GOD IS A FAITHFUL GOD He will keep His promises today, and tomorrow and evermore.... He will not let me down man sigh help me Dear God not to let you down again and again sigh i want to be good oh man.
come on conscious decision come on conscious efforts come on considering each thought and submitting it to Christ; come on, take that leap of faith when things go bad and things all seem to go wrong and submit it to Christ and trust your friend your lover your Saviour who has brought you out of the storm before and WILL and CAN and WILL DO "immeasurably more than you can hope for OR imagine". trust trust trust. when things go wrong, trust trust trust. believe. believe believe. it will be alright. god is faithful.


and sometimes i feel like throwing up. coz sometimes i know there are things that i can do. thigns that i know i can do. but im just unable to execute. or osmetimes i feel bad about doing well. i feel that somehow im going into that slippery slope of pride again and soon i may lose control and feel i dont need God and leave my God or something like that thinking i can make it on my own but i cant i know i cant im lonely and my soul cries out for the living God once in a while. bleagh. i wish it were more often. they always say souls cry out to God but mine hasnt been crying out too often. i wonder why. is there too much going on in my life???? that sometimes God is out of the picture? or that im ujst procrastiaingt and wasting my life as it goes by?

coz i know that i can do great things. or be good. or be a success. or be good. or be the life of the party or the smart kid on the block. but im afraid, afraid to go in, scared that success (in any form) will bring me to pride and let my head grow big that i leave my god or feel i dont need him or anyone else's advice. it's a sad life, this conundrum. so i stagger along in my mediocrity, thinking that perhaps the onyl reason i need god is so that he can lead me out of my mediocrity into success and happiness; whats wrong with me? why cant i love god for God's sake instead of what he can do for me? (ie that way i dont have to stay in my mediocrity so that i will need god and not push him aside and actually take more success and fulfil lthe god given potential) . why why cant i do that? Jesus help me Lord please - to love You for Your own sake.

this is a nice song:

Watching the people get lairy
Is not very pretty I tell thee
Walking through town is quite scary
And not very sensible either
A friend of a friend he got beaten
He looked the wrong way at a policeman
Would never have happened to Smeaton
And old Leodiensian
La-ah-ah, la la lalala la
Ah-ah-ah, la la lalala la

I predict a riot, I predict a riot
I predict a riot, I predict a riot

I tried to get in my taxi
A man in a tracksuit attacked me
He said that he saw it before me
Wants to get things a bit gory
Girls run around with no clothes on
To borrow a pound for a condom
If it wasn't for chip fat, well they'd be frozen
They're not very sensible

La-ah-ah, la la lalala la
Ah-ah-ah, la la lalala la

I predict a riot, I predict a riot
I predict a riot, I predict a riot

And if there's anybody left in here
That doesn't want to be out there

Watching the people get lairy
Is not very pretty I tell thee
Walking through town is quite scary
And not very sensible

La-ah-ah, la la lalala la
Ah-ah-ah, la la lalala la

I predict a riot, I predict a riot
I predict a riot, I predict a riot 

I havent been updating for so much;
it's been more than a month.
Just want to record that I really had such a wonderful time of worship today - praising God for who He is, the loving Heavenly Father that He is who gives us all good things, and His Son Jesus Christ - the best most faithful friend you can ever find - the one who died for you, who will never leave you nor forsake you, who showers you with love and reassurance and compassion, who strengthens you. It's really great to be able to praise God again - to really mean the words of the hymn - "great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me" - and sing out with joy to the God of the universe - "great is Thy faithfulness" Lord unto me. There were moments of the Lord whispering his words of encouragement to me and his words of love as I rested in Him safe in the knowledge that like a loving shepherd he will take care of me and no harm will befall me, coz He loves me, and while I doubt sometimes being the stubborn ol' me, He proves again until I'm not doubting - for He has shown it again - and like doubting Thomas who doubted - i will remember His words that "I will never leave you nor forsake you" and the verse that sprang to my mind out of His amazing goodness to me, which was Romans 8, which said that "Nothing in heaven and earth shall be able to separate you from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Which is an amazing promise if you realise how stupid we are and how fallen we are. We think we have to love God first; no, He first loved us. Even if we don't love God (and many of us dont'r eally love God by what we do or say) He still loves us. And isn't that amazing, unconditional love.
It was amazing just praising God. Just having faith in Christ and remaining in Him and allowing Him to teach me how to worship His Father.

Psalms 103 says : " Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.

2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:

3 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;

4 Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;

5 Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle�s."

And the pastor preached on this - and so many reasons to praise God - for He is hte source of all good things, and the only reason we are saved - and the only reason we are alive - and allowed to enjoy any good thing in this world - and praise God because He is good - and He is really very very good - too good for me to see or imagine - "so good" says the Psalmist - and knows your every desire and still guides your path even though you're so wrong - knows you are fallen and still holds you in his hand - knows you are weak and still strengthens you - knows that you are lost and still guides you and promises you - forgives your sins gladly - and strengthens you with love and compassion - praise is truly saying who He is - that He is good - that He is great - that He is awesome - that there is nothing He cannot do - that he can heal all your problems should he want to - and yet chooses to give u some problems so that He can strengthen your faith - that He can do all things in your life - truly your soul cries out to the Lord and says Wow God you're so good I'm amazed and I want to say that to you today - that You are good and awesome and great - for You are!

And sometimes in my own world I question too many things - I have too many complexes - but whenever I go back to church - i realised the only thing that is keeping me there, is God. Can you imagine a life without God? I can't.

The LORD Jesus said "My grace is sufficient for you" - and I have to believe it; through the OCD, the bad thoughts, the bad habits, the strugglings with the devil, with demonic powers, the disobedience - it's not over, God will pull me through - God will see me through - His grace is sufficient for me. And He said he will never leave me nor forsake me. I will believe that His grace is sufficient for each day, each moment, as I do the things that I need to, and are required, to do - for He truly loves me; and I know that it will never be the end, because Jesus Christ has already won the victory for me, for us believers, and He will bring me back and through each storm. We've weathered alot of storms together, we can do another round. come on.
fight.

on another note, patrick was very kind to mention me in his blog ; that was very kind of him, speaking of my musical gifts and stuff; go read it; but yeah it's really the favour of God upon me in those moments that allow me to write those songs I suppose. It's very tempting for me to claim credit for those things for myself, but I know I can't, because that's just not the truth - the truth was that God was the one who wrote them through me. I remembered the times where I prayed for answered prayers (songs) and He has graciously granted them to me, and I realised it's not just me, but someone else bigger than me.

On another note; I am realising how awesome His creation is ; I was at brussel sprouts for dinner with my famly and the food was lousy; and as i thought of God and how everything was His creation and how everything was made good by Him - "and it was good" - the food suddenly tasted remarkably incredible; the duck confit had so much so much flavour and was really ducky; the mussels and the sauce really tatsed like it used to be; and even the beef had this beefiness and tastiness; ohhh; it was really like in heaven; it was really like in paradise - it was really like so cool and foodasmic (pardon the pun). Was reminded of the LORD JESUS turning water into wine - and then everyone saying this was the best cup of them all - hey, what's there not to love about such a loving and great God?

amen.

i shall put up an entry on my food blog, go check.

Super super pissed;
Arsenal just can't score!
What's wrong with them.
First, Hleb wasn't given a penalty in the game against Liverpool where it was obvious that Dirk Kuyt was tugging blatantly on his arm after a brilliant mazy run by Hleb;
then Bendtner proceeded to play the role of last defender (for Liverpool) by blocking Fabregas's goal-bound shot on the line.
and then.....
Bendtner misses a sitter one-on-one...
what's wrong with them?

But I think they can go to Anfield and get a result; if they just keep their heads up, they can beat Liverpool, just as they did Milan at San Siro.

Anyway it seems like there's going to be a nail-biting finish to the season; Man Utd, I hate to say this, has been playing tremendously well, far beyond themselves. Ronaldo deserves to be EPL player of the year by a mile, even though he's from man utd; because he has that ability to change the complexion of a game with one brilliant move, feint, shot, dribble, backheel; he sees things that people can't see, and yet, this is crucial; he has the skills, and the technique, to pull them off to perfection; now that is class. and you realise that most of man utd's attacks go through him directly; inadvertantly, Ronaldo is involved; the moves always pass through ronaldo and he always knows what to do. but besides ronaldo, evra has been solid; so has anderson the hustler, and rooney still knows how to score some goals when he is required to do so. thus their attacking trio of rooney, ronaldo and tevez all seem to be in full force.........i have to say that they're a splendid attacking team, let's not take credit away from that.

but then again, their defence may prove to be their undoing; rio is injured now, and so is vidic; against middlesborough they had to rely on wes brown and pique, and afonso alves managed to score 2 goals against a woeful defence, and boro almost had the chance to score right at the death.

and let''s not forget chelsea; who are still relatively efficient, if relatively boring;


and if i were to pick a EPL dream team, it'll almost have to be like this:

GK: Petr Cech - still the best shot-stopper ever despite his howlers (occassionaly)
LB: Patrice Evra - good defensively, great going forward (Gael Clichy is a close second)
CB: Jamie Carragher - it's a toss up between him and rio but carragher is always solid
CB: Nemanja Vidic - solid defender, the one reason why man utd is conceding so little. powerful presence.
RB: Bacary Sagna - can attack and defend
LM: Alexander Hleb - he is a solid solid player; he holds the ball up superbly well, has great atheletism and energy, and wonderful sublime skills; can squeeze through the tiniest of holes and set off on mazy runs and passing is first rate; also two-footed but can't finish;
RM: Cristiano Ronaldo - EPL player of the year, need i say more? read above; has sublime skills, great pace, can use his head, a powerful shot with both feet, good reading of the game, creative, wonderful dribbling skills to beat his marker and tricks, waht else do you need?
CM: Francesc Fabregas - the best rhythm passer of the game; the best passer of the game in the league; first rate, be it a long-ball over the top or simple one-twos; makes the game look easy; plus can score goals from midfield.
CM: Javier Mascherano - a toss up between him and Anderson for the DM role, but i prefer mascherano because he's alweays crucial in breaking up the attacks.
AMC: Steven Gerrard - the complete player; great free-kick taker, passer, scorer of long-distance strikes, wonderful energy, athletism, pace; tracks back well;
SC: Fernando Torres - clinical, pacy, strong, with delicate skill to boot and great composure, not to mention a powerful shot. pacy;

2nd team:
GK: Reina
DL: Clichy
DC: Kolo Toure
DC: John Terry
DR: Wes Brown
ML: Stewart Downing
MC: Mikael Arteta
MC: Anderson
MR: Joe Cole
SC: Dimitri Berbatov
SC: Emmanuel Adebayor

Don't think so much.
I (shawn poon) belong to JESUS, and thus, to GOD. FOREVER.
JESUS CHRIST CHOSE ME (SHAWN POON SHUNJIE); GOD CHOSE ME.
THIS WILL NOT CHANGE.

This whole RELATIVISM is killing ME.
Some things you should approach from a MATHEMATICAL perspective
MATHEMATICS.
EQUALS.

GOD = GOOD
GOD = HEAVENLY FATHER, SON, HOLY SPIRIT
FATHER = GIVES GOOD THINGS (ALL THE WONDERFUL MUSIC = ALL THE NICE THINGS = ALL THE NICE FOOD = ALL THE SONGS THAT I HAVE WRITTEN = ALL THE SONGS THAT I HAVE NOT WRITTEN BUT ARE GOING TO WRITE = ALL THE MASTERPIECE SONGS = ALL THE LOVELY FRIENDS = THE FAMILY = THE LOVELY INTIMACY WITH GOD = HEARING GOD'S WONDERFUL VOICE SPEAKING TO ME = HAVING GOD COMFORT ME WHEN I AM DOWN AND LONELY = HAVING GOD PROMISE ME SO MANY THINGS = THAT HE HAS GREAT PLANS = THAT HE WILL FORGIVE ME DESPITE MY HIDEOUS SINS)
SON = MY FRIEND, MY HIGH PRIEST, MY COMFORTER, MY CORNERSTONE, MY BEST FRIEND, MY GOD, MY MASTER, WHO LOVES ME
HOLY SPIRIT = MY COMFORTER AND COUNCILLOR WHO TELLS ME THINGS THAT ARE THE TRUTH AND NOT THE LIE = THAT WILL FREE ME AND SET ME FREE ULTIMATELY

THUS
GOD GIVES GOOD THINGS
AND HE WANTS ME TO ENJOY THEM
SO DONT GO TO OTHER PLACES TO LOOK FOR IT
IT WILL NEVER COME
FOR EVERYTHING IS THE FATHER'S, AND BELONGS TO GOD

AND GOD IS KIND ENOUGH TO GIVE ME SONGS (I'M A STEWARD FOR WHAT IS ULTIMATELY HIS)
SHARING
AND I WILL STICK WITH GOD FOREVER

FOR HE IS THE SOURCE OF EVERYTHING GOOD

SO STOP THIS STUPID RELATIVISM.

PLEASE

Rachael said something very amazing in her blog so ill just give you the link:
http://thebeautyofrain.blogspot.com
on how God never changes, and His love never changes - the world is looking for security, but there is only one person we can hold on to, and that is Jesus.

The Lord has been exceedingly faithful and close and real to me over the few weeks; from doing my Bible study 2 saturdays ago about being filled with the Spirit and experiencing communion with the Risen Lord and from His daily assurances on how He has chosen me "I chose you" ("I chose you, you did not choose me") and how He is willing to forgive me for things that I have done in my life.
"You know I will truly forgive you".
"Yes Lord"
"then just ask - and you will be forgiven."
Only problem is that we forget. We forget about how good our Lord is, who "died for us". How infinitely good our God is and how infinitely wonderful He is. We focus only on ourselves, and how lousy we are. And how we're not good enough for God. But enough of focussing on ourselves - because it will lead to despair and misery - but focussing on God and seeing everyday How good He is and how Great and Good He is, and always is, and always will be - unto the ends of the earth - is simply so wonderful and so amazing, it comforts you, assures you, guides you, makes you HOPE, makes you have FAITH, makes you bow down and worship, and makes you really LOVE HIM [JESUS].
For I am beginning to understand what it means that "we love Him because He first loved us."
-by Shawn Poon [05 Feb 2008]
Thus says the word: "Your lovingkindness is better than life" - Amen to that.

my friend fen just started a food blog. go check it out.http://www.incidentalhighs.blogspot.com

oh well. check it out. at least she has photos.

i am tired. le tired. i should be blogging about much more important things than my life, and my lack of sleep, or my wonderful dreams. but i just dreamt about evangelising to a muslim. and it seemed to went very well. but i'm spiritually dry now, i wonder what it means.

I just had this really really weird dream. Dreams have a way of reflecting your subconsciousness. Oh well.

I dreamt about this girl called X, and a boy called Y, and myself, called S. X is one of the most pretty girls you'll ever meet. She's got the charm of a film star, the looks of a model, and a smile that captivates. Y has the Korean charm about him and everyone comments on how good he looks. The dream featured a boat ride where people, including me, was jumping into the sea in order to swim to the other part where I could start rowing a boat, that looked like a canoe. okay it was a canoe. then X was also rowing the boat, and I was trying to find where she was. oh. but she ran away.
then there was another moment where Y and X were in a circle and X was asking Y who Y found cute in school, and Y actually murmured that he liked X coz X was the one. haha. and X was super embarassed.
And then Y was standing on stage helping the dean of the law school go on stage (escorting her); and he was drinnking Fanta Grape.
And the last scene saw me and my churchfriends watching Phantom of the Opera.

What a weird dream, can someone elucidate what it all means?
sigh.

[in addition to my previous post] sometimes i'd wish someone would come along to me and ask me 'wanna go for dinner'? sigh. why am i such a loner. argh.

Today is smellymelly yeo's birthday, and i thought I should say something about my funny old friend. the first time we met was the time that we were on the way to hwa chong for some humanities meeting; and then she scolded me, like, i was yaccking away and she started shouting "can you please dont speak so loud?" okay maybe it was less tactful than that. haha. but strange things happen. in the end we got to know each other, and then she realised i wasn't that bad after all; coz we were all in the same clique; and later on we just grew closer and just became really good friends. i suppose. i suppose maybe we have an intuitive understanding. we understand what each has been through, and where we are individually heading towards; and we understand we just want each to be happy. maybe. okay so mel if u're reading this, it's your 22nd birthday today (yes today), be happy okay. life is wonderful, be happy, enjoy each day God's giving you and rejoice! yay. hope the storm settles, yeah; there may be rainbows but it may take longer than you would hope? dunno what i am saying [i'm blogging in company law seminar] but yeah be happy k.
*hug.* [still a favourite miao-miao]

and anyway i just had my one week break; and i just realised how tired i was. tired, because my OCD's just sapping me up dry with that energy; and i'm really tired, Lord. sigh. but those that wait upon the lord shall renew their strength -isaiah; but Jesus my defender has defended me and renewed me and forgiven me when i've strayed, placing His arms around me and assured me and chosen me. shawn, be strong. life is long. that irritatoinal fear is killing me though, the fear that i will do something that i do not want to do - but sometimes i just have to have that simple faith and simple trust in His goodness.
greater love hath no one than this.


law school as well is doing me no good. but maybe it's my own fault. i'm not contributing; not developing. not developing and building people's lifes and shared expeirences with all this bad OCD; just tension. social networks are dying; social groups. butler changed roles. people not wanting to socialise. argh. too bad i'm not that kind of assertive, powerful, bold person that law school people like. they admire that devil-may-care attitude. but i've learnt enough not to be like that, i can't change what has happened to me, right?

all those of you who actually read this dont come up to me and say "are you okay?" i fairly well am; blogging is just a way of expressing all the multitude of thoughts that go around my brain; it's my brain that is messed up all right. maybe coz i'm too smart; so i think too much ffor my own good. i'm always one step ahead of you, in all the wrong things; but one step behind, in all the right things, such as my company law, or my property assignment. sigh. dunno why im taking law in the first place.

because law is always cerebreal and argumentative and logical and in-for-a-fight to-prove-you-wrong; alot of my talents are wasted in law. my intuition, my sense of aesthetic beauty, musical talents notwithstanding, ability to see the big picture and conceptualise. sigh. who knows, i may be ending up selling cakes.

I had just recovered from a terrible bout of gastro-enterisis; stomach flu (is that how you spell it?). But there is something vaguely serene and surreal about being sick. it's about lying there just resting and letting your body recover and start feeling the sensations from the numerous sinews and nerve-endings of your arm, your leg and not feeling the pressure of life that says 'i have to do this' or 'i have to do that'; but everything is still and calm and nice and you can feel yourself again.
if only the fever won't be so bad, bah. that's the worse. vomitting like a dog is bad also. but lying on my bed, not having to think about work, or the pressures of needing to think about work --ah, now that's a welcome change.

i have more to blog about. but it's all over my head now.

no one reads this blog anyway.

It's been a long time since i've updated this blog. so many things have happened since then; i got my results, which weren't that good, but they were credible i suppose. overall i guess i haven't been putting in the effort required to get the As, but i guess i was satisfied with what i got.

it's been a period of bumming and slacking and hanging out with friends doing things like play dota or hanging out at walas, which have been decidedly good fun. i've frequented headquarters at paradiz almost twice a week ever since june started, which shows you how much lanning i've been doing.

i guess a highlight for me was the vcf foc camp held at scripture union campsite. i just felt that God was so powerfully involved in the camp that His presence was with us in everything that we did there, be it praying for good weather for the beach games which were a great success, to the wonderful worship session, to the theme talks, and even through general fellowship, how His Spirit infused the place with peace and loving kindness. and i had wonderful experiences with Jesus Himself in my dormitory, while worshiping Him, during worship, during meetings, and i say it was a great experience just being part of the team to organise the camp, really must thank God for that opportunity, and to thank lester too for asking me. i really miss the people there already, and the meeting room where we used to hang out for our meetings.
some great pals met there during the camp, which was really nice. they're all great people, my brothers and sisters in Christ, joel, guoyi, teck tee, clara, elaine, angel, jenny, serene, jeanette. woohoo! and i've got a fan club now! clara and teck tee set it up, you can see it at http://weheartshawnpoon.blogspot.com


i guess i had a very nice time with Jesus/God just now. i want a good relationship with Him. and i guess i've been struggling in my relationship with Him because i've doubted certain things, but when He whispers to you that "shawn i have chosen you" or something like "i chose you, you did not choose me, but i have chosen you" how can you not want to fall into His arms and embrace the love that you cannot get from this world? how can you not want to be a more faithful servant and follower of Jesus Christ?
but i want that close relationship now! i want it. i've got enough of this world. it can't offer me much.

so stop doubting shawn. and really i realise i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. i was listening to "umbrella" and suddenly all the notes fell in my head again, there was music. i was like, i could tell it was Db major and it really was in Db! wow. my own songs sound nice again and melancholic in it's melancholic splendour. SMIL.

really when i'm writing blogs i'm blogging for posterity. i'm blogging to look back 10 years down the road and see where i''ve been coming from and where i'm headed to. that's why the old entries are still there. you can see them. because they are a part of me that constantly evolves for the better, i hope.

the mumblings are still there, but now at least there is a peace.

Fear is really quite bad.
Fear.
Fear of many things. Fear of the devil, fear of God, fear of yourself, fear of people, fear of pain, fear of everything.
Fear stifles your life because maybe the only thing to fear is fear itself, that the 'thing' isn't so bad, it's the fear of that thing that cripples you.
Fear cripples you.
That's why "perfect love casts out all fear" because God's love is so perfect that we ought not to have our fears, but we all do. OUr faith isn't strong enough, perhaps. The disciples were so scared when they saw the storm, but Jesus calmed the storm. Jesus said "you of little faith..." and If He weren't so merciful he would have rebuked me many times for that lack of faith, that I have.

Grow my faith!
Sometimes we wonder why faith must be grown through trials. It is written "consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence." Your faith is small usually but if you really did know how big and how wonderful your GREAT AND GOOD GOD IS, and how he is able to overcome all of your trials and so immesurably more, you should have total faith in Him. Which I haven't learnt yet!
We know it, but we can't do it!

So no more fear. Not to live callously of course, but not to be so stricken with guilt, and learn that you have the blessing and favour of the Lord and that doens't change.

What does it mean to be real?
Someone real.
Not just someone who has a false existence and running around
Or making smiles or making jokes or all that.
But someone real.
I in my mind can hardly think of real people. Or maybe there are some. Some people who are real. Whose veil i can penetrate. the love, the need for company. the humanness.
Because mechanicality is not human. Because it only ofusciates what our souls demand; what it really needs.
Our souls have lives of its own; no one really sees a little bit but it cries out evermore; the soul
and it cries out for the living God; and for real people.
and it cries out but some hear it and some wait
with their loving arms outstretched to embrace our hungry souls.
these souls have a life of their own.
not my mind not my intellectual pursuit of what is right and what is wrong.
no, something deeper.
something i can taste with my tongue and feel with the touch of my skin
(it's different from seeing or hearing)
that something within.

This is what a clinical psychologist using a colour test had to say about me:

You are constantly trying to make a favourable impression and endeavouring to be considered as that someone 'special'. You are pretty good at using various tactics and strategies that give the impression that you are in control. Maybe you are - but you are constantly watching to see whether or not your endeavours are truly appreciated. Be careful... just as 'you' may be endeavouring to influence others, 'they' may indeed be influencing you.

Being a somewhat gentle, emotional and sensitive person, you are at this time experiencing a considerable amount of tension. What you really need is someone who can be close to you and to listen to what you have to say.

Everything seems to have gone wrong and the situation at this time is such that you are not quite sure which way to turn. So it would appear that you are 'holding back', re-consolidating your position and relinquishing all fun and games for the time being.

You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.

You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality.

How interesting.

I wrote another song, thank God, called "i don't care". it's brilliant thank God. and yeah hiopefully it'll be a nice song.

Btw all my songs are uploaded at http://www.esnips.com/web/ceadsearc so go see!

i was really really down, just totally out, really gone, full of guilt, lost, wandering, helpless, but then I prayed to the Lord Jesus Son of God and cried out to Him and He placed His tender arms around me and lifted me and told me He loved me an that I was saved a long time ago and nothing can snatch me from His hand.
my need for the Lord Jesus is so great that sometimes i'm so ashamed of straying but i know somehow He's there.

"Love lifted me".

perseverence. perseverence.

my ONLY foundation = Christ Jesus.
*wish/aim/reality = moving there

lifelong struggle; too many idols; too many conflicting interests.

purge!!!!!

temptations of being unfaithful but can't; warnings;
Jesus's LOVE will carry me
i want to be like paul who says
"i know whom i have believed
and am persauded that he is able
to keep that which i've committed
unto him against that day"

perseverence. perseverence.

my ONLY foundation = Christ Jesus.
*wish/aim/reality = moving there

lifelong struggle; too many idols; too many conflicting interests.

purge!!!!!

temptations of being unfaithful but can't; warnings;
Jesus's LOVE will carry me
i want to be like paul who says
"i know whom i have believed
and am persauded that he is able
to keep that which i've committed
unto him against that day"

Maybe I need to learn. to be a bit more confident of myself in life. but it's hard. it's the old demons. it's not being strong mentally or physically. it's the psychological nuances that keeps us in ruin. slowly we wait for a reprieve, but it never comes. the good moments of waiting and talking with people but it still remains the same.
maybe people can be abit more accepting. to realise that we all have faults, bad days; to realise everyone's different and i try to accept that so why can't people accept me? issit because i'm further away from the ideal as you? and maybe sometimes i secretly want people to be accepting so i'm testing them by being my silly me; it works osmetimes. people get more accepting. however there is a flipside in that some people get peeved why am i like that and all that. it's natural that people will judge you and want to do the more selfish thing to hang out with the fun crowd. or make labels for you.
sigh. you know what. if you think you're good, think again.are we really that good?



on a side note, i had a nice time conversing with my dad the other day; i kinda realised that he's really just a loving father who tries the best for me; coz he loves me and wants to be happy; but sometimes love is painful. i've got to learn to love him, to forgive his faults, to learn to love him because he's my dad (who loves me.) sometimes you misconstrue things. you think things should be this way but you realise that people are not perfect as well, just as you give yourself leeways for not being perfect.
but maybe i try to be perfect too much; and then get super frustrated and disappointed when i don't match up. it's a failing, seriously, it really is; it's the feelings of guilt that rages through me that i really hate when i confess my sins or somethning; it's the frustration of not being able to do the right thing and withstand it; or maybe a silent anger at God for not working fast enough to change me. either way; i shouldn't be. i should be more trusting in God that unlike me who's selfish God isn't and he's caring.
perhaps shawn = must learn to trust in others again and trust in himself; trust that otheres care about the things that one does because it affects them, just as what they do afffect me; knowing that they actually care about their own lives and when one does something good for themt hey feel happy about it.

it's just that little things that we fail to realise; the little happy memories of life that is good. and life thanks to God that is good. life can be so much more sucky but thank God it is good. it is good it its own special way, and it surprises you; i'm glad it surprises you. because if it doesn't surprise you then it might be a bit sad. i sometimes rebel against that surprising because i think wtf life is trying to play a trick on me or what but no.

you know what, it's not about the gifts, or the things. it's about the company. perhaps sometimes that's so true.

Just some thoughts.

The Lord Jesus Christ, in His first coming as the Son of God, which He truly is, did not come as a King. Surely He is King. God who rules over Heaven and Earth is His own personal Father. He is God's precious only Son. He was in Heaven, in the position of authority, with His Father, enjoying all comforts and pleasures and joys. The Father loves Him, and Jesus loves the Father. They are One. "I and the Father are One." He was the Prince. God is the Father, He is King, Jesus the Son is Prince of Peace. Lord of Lords. All glory be given to Him. And was given. But yet He did not come as King. Everything was borrowed. Borrowed. Where was he born? In a stable. He is God, he could have owned a big house, yet He came in a stable, in the most humble of ways. He rode to Jerusalem in a borrowed donkey. He was crucified on a borrowed cross, and laid to rest in a borrowed tomb before His resurrection. Our Lord Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve. "Because the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and give His life as a ransom for many." Because it was Jesus Christ's own love for us, His sheep, which prompted Him to sacrifice His own life for us, because it was the only way we could be with Him. He served us. He was our 'servant', in that sense, He served us because He loved us, and His love is so great; all we did was accept that gift which He bestowed upon us in love. Jesus said "Greater love has no man than this, that He laid down His life for his friends." It is His love that is knocking on the door, and that love that compels us to worship Him, to accept Him as Saviour, to choose Him over all things. It is that love that in the end tells us, no matter what people do, no one loves me as much as Jesus Christ the Son of God. Even though He is King, he chose to vacate all Kingly rights to be the 'smallest' servant one could find. The least of the least. Not because so that He would be glorified, that was not just a manipulative aim to get glory. No. It was because His heart was yearning for us, yearning for us, yearning for us that we would be with Him and because He loved us and that's why He sacrificed himself for us out of love. Because He knew that is the only way.

His heart is calling out to people. He says that there are still so many sheep left, and I must bring them back; then there would be one flock. His heart is yearning for those people out there; because He loves them too. Because the sacrifice He did long time ago was also for them. He also loves them and His heart yearns for them. He said "when I am lifted from the ground, I will draw all men unto myself".

As Jesus continues to draw all men unto Himself, let us be like Him. Let us love our fellow men as Jesus continues to love us, as His love is everlasting. As His heart continues to yearn for us and continues to keep us rooted in Him and continues to look for the lost sheep that has gone astray due to his own foolishness and finds Him and rejoices that He has found him, let us learn to serve, not because we want to get 'rewards in heaven', but because we ourselves are gradually becoming more loving, transformed into the image of Jesus Christ our Lord himself, that we are little "jesuses" walking around that out of the goodness of our heart, renewed by the Holy Spirit to be more loving each day. And because people need us. Because people need that love that they can't find; because this world is evil. There is no love other than Our Lord Jesus Himself, and we are witnesses to His love. We are His witnesses. We are the witnesses to the wonderful things that He is doing in our lives. People who are hurting, who feel a sense of loss inside, who need the empowering love to wipe away their tears, who have nothing at all, no where to turn to, no body to follow; the devil is always around them eating them up, telling them they're no good, ....... but there is a hope! But there is a way! Jesus is the way! He is always there, but they can't turn, because they don't know there is that way, because they don't know that the Messiah has already come and is now, even now, going to set them free from their sins. They don't know. The rulers of this age, the evil, blinds them, but then they can be set free; when we love, we show them something good, we show them someting that they want in their lives, something new, something new, a new colour, a new touch, a new fragrance, that opens their eyes and sets them free; they see it, they cling on to it, and we lead them to Jesus Christ Himself. We are the witnesses to His love and His perfect work: we ourselves are not the light, we come only to lead people to that light. Like John the Baptist we come to lead people to that light that life which is Christ Jesus Himself. And Jesus Himself like what He has done to us will Himself wipe away their tears. Because Jesus knows they need Him. Without Him they can do nothing. And Jesus will keep them and make sure the devil cannot touch them anymore. He says "My sheep know me, and I know them. I give them life, and they shall never perish, no one can snatch them from My hand. My Father, who is greater than me, has given them to me, and no one can snatch them from My Father's hand." Because He loves them, and 'love always protects, it always hopes, it always perseveres.' Because we are His friends, for He said "Greater love has no one than this, that he laid down his life for his friends." We are no longer His servants, as though we needed to do alot of things to make Him happy, as servants need to. No. We are His friends, because He loves us intrinsically, He loves us for who He is, for who we are, not for what we can do to enlarge His kingdom or glory.

Jesus Christ Son of God is love.
And that's all we ever need in life.
Whenever we are down, look to the Son.

One thing I learnt is how the Lord Jesus loves me intrinsically: not for what I can do, or for the gifts that I have, not for what I can contribute to people: he loves me for me, for who I am, in spite of my weakness, my imperfections, my wrongs.

"while we were still sinners, Christ died for us"
meditate on this verse. i'm a sinner. we all are. all of us have nasty sins. but Christ Jesus who chose me to be his friend is willing to say i love you enough not to let this get in the way of our relationship between us. i love you enough to be willing to die for you to get rid of this sin that is blocking the relationship between us. i love you enough to choose you to be mine so that my sacrifice will be yours. and when he says that he loves us it's in spite of our weakness, our faults, our rebellion against God (which is the same as sin). when he forgave that murderer on that cross it was out of a genuine love for that person which is willing to cover up the wrong and forgive; and he forgives.

it seems sometimes like wishy-washy hallmark cards but i know that my God is a friend to the lonely, like me, and he loves me intrinsically.

When the storm tempts me to stray
And the sky seems cloudy every day
Still I will trust in Jesus
Still I will trust in Jesus
When Satan throws doubt in my soul
And makes me wonder who has control
Still I will trust in Jesus
Still I will trust in Jesus

so many problems, so many possibilities.

God must give me the strength to want to do well, to want to live life, to want to be happy, to want to be strong, to want to enjoy success knowing that He'll be happy. God must want me to destroy my madness and start afresh.

if i could die and be born again, i gladly will.
life is too long to live well.
love never fails as perseverence withers
but nothing else truly matters.

I have learnt one thing today, but i think it's one of the most important lessons learnt. Never fear the devil. The devil only has power over what you give him, don't fear him and everything will be fine. I think for a long time the fear of the devil has been following me around ever since my spiritual attack long time ago. And this evening in the shower I said I'm not going to fear him anymore, I'm not going to fear the devil anymore. I'm going to court my salvation and know that I am saved and the devil is not going to snatch me from my Lord Jesus' hand. And immediately a part of my brain suddenly changed, like the neurons suddenly seemed to snap into place. And it was wonderful seriously. I'm not going to fear the evil one.

I was playing the piano just now and seriously it was like being free again, now I know what is a 'power, love, and sound mind'. I heard the wonderful melody of 'Autumn' on the piano as I played it again and sang my heart, with power and love and sound mind and with a beauty that I have never experienced in a long, long time, just like the old days, as the fear of the devil just vanished into thin air. Why should I fear him anymore who has no power? After that I was playing other songs and it's like my fingers could just move as fast as they used
to, and it was like everything was back to normal.

I love being free again, thank you God, my faithful friend.

Whenever I have problems and turn to the Lord Jesus my friend, His only response is a simple 'I am faithful, Shawn', and I'm sometimes wondering, look, why can't you say more than that? Perhaps there is nothing more to say. The 'I am faithful, Shawn' just encompasses everything that is wrong about me, my seeking of assurances, my looking for answers, my living in moods and in emotions and feelings, but then when I am down and when I feel that I have just lost God, He keeps saying 'I still love you, Shawn'. And that is enough to keep me going. Oh poor me for the lack of faith.

I had a good talk to Jesus about my life, about my problems and my failings. I was complaining to Him. As you all know, there have been lots of trials and sufferings in my life, and I was like, why God? why me? didn't i do what you requested? spread the word? try to be a light? it's unfair. And He pointed me to Job. Did Job commit any wrong? No he didn't. Did he do anything to deserve what he got? no, he didn't. And then I was opened a picture of new blessings, of new wonderful things that were coming my way, just as Job did.

And then I needed to break the stronghold of the devil that says that good things come from the evil one and not from the Lord Jesus. The Lord helped me to do that. But now perhaps I have full assurance that good things come from the Lord Jesus Christ and not the devil. I recall a long November ago when I prayed to the Lord Jesus my friend for a song (and I promised to Him i won't make it an idol, or let it destroy my first love for Him), and immediately, that very same night He divinely led me to write/gave me this song called 'Still madly in love', which seemed to be a love song between lovers. I was so thankful, but then doubts kept coming, oh maybe it wasn;t written by God maybe it was just by chance or by the devil. But then again Jesus's faithfulness kept coming back. At VCF three weeks ago, God told me that all these songs come from Him, but I should not make them vain idols, and in that prayerful mood I managed to hear that song 'still madly in love' again, with beauty and clarity. And in service I asked Jesus to help me not to punish myself again, and then the song came out again nice and wonderful, with power. Just last Friday i was thinking about it, and talking to the Lord Jesus again, when that song 'still madly in love' reappeared in my head again with love and kindness, and after that, immediately, Jesus whispered 'I still love you, Shawn'...and then today I was thinking, why the title 'still madly in love'? and not something else? could it be that Jesus was talking about His own love for me, and that how He still loves me, despite everything that I have done? About how I have failed and turned so far from Him, but, like the loving shepherd who goes after his one lost sheep, He brings me back with love knowing that I've strayed? I have doubted Him, been angry with Him, and all that He could say was that, 'I am faithful, Shawn', or that 'I still love you, Shawn', or that, in the song, that He was 'still madly in love' with me, isn't that such wonderful grace and love?

Just today I was praying again and then He said 'I will fight the devil for you, you just go and enjoy the songs ('still madly in love')', and so I did, and it was absolutely divine and wonderful, and then a voice came back again, 'I still love you, Shawn', still madly in love, with you.

I am happy.
I realised what God had wanted to tell me all along. He has blessed me. Now is the time to enjoy the blessings.
And you know what the secret is? The secret is this: To be content.
Contentment is our greatest strength. It is a place of peace, of rest, of goodness, of kindness, of thanksgiving. Knowing that Jesus my Lord despite my stupidity and inspite of my messiness in His grace and faithfulness still decides to bless his friend who in his stupidity was so discontent.

i counted my blessings.
'still madly in love' (which comes from the Lord Jesus--> but this is another story of divine intervention man, wow wow)
'autumn' (still nice really)
the wonderful 21st birthday party
all my times of fellowship with the Lord Jesus Christ
all my friends who love me and care for me.
my loving family.

what else do i need but to be content?

be content, praise God.

The devil is a destroyer. 'he comes only to seek and destroy.' so if i destroy my life just because i hate the devil, and then am afraid that the devil has his hand on my life and afraid that the moments when i'm the happiest was because the devil is at hand (of course, it's a lie) and hence destroy myself because i don't want to enjoy myself for fear of associating with the evil one, i'm actually cleaving nearer and nearer the devil, submitting ot him (the devil) and actually building up the kingdom of the evil one, for it is a kingdom that destroys.
so can i stop destroying and punishing myself now? instead of making the devil happy, let me make God the Father, God the Lord Jesus and God the Holy Spirit happy by creating and living and being positive.

'do not quench the Spirit by fear'. the Spirit gives life. Jesus Christ is creator and Lord, He makes all things beautiful in His time.

I like being sick.
I'm sadist.
I think, being sick gives you an aim, to be well.
It makes me forget the rest of my emotional and mental problems to focus on the one big pressing thing looming on my mind -- to be physically well.
It makes me forget the rest of my emotional and mental problems to focus on whether, or when, my sore throat would heal.

I have to learn to stop crucifying myself.
I used to do all that rubbish...I'd crucify myself again because I loved living in the past, and so if the present is lousy, all you cling on to is the past, and the past was good, so perhaps I'd think the present and the future would never be as good, so to amplify how nice the past was, I'd crucify myself again, and then, self fulfilling, the present would never be as good, so won't I want to live in the past?

God helps, but these old cycles keep coming back. These mental intellectual failures. These things which have no logical sense, are or not supported by any theological backings or Biblical truths, but are just product of old habit, old habit that forms and dies up but sways and sashays ever so unwantedly in your mind again just as you were on the brink of recovery, and of the hope that everything wonderful will come back again, and a lot of peace may evolve. But however no one understands how messed up our minds are, or how hard we try to find that little peace inside. Or the immense torment of trying to rid ourselves of wrong perspectives and lies which you have slowly entertained, which are lies. The more you grasp it, the more it slips through your fingers, and one day you suddenly find out that life isn't the way you want it. The hope and joy is gone. Where is the love that you once knew? All riddled in lies and wrong perspectives.

I'm embarassed at myself, fighting with my inner demons, fighting with my enemies, fighting with these thoughts in my head. Fighting and fighting. Sigh, maybe I want to relax, maybe I want repose, maybe I want to run back to the arms of my God and cling for help and ask Him to take it all away because I'm done fighting, I'm too tired.

Sometimes life comes and life goes. But the constancy of life is something I have to hold on to. If everything were so ephemeral and superfluous and truth is so subjective life would be a madness, but then there are everlasting truths, such as what God says in the Word, but then again the mind is rebelling, the mind questions, the mind wants to take an alternate stand. And then I am stuck in chains again.

I have to break out. Break out.

God help me. I love myself. I love my God and my Jesus. I don't want Him to be sad by living in the lies when the truth will set me free. That everything good comes from God and nothing good comes from the devil. To resist the lies of the devil and realise how wonderful my life will be because nothing can seperate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus Our Lord. That my Jesus, whom I know, who is faithful, whom I used to have a relationship with (and still have, not by my own efforts), still loves me, despite my running aways. That He blessed my life with blessings which I should be so grateful for, but then I'm like the prodigal son, running away running away when already the greatest treasure is here.

The greatest treasure is before me. The treasure of heaven, the treasure of knowing God himself, and the wonderful peace, comfort, love, justice, mercy, that flows from His throne. So why am I still running away? Can I not test God anymore?










Law really sucks, im sitting down here blogging like a madman during my SLS. If you're a lecturer, i'm sorry, but this is democracy.

I suck.

Crap life sucks.

I need perserverence not to be derailed by success but realise that life is a constant experience, and once you reach the heights of the mountains why do you keep falling down into the valleys? how much more difficult is it to climb up then to drop down? when gravity submerges everything into a meaningless experience and, for one day, you break through the clouds, and you realise how beautiful life can be... why do you keep submerging yourself? why don't you want to fly, to swim, to dream?

because i am afraid, shawn. because i am afraid that i would do something extremely stupid. because i'm afraid that my mind, like all creative thoughts, blackened in dark and green and orange, finds outlets to run to, and i'm not sure i can come back. the faith is wearing of, and i need to come back to the familiar. but the familiar is being destroyed. the familiar of green and old and the familiarity of home. the old forest is being destroyed, now. replaced by new forests. but new forests have no roots, it builds no roots into the mind.

fine fine be like that. hais.

'i'm clinging on to the last great hope
i know i'll fall and there's so much more
but i need you, i won't do.
your love's so big and wonderful
how can i ever be a part of you?
it's painful.'



hmms. i have to change.

hey listen to 'nobody's fault but my own', brilliant song. beck.

Stop living in the past.
You, shawn poon, of all people, is not the wonderful loving soul that everyone loved in JC and who loved everyone in JC. that was already 3 years ago. face it shawn, you have changed, and it's for the worse, and no one likes you anymore, and you're still alone. you're getting on the mend by the grace of God but still nowhere there yet. stop thinking you're a star and face it shawn, we're all normal.

blogging helps to relief my frustrations.

mambo night really sucked, it was freaking packed and the problem was there were so many groups that went to mambo. that's kind of ironic but it's worse in the case because you tend to flit between one group to another, in any case i do. and dancing is just tiring. it just is. don't you think so? sigh justin gan said i wasn't high at all, that's the truth. i take lots to get high, sigh, they just don't get it do they.

i've got to accept who i am, whom God created me to be, and not try to be someone else. i always fail in that aspect. let me please God please Lord Jesus my friend let me be comfortable in my own skin. please let me accept the fact that 'i was created in the image of God'. i'm better than who i think i am. wake up shawn, life is good.

Perhaps I just like attention.
That's why the sadist impatient impulsive id in me loves challenging social norms on what 'acceptable behaviour' constitutes.
Perhaps some part of me wishes I were someone else- is it that hard to love myself? Or is it even harder for other people to love me if I can't even love myself, or accept myself?
God accepts me but sometimes we degenerate Him into some small insignificant being and instead we care so much how people view us. We expect perfection of them when we can't even hold ourselves together mentally, let alone helping another fellow human being. Our pride gets in the way and we struggle to stay afloat and it's only by the grace of God and the everlasting love that sustains us from breaking down and renouncing everything that you loved, and knew.

We're just weak, we're just cowardly, stupid inside. We know nothing of the world and yet everything that happens in our lives we assume we know it all. We think we could create the universe if we just wished it would happen. We can't accept normalcy, or accept the small insignificant part of me is really truly insignificant and flawed. We all try to play god and build a tower of Babel. But inside us God simply waits for us to accept the fact that 'without Him, we can do nothing' and then perhaps something (a waiting, a dissatisfaction, a longing) stirs up within us and we run back to the arms of grace and we find something we have been waiting for a long time. We just hope we remain there before we get distracted by another green pasture or another wild flower. And then the whole process starts again, kept by a promise that His grace will find us no matter what.

'Never will I leave you nor forsake you'

But when will we ever learn to remain? To be content? To slay the demons of the enemy before it destroys every little bit of good that there was in us? The enemy works behind the scenes, plotting and using lies to bring about our downfall, but then, fellow fighters, the One in you is greater than the one in the world, but then again are we too proud to ask for His help? When all the resources of God are layed at your disposal and all He has to do is to will it, isn't it so much easier than fighting?

Maybe I should have left it all to God. Maybe I should have accepted His plan as being perfect. Maybe I shouldn't resist and submit it all to Him who actually deep down truly loves me, and knows what is best.

Maybe all this pride and boasting should go away. Maybe I should only boast in Christ, who died and rose again.

Okay world cup thoughts:

It's been quite a good world cup so far: both of my favourite teams in the tournament, Argentina and Spain, have lived up to expectations, and even surpassed it, if i may say so. Argentina was imperious against Serbia and Montenegro, and had enough to beat Ivory Coast. The playmaker Riquelme's pass to Saviola was a brilliant work of art, while Cambassio's goal against S&M was the epitome of great team build-up play. I particuarly liked Tevez's goal as well (it was a relatively Maradona-like strike, wasn't it). I wouldn't be surprised to see them in the final- their combination of superb attacking flair, great teamwork, and defensive solidity hasn't yet be matched in the competition.

Spain have thus-far managed to break out of their perennial-underachiever tag, but whether they can sustain that in the later parts of the competition remains to be seen. In Torres you have a player who can play the tank-striker role (heading crosses in, etc) or run at defenders and elude them with pace, etc.-- his atheletism is superb and so is the finishing. the supporting cast has been great as well. Fabregas, ever since he came on against tunisia, made two goals, the second assist being a brilliant slide-rule pass of the highest quality . ( okay i'm biased) but seriously who knows what we can expect with david villa, raul, torres, fabregas, etc, xavi alonso, ?

SHAWN'S WORLD-CUP XI

GK: Gianlugi Buffon
DC: Philip Lahm
DC: Carlos Puyol
DC: Fabio Cannavaro
ML: Bastian Schwansliger
MC: Marcos Senna
MC: Juan Roman Riquelme
MR: David Beckham
AMC: Kaka
FC: Fernando Torres
FC: Javier Saviola

Having said that I 'can't wait for this to be over, thank God it's over'-- i kind of miss camp, a bit. going back today brought back memories of old times. of the office, where you belonged, of SGT Shawn at his desk--but having said that, you never reminisce the rubbish, don't you. hmm. the conclusion is - being on leave is better. i think so.


anyway, many thanks to the many friends who came for my 21st=D dont' really have photos now but if I do i'll post it up =D i don't really enjoy 'birthdays', as you call it, because i feel that one has to deliberately enjoy the occassion, if not you'd waste the money, the day, the 'expectations', as you'd call it. so i was really apprehensive, i was just expecting a hum-drum 21st, perhaps, as so many others were; but then again, our Lord decided to surprise me! when one surveys the incidents leading to the party, you can't help but have to conclude that it's only by Jesus's grace that the party was a relative success. He promised me He'd bless the party while giving me an assurance of love, so all thanks to the Lord Jesus the living God who actually cares for people even though i've been a relative failure so far.

The wine was good, the food excellent, and chris bought a grand bottle of Sauternes Premier Cru which apparently cost $85; (Appellation Barsac Controlee) that was brilliant; the two bottles of second-grade Sauternes was good, the Pinot Noir from NZ was commendable and fruity as good Pinot should be (New World), the Alsace Riesling was refreshing- so the wine was good. performed with kevin and darren on the guitars and keyboards at the party
which was enjoyable, played my new song 'still madly in love' (think that went quite well), and the old song 'autumn' (highly overplayed though, haha). went out to winebar after that at Mohamed Sultan- opened another 3 bottles, wow, and wine really goes well with Mussels, i've realised - got really drunk after that. oh well. high, i won't consider myself drunk (i hasten to add) - oh well. woke up with a headache to play basketball. haha.

So I have to thank so many people. Have to thank Kevin SW (for the ferrying me around and the good friendship (which is increasing and back to good ol' levels -oh well)
plus the MCing which got me really embarassed), for mr darren who although was really quite baikar still decided to perform in his husky john mayerish voice and for being a bud all these years=D, for jeremy and his company and support and everything the car the friendship and all=D aiya. for mr benkhoo , for dave gang justin et al, for zach, kevin ws, tim=D for duana and sheng who brought me a nice cd and mug=D for samuel who brought the girls along (Haha) and most of all, to thank God for His provisions for 21 years and for His blessings on the party. yay.


=D

there have been many good experiences in my holidays. i just have to say i'm been quite blessed, time to bless others.
highlights of the hols:
1. staying over at daren's to watch champions league, eating au petit salut=D listening to great music and writing good music=D
2. playing pool, and then texas holdem' poker at wenyi's, and then supper afterwards
3. stil tinking. haha.
4. getting baptised! (EASTER, yay). the Maundy Thursday service was really great as well.
5. monday after getting baptised: learning the true meaning of grace. God's ever-forgiving-ever-giving grace. listening to music that I wrote that, by God's grace, i was able to write. (that doesn't link right)
6. mambo night.
7. having dinner with wen en and jeremy and playing mahjong. old friends.
8. my 21st birthday party=D with trimmings and the like. with good friends to share the occasion with. with God's special blessings.
9. mahjong with kevin, darren, and kev's sis, because that was really quite ironic. i lost alot of money but had quite lot of fun.
10. prayer meeting which just ended. a closer intimacy with our Lord Jesus and our Heavenly Father. assurances throughout the day of the fact that, in His own words, I am 'saved for eternity', and in other words 'I am saved once and for all- you cannot lose this salvation'. (sorry ah, i get a lil' insecure sometimes) the joy i felt when others get saved and accept Christ. just great fellowship with God, not just in the prayer meeting, but throughout the day. plus the message of the immutability of God (how constant God is) just reinforces it. i think what I really learnt is how easily God forgives me.


"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

- i'm sorry, i forget easily. just tell God thanks that Shawn's quite blessed. i'm sorry if i have nothing credible to say. i have lots of gifts to be thankful for. =D quite blessed. thanks.


THE GENERAL ELECTIONS - A COMMENTARY

Anyway the elections are coming, and what interests me are the articles about the state of the opposition in Singapore. Firstly, without entering into a lot of rhetoric of how we 'need an opposition voice' and all that which have already been brought up, let's just examine 5 critical points about the opposition and the dominance of the PAP. I'll just elaborate on a few of these points.

*disclaimer - this is not a political podcast in anyway. this represents the blogger's personal view. and i don't think you can find any defamatory facts or any untruths, because there are only opinions here, not facts.

1. Local politics are extremely prevalent in Singapore. Unlike other countries, the worry is not about whether you are 'pro-life' or 'pro-choice', or how you plan to boost the economy, or whether you should raise the budget for education in Singapore- rather, the worry is on whether the MP can give you lifts on every floor, or whether the MP can provide a sheltered walkway from my house to the bus stop. You can't blame the electorate, because the majority of Singaporeans do not have the high levels of education necessary for such advanced debate to be of any influence on the ground, to be seen in the voting patterns. Someone said once that to have true democracy, you must have a large middle class, which is not as prevalent in Singapore as in a more 'ideal democracy', such as in the UK or USA. There, because people have been exposed to ideas and are trained to have political opinions, having already attained economic stability, they would more likely be able to discriminate idea-wise between two candidates based on their political ideas, and their political plans, rather than the immediate gratification of what Singapore rather functions, such as whether they'll be upgrading or not. You can't blame PAP, because, being the government, they have money to offer gifts that the other parties cannot offer, due to the magnitude of economic power disparity. You can't blame the people, because people will naturally choose the best option. There is no real solution until the education levels of Singapore really increases, and then you'd see real debate on the voting ground.
2. Considering the PAP's dominance, they can afford to boost their mandate not by squeezing the Opposition so hard until the 'pips squeak', but to temper a slightly heightened sense of moderation and fairness (not to insinuate that the PAP is not fair, I don't want to be heckled down with a lawsuit, thank you very much) to the election process in order to boost their image in the minds of the English-educated young.
The radical (i hasten to add) English-educated young have certain pet peeves about the PAP. Firstly, the link of voting to lift upgrading is seen as a certain form of 'vote bribery', in that sense. One may argue that the PAP has its own funds and why should they be used to pay for opposition wards who didnt' support their mandate? I would argue on two fronts. Firstly, as the PAP is in government, they have a responsibility to the whole of Singapore as the ruling party to care for the needs and wellbeing of all Singaporeans, regardless of who they voted for. it is 'one people, one nation, one Singapore'. It is government funds that are in the CDCs, not party funds, as I recall. Clearly these should be equally accessible to all constituencies, regardless of party. Secondly, as the opposition clearly doesnt' ahve funds to provide the same level of upgrading, it is a question of 'vote for us because only we can give you lift upgrading'. The English-educated young may perceive that as cheap, and un-noble, and not well-intentioned (yes politics is a dirty game but you need a moral high ground too). It becomes a threat that may force people to vote out of fear for the PAP. (yes people may say it's a bonus to have your lifts upgraded, but if everyone else is having it upgraded and yours is not, it becomes a threat, right?).
I feel, perhaps, that the PAP would gain further 'moral credibility', take the moral high ground and gain popularity amongst young liberals if it were to benovelently grant upgrading rights to opposition wards as well, instead of playing hard-ball on such issues. Then people will see PAP for what it stands for: great party programme for Singapore, talented individuals in the party, cohesive organisation, a care for the well-being of citizens, etc., instead of focussing on the rather pragmatic and un-ideal ways that the PAP has used to gain power in different constiuencies.
3. Dr Chee Soon Juan needs to rethink his act because what he is doing to the SDP is imploding the party from within. nothing needs to be said. seriously. i mean if this is opposition politics then we're no different from Barisan Socialis.
4. Linked to point 2, is that even though the PAP claims that GRCs are in fact necessary for minority representation etc, it can be easily perceived as a quickfire and easy option for MPs to be voted into parliament without a fight under the cover of a heavyweight minister, as is so often expressed. At most, limit the GRCs to 3 members per team, or so. the only excuse i can think of why they haven't done so yet is that there aren't enough 'ministers' to cover each GRC if this was the case.
5. I am glad that the Worker's Party have decided to raise the level of debate and candidature in their election campaign.



that's all i have to say.

shawn

"For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God."
- without Jesus I can do nothing, for without Him I am nothing.

It's as though spring has come again. Clearing leave ushers in new feelings, as though parts of me that hibernated for 2 1/4 years suddenly sprung back to life, and here I am now, free to live, free to get enough sleep than the usual five hours that I'd been subjecting my body to. I used to dread mondays, especially sundays, but now it's not so bad. i think the worst thing about NS is the lack of anything to look forward to (within NS), and I felt as though I were living a double life, one in camp, and the other outside. I just couldn't reconcile the two. And maybe I will never be able to.

So i've been living the life. Spending lots of money (im down to the last 50 perhaps). Wednesday was spent playing civ 4 and Dota, and eating CPK (California Pizza Kitchen) with Sam Darren & Jeremy, and watching Champions league football overnight. Thursday was spent eating Au Petit Salut (their $22 set lunch is a fantastic deal- with wine and et al, escargots, beef onglet, creme brulee--you couldn't ask for more, especially since it's haute cuisine actually, in essence), writing music. Friday was very fun, going for driving, collecting passports, watching 'Inside Man', playing pool, playing Texas Hold'em Poker, which is the most fun thing in the world, and then going for supper--- the dream life.

I just couldn't ask for more. Thank God that it's finally over.

the need to empathise in our society is seriously lacking. not everyone is a smart genius. not everyone is a strong individual who harbours hopes of conquering the world. not everyone has ethics or morals. there are so many failed people in this world.

so what are you doing about it?

are you sitting there thinking how i'm so much better than them or are you thinking, what can i do to make the change?

do you want to be noble, or do you want to start sniping behind the fence?


i'm not perfect, far from it. but i can see that the best people are not the ones who have the best morals and values. the best people are the ones that, in spite of these morals and values, have the heart to look at people without these morals and values and offer them dinner, or a cup of tea. or sit down and have coffee with them. what is real emotional maturity is knowing that someone down there has issues even though he may be hiding it with a veil and be willing to help and come down to his level and sympathise with him. not this ra-ra enthusiasm of brotherhood in arms. we're all failed in some way or another (that's why we need God, in a way) and deep down there are hidden insecurities in everyone, even in the strongest Joe. but what disappoints me is that everyone is trying to pluck the plank from the other man's eyes rather than trying to be human.

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

Amen.

This verse speaks strongly:
"

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, 
but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 
Each of you should look not only to your own interests, 
but also to the interests of others. 

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus"

 I used to be a much more lovable, loving boy. no worries. no cynicism, no 'superiority complex'. but in NS
i developed shells to protect myself. especially the shell of pride, that hardens my heart against our Lord Jesus
and hardens my heart against others. knowing that they'll hurt me and stuff. of course. we're all sinners. our human
nature is selfish. especially in trials.
so now i'm going to soften my heart. i'm going to empathise and do my best for others again. even though i'm
a sgt, i'm going to try to feel for others. i want everyone to know God. i want everyone to be loved by me even
a little bit. i'm going to try my best to love again. to love my parents, to make them happy. knowing that my
life is but a shadow, a vapour in the wind. it comes and goes, yet if i can bring some joy to the world, i'm sure
Christ will be happy and people will be touched.

when i was less proud things were going well with me. now i can't feel anything, i'm just judging people. i can't feel
love and all sorts of emotions. my music is suffering coz i can't feel. i can't connect.
sigh.
it all has to do with pride.
so now the pride has to go.

I am emotionally weak.

Especially when tired. A whole drain of emotions, the klutz, can't feel anything, can't wait to fall asleep in my bed. the whole day, the same old pattern, dragging myself to concentrate in the office. clerk life is stupid because of the mundanity. i wouldn;'t mind having a few exercises along the way. and i punish myself because i'm so tired and i just want to waste the day. and so i fell asleep and woke up at a redolent 3pm. how wonderful.

the chinese new year break has been relatively fun! been doing alot of fun things. reunion dinner was not too bad. quite good conversation, etc. watched amelie at jeremy's. first day new year and church service was great. felt really joyful communing with God. visiting was boring but interesting to see all the different faces. at night at the ritz was a nice dinner and after that adjourned to acid bar for drinks and to chill out which was nice.

yeah. went clubbing the other day on wednesday night for law bash. it was happening=D didn't know clubbing was that fun, really borught back memories of prom night clubbing. dancing around with people that you know and stuff. mmm so gonna look forward to law huh. hopefully hopefully.


the dreaded 'going back to camp' has been inevitable. still still, two months more. persevere....
it's really hard to persevere when all you see is the 'here and now' but then army people had it so much worse, the 9 months of OCS training. NS has skewed me, seriously. it's hard to put away the bad, especially since i soak up everrything like a bloddy sponge. doesn't say much for my backbone actually, or my character.

Another blog post and I've realised kind of that my blog audience is probably limited to just - me. Okay I probably haven't been VERY interesting, but then ARMY just isn't the thing to blog about. you won't want me to blog about civil defence people running around, my lack of sleep, ranting about my not-so-nice officers, about the people I'm pissed with, you get the idea.

But blogging does give the world a small microscope into the person I am. Not just what I've been doing in my life, but who I really am. Even the writing style conveys so much about a person. (of course it can be faked) - for example, just putting this stupid ( ) paratheses into the equation just conveyed to you, my dear reader, that I am extremely fickle. which is probably why i can't get any girl (see the rhyme here? - but then again, most bright people are, mozart was an absolute idiot - and here's another thread of thought) - - there just seems to be so many threads of thought in my mind that I wonder if I'm going crazy. I wonder just how I'm going to be a lawyer. One moment I'd be defending my client, and the next moment I might just say the wrong thing that'll up his sentence from a jail sentence to death or something.

ah i'm messed up (my mum says cannot use 'screw'). i went with kevin and jon late night to jazz at southbridge and later on with darren to eski bar and it was fun. i went to eat bak kut teh. and what was fun was hanging out with the scones after chruch practice on monday night befroe hari-raya-haji to sing stupid songs like 'part of your world', 'elephant love medley' at the top of your voice along the esplanade and walking towards the merlion. and prancing around with the girls and all that.

i just wish i were more secure. sigh. more security would give me a lot more peace that our Lord loves me and He just loves me even though sometimes He stays silent.

There is no greater joy than being with Jesus, my friend. I know He still cares for me despite alot of rubbish I've done and alot of doubt that has plagued my mind. He must, because He is great, and He is love. Yujing said something about Jesus and love being synonymous, and I would probably agree, because there is alot He could have done but He still forgives.

So this 2006, I want to draw closer to the Lord. I want to be more deeply in love with Him. and slowly by faith, i hope each passing day i can see Him work in my life.


A new year, a new dawn. It reminds me of a song.

"I believe that God will bring new blessings,
I believe that spring will come in the end.
I believe in hope in new beginnings
I'd be led to water and live forever"
- a new beginning, shawn poon

okay so this is my song la, but i guess it's meant for such times as these. new beginnings, new year, new resolutions, probably alot of different situations to encounter. 2006, what will the future hold? well, i don't know, but i gotta trust that God knows better and I just gotta have faith that 2006 will be better than a turmulous 2005.
I'm going to university, so it should be great, huh? get a girlfriend, slack a little, study lots, get my brains working again, meet new people, get baptised, etc. how wonderful i'd think?

Not to forget the people i met at civil defence, but really that's a period of time i'd rather forget. it is fine, it's still great, but it's so different from the people i used to know. it's really so different, to be among so many people of different backgrounds. i just need something familiar to hold on to again.

and what will the future bring?
sometimes i'm afraid of the future, but i realised that the future holds nothing scary for me. if i could go past 2005 and still hang my head up high, nothing will stop tomorrow from being great. i just need a bit more faith and to have a bit of balance in my life. to balance my spiritual life, my social life, my physical life, my intellectual life. the social life's been dead for a bit but i believe that it can be revived. just gotta invest, just gotta invest.

and i'm still a bit psycho. it must be all the brainpower that needs a little bit of things to push it. a bit of motivation. a little bit more targets to achieve and i'd be fine.

It is better to have, in any sense of the word, any semblance of aim, than having no aim at all.

Nazi-bashers would disagree, but in army looking at people with no aim in life makes me wonder why anyone in the world would want to waste a precious day in their life that God gives to them. if they're secular, that they just were fortunate to live through.

It would be better having a bad aim in life, and then realising that they need to find a good aim, and move somewhere, than having no aim at all.

NS is such drudgery. going through the motions. his and byes that don't mean anything, possibly because you've said hi and bye to the same person a million times, and it would sound mightily impolite not to be friendly. you see, it's all a great wayang show. no one has any vested interest in their NS life anyway. no one has any vested interest in anything. no one has any aim. they all just want to wait for 6pm to come and then they can go home and start living. how sad is that?

And as for me, it would be stupid for me to waste my time. I'm simply just trying to be a good disciple of Christ, trying to love everyone I meet. Jesus will be pleased, i'm sure. The problem is that most of the time my actions are simply gestures without the emotions, form without any substance in them. I console myself that maybe loving is simply a facet of the will, trying to do the best for them, but I just wished I had more empathy.

The problem about most people, including me, is that we compartmentalise our life. We view Friday nights to Sunday as the days we live, and the weekdays as drudgery and humourless droll. But, called by God in 'whatever you do, do it for the Lord', and it is a blank 'whatever' and not simply 'whenever you feel like it'. So we chong and do all the fun things having the time of our lives, and when weekdays come we end up just going through the motions, as though these days were not worth living. And, moreover, even without such a command from God, I would find it ludricrous to suggest that we waste whatever days we have. Time will slip by so gently. Who knows what God has in store for us? Who knows what God can do through us, especially at work when everyone looks at me as a Christian, an ambassador of Christ! I have a responsibility to Jesus personally. i fail, sigh. yes. so badly. but I'd keep on going. I must. There is still hope. Jesus is risen. There is still hope.

And for me I'm even more psycho. I always want to treasure the moments. I'd always cherish the rose, and then find thorns to surround it. I've never understood the idea of having a basketful of roses, or a wonderful continuous experience. I tend to chop up life into little moments.

The only time I think I really enjoyed the whole stretch was prom, because I willed myself to enjoy it. maybe i should just will myself to enjoy everything.

Jesus is really so faithful. i've doubted so many times, but everytime i go to Him in prayer and just confessed personally He's never failed at all. i trust Him to get me through this. to restore. i prayed that He would let me have fellowship with Him again and let me feel instead of think. and really i just enjoyed such a nice fellowship on my way home and i could actually feel the Lord again, instead of just thinking. it's as though i could connect with God again. sometimes it gets very spiritually dry, but He answers prayers even though i don't deserve any to be answered. i mean nothing beats knowing Him i suppose. knowing that hey Jesus is my Shepherd and He's still there even though i'm so damn unfaithful and so doubtful over my own standing with God you know. sigh.
i think the whole problem was really like what pastor cynthia said; i had a very roman-catholic view of Christianity. because the whole problem started with the verse of 'away i don't know you' which really started instiling alot of fear, because i was so afraid i wasn't good enough. but i thiink Jesus Himself was showing me something last wednesday (see the last post) and that we're saved, I'm saved, by grace and faith alone and not by works, He's trying to set me free from the slavery of trying to prove myself. I dont' have to, because of who He is and what He's already done on the cross and well i've already received it and stuff and so well i'm already righteous coz of Jesus and not of my own. sigh. i just misread that verse so much. and the thing is that soemtimes i doubt that Jesus wants me but then the verse came that God wants all to be saved and if i have received, which i have, then he's not going to say no u're not good enough because thats not who Jesus is He wants me anyway and now that I'm His he's not going to say ah shawn you're such a sinner (Which i am) and just kick me out. i mean after that verse i just had such a strict judgement view of Jesus that He would just gauge all our sins and see whether we deserve to go to heaven or not. i really misintepreted it, that's y the whole 6 months i was living in such fear of doing anything wrong or sinful, until my whole view of God was so skewed and i didn't have any freedom. i was living under what was the yoke of slavery. but now Jesus is showing me something that He loves me for who I am coz of what He has done.


now to some other stuff. less important, i suppose. but perhaps you might be bored to listen to me talk about my spiritual life and my relationship with God all the time. maybe you'd like to hear something else.


1. i may decide to give up drinking. i think drinking just places immense pressure on your brain. i don;'t think God really wants that. mm. i went to brewerkz and we were having a roll of a time but after that i got really woozy.

2. mahjong's fun. so's sudoku. i dont' know, getting the brain working again?

3. blue bar and bistro at central malls' the works, it' sgot really nice music and really cheap wine and what more can you ask for? not a place to spot the ladies, though.


i don't know i think we're all just in a limbo i just need some entertainment! argh.

The Lord Jesus has such a wonderful sense of timing. yesterdasy i was just talking to my mother about the problem about Christians who always try to earn their salvation by doing good works in the hope that God'll see them and recognise them and all that, and like alot of churches have this funny idea of waht it means to be a Christian. they hence get very burdened and all that (because they'll never be as good enough, because we're not meant to live that way! we're not Jesus! we're just men. He's God, thats y he's perfect but we're men.) and so i was just talking to the Lord last night just like a friend and it was really nice because i could feel the life just rushing back to my bones again, as i was simply able again to communicate with people, to communicate with Him with my heart and not just with my mind. (if you get what i mean). i mean i was back to my old self again and really the feeling i get from just talking with Jesus is simply something that you'd never experience ever before. it's urm really something wonderful and loving and heartfelt and like He's just your old friend and you can just talk to Him, not because you feel that you merit it or what but because of what He's done. i mean last time i was really quite afriad of talking with the Lord because i feel i wasn't good enough but yhou know what it's what He has done and who He is (he's forgiving, loving, etc) and not what we can do by our own efforts. so however unworthy we feel He still loves us and we can still talk to Him, and He hears!

and so today i was doing masterlife and i thought the thing would be on witnessing to the world. but funny enough something really struck me from galatians. it was about the idea of grace! it says since we belong to Christ, we're not to be burdened by the yoke of slavery! the whole idea of a few passages and chapter 6 was that since Christ died for all our sins, we're under grace, we're saved by faith alone. and because we're saved by faith alone, we should not be trying to earn our salvation. that's slavery! it's a burden! because we're nver going to be good enough, but then we keep trying to be perfect, and that burden of expectation just prevents me at least from leaving the victorious Christian life. but now that we know that hey the Lord has forgiven us of allsins and justified us from all of that through His blood, we can just go and love and be free because there's no more burden, we live by the Holy Spirit, and the Spirit is a Spirit of love and natural Godly characteristics of Christ and all that, not trying our best to conform to the law, but it's a natural outspring of goodness that will just naturally come through us.
you know what it's really uncanny. Jesus has a wonderful sense of humour.

praise the Lord!

(i've been wiating for deliverance for the longest time and i thank Jesus that He's shown it somehow. "He's faithful, even though we're unfaithful, for He cannot deny Himself.")

the quiet time yseterday was about this man who was so aware of Jesus' presence in His life all the time. and alot of times people think hey we can't be like that we're not so holy, but after this verse you know what we can! it's just a matter of faith. we sometimes think we're not good enouhg, but no one really is. so yseterday i just had faith that hey you know im good enough, because Jesus has forgiven everything! I can be with Him just as the pastor in the devotion book just included Him in everything. i can speak to Him just like a friend speaks to a friend because of what He did for me, there's no spseration, or need to have any kind of formal courtesies (of course not disprect lah) but no need to be like, He's so high and mighty, all that. Yes He is God, but we're His!

The last few months have been really bad. i mean my mind was plagued by all sorts of spiritual attacks and blasphemies from the enemy and all that. i mean it was really hell. you know what hell is? it's seperation from God (Father/Jesus/Holy Spirit). it's not simply a place where you burn and all that. it's simply a seperation from God. man somehow during that time i felt like that. my faith was so diminished and i was receiving and receiving Jesus again that was really wrong i realised.

and the problem was that i was really disturbed by one passage from Scripture which was about Jesus saying to the people 'away, you wicked people...i don't know you...' and you know what i was just fearing and fearing the Lord and i think that really made things really bad. i think i really just took that verse out of context, since those people that were described weren't true believers, in that sense, whereas I am (and i know that I have experienced Christ in some degree or form to an extent that possibly it's more than just psychological, and I hope that is) and i'm still trying to search and seek after the Lord-- and what i did was to start living by the law, by my works, and not simply believe that i'm already saved by my faith in Jesus the Risen Lord. and so i was just afraid that hey my salvation can be cut off at any point if i don't perform up to expectations. this creates alot of problems. firstly, it creates alot of fear. instead of the spirit of sonship which makes us cry 'Abba Father' in thanks for the free gift of salvation and the true love within towards our Lord Jesus Christ who is in heaven for just doing everything for us (and all we did was receive, we didn't have to do anything), i was bugged with the spirit of fear that left me clinging on to just theological truths and trying my best to conform and be perfect which of course put a strain on my mind and my body because i am never going to be perfect until the Lord takes me home in heaven. so of course my mind started rebelling and screwing up. it is true that sometimes i even 'love' Jesus out of compulsion, because i was reading the shorter catcheism that says that true believers will love Jesus more and more. well, this is because they love Jesus because of what He did on the cross, of His first love for us. well i love Him also when i think about what he did for me, but only thing is that i was scared that i wasn't a true believer because sometimes i don't love him as much as i should. well, this boils down to having no patience. gone was the joy, gone was the peace. the only thing that kept me going was that, oh, i want to go to heaven. i'm sure that the Spirit did indeed guide me along in certain points to tell me that Jesus still loves me as I am (which means i'm a Christian already) and experience God in a certain way.

you know, the doctrine of a 'continual salvation' is certainly certainly wrong. it is simply against Biblical principles and is certainly just a blasphemy designed to remove the joy of Christians in serving Jesus. the word says 'for we are saved by faith alone, and not by works, so that no one can boast'. it says 'for as many as received Him, He gave them the right to become children of God, even to those that believed unto His name.' there are so many passages that say you're saved when you've received. well, i'm sure that's not in question. the only question that is it once and for all?

for no true believer can truly fall because Jesus/God, who is the 'author and perfecter of our faith', will never let them. what is the point of going after other sheep if the sheep in the original pen haven't yet been fully saved? Jesus is love, (for I am convinced that nothing can seperate us (Christians who have received) from the love of God which is in Jesus Christ our Lord) He delights all the time in the right (and not wrong) (for that is what love is), He loves to bring Christians back to the truth, back to Him, He will keep them in His hand, just as He has said in the Word. there is no such thing as, oh, He'd just leave us to die and all that. That isn't love! That's not what a shepherd would do. A shepherd would bring His people back. A shepherd guides them to the right path (which is unto salvation, for what else is right?.)

I think that simply for any Christian who has the Holy Spirit in him the joy of knowing Jesus and being with Him and being with the Father is sufficient for any person to want to draw closer to the Lord and know Him and fellowship with Him because there is simply no greater joy than knowing the risen Lord. backsliden Christians who have sinned against the Lord find it difficult to even live. they are filled with guilt, etc, because they are so far away. they feel cut off from God/Jesus because of their sin, and it's the horrible feelings perhaps that makes them want to come back to the Lord. non-Christians will never feel that, they'd enjoy their sin. for Christians like us, after we sin, man, we just feel a prick in our soul, in our being, as the Holy Spirit tells us we've sinned against God, and then we go back and ask for forgiveness and feel the restoration in our souls. (okay this is very man-centric but you get the idea i'm going through) okay this isn't very Bibilical but just from experience.

the only thing about this is that the Holy Spirit will naturally bring us to obedience to the Lord and soften our spirit and keep us submissive to Jesus, to the Father, as we sanctify ourselves and yield to the Holy Spirit. but we have to yield to the Spirit if we really want to be sanctifed, of course, which is what Jesus wants and that's what we want of course.


i don't know man, please enlighten me, more developed Christians in the Lord!?

Today's been seriously joyful.

To be honest, I have been doubting my salvation alot. i was reading the Shorter Catcheism and like some things i didn't really feel.

so i prayed again. i prayed to receive Christ Jesus as Lord again. u know i'm really insecure about these things. i prayed to my Heavenly Father to forsake all known sins and repent and all that.

i prayed for a filling of the Holy Spirit of God into me.

and i'm seriously very joyful now! it was like, i was just praising God without even thinking about what to say. it's just like the words came out as though it was from a psalm, you know, it just flowed out giving thanks and exaltation to God above. i give thanks that hey i'm getting some kind of reassurance of my own salvation that can never be taken from me. Lord Jesus i'll live in faith, obedience, and trust forever. it was like, i love the Lord Jesus! i really do. i mean i could really feel it again. and feel that i was truly praying to Him my Saviour again. and really feel that I am justified, that I'm part of God's family as His own child. i am a child of God! the Spirit of God is in me to praise and worship Him and that's great!

the shorter catcheism also mentions that we are to continually have faith and keep having faith. it's not a one time thing, but something that keeps going and keeps going. so yeah.

all the way man!