It is better to have, in any sense of the word, any semblance of aim, than having no aim at all.

Nazi-bashers would disagree, but in army looking at people with no aim in life makes me wonder why anyone in the world would want to waste a precious day in their life that God gives to them. if they're secular, that they just were fortunate to live through.

It would be better having a bad aim in life, and then realising that they need to find a good aim, and move somewhere, than having no aim at all.

NS is such drudgery. going through the motions. his and byes that don't mean anything, possibly because you've said hi and bye to the same person a million times, and it would sound mightily impolite not to be friendly. you see, it's all a great wayang show. no one has any vested interest in their NS life anyway. no one has any vested interest in anything. no one has any aim. they all just want to wait for 6pm to come and then they can go home and start living. how sad is that?

And as for me, it would be stupid for me to waste my time. I'm simply just trying to be a good disciple of Christ, trying to love everyone I meet. Jesus will be pleased, i'm sure. The problem is that most of the time my actions are simply gestures without the emotions, form without any substance in them. I console myself that maybe loving is simply a facet of the will, trying to do the best for them, but I just wished I had more empathy.

The problem about most people, including me, is that we compartmentalise our life. We view Friday nights to Sunday as the days we live, and the weekdays as drudgery and humourless droll. But, called by God in 'whatever you do, do it for the Lord', and it is a blank 'whatever' and not simply 'whenever you feel like it'. So we chong and do all the fun things having the time of our lives, and when weekdays come we end up just going through the motions, as though these days were not worth living. And, moreover, even without such a command from God, I would find it ludricrous to suggest that we waste whatever days we have. Time will slip by so gently. Who knows what God has in store for us? Who knows what God can do through us, especially at work when everyone looks at me as a Christian, an ambassador of Christ! I have a responsibility to Jesus personally. i fail, sigh. yes. so badly. but I'd keep on going. I must. There is still hope. Jesus is risen. There is still hope.

And for me I'm even more psycho. I always want to treasure the moments. I'd always cherish the rose, and then find thorns to surround it. I've never understood the idea of having a basketful of roses, or a wonderful continuous experience. I tend to chop up life into little moments.

The only time I think I really enjoyed the whole stretch was prom, because I willed myself to enjoy it. maybe i should just will myself to enjoy everything.