the thing about OCD is this -
I think of a horrible thought x. Let's call this "thought x".
I try to ask these thoughts to go away ... keep casting it away
but it takes a while to go and it won't go away completely - it still lingers on the back of my mind.
but in the midst of all that? the brain has labelled that thought x as the most harrowing thought - has labelled that thought x.
And sometimes as the mind has already captured that thought, it always keeps it in its subconsciousness.
Then sometimes when I am having an OCD attack and the thoughts keep racing in, my mind wanders, half-tempted to be led to thought x, but it doesn't bring relief to me - unless I decide to give up the fight and say that thought x. that's the only way to bring relief to my anxiety because my brain , always holding on that thought, is always looking forward to and holding on to that traumatic thought.
but actually doing the thought and actually meaning it - that's not good- it becomes extremely distressing ...



Gods grace is sufficient for me in my trials through my thorns.