burst out in convulsive laughter during mealtimes. really started to blend in with the people there, the ladies, and all of them. i remembered the wonderful roti prata with condensed milk and sugar.

Later on, things became even better. We started actually staying at Nong-wai village itself, and it felt like a second home. On the first night there, I homestayed with this guy called jo, and he was really friendly and nice-- (i still keep in touch with him through email) ; I couldn't really communicate with his mom, but i guess the smiles and friendly gestures would more than suffice really for any lack of words. His house was quaint and nice, and we just sat at the mat and ate and talked with lots of smiling and a quick look at my thai-english dictionary (it didnt' really work ) before proceeding on to another villager's house where i met up with my other churchmates who were staying with that villager. and then everyone proceeded to look at photos of my churchmate's prom, girlfriend, et al, and then we were just communicating and talking in a wonderful spirit of friendliness, time just seemed to pass by so quickly.

I think what really struck me was the simpleness of the people, about how everyone was so simple and poor by our standards, but they were so content and happy, in this 'jaiyen' spirit of cool calm. nothing seemed to anger them, they just lived their lives in full respect of each other; there was just no stress, they were content. thats something we could learn from.

Later on we helped phi-tom and phi-am build a pathway between the house and the narada home (orphanage) that we were staying, which was sponsored by our church. It was really hard work going under the sun to lay the bricks one by one in the old cobble-stone way. Still, it was quite a bit of fun. saying stupid things (and having a competition to see who could say more) at the back of the home in the hot sun, pouring water onto cockroaches and ant farms and dipping each brick in water to get rid of ants, and even inscribing our names on the cement--it's still there! you can go see it! yeah, and besides, i really admire tom and am; it must take alot of commitment and effort to run an orphanage like that, in charge of 8 kids, without any real time away on their own, having to be at their best behaviour and all that; and somehow I realised maybe it's good and all, because you have the incentive to be at your best behaviour all the time, as a testimony for God to these people there. i realised man thats' what keeps them going, it's the love of God and the whole testimony thing. we sang 'jesus loves me' in thai at a local church too. other fun parts were playing volleyball on the village court, which was good for bonding, and i played soccer once with the thai youth, which was not bad. they were all damn fast but at least i could get into the game later on.

So the shopping began on a wednesday; went to the thai handicraft centre, got some photoframes, which i cant'f ind now, and some boxes; went to airport plaza, ate some wonderful beef noodles, couldn't find papaya salad, walked around with esther and looked for clothes, got myself a long-sleeved tee shirt and a really nice black shirt, though it's one size too big (L) but never mind, all my shirts are.... went to tesco, and later to a khantoke dinner with wonderful burmese curry, which left me coughing all over and asking for warm water-- in fact i still have a cough up to this day, one week since returning, thanks to the fried chicken there-- and later to the night bazaar, where i got some lamps. on thursday we conducted some christmas programme at a primary school. i was already feeling the weather; acted out a christmas skit, me as a wiseman, and later on we went shopping again, this time to central; ate beef noodles again. and later on there were lots of wonderful adidas tee shirts that i really should have bought, because they were very cheap comparatively. sigh. like 20 bucks. but again i procrastinated. and in the end, regretted. went over to a christmas party at someone's house with nice decors. really that's the only thing i remembered. but we went back to have some good rest. friday, and we conducted 6 christmas programmes in all for secondary school kids. all with games, like charades and stuff, and all with skits, and songs like the friendship song. man, damn shacked. went back to the handicraft shop to buy some souveneirs to sell in singapore and also to get a bag, which unfortunately was never used by anybody. (that's what always happens to my gifts, actually). at night was really fun! one of the highlights! CAROLLING! i always love christmas carolling, actually, because it's really nice just to be singing those joyful carols under the stars and having the christmassy spirit; we walked around the village singing songs like 'joy to the world' and others; i think the villagers must've been really touched and pleasantly surprised by our carols. it was really fun just walking in the dark also. mm. there was even one time where we were singing to an empty house with just a dog! man. my word. haha. and later on we sat on the back of an open-air pick-up and drove through the streets of chiangmai. i tell you, the experience of the wind rushing onto your face as you stick your head out of the pickup towards the front is just absolutely thrilling; it's fast, and its' cold, and there's a lovely scenery all around; especially in the night sky. at first it wasn't so good, but later on when the temperature drops all around and into christmas day itself one-two am in chiangmai, it was really surreal; everywhere the streets were quiet and there we were singing at the top of our voices 'i don't wanna close my eyes, i don't wanna fall asleep coz i miss you baby and i don't wanna msis a thing' with me playing the guitar even though my fingers were already half-numb--and we went to so many places, some really far away from nong-wai, and travelling on 12omph, now that's an unforgettable experience. we visited some ang-moh's house in this 'world club' part of chiangmai, which was quite big and nice, another ang-moh's house in the posh location somewhere near a school (i think), it was really antique and had an air of knowledge and history, and we were served thai porridge, good in the cold i guess. they had many guests...we travelled near the ping river and that was quite nice to watch as well, past the clubs. thai techno. haha. how interesting. visited dr chaiyun's house, was served really nice food as usual. took nice photos. LOL. on a staircase. visited the church pastor's house which was also nice. had wonderful tea and lovely dessert sweets.

so well. christmas day. woke up like at ten. slacked the whole evening. slacked some more. played more volleyball. and later on christmas programme: acted the skit again, played some games, sang songs, exchanged the gifts in a nice little game, took photos with jo and family...later on we had a nice sharing session and dr chaiyun gave us some certs and stuff, and then briefed us on how it was our testimony that was going to make the difference, for we believe because people we value also believed. something to that extent. sang songs late into the night, played bridge, talked a bit. man i can still remmeber all of that.

so the last day came, so sad. we went to church, sang 'fak kwam wang', ate a nice dish of wantan noodles, and set off for narada. all the homestay kids came to send us off to the airport, and we left narada with fondness in our hearts, for it was the place of great memories and where relationships were built and nurtured, and it was a place of joy. i'd remember it as a beacon of light in nong-wai. so we were at the airport, we prayed, we prayed for a continuation of everything that the mission trip has taught us, we learnt great things from it, and we prayed for the people in thailand that everything was going to be better than it was; we prayed for protection, we prayed for the kids that were coming down. hmm. we said goodbye with a tinge of sadness in our hearts to phee am and phee tom, for we really enjoyed their company and their warmth (at least i did), not to mention our immense gratitude for their hospitality. they are indeed a truly loving couple, one that loves, God, man, each other. so we went back on a plane that was quite interesting, perhaps because of a bit of gin tonic, and wine, which was nice, because getting into a bit of high was quite fun actually. because people think u're high so u can say what u like. tha'ts much better. =D LOL. okay i won't exactly go into details. but i wasn't exactly sleeping either, was i? i think not. there were intersting jokes. the water and the gin. etc. mm.

Mm, so well, apart from memories, (and the merits of duty free, of course) the more lasting things are the relationships you nurture over the trip. i really got to know the mission trippers much more, chris, ratty, evan, wenhui, esther, van, chunli, staccey, even chuckee, baoen and pastor jeremy, even though they aren't really my age-- yeahhh...i mean back in church today we were much closer. i could just sense that. comfortable with each other. able to joke and laugh at each other again. now that only comes through a relationship that is developed over time, and that's what i really desire with God also. what i really desire is a constant relationship, not one that only happens here and there at some points in your life. i really need that closeness. sigh. that's one of my new year resolutions--a closer walk with God. For today's message was just about that: psalms 23: it's about having a close walk with God, that you won't 'want' anything else, and you long for intimacy with him inwardly, and then the Lord will protect you even in the valley of the shadow of death. it's really the amazing truth. and yesterdays's saturday sermon was how we are to live an abundant life for Christ, by stepping out in faith, being bold and courageous (joshua), and being obedient to the Lord. our speaker yesterday defined success as being able to live the abundant life that God promised you as a believer, and i really want that: it just ties in with the whole idea of a closer walk.

so here are just some good christian song ideas that i might work with:

-laying down my pride and my crowns to follow God
-asking God to lead me and guide me wherever he might take me I will go
-having a close walk with God all the days of my life, from the morning to the evening, talking with Him intimately and knowing Him and all the plans He has for me. He's a living God, not one that is just up there and distant.
-Jesus, sweet Jesus, on the cross. it is because of the cross that I have life, and it is the greatest demonstration of His love, for greater love has no one than this, that he laid down his life for his friends.

-man i'm excited. just need to get good lyrics and music to frame these ideas into songs.

especially idea 3: i was just thinking, on saturday morning, how our God is just in control and knows every little nitty-gritty detail about my life, even the mundane, trivial, ones that I think he wouldn't be interested in; maybe i'm wrong. Nothing's too small and insignificant for Him to see. even the way i think which is pretty silly at times, or the small, even secular things, he also knows it. and he is interested in using that to shape me too. i was thinking about left-brain and right-brain, and i'm sure he would have known what i was thinking about. i was actually thinking that i needed to be able to use words more effectively to communicate, because in essence communication is all about using the right words to describe your feelings. using better words, and more accurate words, will allow me to avoid misunderstandings, and deepen friendships, because i am honest, because my choice of words can convey the message across better. because words have meanings that are so deep--that's the beauty of taking literature--and i need to regain that respect for words, individual words, choice words, before i get swept away by the flippant waves of slip-shoddity. (is there such a word? it's all about words)

So, about New Year, I celebrated it on a boat with some friends, mel, jing, nic, wenen, and the rj ac bunch... it was quite fun, drinking abit, looking at the stars and the scenery in the comfort and the nice rhythms of a boat, and how there was just the party mood there in the esplanade...lisetning to 'dig it low' and 'funkytown' in the bottom level of the boat, which was nicely wooden-panelled....it was quite fun. caught up a bit with mel and jing, talked, getting a bit high, taking photos with wen en and the rest of them, yeah, fun it was. caught up with adriel and mark also, people i haven't seen for ages. later on we went to crash a UWC party and that was really quite intesreting, because everyone just towered over us and everyone seemed to be drunk and slobbering in corners with girls. and the drinks were quite strong, no wonder. didn't really enjoy it. went back home and even had to call a cab to come. haha. well...

and on saturday morning, some thoughts came into my head:

"When i was in AC, or RJ, i was always known as an emotional person. I liked to have the whole range of emotions, the sadness and the highs, the laughter and the joy, all the works, it brought spice to everything. I just pray that I still have that, and have not stagnated to a one-fits-all medium which is a stale boring mediocrity, like plains that stretch for miles around without a hill in sight, without a hope to see the sea. it is those emotions which i crave now that can bring a sense of novelty and a sense of enchantment to each experience...For I traverse now the rugged terrains of every encounter before me, and keep with me a fresh new perspective, that every new encounter will bring about new joys and new relationships to keep, for we are never stagnant in time in the way relationships are never stagnant, but new people will come and old people will pass away. and i just have to be prepared for that eventual certainty, and move on and continue to live. not to go gently into the good night."

it has been a long post, and i'm tired. God bless the victims of the tsunami, and God bless 2005. God bless all of you, Amen.