true life lessons

I'm back from Phuket, a little burnt.

Learnt some important life lessons: (1) there will always be some bigger fish out there in the sea. it's inevitable. you're only as good as your last ... hit single (see Whitney - whether she was depressed or not, I don't know), but it's true - you're only as good as the next time when another bigger cooler smarter posher fish comes along. (2) people don't have perfect information and thus you need to sell yourself - they cant' read your bloddy minds. so have to sell yourself, bopian. it's life, it's so unbohemian but then again we're in singapore. if i were somewhere else it'll be much easier, but i have to learn that hey this is singapore. everyone cares about appearances, faces. it's not a perfect world out there. pretty imperfect actually. As someone said, you "maketh the best, not the worsth". Really? sometimes one needs to have that higher level of FAITH in God to believe that whatever comes out of your situation is good. and I can't keep on giving the excuse that I have little faith to be something different, something that I can be. Doesn't work that way does it? No, didn't think so.

blah i'm ranting at 2.25am in the morning and it reminds me of my teenage days which were rather angst-ridden and unproductive, really. Still on the mend, still on the mend, but sometimes lapsing back into the past. arghhhhhhhhh

I must not LET MYSELF GET EMO ARGHHHHH *($%^&*()^%R$E#$%^&*(.

IT'S SO IRRITATINGGGGG

i like to look at life circumspectively, with all these things up my sleeve, and thinking aloud to myself - it gives me the tingles on my back which is really quite lovely a sensation to have. but then again it is again UNPRODUCTIVE thinking. in fact it just makes everything ugly and you look through life thinking what the ___ could i have done better.

i don't think i can. it's not me anyway. i'm not going to sing lady gaga that i was "born this way", but then again, i'm not here to be thrown to the hoards of fishermen out there, like simple sardines. when it happens, it'll be special, no doubt about that. just like how everything fits together, one day it will be special.

Really now?

shawn you're just freaking scared to go alone into the dark

but i'm scared! i've been bitten before. do i grow stronger or do i flinch back? i can't tell really. what the hell am i doing as a lawyer? i also can't tell. Not enough balls to go and break out of this, perhaps.

(who reads this blog anyway huh huh huh huh huh)/

and i know that we're making mistakes again and again but do i ever learn? hardly hardly.

i sound a bit like aaron tan talking to himself actually (seen the video before? it's hilarious, really - i could just watch that over and over again).

i swear, all i need is a bit of adele or rachael yamagata, and snuggle in. sounds so amazing. but yeah. it's a wonderful sensation yeah, to be a little bit emo and a little bit...drunk. it helps the soul to numb itself from pain and hurt. hurt because of expectations that frankly speaking shouldn't have been there. but things happen. as it is written, "the heart is deceitful above all else". we are all a bit messed up inside, but that is the way things are. can't be helped yeah.


(i love blogging actually ,damn therapeutic). in fact it's almost as therapeutic as a spa treatment. no kidding.

good night world i guess tomorrow i will feel better.