The devil is a destroyer. 'he comes only to seek and destroy.' so if i destroy my life just because i hate the devil, and then am afraid that the devil has his hand on my life and afraid that the moments when i'm the happiest was because the devil is at hand (of course, it's a lie) and hence destroy myself because i don't want to enjoy myself for fear of associating with the evil one, i'm actually cleaving nearer and nearer the devil, submitting ot him (the devil) and actually building up the kingdom of the evil one, for it is a kingdom that destroys.
so can i stop destroying and punishing myself now? instead of making the devil happy, let me make God the Father, God the Lord Jesus and God the Holy Spirit happy by creating and living and being positive.

'do not quench the Spirit by fear'. the Spirit gives life. Jesus Christ is creator and Lord, He makes all things beautiful in His time.