today was the epitome of sian-ism. of really just doing nothing. of just lying around and slacking, or watching the tv, or i don't know...play 'part of your world' over and over again. that was a brilliant track [alan menken/howard ashman] , and its really incredible how these pple write those songs. coz the lyrics are so good, and the music fits perfectly and is so...i dunno, charming. yeah. so. that was really nice. but other than that nothing really seems to work, SES concert practise sucked like 'ell and eveyrthing was a mess and all that. yuckss...
hate it.
nvm.

=)

my word, oasis are kick-ass awesome! was watching 'familiar to millions' and when they played supersonic and everyone was dancing up and down, i mean, u'd wish u were noel gallagher for a bit! haha. their cocky lad-anthem culture and stuff, that prodding beat. hmms.
but seriously those pple who say writing blogs is stupid is quite true. i mean it's really quite rubbish sometimes, i mean, one has a tendency to compare what wer'e living now to that day in the blog, to the past, and forget that each moment is a uniquely distinct moment of its own, so go ahead and live it, instead of trying to remember the past.

not bad. wrote lots and lots of songs today...one really slow-sultry song abt being a bird and stuff, ah wells. it's not rock and roll but then again it's nicely oldish-american, gershwin-style without the jazz. and an oasis-eque song but then i was too tired to continue already. couldn't sleep.

yesterday's dream was about playing pool. weird.

hi all. man i'm just down with the flu, yesterday was really bad, i just died halfway through econs and math test and stuff and went home early, popped panadol, and plunged into bed, which was much better than nothing, drinking fruit juice and water all day long. so today i'm not in school, it's a wed after all i have PE so that won't do alot o' good, would it?
been reading the papers, and looking at the 'composers of the future' or something like that oN Life...now there is that guy, philip tan his name was, and my friend and i were discussing his credentials, coz he was the same guy that wrote the music for our community service project song and my did it suck! my word. coz i wrote the music already but they insisted it had to be one-one (we write the lyrics they write the music) so in the end the tune was wasted, damnit. argh. you know what...yeah i mean he just received a DBS commendation award! my word, singapore is really desperate for composers man. geez.
crap was just continuing the little 'suite of our lives' classical piece...the tone poem thinggi. gonna start the second subject soon! yeah! i'm so happy it took really long to get there. and when i woke up my brain was a fuzz, but hey i could tell you what C was, and what F was, and what A was!~ that was nice, for a change, from the cluelessness of trying to figure out notes. argh. wrote some tunes, not very good but i'm sick, so who cares. yeah who cares. argh. haha.
wells.

My word, today's music practice was really good! my rhythm sense was so on, my piano touch was so there, and the fills and riffs were all musical and lovely, thank God. and particularly robin mark's 'revival' was just so rhythmical and so rockish it was like drums beating on your head and bringing the song to a climax and the majesty and power of the rhythms and chords that go together as one in straight rhythm is just so stunning.

and besides, today was a much better day than yesterday, thank you Lord. i slept well, i believe. and it was good because of well, good things!

did some math. haha. not much time left huh.

crap i'm in such a fuzz. i'm getting all frustrated and only beauty and art and God can save me but I'm so sinful anyway and mebbe He's testing me, argh. im a wreck. seriously. been all stressed out and artificially engineered throughout the day it just kills me....
it's this endless spiral that kills me and wrecks me. it's as though there's two parts of my mind fighting. the good and the bad, the dr jekell and mr hyde in me. and they are struggling real bad, and sometimes hyde wants to take over.
sigh
i'm not even articulate, but i can't be. i'm too busy. i have too many things to do. ahhhh.

today was both a whirl and a fuzz! school was rather alright. i was just going crazy! you know, like, being the weird noisy crazy ol' me that's been gone for too long! yeah!

crap when that happens my musical mind is like a mess. intonation is all off. crap man.!
never mind.
trade off ah.

i just had this really weird dream yesterday, it was seriously uncanny.
it was abt this cute gal. and she was singing in a band! and the funny thing is that, i dreamt of the song that she sang, which was an original! i could only remember a small part of it, but my it was a nice song and so it's my song now, haha. anyway she was singing, and she was so endearing and stylish, my goodness, and pple were playing guitars all around her. and later on i went to another gig to try to meet her and she just didn't bother about me at all. and in school she just ignored me. but ah well. she looked so good on the stage. yummy.
haha
what a weird dream.

i'm scribbling down the song now. haha.

you know something. the thing I've learnt about praying, is to mean everything you say, every bit you say. it comes from the heart, not just from the cavities of the mouth. that's so important, because once you really mean what you say, everything becomes much better. and besides, God knows everything you wanted to say anyway, He knows everything that goes on inside you, inside your life, inside your heart, the most secret desires, you can't hide from Him... as the Psalmist says, where can I go to? In the mountains You are there...etc. and like all we have to do is to say what He already knows.... and it's all for the best. So why not? He already knows!

'Lord I give you my heart, I give You my soul, I live for You alone... Every step that I take, every moment I'm awake, Lord have Your way in me'

watched league of extraordinary gentlemen, and my was it a wonderful show. simply outstanding. all the villains, the different heroes, and the simple majesty of the setting, the era of the past, the turn of the century, wow. i mean it has to be one of the best action shows this year, coz really there was no time that i decided to start looking at my watch to see how long more this would take and actually enjoyed the show!

ballet was a little bit boring, though the second ballet one that was aboriginally-influenced was really quite funny and quite artistic as well: strauss was usual viennese. wow. i mean. sitting around was quite fun but ultimately i was very tired, argh.

it's really nice to have a nicely-tuned piano again, just finished playing it, writing some tunes, playing other songs, etc. wrote a nice funky jazz chicago-styled piece on thursday night which i'm trying to perform for grad nite, well if we got through, coz it's really fun and jazzy and catchy: oh i don't want to say this, but its catchy indeed. yeah. the thing about listening to music is, none of that pop nonsense. when hearing real music, you hear all the harmonic overtones, the swell that a note brings. a note isn't just a note, la, bland and all that. there's this swell about it, this natural vibrato, the harmonics that swell above it, it's a 'swell', well that's the way i would put it, and unless one hears that swell, music isn't glorious: the note is just a note. but with that swell its a piece of art.
crap i think my ear has seriously gone awry from all the rubbish i hear, coz i seem to have lost that knack for listening to the swell, to really listen and immerse myself in it, and let the notes ring forth, rather then just hear it. coz it seems the sounds-in-my-head are just a little too sharp for the piano, or too-flat, and it's really irritating, because, no wonder all the songs sound off, you get what i mean. has anyone remembered how 'autumn' sounded like? i begin to realise that you have to be musical to understand 'autumn', or to get even a feel of the images and colours of that song, especially the chorus melody, because only when the harmonics are there, and the notes are all perfectly in tune, with just intonation (la and ti are both slightly flatter than the equal temperament, which probably explains why it sounds not-so-good on an equal-tempered piano), then you get a beautiful melody. oh i'm not boasting about it, coz most of the time my ears are too crass to be able to appreciate beauty, and sigh, i want to get back my ears. argh.

and when you listen well, you're not sleepy. nothing really matters to you. you're just enjoying the sounds. not notes, but sounds.

i find lit and music very similar: i'm trying to think of new ways to studying/analysing lit, and it is suspiciously similar to music, not-surprising, of course.
to anaylse lit based on: a)characters/interaction of characters b)themes c)atmosphere/mood/tones/imagery/rhythms d)significance/allusions/historical context e)plot and that is rather similar to music, isn't it, coz in programmatic symphonies you have characters, you definitely have themes, those are the melodies/motifs that run through the music, atmosphere/tones/imagery based on the kinds of tone colours used, which is analogous to the choice of words used, and the rhythms used is akin to the rhythms used in lit, be it shorter words, or a more syncopated rhythm, or longer, more fluid rhythms, to give different effects. ahh that is cool. using music to appreciate lit. haha.

today was a great day, maybe because of the fact that i prayed that today would be great. so it was, huh, thank you God. ahhh. class went really well. music flowed nicely in my head, for once. there was no pressure to do well myself, it was as though God was helping me to go through the day, and simply thrive through His strength and not my own.lit, i could actually think. the GP video was really really interesting with good music to boot. and for once i could do all the math! i realised you have to be neat doing math coz it really helps your simplification and all that, and trigo was like, a challenge! i could do it! ahhh. and my jokes flowed well, for once. okay that was really quite a perfect day huh.
have to mention sarah's composition, its pretty brilliant stuff. there's a memorable yet simple theme which is nicely accentuated by swinging drum rhythms, pretty cool. ahhhh makes me want to write again jazz stuff, just opens entirely new ideas and possibilities.

well im erally tired see you oh i jus linked yvette.

there's something interesting about a person's name, i think. your identity, who you are. reputation reputation reputation! --it is a false most undeserving, or something like that. maybe that's all that might be left of me, huh. i don;t know i'm tired of all this its quite messy i just wanna get some beer and get high. studying can wreck ur brains, muahaha.

foo fighters rock
today was mad it had to rain just as i was about to go play tennis, ugh. the moment i went down, showers...bleagh.damn pissed. haha.
wrote some songs.

got an M+ for econs s. sigh. disappointing.

i'm tired man. tired tired tired.

Lord, all i want is to let You take control of my life, in every way, to worship You in my life. to experience Thee in some special way, to work through me, to make me stronger. to sense Your Spirit working through me, and not my will, but Yours be done. this i pray, amen.
sigh, just a simple request, to rest peaceful in the arms of the Almighty God suffices; no need for me to exert my will, or to concern myself about myself, i'd be happy to be in the background n let God take centerstage, and talk to Him, somehow. He is my Father, and i his child, and that is the best way it should be. and sin is just detestable and not an issue at all. ah. just wanna be like that. and just give thanks, coz all the good things in life are from Him and His plan will be sovereign in my life. so let it be. sigh. coming back to the people i knew. the ac family i long to be in again. and there with the whole presence of God and all that. be with me O Lord....I give You my heart...I give You my soul, I live for You alone...You are Holy. so change me, somehow.

being close to God is great, eh. wrote a Christian song yesterday, and it was nice and peaceful, a nice strummy one. today was headachy, which was really bad, until a nice nap alleivated much of the pain. but surprisingly my hearing was quite good, i could tell what an Ab was an what an F was.....for my r n b song, and happy, respectively...i was listening to bob the builder and decided to write some kiddy music, how's that? like, bob-bob-bob the builder...haha so spastic. nvm.
playing tennis with wen en and dalglish was quite a good work out, and so was haagen daas with jeremy. man i missed that place, haven't been there since like sec 4, when i grew all the fats. haha. no wonder.

I have just been sipping wine and savouring French bleu cheese while reading about the Jacobins, Robespierre, the killing of Danton and Herbert and Robespierre's own death, mixed with the joys of reading about the Cult of the Supreme Being and the absurd Mountains and temple of reasons, what a joke. what a socialist, extreme, radical, regime to herald itself in the early days of 1794!, that totaliterrian control of the populace, political and social uniformity that was to be demanded, and non-conformity would just mean death, and arrest, under the law of suspects and the law of 22 prairal. and fancy organising the calender into 10 day weeks, and reorganising the months and all into quaint french names like frimaire and brumaire and vendemaire, oh when incidentally napoleon treated people to a whiff of grapeshot. good revision, huh. sigh.

i slept at three. was just slamming the guitars just now and my my, how fun was it. simply riduculous fun...."oh, the next song is...it's a cover of..." as though there was indeed an audience listening to me and me nonsense. the fantasies of life.

my playlist looks something like this, now

system of a down: toxicity
system of a down: chop suey
big country: in a big country
linkin park: one step closer
linkin park: faint
incubus: drive

i don't know, lots of maddening thrash for a rubbishy interesting day.

hello everyone. must thank the singapore government for this little half-day we're going to have tomorow, which means i'm not going to school, and can enjoy just a bit more repose than usual. my life has descended into this rigorous lamborous routine of flipping through texts and doing math in a mechanical algorithm, saving only little portions here and there for any fancies of any kind, notably coming on to icq and listening to music and playing music and writing music and talking. ahhh but then we have to mug, haven't we.
i was mugging in the library french rev, and still haven't finished the terror..but i'm defintiely gonna try to finish it today....gotta start on napoleon before the end of tomorow, not mentioning thermidor. and origins of the cold war then beckons. how boring. sigh. only stopped by macs for some lunch at four with debbie, such a sad life isn't it. but today i wrote a pretty good song, it's a ballad, a boy-band style song but can be reintepreted with chinese lyrics, and it's pretty good, coz i haven't written a boy-band song in a long time, a melodic lovey-dovey song..it has been mostly rock, so i'm pretty pleased. ah well. small consolation, huh.
i don't know. probably it's gonna be hard for me to get a scholarship, huh? and now i'm too tired to really care, or think. bleagh

the thing is, we're all so mad we can't do anything about it. it's a rat race, and who knows when this will end? i hardly have time for any fun activities anyway. it's like, i can't smell, at all. i can't smell the rich aromas of my chocolate. it's just. oh. what's the next thing i've gotta reaD?

it's so weird. there just isn't any one online what happened to all of them? it might just have been a glitch, eh.
anyway this week has seen me traisping through numerous moods of all shapes and forms. mondays and tuesdays being sleepy and just not trying to think so much, till saturday, a massive drunken party complete with ping pong and touche, which is wonderful stuff, i must add, where everyone was talking and having fun, and me banging away on the piano till someone remarked something, but oh you can ask me privately...just some fast jazz, thats all--thursday was a bit the same, lots of pool, drinks, kilkenney especially.
am back listening to a bit more rock music, changed the guitar strings which was a really good thing coz now they're 10s and they sound a whole lot better, the strings dont' bend when you barre chords, unlike the slack 9s...coz the les paul can't support 9s anyway. there's been a whole lot of wonderful stuff out there. the linkin park and what nots. oh well. its maddening huh.
ahh ppl finally decide to get online. its a glitch.

oh the orchestral piece is doing okay...someone commented that the orchestral piece changes moods to quickly, and i partly agree...sigh it's just me you know i get really bored just keeping it happy, or repeating the theme again and again, sigh. ah well rigour is what's required, isn't it. so it's about the 5 min mark already, until the first subject, which is rather polka-like, but i'm stalling, really because there's hardly any motivation for me to keep it going, ah well.

i have to get down to doing work, argh. hopefully school will be fun?!

i do not create music, i merely discover the treasures that already existed.
holst is brilliant, the planets, the orchestration and everything, simply sublime, the differing tone colours and the sheer eclectism of it, the mysticism that flows through each 'planet', the jupiter hymn, the 5/4 time of mars, ah. syo. it was good eh.
i'm writing a symphonic tone poem now, just gathering little themes here and there: it's supposed to be a blueprint of a life cycle, from the unformed mass of youth to the rhythmic jazz of modern life, to getting old and dying: but it's only into the 2nd minute of completion. the thing about classical music is that you have to place much more thought into orchestration, into note placing, it's not just lyrics and chords, but the sounds are important, the consonance, the dissonance, etc. it's supposed to have basically 4 sections, with differing themes. hopefully its' good.

i still can't get over what happened but i believe You have a plan and may something good come out of all of this, according to Your glorious will, amen.

and i'm really tired now, it's nicer this way. just to rest. pure rest.

today was just surreal. it was heaney's 'funeral rites'. it was a four-foot box, one foot for each year. not in the mood to blog now. just pray for her soul. please.

i hate scotch whiskey i hate scotch whiskey i hate scotch whiskey my goodness how can one stand that filthy drink? ugh!

dinner partty was super super fun argh never got so high even without alcohol man haha...it was super cool. thanks dalg/dawn for the food yeah must be really hard work and like everyone else...was a brilliant atmosphere i guess. at least. yeah the fear factors the whiskey the long-dayt's journey haha. well. am like really high now argh too bad i'm a lil' sleepy also. thank you to all those pple: daryl/mich, cher, sida, gang, dawn/dalg, wen en, weian, rae. etc.... today was such an eventful day. woke up to play tennis still blurry eyed. went for jamming/auditions at jam club, which was okay...the bass playing was pretty funky i guess. i was improvising lots of crap for POD's southtown. and took the NEL to jelita. crap we must do this more

juST GET IN THE GROOVE! WAHHHA GET IN THE GROOVE! WAHHH GET IN THE GROOVE!