Mm im feeling very melancholic now, man. i can feel the emotions swelling and the feelings and all that. just feeling really lonely, needing people. sigh. when im in this mood i realise i treat people a whole lot better. and i really mean it. because somehow i value them more.

i was definitely more melancholic last time, say j1. i actually liked it. sigh. wonder why i've become all so sanguine and so insensitive nowadays. i was definitely more considerate and caring and sensitive last time. but now after the As (long time ago actually) i kept trying to get as much fun as i possibly could, which meant that i couldn't really care for others, couldn't really be sensitive, kept trying to be sanguine, to achieve, etc. losing all my humanity in the process. i just hope i can leave that train that is headed for ruin to find more humanity in my life, and for a new purpose.