The Hours struck me with its poignant, thoughtful storyline: it made me do one think movies haven't been able to do: think. The connections, the emotionally disturbed minds of the 3 females in the movie, and above all, the brilliant acting, especially from Julianne Moore and Kidman. It made me cry out so much since suicide is such a disturbing memory, and how does one banish the fear of doing something crazy with your life that you might regret? I'm so sorry for Leslie Cheung, and all the rest of it, for it is pure depression that haunts you and drives you there. Yet the movie ends of nicely: 'to stare life in the face' or something like that, which is a nice thing to take away from the cinema. Philip Glass's soundtrack was very nicely done, his repetitive style heightening the atmosphere and tension and the whole idea of being in confusion, in depression, nicely elucidated through the chord progressions that never seem to resolve, the repetitions that show the human struggle, and the movement of speed in the music. In the end why did Richard have to die. I hate heights, I'd tell you that. The Hours did one thing many shows can't. Making me see others for who they are, and having little fears and insecurities and many troubles, and that's why one has to be nicer to people around them.

It was nice to see everyone back in school on Wednesday: the bustling atmosphere of people talking and having fun was nice to just be in, and listen. Of course soccer played a role in making it fun 'cuz it was after a long while and I didn't play none too badly, i hope. din't really give the ball away. And finally I got a B for lit! Of all things! When you got a D for your promos you'd better hope you'd at least improve, and that was nice I guess. Thursday finally saw the end of the common tests with the history paper, which I'd admit was quite alright, French Rev was quite substantial and so probably was crisis, imperialism was so-so and source-based was a mess, but hopefully it turns out fine. I prayed about it, I know.

The funny thing was that yesterday's 'talk-with-God' session had an interesting point. My real worry walking out of that cinema that day was how to look forward to life, and what to base it on, you know, why do people go through suicides and stuff? it's so depressing, so tragic, painful, and instability sometimes grips me and I'm afraid of doing the wrong things. Yet Philippians said something about 'For me to live is Christ, to die is gain' and how people should live their life for Christ and base their foundation on Him, and particularly the writer wrote how she had to deal with the loss of her husband, or something. That parallel was just, you know, so strong, that 'coincidence', with the plight of the people in The Hours and myself sometimes. It couldn't have just been a chance thing. God's really talking to me, I hope, I think. Sigh. Nowadays the Daily Bread seems to have more messages to tell me, personally, which I think is real wonderful and a little scary too, I mean, it's just God's power that you know for something that is mass-produced it still has little snippets of real powerful information that is apt at your time and in your position to tell you something God wants to say. These few months are filled with these little personalized messages, and perhaps it's a step forward to take.

You know after the show little things strike you, you become more sensitive, and I was just recalling a song that I wrote years back, let's just say 2000, or something, the song 'Live for the end', about how we're all so trapped, and filled with pain, but then let's just live for something, for life, and it was just so apt, so cathartic, so important and real. It's amazing how songs that you write so long ago without any real meaning or thought behind it can really come back and strike you so hard with the fullness it deserves. It's scary, and it's not the first time. And all my old songs were so filled with all this stark misery and stuff, was it that pseudo-lit thing oh well, I realised my depressive streak is rather more forceful anyway.