Whenever I have problems and turn to the Lord Jesus my friend, His only response is a simple 'I am faithful, Shawn', and I'm sometimes wondering, look, why can't you say more than that? Perhaps there is nothing more to say. The 'I am faithful, Shawn' just encompasses everything that is wrong about me, my seeking of assurances, my looking for answers, my living in moods and in emotions and feelings, but then when I am down and when I feel that I have just lost God, He keeps saying 'I still love you, Shawn'. And that is enough to keep me going. Oh poor me for the lack of faith.

I had a good talk to Jesus about my life, about my problems and my failings. I was complaining to Him. As you all know, there have been lots of trials and sufferings in my life, and I was like, why God? why me? didn't i do what you requested? spread the word? try to be a light? it's unfair. And He pointed me to Job. Did Job commit any wrong? No he didn't. Did he do anything to deserve what he got? no, he didn't. And then I was opened a picture of new blessings, of new wonderful things that were coming my way, just as Job did.

And then I needed to break the stronghold of the devil that says that good things come from the evil one and not from the Lord Jesus. The Lord helped me to do that. But now perhaps I have full assurance that good things come from the Lord Jesus Christ and not the devil. I recall a long November ago when I prayed to the Lord Jesus my friend for a song (and I promised to Him i won't make it an idol, or let it destroy my first love for Him), and immediately, that very same night He divinely led me to write/gave me this song called 'Still madly in love', which seemed to be a love song between lovers. I was so thankful, but then doubts kept coming, oh maybe it wasn;t written by God maybe it was just by chance or by the devil. But then again Jesus's faithfulness kept coming back. At VCF three weeks ago, God told me that all these songs come from Him, but I should not make them vain idols, and in that prayerful mood I managed to hear that song 'still madly in love' again, with beauty and clarity. And in service I asked Jesus to help me not to punish myself again, and then the song came out again nice and wonderful, with power. Just last Friday i was thinking about it, and talking to the Lord Jesus again, when that song 'still madly in love' reappeared in my head again with love and kindness, and after that, immediately, Jesus whispered 'I still love you, Shawn'...and then today I was thinking, why the title 'still madly in love'? and not something else? could it be that Jesus was talking about His own love for me, and that how He still loves me, despite everything that I have done? About how I have failed and turned so far from Him, but, like the loving shepherd who goes after his one lost sheep, He brings me back with love knowing that I've strayed? I have doubted Him, been angry with Him, and all that He could say was that, 'I am faithful, Shawn', or that 'I still love you, Shawn', or that, in the song, that He was 'still madly in love' with me, isn't that such wonderful grace and love?

Just today I was praying again and then He said 'I will fight the devil for you, you just go and enjoy the songs ('still madly in love')', and so I did, and it was absolutely divine and wonderful, and then a voice came back again, 'I still love you, Shawn', still madly in love, with you.