God

2003-02-27 - 10:55 p.m.

Over the weekend was what I could consider a real spiritual experience. It started with the whiffs of ventolin that got me all going again, but then on Saturday I was on the net and I read what people had to say about rock music, and I realised that you know sometimes even music was holding me back from loving God with my whole heart and I prayed for forgiveness and to give Him my all and love Him with all my heart and my soul and all my mind. It was a spiritual sense of fulfilment and warmth and some purpose, not just peace but some warmth. Quiet time became more meaningful, I suppose. Worship too. My goodness, there was a connection after all. Through the songs and all of that. I finally see God as a real person, instead of knowing, perhaps I'm communicating. That was nice. I hope it's the start of a new growth for me spiritually. I mean I want to know Him as my Lord, but a personal Saviour too.

But I was worried again about my health, and still am a little apprehensive now, I mean ventolin can only bring you that far, but what's it about you that makes you need so many puffs?

I'm getting hedonistic. I'm reverting back to that carefree fun that used to characterise me, with the pop music and all, Tatu and all the things they said, and all. Going out as a class to holland v was nice and I wonder why we don't do that more often, singing stupid songs and doing stupid things. Yesh. All of that. It's the high life they call it and it's the life of fun.

But at the back of my mind beauty wants to wrap me again. Norah Jones' 'don?t' know why' calls out and wants to lure me in. It sure is easy to be sucked into this mess of intimacy and mellowness, but then it's definitely not conducive for living. Have to get it out somehow. It's an intimate, romantic, quiet, life, but perhaps it just makes me feel real old. Real old. I'm still young, at least.