Praise the Lord for just granting me another wonderful theme (melody/tune) for my new string quartet!
I'm so excited!

And i'm so glad that i learnt counterpoint and harmony last time; good voice leading makes everything sound much better.

Happy easter and good friday; i shall write another post on that another day, but now I'm really very sleepy, it's a monday morning, and the day is daunting so, i wrote a new song on the way to school! it goes something like that.

Come on shawn, it's not so bad after all! (x2)
Wake up and smell the coffee (x2)
Come on shawn, it's not so bad after all!

yooo


it shld be fun.

thank Jesus for a wonderful day today - which included many blessings - including;
a. a good nice jap lunch!
b. a great time cooking and having dinner and jamming
c. good friends
d. the ability to play a musical instrument relatively well.
e. the ability to sing better (or improving)


thank him
shawn

on to the weekend!

* you must realise that when bloggers blog, it's not that that's the only thing they've been thinking about for the past week, and then it all comes together, and eureka, you get a blog entry. We don't spend our lives 24/7 for the blog, on the blog, or even caring about the blog, for the matter. we only blog when we feel like it, or when we have something to say. I guess this is the latter time.*

Having done family law for like a few months now, I honestly think that we should go back to the old Catholic/Christian view of divorce. Make it extremely hard for couples to divorce once they have decided to get married. I mean, where's the "to death till us part", where's that concept of marriage that two people decide to commit to their life partner once and for all, and be safe and secure in that? In that love that should not change, that would not change, that need not change. All too often people are flippant and give up on love too easily. Which reminds me of KT Tunstall, who sang, on the "Other side of the World": "The fire fades away, most of everyday, is full of tired excuses, but it's too hard to say, I wish it were simple, but we give up easilyyou're close enough to see that....." Well, it doesn't have to be in the course of a long distance relationship, but either way, love should not give up so easily, isnt' it? It's a choice, to love that person - not just a feeling of romance. That feeling goes away, yes, but ultimately that choice should not go away, because you have willed (in the Kantian sense) it not to.

I sound very much like a guru on love, even though I never had a girlfriend before. It comes from my experience with counselling alot of my male and female friends. I think if I could charge money on this service I'd be rich by now. But never mind. And alot of it comes from the relationship with Christ - if you see the way He loves it's a constant choice to love, a constant love, that doesn't change. And will not change, if I know Him truly.

why do i like sleeping at unearthly hours?

I can write better music then.

it's the silence, man. the day's just too noisy!

i'm trying to complete a string quartet now, hopefully for mings and co to play. hehs. hopefully. it doesn't sound too terrible i hope.
im trying to finetune the chords so that it's intersting for everyone.

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
I can't.

I have to stop this.
the heart belongs to Jesus and it must remain.
who can save me from this body of death?
no one but God

I was a really emo kid last time.

I remembered writing a song for a friend who kind of "lost" me and drifted away, and i was really sad. in my heart i was sad. i used to give my heart away too easily - right now i keep my heart to myself too much - but it used to be that i gave it away too easily.

the song went like that
"There was a fork on the road we were travelling
You said go on, you could walk on alone, without me
You were so afraid to open your heart out

We sailed on by just to drift by (sic) another day
And when I said look at the sun, it's shining out for you the lights will pull you through
you needed to go"

super sad. and i was like, maybe 17.
oh how cynical i have become!

A good thought to end the day
1 Corinthians Chapter 13

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails.

how true.
it is not self seeking.

The Lord, this morning, assured me that He chose me, and will be with me for the rest of my life. I heard the comforting strands of sm singing to me from Him how he still loves me, and then i heard a verse - psalms 23.
"even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil, for your rod and your staff, they comfort me."
(i don't have e actual paraphrase but this is probably the jist of it)

i am going into alot of valleys o shadows of death soon. it may be in school, in work, in anything - but i must believe that the rod is still there, even though i don't feel it at all. it seems so distant - i feel so alienated - but the rod IS still there.

alright, i guess a part of me is just impatient - impatient for my real life to start. it's kinda in limbo, i don't know where i'm heading, really.

"But those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall soar on wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not be faint."
isaiah.

Waiting has never been easy, huh. I mean, you can only wait if you have faith. But if you don't even have faith, your waiting is pointless, because waiting involves that you do believe that something good is going to happen, in the end; that's why the Lord in His Word said that if e Lord didn't rise from the dead, our faith would be useless - because ultimately there must be something good in the end - Jesus's Resurrection - amen, which is true, and real, and He is Lord of all - from now till forever. but then faith manifested itself in something real - that there is something good in the end (His resurrection), that's why we can really have faith, because we knew something good is going to happen in the end.
It's the same with me, i have to have faith that something good is going to happen, at the end of all this. in my life, though for the dearth of me i can't see it now. i gotta believe.


I'm trying to get rid of a stronghold man. this stronghold will not go away. but it must - for it is causing deep rebellion, inside. but even this is down to faith. it is really about faith - faith that e Lord will deliever me from this stronghold.

I used to blog much more - about who I am, finding myself. (this blog's been around for quite some time, incidentally. 2003). and i'm back to writing music again. i think when i'm writing, part of it is really self-exploration, a quite cathartic form of expression that releases what's inside me. and it's really about personal expression - it's not about being proud and trying to show off to the world "oh i'm such a super awesome songwriter", but it's really about personal expression, personal emotion, to release how i really feel inside. if not it's too unhealthy - keeping it in is only going to make it worse, really.

in law school, being an INFP is very difficult. absolutely.
because, one, law school is often always about who has the loudest voice, largest gestures, biggest opinions. an introvert shys away; law school is about logic - you win based on logic, but then i'm an emotional person who prefers to let my feelings do the talking. so again, no go. and it's not about intuition, because you can't use intuition to convince the judge, can you? it has to be based on details. and lastly, it's about the details, not the big picture; if you cared about the big picture, you'd be a politician. a visionary. an economist. or something. in fact those are really the things i wanna do, to be a steve jobs or something. create a new product. think of a new concept. but of course, vanity has brought me to law school, and the pain of living a life unhealthily not-suited to my own.

guess i'll work for a few years and then buzz off.

N & M's advice, i better take.
the douchebag's got it all wrong. oh well. but i can't help it, can i?

roarrr!

Thy loving kindness is better than life
that old refrain is so true.

Mental note to myself: must be strong in the mind - must overcome the enemy! must overcome adversity!
MUst.

I realised that i'm actually a very nuah person. i enjoy slacking. i enjoy bumming around, letting myself daydream, doing all sorts of slack things, lying in bed, on the couch, having lunch, then going back to sleep, oh it's dinner time, eat, then go back to nuah. or watch some tv. just something that doesn't need too much exertion.

I woke up at 1. life is good. tried to give myself a coffee "ban", you know, no coffee for a while. i think i shld do that more. it rejuvenates the mind.

i wonder how im going to get through working life next time.

James 1:2-7

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.


When I ask i better not doubt - because he who doubts will not receive anything from the Lord. But when he asks, HE MUST BELIEVE.
I MUST BELIEVE.

So HELP ME GOD.

i have problems really communicating i think, expressing how i feel really? like, sometimes, you want to say something but you just can't express it, or maybe you're too scared to say it.
and i have so many times been so afraid of finding myself by expressing myself so people think im really someone else. how sad is that?
i have resolved to blog more. it is cathartic.

anyway,
may the Lord Jesus's will be done in my life, on this earth, as it is in heaven, this is my prayer every day, and i'm glad when His will is done.

Ive been listening alot, to the point of obsession, to Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No 2. It is a monumental, colossal, magnificent work, from the hands of God. The themes are so melancholic and so deep, and the development is stunning as well. I even tried to download the score to try to play it, but of course i am playing at like 1/8 of the speed, at the very most.

Do give it a listen

I think people have very mistaken "impressions" of me, viewing me as an extrovert, flamboyant, old chum, or something like that. well, to tell you the truth, i am none of that sort.

many people think that all i want is a pretty girlfriend/wife. but really that's not what's on my radar. i really want someone who will last, who will love me enough to stay e distance with me, to go the distance with me. that's when i can put some of myself into that other person, to give off myself to that other person. to reach out, out of my shell, to her. but without that assurance of something lasting, it is merely impossible. i'm too afraid of being hurt.

The only person is Christ, who will do that for me. no one else has come close, so far.

i wonder who it will be. if there is that someone.

It's interesting to watch the world from a Parisian window
u don't really have to play
but it's nice just, watching.

to seek the approval of the Lord as the basis for my actions is my goal.

to know, fully, and really, his approval and love and goodness for me, as the basis for what i do, is the real key.

it's not earning it - it will come naturally, once i understand and appreciate it more fully.

Hello 2010!

What will you bring?

Or what can I give?

What's in store?

I have been in limbo, really, but the Lord told me to wait on Him. Wait. Not to run off again and again. just wait.

"But those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall soar up on wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not be faint."

Isaiah something. i can't remember. Chapter 53 i think!

Im very tireed and a bit of a limbo. going to get my wisdom tooth plucked out tomorrow. means no eating. sigh. on that note, though, my food blog is updated! yippie.

Visiting Tampines again brings back so many old memories; memories of going to my old market, buying lanterns, of rickety school buses traipsing through tampines st 81, of the swimming pool with its large holes, of long rides visiting the piano teacher; i was young then, and earnest about the world; it was a nice kampung, it was home.

nostalgia brought me to go back towards the west (where i now live) using pretty much the whole stretch of east coast road. i remember my parents having plenty of friends who stayed in nice little houses along upper east coast road, all the church friends who owned houses there; i remember nice little family outings to katong to eat. or travelling in the car along the ECP; in fact i can still recall it very clearly: tanjong katong road, marine parade, marine vista, siglap road, bedok, bayshore, tampines! home!

oh well.

those days are gone i guess.

the west is very different. less neat. it's not quaint like the east is. everything is sprawling and vast and the roads curve here and there and there's plenty of forests and trees. the houses are much bigger. there are hills everywhere. it's great. but it's not like the east is.

i tried the most yummilicious cheng tng at bedok corner (ye lai xiang) which i will post about in my food blog, but it is really the works. absolutely amazing.

maybe we shouldn't have moved over to the west; we were happy in the east. sigh. my parents had real friends who treated them as friends. relocating, trying to find their roots again in the west, isnt' so easy. it just isn't the same.

sometimes when they say family lasts but friends don't, i'm not so sure; family is important, yes, but how can you say that long term friends aren't really like your family? isn't there just e same bond?

anyway the remaining of this post is going to be very technical but since blogging iz just for fun i will shout it out anyways;

many people ask me "how do you get so good at directions" and all that, and i explain to them that it's really quite simple. so i'll share with you a little secret.

singapore is a ridiculously easy city to navigate, really. because, just like all the other cities, the roads are all either north-south (longtitudes) or east-west (latitudes). so if you know how the roads are ordered, you can pretty much travel anywhere.

North-south roads (they travel from the NORTH to the south). so here's how they are ordered, starting from West moving towards East.

(Jurong)

Lim Chu Kang Road - Jln Bahar

Jurong Town Hall Road - Bukit Batok Road

Clementi Ave 6 (connecting the two highways)

Clementi Road - Upper Bukit Timah Road - Woodlands Road (to the causeway)

Buona Vista Road (in e south); BKE (in the north)

Farrer Road - Lornie Road - Upper Thomson Road - Sembawang Road

Thomson Road - Marymount Road - AMK Ave 6 - Lentor Avenue

CTE

(In the city):

Eu Tong Sen Street / New Bridge Road moving upwards: Hill Street / Victoria St;

(In the east)

Tanjong Katong Road - Paya Lebar Road - Upper Paya Lebar Road

Jln Eunos - Eunos Link - moving upwards to Hougang

(EAST WEST ROADS)

Moving from SOUTH to NORTH:

[in the West]

West Coast Highway - ECP

AYE - ECP

Jln Bukit Merah (not that long)

Commonwealth Avenue West - Leng Kee Road

Holland Road

Bukit Timah Road [links to Clementi Rd - upper bukit timah rd] - Rochor Road

PIE

SLE

(In the East)

(from the ECP)

Mountbatten Road - East Coast Road - Upp East Coast Rd

Sims Avenue - New Upper Changi Road - Upp Changi Road East

PIE

TPE

[moving north]:

Braddell Road - Bartley Road

AMK Avenue 1 - Boundary Road

AMK Avenue 3 - Houngang Ave 2

In fact, there are even diagonal roads: the most prominent being:

Upper Serangoon Road, moving diagonally from serangoon up till pongoll.

And there are ring roads:

the most famous and important being Queensway - Farrer Road - Braddell Road - Bartley Road - TPE

so if u know all this, you can find ur way around singapore+)

guaranteed.

It's been so long since I've posted.
Hie guys.

Merry Christmas and celebrate Jesus's birthday. how cool is that.
Say Happy Birthday to Jesus if u haven't.

NYE is coming.

actually im not here to blog about serious stuff.

im just going to share some cool songs.

the first is:

liza minnelli - maybe this time

it's been on repeat for the longest time.

it's super cool.

and the other is

kristin chenoweth - taylor e latte boy.

and let me post the chords here. since u can't find them anywhere, i've attempted to decipher them.

haha

here goes:

A A#5

Maybe this time, I'll be lucky

A6 A7
Maybe this time, he'll stay

(riff - E-D#-E-F-E-F-F#-F-F#-G)

D
Maybe this time

D#5
For the first time

D6 D#dim
Love won't hurry away

(F#-F-F#-G-F#-G-G#-G-G#-G)
E E/D C#m F#7
He will hold me fast

B B E7
I'll be home at last

A7 D7 G
Not a loser anymore

A
Like the last time

F# B E
And the time before

(Riff)

A A#5
Everybody loves a winner

A6 A7
So nobody loved me;

D D#5
'Lady Peaceful,' 'Lady Happy,'

D6 D#dim
That's what I long to be

E E/D
All the odds are in my favor

A/C# F#m B7
Something's bound to begin

A/E A#5/E
It's got to happen, happen sometime

A6/E A
Maybe this time I'll win
F

Bb [repeat it in Bb]

Everybody loves a winner
So nobody loved me;
'Lady Peaceful,' 'Lady Happy,'
That's what I long to be
All the odds are in my favor
Something's bound to begin
It's got to happen, happen sometime
Maybe this time
Maybe this time I'll win

I hate holidays.

No one asks me to go for anything, no dinners, no suppers, no anything.

coz shawn's a bit of a weirdo, so you don't ask him, okay?

right.

alright.

never mind la

one day when i become a pop star u all can kiss my foot!

(yah right - as if that's gonna happen)

the Lord spoke to me, gave me A, and then said "put your helmet of salvation on."

i went off into the world, lost the plot, did stupid things, got myself entangled with the enemy.

came back to Jesus, apologised, He said he still loved me, things are great, i stayed there for a while.

forgot too easily, went into the world, lost e plot, did stupid things, got myself entangled with the enemy.

came back to Jesus, apologised, He said He still loved me, i said i love him, i stayed there for a while.

it went on and on.

tonite, i got home, Jesus said He still loves me, I said i love Him, was trying to mean it, was blessed with A and S that flowed very nicely, back to the magical moments and source, and then, i screwed up again. i went doubting, going to e enemy, and then, the blessings all stopped, and all i got was ruin.

went back to the Lord, the Lord said He still loves me, and i said i still love Him, and he blessed me again with A, S, with words of assurance, with life, with encouragement, and with assurances that A came from Jesus, "came from me", He said; so i said 'thankyou', i love you Lord.

and that was great.

now let me remain.

please God.

i still want to remain.

it's been too long out there fighting rainbows, being scared stiff coz of the enemy.

and i don't want to surrender.

Girls are superficial, men are worse.

So who am I to complain?

I used to think that, having a good heart is good enough. But no, you have to actually look like you can be brought out at dinner parties.

There is no girl here, mind, i'm just rambling.

So, time for a makeover. If you can't fight them, join them.

Ah, now, time to look for my biore pore pack. hmm.

i was a happy boy, once.

until the angst of teenage life got me

and i thought it was natural and i wanted to be cool

so i did bad things

and now i regret.

i remember eating fries at east coast macs

and being happy with mcnuggets

and i was really quite a happy boy then.

made too many mistakes in the past huh.

someone told me that singer-songwriters are often stalkers.

cue "hey there delilah " - was written for his crush (but never got to be together with).

taylor swift used to stalk her bfs.

coz songwriters are sensitive souls. and we don't go all out there to Flirt with people - so sometimes we can only stalk.

coz im not thick-skinnedenough to go talk to her right.

argh

Just came back from prayer meeting.

Had a good talk with Uncle KF, i told him about the OCD which was getting bad. He said that all the great men of faith in the Bible all had some infirmity, and how Paul asked for his thorn of flesh to be removed but God didn't remove it - but he said that God has a reason why He didn't remove it. Likewise i have a thorn in my flesh, but i have to TRUST GOD that His non-removal of my thorn is for His own purpose, and for His own glory, and for His reasons, and will.

I learnt something today:

That I am to give the Father (GOD) glory - that's who I am. that's who i will be forever. yeah i'm happy with that.

My mind was prompted by the Holy Spirit to think "I'll give the Father glory/ I'll give my Father glory forever" - and I heard the Spirit say "that's who you are". yes. even in the midst of my infirmity.

For Jesus Himself CHOSE me, even though i am so unworthy. this can only equate to the work of the Father (logically speaking) = it must be the Father's work, and not mine. for Jesus Himself CHOSE me small minny me before i even chose Him, and thus it must be the work of the Father and it must be the Father's own will that it happens, so all glory be to the Father himself: may all the glory be given to the Father.

I love Jesus = but this is the Father's work. I love the Father = but this is the Father's work as well. So in all things, I am to give glory to the Father because it is His work; I am giving glory to the Father forevermore.

[and all the songs i've written are gifts from my Father above, through Jesus His Son. Cue James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows". => So the right response is to give the Father glory for His giving of songs to me, for His songs that he has bountifully and graciously given me. from "autumn", to "still madly in love", to all other songs, every song is from the Father THE LORD ALMIGHTY, and i just realised something as i meditated on this - is that He gave the songs to me even without me recognising that it was Him who gave it to me, in my ignorance and disbelief and rebellion, and without me even asking him specifically for these good gifts, so may I praise my Father and give my Father all the glory in the world and in the universe, and even more so because He still gave these gifts to me even though I did not recognise him or acknowledge him - so great is my Father's love for me!]

Note to myself: I need to be stronger mentally.

extremely weak in my mind still.

how do you be stronger mentality?

"put on the helmet of salvation" - because there are still evil forces in my brain. at all times, regardless of feelings.

the tendency for shawn is to live according to his feelings; but there are some times where you just have to "KEK" and say "NOOOO". "REN".

"ai bia jia wu nia" as my friend would say.

inside me i've changed, somewhat; a bit more scared, i think i know i have to hold on to God but i'm not even sure what that really means, how do you hold on to Him? (yah i know they say He holds on to you) but i'm not even sure what you mean by you holding on to Him. i'm not even sure.

i think deep down i feel a bit inadequate, like i keep asking myself - why would God want me to enjoy life, or pursue my dreams? if it's my will, then it can't be His will, blah blah, absolutely didactic. i know it's not right but i can't help but feel this way sometimes.

but i believe - i must have faith - that Christ chose me, for His sake, and He will do His purpose in my life, in the things that i do, without me even realising that, which is good; i don't want to keep asking God - eh is this your will is it is it is it - but i want to be able to believe that, Yes it is.

hmms

faith faith faith.

and please put the helmet of salvation on because these thoughts are killing me. argh.

I write music to glorify Christ Jesus - this must be my main aim; it is an imperative (okay i've been reading too much of Kant).

But why? Because we were created to give Him glory.

So

"Still madly in love" is for Jesus Christ and His Glory

"Autumn" is for Jesus Christ and His Glory

So are all the other songs. All the songs.

The Westminster confession is right; we are created for the glory of GOD and our aim is to give Him glory.

May all glory be to the Lord Jesus (whom i still love)

My motto for life: To love my Lord Jesus Christ my Lord and Saviour and Friend, in the midst of deepest suffering, despite deepest suffering, despite all enemies fighting me, to still love Him.

the Lord works in ways that are not mine.

Oh Lord in Heaven let me be more willing to yield / acquiesce to Your ways instead of clinging on stubbornly to mine!

The emotional me is the real me actually; the rational logical me, is really not me.

thanks.

but it's okay to be emotional, even in law school.

i just have to be comfortable about who i am; emotional, unstable, up and down, intense feeling, INFP. Even though it may lead to many people judging me, who cares; i must be happy about who i am, about who God has made me.

and that he made me good. (an emotional)

feeling damn emo now;

i know it's technically my fault but emotionally i don't feel like it's my fault even though i know (if i want to be good) that i should feel that it's my fault but my soul is weak; but the Lord has forgiven me i better start forgiving; but UGH its really not my fault.

seriously, doing so much for law iv - but after a while everyone forgets me.

fine - i guess you all are sick of it - i'm sick of it too - maybe u are sick of me.

fine.

regina spektor is cool - i HEART "fidelity", and "us" - they are awesomely cool songs.

and there's no way i can find any sort of soulmate/gf right now; she'd have to read me intuitively. and know how i'm feeling; there are some girls who are uncanny at this. i used to be able to read some people like an open book; but no one really can read me eh. my mum can. but only her. everyone else i have to explain how i'm feeling; look friends look and listen with your heart, not with your earss..

sigh

everyone is too logical.

bleaghhdsgdsg0s

Sorry, i've just been listening to this song over and over and over again [pun intended]; this is rachael yamagata's "the only fault", super nice.

Extremely beautiful acoustic guitar plucking, great tune, unusual chords, and poignant lyrics.

Rachael Yamagata - The Only Fault [hidden track]

If i could have one wish
If i could have some say
I'd keep you far from home
I'd roll back both my sleeves
Dig under your skin
And fix your shattered bones

Hold on
This may hurt you when i tell you of the truth,
We don't get two lives to live
It's true,
The only fault i've found in you
Is not being free to take what i would give

If i could bend your pain
Into something good
Make you a prouder man
If i could rough you up
And save you with good luck
And show you hope again

Hold on,
Weren't meant to suffer so very long
Leaving love that's gone has never been a sin
Hang tight,
The only fault you have tonight
Is shutting down so cold till i break in.

Oh sad young man,
I think i need you.
For reasons i don't know
I pledge myself to winter season
So it's perfectly on course
But in the end it has to snow.

If i could make you stay
Convince you you'd be lost
If we were torn apart
If it remained unclear
Between the two of us
Which one would be the one
To break the others heart

Hold on,
This will floor me differently
Than any drug that's washed me into sleep
It's true
The only fault i'll take from you
Is how to run from what you wish to keep

Kinda autobiographical perhaps?

we are human;

not dancer.

[this is a really powerful exposition on the human condition, you crass dancers!]

Jon sent me a link to Rachael Yamagata's "Elephants", which brought back memories of May, memories of my travelling down to the Esplanade to catch a glimpse of the singer-songwriter in all her yellow glory tell her funny sordid stories, as she pours her soul out to a packed esplanade concert hall in song. as her voice leaps over her tinkling ivories, or from time to time when she strums her guitar, she croons, growls, and wails, as her gravelly voice sings "over and over and over again...let it rain..."

Rachael yamagata is a really gifted songwriter; she has what you call craft, a craft that comes with much writing and playing, and her songs are so tuneful but more than just that there's a depth of emotion and warmth of soul that sucks you in and lulls you.

i especially like the hidden track from elephants (the second album), called 'the only fault', which i find frankly quite brilliant. other standout tracks are 'over and over', 'duet', 'elephants', and from the first album there are a whole shrew of favourites, such as quiet, 1963, be be your love, etc. it was a treat.

which reminds me of all the good concerts that i've been fortunate to catch in singapore; in fact most of the angmoh gigs i've gone to have all been standouts.

they include:

cranberries + no doubt - 2003 - amazing gig; 2 of my favourite bands; delores was just charming and so intense; gwen was a powerhouse and full of energy.

red hot chili peppers - an intense jam, coupled with naked sweating bodies.

suede - another awesome gig, at fort canning - with loads of charm, and brett anderson crooning his heart out.

jason mraz - he was just awesome; one of the best i've seen; his voice control was stunning.

rachael yamagata - enough said (just see above) - very enjoyable evening.

coldplay - another good gig; i didn't watch the viva la vida one, but the one before (2006) - that was still very enjoyable.

oh - just the one dud:

Oasis - just standing there and crooning isn't going to cut it - FAIL.

lea salonga is coming and it's going to be fun; anyone wanna watch? can sms me.

i realised that it's okay really to be a geek.

I'm unabashed about it; I am a geek.

I used to code HTML the time before web editors came up.

i would do the <>

you know, all of that.

and java, for a bit.

i started my first blog in 1999; was just a stupid little geek then; still am!

there's nothing wrong with being a geek; just be comfortable who you are.

the girls don't like you, but i dont' really care; i find myself quite cute.

it's okay.

really.

anyway some nice songs i've been discovering are:

The Drums - Let's go surfing

Richard Hawley - for your lover give some time

I went for mass that very same Friday that the other post came about. CO invited me for mass and said it would mean much to her, so i went. i was very hesitant, but i was glad that i took the chance to go. we sat down there, sang the songs; was a bit uncomfortable with the 'mary' part, but then just kept it to myself. just wanted to see what it was like, but boy was it good! Like i told P, it is strange; we protestants often deride the mass as just being overly procedural, but in fact when i attended the mass there was a very deep sense of spirituality; you could feel the Holy Spirit's presence, the Heavenly Father's presence being there as everyone sang out to Him and like He was in the audience, and the very presence of the Lord Jesus Himself in the lecture theater where the mass was held. it was very strange; there was a deep sense of calm, a deep sense of spirituality. which was quite awesome. maybe a reaction to my previous post [which was posted just a few hours ago.]

Over the weekend, my walk has been... alright; some struggles, but mostly Christ Jesus staying close to me and allowing me [thank Him] to enfold myself in Him fully, to embrace Him fully, to snuggle in His arms as He embraces me. for He loves me dearly and i know that is true.

the problem with me, shawn, is that, often when the world hits me and tempts me, i am too greedy to say no to the things that will surely destroy me. may the blessed Holy Spirit give me discernment.

I wish GOD sometimes will manifest himself in a way that is more... REAL. Yes I do hear his voice, but sometimes they are plagued by the greatest doubts and uncertainty. And then it begs the question - how do we square experiences with faith?

You see, herein lies the issue: Faith is of course, commensurable with experience; but experience can either

a) destroy faith

or

b) strengthen it.

If b), then it happens so that one's 'experience' confirms what one believes, thus one sees the thing "hoped for" in one's life, in one's experience, so thus the faith is strengthened. but what happens if one doesn't experience what one believes, or, perhaps, even experiences the opposite of what was supposed to happen, then what does one do?

Can we then reach the stage where we can put our hope in GOD alone, apart from our experiences? That, in spite of our experiences, and our troubles, we base our lives on that unswerving faith in GOD? On that faith - that knowledge that the good promises are a reality - even in spite of experiences that tells you otherwise? Then it will be even better, for then what is left is just pure GOD, and none of yourself- pure faith, and no experience. Then one can see the fulness and greatness of God without getting your dirty human fingers into it.

indeed. it will be nice - the Lord has to help me. i can't feel this "help", but i know that it must come, for surely he hears.

law school is damn stifling;

everyone does things for show; like, i will do "LOL" to provoke a reaction, or just laugh to get a reaction; or you know, be nice, when i'm like.....

it's not that i'm not nice or that i don't find it funny, but this "keeping up appearences" is SUPER STIFLING! super stifling!

"keeping up appearances" is not good for maintaining healthy friendships. trust me.

but law school is so bad. coz its so small and like the grapevine is everywhere.

i was quite happy being a weirdo.

The problem about me is that I am afraid of suffering.

But then, yesterday's CELL GROUP sharing has taught me some things about suffering; let me change my views O God!

"⁹For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him, ³⁰since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have."

It is a privilege, indeed, to suffer for Christ; Thus, it says, "consider it pure joy, when you undergo trials and temptations...". So I have to rejoice when I am facing suffering, and am suffering, and am going through all that, because I know that those are gifts from the Almighty God [since the Word has said so].

Indeed in this day and age it is apt to think of suffering as useless, or be bitter about it; or complain. but true maturity comes with accepting that suffering as a gift, and allowing it to change the inside of your soul.

Praise the Lord for being with me the whole of today.

yay.

i will blog the same thing tomorrow!

Give Thanks to the LORD for He is good - His love endures forever.

LAW IV Today was awesome - and it couldn't possibly have come from anyone ELSE but the Lord Jesus, from whom all good blessings flow.

As it is written:

"All good gifts come from the Father, who does not change like shifting shadows."

I prayed with Edward today just before the thing, and throughout the performance I felt Jesus just beside my piano. He was with me (still is), and i was conversing with Him while playing. He told me to keep playing, to play for Him - that He still loved me and stuff, and I know that, even though I cannot see it, He made everyone sing well, made the performance awesome, and made everything good.

He said He would help and He did - I know that slowly slowly he is giving me more faith, and strengthening my faith again but letting me see.

I have to LOVE Jesus and REMAIN in Him. because i actually do love him a bit, but let it grow Lord.

give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.
At the end of the day, we go back to God; for His love endures forever.

When we are tired and our lives have worn dry, and all that is left behind is begging to be embraced, we turn back to God, for His love endures forever.

When we need forgiveness and love, we turn to God, for His love endures forever.

Why run away?

Maybe because we want to be recognized by others.All the time - we do things to make ourselves popular. to grab attention.

how long shawn will you live in foolishness?

sigh.

law iv is nearly there; so many things to do, so many things yet uncompleted; not knowing what's going to happen, only knowing, hoping - not yet truly knowing - but soon to know - that God will be there when we perform, and may it be a show worth watching.

i will really miss the people who did law iv; the fun times in the audi. may we still remain friends after all that has gone away.

didn't know love required me to reciprocrate.

or grace, for that matter.

call me ungrateful, call me what, but just because i don't say anything doesn't mean i don't appreciate it.

It's sad when people lose all hope in mankind.
scared of being hurt, afraid to throw yourself out there again, scared of being taken advantage of, of being hurt;

then, there is nowhere to go but down.
can't God heal the hurts? can't God mend the pains?
then why be afraid of letting yourself go, to let yourself experience, be loved - for fear of being hurt?

sigh.

come on..

Im excited about law IV
things seem to be going well.


may my heart be with the Lord Jesus again!
yes i can say that it is with him right now

MAY IT BE WITH HIM FOREVER

BUT i have assurances from His Word. LET ME BELIEVE IT.

"For I know my sheep, and my sheep know me...I gave them eternal life and they shall never perish...no one shall snatch them from my Father's hands"

LET ME BELIEVE IT GODD!!


honeslty.
ive been down
and sick
and tired

but i must put my heart with my LORD JESUS
and trust His Plan for my life

don't struggle against the will of God. He has good plans for you, better plans than you will ever have for yourselves, and those plans are the best you can ever have since they were given to you by the one who created you and is perfectly good and thus is the author of what's best.

thus sometimes, you have to move many steps back, to move one step forward. for one has reached the dead end - and simply going forward will lead to a cliff, and the inevitable drop into nothingness.

so turn back! move back! you have to go back to move forward.

you better do it soon.

Is there more to life than just the physical?

I’m sure there is;
Why must you reduce my life to just the physical? What about my emotional needs? Mental needs? Spiritual needs?
is everything just pain and pleasure?
is everything benthamian?

i have needs too you know. to be included. to be special. to be valued.
and not respecting my opinions and my feelings at all is really not love, is it?
so what if you give me so many things?



on the other note, it was a great cell group. God has been really really good to me and I just want to follow His will. it's like this - if we really want to follow His will and be obedient and do what He wants us to do - then we wil be able to discern His will very clearly and accurately - and that's what I want, too. My life has been messed up as it is.
oh well.
the worship was great - i prayed that the worship would be good, and it was amazing how I was able to choose the right songs and actually select the songs and think of the order, even without reading the materials....hurhur......what happened was that God allowed me to choose the songs, plan the order, just the way the material set it out to be! in fact it was really very very miraculous. it's amazing how it all fits in together - so amazing. and it was amazing really.
God is real, amazing, and good - not just for today, but for tomorrow.

okay. so i'm going to note this here: God has been faithful in a) allowing me to choose the right songs, allowing me to lead the worship well, allowing us to praise Him in a wonderful way as a cell group, allowing us to be in His presence and gracing us with His presence - b) responding affirmatively to the prayer that I made.

my prayer life is in shambles, so i have to take down and note how God answers prayers so i will STOP DOUBTING THAT HE ANSWERS PRAYERS - HE DOES!
AND NOT JUST FOR NOW, BUT FOR TOMORROW!

quite amazing is the Lord's timing.
Just today I was thinking about the need to have Faith - and how I will believe in Him again - not just seek the assurances but really believe, have Faith, that He will pull me through and He will sustain me and He will keep me safe and He will do the things that He has promised in His word.

I was driving in my car, listening to Miles Davis' "Blue in Green" and enjoying the emotions, sensing beyond just the mere notes into feeling the emotions, feeling the music as a language, and its wonderful beauty. And I just had faith to believe again, and I just understood again how God created the trees, and people, and the roads, and suddenly, the trees along Bukit Timah Road looked so beautiful again as the leaves are crowned with God's glory, and suddenly music sounded nice again. everything was alive. blue in green really felt so lush, luxuriant.

I worshipped God, singing 'How beautiful, how wonderful, name above every names, exalted high."

and then i read hebrews 11:1-40. wow. how apt.
guess what verse it is:
"1Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. 2This is what the ancients were commended for.

3By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. 4By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did. By faith he was commended as a righteous man, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith he still speaks, even though he is dead."

see:
"by faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible."
amazing - just as what I had experienced just moments before and understood through His Spirit. how amazing is God's love to me.

The last verse strikes me: "39These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. 40God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect."

just some thoughts.

Because I'm not hurting myself only, I'm hurting the people around me that loves me. I'm hurting the Lord who loves me. I'm hurting people.

I can easily say - it's just my life, i can screw it up, and i can remake it later on. but it's not. it's not zero-transaction costs (to put it crudely). it's not simply a frictionless surface that you can go in and come out off without leaving any residue on the side or damaging your self, your soul, your body, etc - when you mess up your life. because when you mess your life, for eg. being involved in an unhealthy relationship or so, you're not the only one getting hurt. people hurt as well.


and i was super amazed at Obama's speech. it was really very very awe-inspiring. the wind, the breeze, the soil - he is an amazing speaker.

my heart belongs to Christ Jesus now and it must be kept there. The Lord will keep me (and my heart - it) safe - he told me so. i have to trust the One who chose me. For He told me that He has chosen me and He will keep me save.

Hope u all had a merry christmas. I surely did. It wasn't bad. the highlight must have been watching les miserables on DVD, all soppy-eyed. it was good, very cathartic.


And Yes okay I know im fat. didn't you know that? i have been the brunt of too many jokes. they normally go like that:
"oh, XXX is 5 months pregnant, you are already 9 months! congrats!"
"when is the baby due?"
"young kids like you 23 years old shouldn't have a tummy that is meant for middle-aged men."
and yeah i know i'm fat. when they say "9 months pregnant" they are not actually engaging in hyperbole. i do have a pot-belly, an embarassing one that sticks out like a sore thumb/balloon and invites everyone to rub it "for good luck", as a friend has put it. and it means i can't wear anything but black, or something dark, lest it look too obvious.

but you never hear anyone make fun of "stupidity" or "arrogance" or "nastiness". you never hear someone say "why are you so dumb!", just as if to call one stupid is being absolutely inconsiderate, and absolutely "insensitive" to the person's feelings - because the logic is - one cannot control how stupid he may be, or how arrogant he may be, but one can control how 'fat' he is. i don't buy that; is it not inconsiderate and insensitive to call someone 'fat' as well? or say 'oh he has put on so much weight?' and is not the lack of an aptitude in studies/work/anything also due to some character flaws for eg. laziness just as being fat is a product of another character flaw, that of greed? if i'm lazy and i dont study all my life i will naturally be more stupid; if i'm greedy and eat all day i will become fat; how come people only make fun of the fat and not of the stupid?

i know why - because being 'fat' is good for 'comic relief'. if you see a fat person, you can make fun of him because you can laugh about it hahaha. wow.
i'd like to see people comment on another's ears, for instance; how come no one goes and says 'look at those big ears!' or.....other body parts - to say the least.
the bottom line is, we like to talk too much, about stupid things. maybe we are too bored in life. then go get a life. go get a hobby. go do something. go learn about the world man. where is greenland? go find out. wikipedia. there is so much more to life than being concerned with my fat belly.

Just to confirm I'm screwed up, here's a song that was written by yours truly (me) some 1o years ago, when I was just, 13. Not even pubescent yet. And how moronic I was, and how sad, and how psychotic.

I think about my family - Shawn Poon


....(i can't remember the first few lines - the verse)
"Paranoid fears, grip me never let me go
Thinking there's a bomb over my head
Anytime my fate would be sealed
Whether I would go to heaven
Or the depths of hell
But sweetheart, I really wanna see you next morning
I don't wanna go

And when we walk through the depths of hell
I wonder where we will reside
And when I think my life's not worth living
I think about my family"

morbid, ain't it. maybe just a little poetic. oh for a 13 year old. cut me some slack.

Christ, I wish that you would just take away these impulses. These silent impulses , that quietly creep into your subconscious, that tells you thoughts that you do not want to hear. That rages themselves against you till you succumb and then be plagued by the greatest fear. And then I ask for forgiveness but I cannot get the words out right – they are too disjointed – they get cut off – they never finish the sentence and never come to fruition – Christ I remember Your words and kindness and love once upon a time – the time when I was in Your arms and when I hang on like a baby, close to You and just letting Your light shine on me. It was nice, I remembered, genuinely nice and warm and loving and full of love and it was, just, good. I remembered lying there saying that You will never leave me for the rest of my life and how You whisper that You love me. And how You whispered to me those truths I would never forget – but now, what has happened now? I’m so far away – I am just chasing shadows, chasing little voices of you that really just could be my own voice – and I’m not sure. I can’t trust myself – it could just be me. I wish it were You. But it is You, You say – I just have to realize – and grow – and trust – it will be okay, it will be okay. I just need to know that it will be okay. It has to.

-Prayer from an OCD boy


So He has forgiven me and He has said "I forgive you shawn" and hugged me and said that I am His. That I am "my shawn" and not just "shawn" or any other "shawn" on the street but His. I hope it doesn't change. sigh.

never show a tear
for then, you are weak - this is (1)
and if you are weak
no one will respect you
no one gives a damn
about how you feel - only about how you behave
and we all know
that there is injustice - and we all feel
unjust laws are a manifestation of our own selfish human nature
our hopes and desires let them fester
these are only your desires.
am i really that morally bad?
what is morally anyway.
am i really that bad?
it's your own expectations of me - i'm not doing something bad in the sense of depriving you of something reasonable.
it's just your own expectations of me - for me - but why hit me - to bring about something good? i'm tired of the hittings. i'm gripped by fear when the things start because i know nothing good will come out of this - again - i must not fear - refer to (1). (it is supposed to rhyme)

ah so you are talking super loudly.
yes
i cannot be trusted.
yes
im a demon
yes
im the scum of the world
yes you're talking so loud so i can hear it
i can hear everything you say
but if i let it affect me see (1)
then you will say
ah you are so weak so i have to take matters into my hands for your sake
and handhold me.

so yes
i'm not blessed because i'm disobedient.
but then again
its not that i want to be, disobedient.
but then some of the laws are arbitrary. unjust. there is no rational basis. no reason.
just. up to your whim and fancy, and i am bowed down to that - that you call - your law.
of the house
and oh. so i have to grovel.
notice that im not challenign your authority, but your improper use of it, for a lack of a better word.
and so i ask
why do i have to do this (listen to your directive)
and then you say
because i say so.
so if you say that then okay it's the end of it - and it's not that
there is any form of moral directive - even though let's say obeying you is the moral obligation - but then -
it is perhaps about "stop doing this now" - and why? - because i like it - or - because you should do it - which makes no sense if you can't say why one should do it or not - especially if it is something trivial such as - why you should sleep early, or stop playing com games. or something. which really has no bearing on real life at all. unless you make it an issue, of course.
then some people wil give the argument that - eh - you know - you should submit anyway.
sorry i'm not mature enough to be submissive. because i feel submission (rightly or wrongly) is subjudication.
sure everything is good for me - but the way i see it - while often there is the "oh, i'm sad that you don't want to listen to me coz i'm sad for you coz you will suffer" - which is proper and which i will generally accept as being morally right and acceptable - often you get the "i'm angry coz you don't want to listen to me, me, me!" and then they get angry coz the ego is bruised.
you get that alot sometimes - we all have fragile egos, bless my souls. (it is rhyming)
so because you get this ego thing, it is subjudication, isn't it?

because you can't be comfortable in yourself - so you need something else - to fill that gap - and maybe authority over me - is a good way - to fill that gap - so i need authority over someone else also - but then again.
no!
no!
no!
im not going to stoop down to your means!
i already have, by blogging about this
i have let my emotions take control
i have let myself go
and be angry
and be
resentful
and it's not even the right kind of anger
because
it's so selfish

and i know i'm going to regret this
because ultimately we cannot escape the laws of the Almighty one
nor fail to give Him the glory that He deserves
but sometimes, i'm too weak not to give in to my emotions.
those that scream out of my sinful depraved soul.

but then i pray to Christ
and He tells me He's forgiven me and chosen me
and I start to cry. - yes i can cry sometimes
and i know that there is something truly moral about it
and truly lawful and truly true.
something stirs up within me, in my soul, a stirring
of life
and i find myself again.

oh.
the woes of life.

GOD IS A FAITHFUL GOD He will keep His promises today, and tomorrow and evermore.... He will not let me down man sigh help me Dear God not to let you down again and again sigh i want to be good oh man.
come on conscious decision come on conscious efforts come on considering each thought and submitting it to Christ; come on, take that leap of faith when things go bad and things all seem to go wrong and submit it to Christ and trust your friend your lover your Saviour who has brought you out of the storm before and WILL and CAN and WILL DO "immeasurably more than you can hope for OR imagine". trust trust trust. when things go wrong, trust trust trust. believe. believe believe. it will be alright. god is faithful.


and sometimes i feel like throwing up. coz sometimes i know there are things that i can do. thigns that i know i can do. but im just unable to execute. or osmetimes i feel bad about doing well. i feel that somehow im going into that slippery slope of pride again and soon i may lose control and feel i dont need God and leave my God or something like that thinking i can make it on my own but i cant i know i cant im lonely and my soul cries out for the living God once in a while. bleagh. i wish it were more often. they always say souls cry out to God but mine hasnt been crying out too often. i wonder why. is there too much going on in my life???? that sometimes God is out of the picture? or that im ujst procrastiaingt and wasting my life as it goes by?

coz i know that i can do great things. or be good. or be a success. or be good. or be the life of the party or the smart kid on the block. but im afraid, afraid to go in, scared that success (in any form) will bring me to pride and let my head grow big that i leave my god or feel i dont need him or anyone else's advice. it's a sad life, this conundrum. so i stagger along in my mediocrity, thinking that perhaps the onyl reason i need god is so that he can lead me out of my mediocrity into success and happiness; whats wrong with me? why cant i love god for God's sake instead of what he can do for me? (ie that way i dont have to stay in my mediocrity so that i will need god and not push him aside and actually take more success and fulfil lthe god given potential) . why why cant i do that? Jesus help me Lord please - to love You for Your own sake.

this is a nice song:

Watching the people get lairy
Is not very pretty I tell thee
Walking through town is quite scary
And not very sensible either
A friend of a friend he got beaten
He looked the wrong way at a policeman
Would never have happened to Smeaton
And old Leodiensian
La-ah-ah, la la lalala la
Ah-ah-ah, la la lalala la

I predict a riot, I predict a riot
I predict a riot, I predict a riot

I tried to get in my taxi
A man in a tracksuit attacked me
He said that he saw it before me
Wants to get things a bit gory
Girls run around with no clothes on
To borrow a pound for a condom
If it wasn't for chip fat, well they'd be frozen
They're not very sensible

La-ah-ah, la la lalala la
Ah-ah-ah, la la lalala la

I predict a riot, I predict a riot
I predict a riot, I predict a riot

And if there's anybody left in here
That doesn't want to be out there

Watching the people get lairy
Is not very pretty I tell thee
Walking through town is quite scary
And not very sensible

La-ah-ah, la la lalala la
Ah-ah-ah, la la lalala la

I predict a riot, I predict a riot
I predict a riot, I predict a riot 

I havent been updating for so much;
it's been more than a month.
Just want to record that I really had such a wonderful time of worship today - praising God for who He is, the loving Heavenly Father that He is who gives us all good things, and His Son Jesus Christ - the best most faithful friend you can ever find - the one who died for you, who will never leave you nor forsake you, who showers you with love and reassurance and compassion, who strengthens you. It's really great to be able to praise God again - to really mean the words of the hymn - "great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me" - and sing out with joy to the God of the universe - "great is Thy faithfulness" Lord unto me. There were moments of the Lord whispering his words of encouragement to me and his words of love as I rested in Him safe in the knowledge that like a loving shepherd he will take care of me and no harm will befall me, coz He loves me, and while I doubt sometimes being the stubborn ol' me, He proves again until I'm not doubting - for He has shown it again - and like doubting Thomas who doubted - i will remember His words that "I will never leave you nor forsake you" and the verse that sprang to my mind out of His amazing goodness to me, which was Romans 8, which said that "Nothing in heaven and earth shall be able to separate you from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Which is an amazing promise if you realise how stupid we are and how fallen we are. We think we have to love God first; no, He first loved us. Even if we don't love God (and many of us dont'r eally love God by what we do or say) He still loves us. And isn't that amazing, unconditional love.
It was amazing just praising God. Just having faith in Christ and remaining in Him and allowing Him to teach me how to worship His Father.

Psalms 103 says : " Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.

2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:

3 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;

4 Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;

5 Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle�s."

And the pastor preached on this - and so many reasons to praise God - for He is hte source of all good things, and the only reason we are saved - and the only reason we are alive - and allowed to enjoy any good thing in this world - and praise God because He is good - and He is really very very good - too good for me to see or imagine - "so good" says the Psalmist - and knows your every desire and still guides your path even though you're so wrong - knows you are fallen and still holds you in his hand - knows you are weak and still strengthens you - knows that you are lost and still guides you and promises you - forgives your sins gladly - and strengthens you with love and compassion - praise is truly saying who He is - that He is good - that He is great - that He is awesome - that there is nothing He cannot do - that he can heal all your problems should he want to - and yet chooses to give u some problems so that He can strengthen your faith - that He can do all things in your life - truly your soul cries out to the Lord and says Wow God you're so good I'm amazed and I want to say that to you today - that You are good and awesome and great - for You are!

And sometimes in my own world I question too many things - I have too many complexes - but whenever I go back to church - i realised the only thing that is keeping me there, is God. Can you imagine a life without God? I can't.

The LORD Jesus said "My grace is sufficient for you" - and I have to believe it; through the OCD, the bad thoughts, the bad habits, the strugglings with the devil, with demonic powers, the disobedience - it's not over, God will pull me through - God will see me through - His grace is sufficient for me. And He said he will never leave me nor forsake me. I will believe that His grace is sufficient for each day, each moment, as I do the things that I need to, and are required, to do - for He truly loves me; and I know that it will never be the end, because Jesus Christ has already won the victory for me, for us believers, and He will bring me back and through each storm. We've weathered alot of storms together, we can do another round. come on.
fight.

on another note, patrick was very kind to mention me in his blog ; that was very kind of him, speaking of my musical gifts and stuff; go read it; but yeah it's really the favour of God upon me in those moments that allow me to write those songs I suppose. It's very tempting for me to claim credit for those things for myself, but I know I can't, because that's just not the truth - the truth was that God was the one who wrote them through me. I remembered the times where I prayed for answered prayers (songs) and He has graciously granted them to me, and I realised it's not just me, but someone else bigger than me.

On another note; I am realising how awesome His creation is ; I was at brussel sprouts for dinner with my famly and the food was lousy; and as i thought of God and how everything was His creation and how everything was made good by Him - "and it was good" - the food suddenly tasted remarkably incredible; the duck confit had so much so much flavour and was really ducky; the mussels and the sauce really tatsed like it used to be; and even the beef had this beefiness and tastiness; ohhh; it was really like in heaven; it was really like in paradise - it was really like so cool and foodasmic (pardon the pun). Was reminded of the LORD JESUS turning water into wine - and then everyone saying this was the best cup of them all - hey, what's there not to love about such a loving and great God?

amen.

i shall put up an entry on my food blog, go check.

Super super pissed;
Arsenal just can't score!
What's wrong with them.
First, Hleb wasn't given a penalty in the game against Liverpool where it was obvious that Dirk Kuyt was tugging blatantly on his arm after a brilliant mazy run by Hleb;
then Bendtner proceeded to play the role of last defender (for Liverpool) by blocking Fabregas's goal-bound shot on the line.
and then.....
Bendtner misses a sitter one-on-one...
what's wrong with them?

But I think they can go to Anfield and get a result; if they just keep their heads up, they can beat Liverpool, just as they did Milan at San Siro.

Anyway it seems like there's going to be a nail-biting finish to the season; Man Utd, I hate to say this, has been playing tremendously well, far beyond themselves. Ronaldo deserves to be EPL player of the year by a mile, even though he's from man utd; because he has that ability to change the complexion of a game with one brilliant move, feint, shot, dribble, backheel; he sees things that people can't see, and yet, this is crucial; he has the skills, and the technique, to pull them off to perfection; now that is class. and you realise that most of man utd's attacks go through him directly; inadvertantly, Ronaldo is involved; the moves always pass through ronaldo and he always knows what to do. but besides ronaldo, evra has been solid; so has anderson the hustler, and rooney still knows how to score some goals when he is required to do so. thus their attacking trio of rooney, ronaldo and tevez all seem to be in full force.........i have to say that they're a splendid attacking team, let's not take credit away from that.

but then again, their defence may prove to be their undoing; rio is injured now, and so is vidic; against middlesborough they had to rely on wes brown and pique, and afonso alves managed to score 2 goals against a woeful defence, and boro almost had the chance to score right at the death.

and let''s not forget chelsea; who are still relatively efficient, if relatively boring;


and if i were to pick a EPL dream team, it'll almost have to be like this:

GK: Petr Cech - still the best shot-stopper ever despite his howlers (occassionaly)
LB: Patrice Evra - good defensively, great going forward (Gael Clichy is a close second)
CB: Jamie Carragher - it's a toss up between him and rio but carragher is always solid
CB: Nemanja Vidic - solid defender, the one reason why man utd is conceding so little. powerful presence.
RB: Bacary Sagna - can attack and defend
LM: Alexander Hleb - he is a solid solid player; he holds the ball up superbly well, has great atheletism and energy, and wonderful sublime skills; can squeeze through the tiniest of holes and set off on mazy runs and passing is first rate; also two-footed but can't finish;
RM: Cristiano Ronaldo - EPL player of the year, need i say more? read above; has sublime skills, great pace, can use his head, a powerful shot with both feet, good reading of the game, creative, wonderful dribbling skills to beat his marker and tricks, waht else do you need?
CM: Francesc Fabregas - the best rhythm passer of the game; the best passer of the game in the league; first rate, be it a long-ball over the top or simple one-twos; makes the game look easy; plus can score goals from midfield.
CM: Javier Mascherano - a toss up between him and Anderson for the DM role, but i prefer mascherano because he's alweays crucial in breaking up the attacks.
AMC: Steven Gerrard - the complete player; great free-kick taker, passer, scorer of long-distance strikes, wonderful energy, athletism, pace; tracks back well;
SC: Fernando Torres - clinical, pacy, strong, with delicate skill to boot and great composure, not to mention a powerful shot. pacy;

2nd team:
GK: Reina
DL: Clichy
DC: Kolo Toure
DC: John Terry
DR: Wes Brown
ML: Stewart Downing
MC: Mikael Arteta
MC: Anderson
MR: Joe Cole
SC: Dimitri Berbatov
SC: Emmanuel Adebayor

Don't think so much.
I (shawn poon) belong to JESUS, and thus, to GOD. FOREVER.
JESUS CHRIST CHOSE ME (SHAWN POON SHUNJIE); GOD CHOSE ME.
THIS WILL NOT CHANGE.

This whole RELATIVISM is killing ME.
Some things you should approach from a MATHEMATICAL perspective
MATHEMATICS.
EQUALS.

GOD = GOOD
GOD = HEAVENLY FATHER, SON, HOLY SPIRIT
FATHER = GIVES GOOD THINGS (ALL THE WONDERFUL MUSIC = ALL THE NICE THINGS = ALL THE NICE FOOD = ALL THE SONGS THAT I HAVE WRITTEN = ALL THE SONGS THAT I HAVE NOT WRITTEN BUT ARE GOING TO WRITE = ALL THE MASTERPIECE SONGS = ALL THE LOVELY FRIENDS = THE FAMILY = THE LOVELY INTIMACY WITH GOD = HEARING GOD'S WONDERFUL VOICE SPEAKING TO ME = HAVING GOD COMFORT ME WHEN I AM DOWN AND LONELY = HAVING GOD PROMISE ME SO MANY THINGS = THAT HE HAS GREAT PLANS = THAT HE WILL FORGIVE ME DESPITE MY HIDEOUS SINS)
SON = MY FRIEND, MY HIGH PRIEST, MY COMFORTER, MY CORNERSTONE, MY BEST FRIEND, MY GOD, MY MASTER, WHO LOVES ME
HOLY SPIRIT = MY COMFORTER AND COUNCILLOR WHO TELLS ME THINGS THAT ARE THE TRUTH AND NOT THE LIE = THAT WILL FREE ME AND SET ME FREE ULTIMATELY

THUS
GOD GIVES GOOD THINGS
AND HE WANTS ME TO ENJOY THEM
SO DONT GO TO OTHER PLACES TO LOOK FOR IT
IT WILL NEVER COME
FOR EVERYTHING IS THE FATHER'S, AND BELONGS TO GOD

AND GOD IS KIND ENOUGH TO GIVE ME SONGS (I'M A STEWARD FOR WHAT IS ULTIMATELY HIS)
SHARING
AND I WILL STICK WITH GOD FOREVER

FOR HE IS THE SOURCE OF EVERYTHING GOOD

SO STOP THIS STUPID RELATIVISM.

PLEASE

Rachael said something very amazing in her blog so ill just give you the link:
http://thebeautyofrain.blogspot.com
on how God never changes, and His love never changes - the world is looking for security, but there is only one person we can hold on to, and that is Jesus.

The Lord has been exceedingly faithful and close and real to me over the few weeks; from doing my Bible study 2 saturdays ago about being filled with the Spirit and experiencing communion with the Risen Lord and from His daily assurances on how He has chosen me "I chose you" ("I chose you, you did not choose me") and how He is willing to forgive me for things that I have done in my life.
"You know I will truly forgive you".
"Yes Lord"
"then just ask - and you will be forgiven."
Only problem is that we forget. We forget about how good our Lord is, who "died for us". How infinitely good our God is and how infinitely wonderful He is. We focus only on ourselves, and how lousy we are. And how we're not good enough for God. But enough of focussing on ourselves - because it will lead to despair and misery - but focussing on God and seeing everyday How good He is and how Great and Good He is, and always is, and always will be - unto the ends of the earth - is simply so wonderful and so amazing, it comforts you, assures you, guides you, makes you HOPE, makes you have FAITH, makes you bow down and worship, and makes you really LOVE HIM [JESUS].
For I am beginning to understand what it means that "we love Him because He first loved us."
-by Shawn Poon [05 Feb 2008]
Thus says the word: "Your lovingkindness is better than life" - Amen to that.

my friend fen just started a food blog. go check it out.http://www.incidentalhighs.blogspot.com

oh well. check it out. at least she has photos.

i am tired. le tired. i should be blogging about much more important things than my life, and my lack of sleep, or my wonderful dreams. but i just dreamt about evangelising to a muslim. and it seemed to went very well. but i'm spiritually dry now, i wonder what it means.

I just had this really really weird dream. Dreams have a way of reflecting your subconsciousness. Oh well.

I dreamt about this girl called X, and a boy called Y, and myself, called S. X is one of the most pretty girls you'll ever meet. She's got the charm of a film star, the looks of a model, and a smile that captivates. Y has the Korean charm about him and everyone comments on how good he looks. The dream featured a boat ride where people, including me, was jumping into the sea in order to swim to the other part where I could start rowing a boat, that looked like a canoe. okay it was a canoe. then X was also rowing the boat, and I was trying to find where she was. oh. but she ran away.
then there was another moment where Y and X were in a circle and X was asking Y who Y found cute in school, and Y actually murmured that he liked X coz X was the one. haha. and X was super embarassed.
And then Y was standing on stage helping the dean of the law school go on stage (escorting her); and he was drinnking Fanta Grape.
And the last scene saw me and my churchfriends watching Phantom of the Opera.

What a weird dream, can someone elucidate what it all means?
sigh.

[in addition to my previous post] sometimes i'd wish someone would come along to me and ask me 'wanna go for dinner'? sigh. why am i such a loner. argh.

Today is smellymelly yeo's birthday, and i thought I should say something about my funny old friend. the first time we met was the time that we were on the way to hwa chong for some humanities meeting; and then she scolded me, like, i was yaccking away and she started shouting "can you please dont speak so loud?" okay maybe it was less tactful than that. haha. but strange things happen. in the end we got to know each other, and then she realised i wasn't that bad after all; coz we were all in the same clique; and later on we just grew closer and just became really good friends. i suppose. i suppose maybe we have an intuitive understanding. we understand what each has been through, and where we are individually heading towards; and we understand we just want each to be happy. maybe. okay so mel if u're reading this, it's your 22nd birthday today (yes today), be happy okay. life is wonderful, be happy, enjoy each day God's giving you and rejoice! yay. hope the storm settles, yeah; there may be rainbows but it may take longer than you would hope? dunno what i am saying [i'm blogging in company law seminar] but yeah be happy k.
*hug.* [still a favourite miao-miao]

and anyway i just had my one week break; and i just realised how tired i was. tired, because my OCD's just sapping me up dry with that energy; and i'm really tired, Lord. sigh. but those that wait upon the lord shall renew their strength -isaiah; but Jesus my defender has defended me and renewed me and forgiven me when i've strayed, placing His arms around me and assured me and chosen me. shawn, be strong. life is long. that irritatoinal fear is killing me though, the fear that i will do something that i do not want to do - but sometimes i just have to have that simple faith and simple trust in His goodness.
greater love hath no one than this.


law school as well is doing me no good. but maybe it's my own fault. i'm not contributing; not developing. not developing and building people's lifes and shared expeirences with all this bad OCD; just tension. social networks are dying; social groups. butler changed roles. people not wanting to socialise. argh. too bad i'm not that kind of assertive, powerful, bold person that law school people like. they admire that devil-may-care attitude. but i've learnt enough not to be like that, i can't change what has happened to me, right?

all those of you who actually read this dont come up to me and say "are you okay?" i fairly well am; blogging is just a way of expressing all the multitude of thoughts that go around my brain; it's my brain that is messed up all right. maybe coz i'm too smart; so i think too much ffor my own good. i'm always one step ahead of you, in all the wrong things; but one step behind, in all the right things, such as my company law, or my property assignment. sigh. dunno why im taking law in the first place.

because law is always cerebreal and argumentative and logical and in-for-a-fight to-prove-you-wrong; alot of my talents are wasted in law. my intuition, my sense of aesthetic beauty, musical talents notwithstanding, ability to see the big picture and conceptualise. sigh. who knows, i may be ending up selling cakes.

I had just recovered from a terrible bout of gastro-enterisis; stomach flu (is that how you spell it?). But there is something vaguely serene and surreal about being sick. it's about lying there just resting and letting your body recover and start feeling the sensations from the numerous sinews and nerve-endings of your arm, your leg and not feeling the pressure of life that says 'i have to do this' or 'i have to do that'; but everything is still and calm and nice and you can feel yourself again.
if only the fever won't be so bad, bah. that's the worse. vomitting like a dog is bad also. but lying on my bed, not having to think about work, or the pressures of needing to think about work --ah, now that's a welcome change.

i have more to blog about. but it's all over my head now.

no one reads this blog anyway.